Home
Artists
Search Recent Random
Posts
Search DMs Popular Hash Lookup Tags Random
Importer
Import FAQ
Register
Partychan Telegram ThePornDude
Home Artists Posts Import Register

Julia's Fraternity Party - How good is this story? (Patreon)

Published:
2022-05-04 23:30:22
Imported:
2023-02

Content

Hey Guys,

We received another story from a writer and this one is good.

Read the full story here and give it a rating.


Comments

Damian Scisci

I really think you would benefit from an English first editor TBH. There are so many little oddities in the writing that stick out to me - For example, we don't say "Oh is it?" as a response to someone saying something like "I never refuse a challenge" - I've heard many a ESL speaker say that phrase however. I know in French, it might be C'est ca?, which roughly means Is that it? In English, we would say "Is that so?" or "Oh really?" "Oh is it?" doesn't make sense to us. Also, a phrase like "chicken up" - we say "chicken out". "You must think you're too smart" instead of "so smart" "where did you keep my clothes" vs. "put my clothes", etc.. There are just a lot of little things that make the script read weird. This isn't to criticize the writer - Their English is far better than my Portuguese, but I think this being an AVN, the writing should be taken pretty seriously if it is to seem professionally done. Just humbly my two cents.

Batman

I agree with Damian above, this is a really good script, but the English oddities stand out for English speakers. There are too many quirks in English that are shared with other languages but come off differently in speech. Though so far this person did a really great job from what I’ve seen so far. As long as it gets proof read and edited for final approval, I think you have a winner.

Kristian
>>83288147

You hit the nail on the head. It’s not “incorrect” but it doesn’t flow like an actual English speaker would say thing.