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BONUS EPISODE: The Thin Blue Whine (Patreon)

Published:
2020-06-18 11:37:03
Edited:
2020-06-19 01:26:51
Imported:
2024-05

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Content

Andrew, Lucy, Theo, and Ben delve into the troubles between man and cat woman, commiserate with the traumatised cops forced to wait entire minutes for a burger, and imagine a beautiful world without cops.

Comments

Peter Smith

See the weird thing about the whole "If you report enough of these instances, the crime rate will go up, and we'll get more funding, and maybe then we'll tackle it" deal is that it seems to stand in contradiction with making tons of arrests in order to justify your funding - that is, it seems as though the cops are incentivised to make lots of arrests, but also they're funded more when the crime rate goes up. In that case, from a pseudo-game design perspective, the optimal strategy would be some combination of making a lot of arrests/issuing lots of orders, while leaving the rate of serious crime untouched. If it were a video game, a Cop Shop Simulator type deal, and I was a police chief who wanted to maximise my department's funding, and therefore the amount of money I got, then I'd start training and directing my officers to, say... harrass people on minor charges or no charges at all, while making a conscious effort not to go after repeat offenders and antisocial actors. In fact, if I suspected a serious crime had occured, I woud have to be careful not to accidentally investigate it, and instead go and poke around council housing for mostly harmless individuals to string up for posession of rock salts. Anyway I guess what I'm saying is, I suppose we're all lucky that the real cops haven't figured this out yet, cause that sounds terrible,

Blakey

Right about now, N.W.A. court is in full effect Judge Dre presiding In the case of N.W.A. vs. the Police Department Prosecuting attorneys are: MC Ren, Ice Cube And Eazy motherfuckin' E" "Order, order, order Ice Cube, take the motherfuckin' stand Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth And nothin' but the truth so help your black ass?" "You Goddamn right!" "Well, won't you tell everybody what the fuck you gotta say?" Fuck the police comin' straight from the underground A young nigga got it bad 'cause I'm brown And not the other color so police think They have the authority to kill a minority Fuck that shit, 'cause I ain't the one For a punk motherfucker with a badge and a gun To be beatin' on, and thrown in jail We can go toe to toe in the middle of a cell Fuckin' with me 'cause I'm a teenager With a little bit of gold and a pager Searchin' my car, lookin' for the product Thinkin' every nigga is sellin' narcotics You'd rather see, me in the pen Than me and Lorenzo rollin' in a Benz-o Beat a police out of shape And when I'm finished, bring the yellow tape To tape off the scene of the slaughter Still gettin' swole off bread and water I don't know if they fags or what Search a nigga down, and grabbin' his nuts And on the other hand, without a gun they can't get none But don't let it be a black and a white one 'Cause they'll slam ya down to the street top Black police showin' out for the white cop Ice Cube will swarm On any motherfucker in a blue uniform Just 'cause I'm from the CPT Punk police are afraid of me! Huh, a young nigga on the warpath And when I'm finished, it's gonna be a bloodbath Of cops, dyin' in L.A. Yo Dre, I got somethin' to say Fuck the police Fuck the police Fuck the police Fuck the Police "Example of scene one" "Pull your Goddamn ass over right now" "Aww shit, now what the fuck you pullin' me over for?" "'Cause I feel like it! Just sit your ass on the curb and shut the fuck up" "Man, fuck this shit" "Aight, smart ass, I'm takin' your black ass to jail!" "MC Ren, will you please give your testimony To the jury about this fucked up incident?" Fuck the police and Ren said it with authority Because the niggas on the street is a majority A gang, is with whoever I'm steppin' And the motherfuckin' weapon is kept in A stash box, for the so-called law Wishin' Ren was a nigga that they never saw Lights start flashin' behind me But they're scared of a nigga so they mace me to blind me But that shit don't work, I just laugh Because it gives 'em a hint, not to step in my path For police, I'm sayin, "Fuck you, punk!" Readin' my rights and shit, it's all junk Pullin' out a silly club, so you stand With a fake-ass badge and a gun in your hand But take off the gun so you can see what's up And we'll go at it, punk, and I'ma fuck you up! Make you think I'ma kick your ass But drop your gat, and Ren's gonna blast I'm sneaky as fuck when it comes to crime But I'm a smoke 'em now and not next time Smoke any motherfucker that sweats me Or any asshole that threatens me I'm a sniper with a hell of a scope Takin' out a cop or two, they can't cope with me The motherfuckin' villain that's mad With potential to get bad as fuck So I'ma turn it around Put in my clip, yo, and this is the sound Yeah, somethin' like that But it all depends on the size of the gat Takin' out a police would make my day But a nigga like Ren don't give a fuck to say Fuck the police Fuck the police Fuck the police Fuck the Police "Yeah man, what you need?" "Police, open now" "Aww shit" "We have a warrant for Eazy-E's arrest Get down and put your hands up where I can see 'em" "What the fuck did I do, man, what did I do?" "Just shut the fuck up And get your motherfuckin' ass on the floor" "But I didn't do shit" "Man, just shut the fuck up!" "Eazy-E, won't you step up to the stand And tell the jury how you feel about this bullshit?" I'm tired of the motherfuckin' jackin' Sweatin' my gang, while I'm chillin' in the shack, and Shinin' the light in my face, and for what? Maybe it's because I kick so much butt I kick ass, or maybe 'cause I blast On a stupid-assed nigga when I'm playin' with the trigger Of an Uzi or an AK 'Cause the police always got somethin' stupid to say They put out my picture with silence 'Cause my identity by itself causes violence The E with the criminal behavior Yeah, I'm a gangsta, but still I got flavor Without a gun and a badge, what do ya got? A sucker in a uniform waitin' to get shot By me or another nigga And with a gat it don't matter if he's smaller or bigger (Size ain't shit, he's from the old school, fool) And as you all know, E's here to rule Whenever I'm rollin', keep lookin' in the mirror And ears on cue, yo, so I can hear a Dumb motherfucker with a gun And if I'm rollin' off the 8, he'll be the one That I take out, and then get away While I'm drivin' off laughin', this is what I'll say Fuck the police Fuck the police Fuck the police Fuck the Police "The verdict The jury has found you guilty of being a redneck White bread, chicken shit motherfucker" "But wait, that's a lie! That's a god damn lie!" "Get him out of here!" "I want justice!" "Get him the fuck out my face!" "I want justice!" "Out, right now!" "Fuck you, you black motherfuckers!" Fuck the police Fuck the police Fuck the police