two year anniversary !? (Patreon)

holy shit i noticed i got an email from patreon that it's gonna be my patreon anniversary soon!!! i've been on patreon since 22nd of january 2017.. THAT'S TWO YEARS. i'm speechless (especially cause i've barely slept in the last 50 hours cause of the hbomberguy charity stream)

tbh i didn't expect to be able to go on so long!! thank you all so much, the past, the current and the future patrons!! thank you!! you're amazing and you help me, you literally help me live. thank you, endlessly.

i have no idea what kind of thing i should do for the 22nd! my brain isn't working completely right after almost nonstop stream watching for 2 days!! 

JUST.... thank you..........

i have to admit something: having patreon gives my life meaning that it lacks. it's like.. i have a reason to not kill myself cause i have this.. well, basically a mini job! (AND IT'S A JOB I LIKE DOING) and.. i try to not stress about it either so it's like i just draw whatever and that's my job? but i still feel kind of like it is indeed a job, and that helps me feel like i can't just.. stop existing at the drop of a hat. so, thank you everyone who supports me and lets me have this weird little dream job!

i don't know how much you all know about my life, but here's a little summary:

i'm 27, soon 28 nonbinary person, with severe chronic depression, borderline personality disorder, ptsd and fear of social situations.  i go to therapy twice a week, and visit my doctor once every 2-3 months, and a social worker visits me once or twice a week to help me with like.. home upkeeping, official stuff, food, etc. i'm on something called temporary retirement, which might soon turn into permanent because my doctor has been working with me for 5+ years now, and says that while there's been improvement, my ability to handle stress might never be enough for me to get a proper job. so... that's something that might happen this year. it won't really change anything, except that i don't have to proove my disability/work status yearly anymore! which is nice cause it's really stressful.

i don't really go outside the house much, aside from walking my dog and going to therapy, so having things to do and some meaning, even if it's "just" online is really important to me, and.. i appreciate you guys endlessly much. thank you for giving me means to make some money and also, to make some meaning for my life.

SORRY THIS IS JUST A MESS RAMBLE waahhhh im just. emotional. thank you all, so so much.