❤️ The Strengths of Sensitivity ❤️ (Patreon)

Being sensitive is often seen as something that needs correcting. “You’re just too sensitive”, “you need thicker skin”, “well, I tried to talk to you, but you’re just so sensitive”.

And in all honesty, I can see some validity to that. Sensitive people can be daunting. You don’t know what might upset them, what harmless joke they’ll misunderstand and internalise, or you might even feel like you can’t be your true, unfiltered self around them. And again, I see a lot of valid points. Sensitive people aren’t for everybody, and that’s absolutely an individual person’s choice to make.

However, I would also say that the sensitive person can often be misunderstood. Sensitive people can be highly receptive for a number of reasons, including but not limited to: abuse, trauma, neglect, poor self-esteem, fear of abandonment, mental health issues, and many other causes that share the thread of hyper vigilance.

Sensitive people are a bit like sponges. They absorb the world and it’s stimuli, soaking it all up. So, for example, if someone is unkind to them, even in a small, unintentional way, the sensitive person can take this on as a judgement on them. It’s hard for them to see “oh, well, maybe that person was just having a bad day and took it out on me. Or maybe they didn’t even mean to hurt me”. Instead the train of thought could go a little more like “why is he being so mean? Did I do something to make him say that? He must believe it if he said it. Oh, god. Maybe I deserve it.”

There’s obviously a lot of room for grey here, as the sensitive person can either be the type who internalises or externalises. The latter tends to be the more controversial sort, as obviously, we don’t usually take to people who blame others anywhere near as much as we warm to people who first examine their own accountability. And whilst I wouldn’t say that hyper self-loathing is healthy at all, it does seem a lot more palatable. What I’m trying to say is that I am not trying to justify shitty behaviour with sensitivity. I feel the same way about sensitivity as I do about mental health issues - “it doesn’t give you the right to be a dick”.

I just feel that the merits of sensitivity are often overlooked. Speaking as a sensitive person myself, I’ve often wished I was more flippant, more relaxed, and well, just a little bit less feeling. However, I don’t think I’m going to be able to change that part of myself. I am a sensitive person. I always have been, and it feels like a very real part of me. It’s not something I’m going to outgrow. It’s as real as my liver.

So, I’ve been thinking about the positives that can come from sensitivity. And here are just a few.

Empathy:

Understanding another person’s feelings, or even just making the effort to try to, is a very underrated quality. I’ve noticed that so many of us, myself included sometimes, are so consumed with making an impression on someone (being funny, witty, accomplished), that we barely stop to listen to the person we’re speaking to. Which if both parties are doing, can just lead to a two-sided lecture. No one listening, no real exchange of thoughts or feelings, just two people vying to have their voice heard.

Sensitivity can enable us to be genuinely interested in how others feel, to value their thoughts, their conflicts, their struggles. And I suppose, if you’re not very sensitive, that could make understanding others a little harder.

Creativity:

What is art, if not feelings given form? Sensitivity to emotion, pain, love, lust, exhaustion, etc have given us some many timeless and wonderful songs, paintings, books, and so many other forms of entertainment.

Putting your intense feelings into something that can resonate with others, can be such an amazing gift to both yourself and strangers you’ll never meet, but have definitely made a mark on.

Love:

Surprise, surprise, being sensitive can make you caring and loving.

If you feel things deeply, it’s easy to see how you can put those feelings into loving and nurturing the people you love. If you’re sensitive you know your partner’s favourite food, you know your mum loves fresh tulips, you remember to text your friend who’s feeling down, maybe you’ll even take him some food and watch Netflix together.

The point is sensitivity can be the most useful tool when caring for others. If you’re being sensitive to someone’s needs, you’re being gentle with them, you’re showing them kindness and consideration, and fundamentally the most thoughtful, selfless form of love.

I’m not for one second saying that being sensitive is all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes it sucks. It makes you doubt yourself, overanalyse and berate yourself. But if you’re sensitive, and you don’t feel it’s something you can change, why not see the good it can do for you and others?