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"Don't be concerned about the people who don't want kids. Be concerned about people who have kids and treat them like shit. Stop worrying about children who don't exist. The ones who are alive and in pain actually need our help."

I cannot express how baffling I find this. People really be out here saying "but why don't you want kids?". Like, don't worry about it. My child doesn't exist. I am never going to hurt or disappoint them or put them in situations they shouldn't be in. The vast majority of children however are not so lucky and it's them that you should show concern for. Not if I'm gonna wake-up at 40 and think "oh, shit, I can't be a mom". If that happens that happens and that's on me, but I'm not gonna have a baby unless I know that I am 1000% committed to raising a child.

Sorry. Really sorry, but I see so many kids in the supermarket, out and about and you can see, even in public that their parents don't really give a shit and it's depressing as fuck. So, please, please don't worry about me or anybody else who's not going to have kids. Me and my non-existent kids are gonna be absolutely fine. Spare a thought for the fuckers that got stuck with abusive, shitty narcissists. 

Again, sorry, but I just cannot believe that so many parents suck so badly. We gotta remember and appreciate the good ones.  

Best wishes, 


Tea 

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Comments

bag

It's such an "old and outdated generation" way of thinking and I agree, it's so utterly baffling and annoying as all hell. The older generation loves to say that "it's your responsibility to have children" and they natural expect them because that's how it's always been. The thing is is that it's such a toxic way of thinking. The truly responsible thing to do would be to make the choice that fits your circumstances. If you want children and truly understand the scope and weight of having them and are truly ready to deal with it, then by all means, go for it. But it shouldn't be forgotten that the responsible choice is also to decline having children if you know you aren't going to be able to manage the life long task that it is. This is the point that so many older people just can't seem to wrap their heads around because it wasn't what was expected of them back when they were young adults. Another point that comes to mind: Why should children feel "fully indebted" to their parents? I know, that comes across as rude. By all means, treating our parents with respect and kindness and thankfulness is 100% a good thing (you know, as long as they weren't assholes). But this doesn't mean that we owe them anything. It's another toxic idea for parents to make their children feel like they owe them things. Parents will say "We brought you into this world. We provided food for you. We provided a home for you. Therefore you need to do A, B, and C". While we can always be thankful for that, it doesn't mean we owe them anything. It was THEIR choice. THEIR choice to have us. And by accepting that choice, they were also making the choice to provide for their children. Their children had no say in the matter. Y'all see what I'm getting at? Sorry this is something I've been wanting to get off my chest as well and Tea's post brought it out of me.

Anonymous

I think there should be a license for parenting, so that it is ensured, at least to some degree, that the kids have a nice childhood. And i know this is a concept that is not really realizable, but its kind of what could not solve but make the problem less reoccurring

Jeremy Knight

Sometimes it's best that people don't have kids. I don't because I don't want to pass my eye disease onto them and I wouldn't want them to deal with them losing their vision like I do. The idea of them blaming me for all their problems would make me feel so guilty. People don't have to have children and I've heard so many stories of people being so unhappy because of shitty parents or the kids end up being a terror. My mom was so emotionally neglectful of me because I started losing my vision and she didn't know how to comfort me, instead she berated me for years telling me that I wasn't going to be like the normal kids. It was until I was older that I was finally able to tell her if she hadn't have been with someone who had bad genes then I wouldn't be like this. My genes came from my Dad's side.

Robin

Even as someone who would like to have kids one day, I agree. It's more important to focus on the children who are here rather than ones who will not be.

Camilo Iribarren

Absolutely. You have a great point and the fact that so many children need a loving home breaks anyone’s heart. No self-respecting good parent ever blames their children and only want the best despite their situation

Blindluck92

Tea, I already respected the hell out of you, but then you say things like this, and I'm like, "That right there is WHY I respect the hell out of Tea."

Cullen Nash

Tea, I absolutely agree. My thought is, if you have kids, you should put their thoughts and needs before everything else. Which is why I don’t want kids, because I don’t know when, how or if I’ll be able to handle them properly. And don’t be sorry; you may feel the need to say that to others who disagree, but they’ll just have to deal with the fact that an incredibly intelligent person doesn’t share the same point of view as them. Again, thank you so much as always.

ZhiendGamingHD

It is everyone's personal choice if they want kids or not its for no one to be concerned or worried about it i 100% agree Tea. Everyone has that choice and we as human beings should respect the wishes of others in this matter. Me personally i want kids but thats only my choice and everyone gets a choice. There are so many babies and kiddos that have had or horrible homes out there, ive seen alot of it while i was a police officer and god it hurts, makes me sick and tears my heart into pieces seeing situations like that. Thats why i became a police officer in the first place to try and help families like that. To give back to those who are hurting scared ect... still to this day i feel this way i want nothing more to help anyone i can. When i feel down defeated or broken i still listen to your audios to comfort me and i love to read your posts and tweets. Some of them make my day, others open my mind to different opinions and make me think. Thank you Tea for being you and making all this wonderful content you are truly a godsend. I hope you, your family and everyone has been well and had a wonderful holiday 😊

Mario

My thoughts on having kids are very similar. What really gets me is when someone says they don't want kids and then they're immediately met with "why?" It's such a rude and invasive question and it always seems to come out so easily. I think most answers to that question would be really uncomfortable.

Estya

Kids. I never thought of having them myself but I do want to adopt. There are too many kids without an actual home than there is with one.

Finley Cartmell

You can always have or adopt a child later if you change you mind, but you can't un-have a kid if you don't want one anymore. That kid is always gonna exist, it never asked for this. No kids should be the default position.

Anonymous

I absolutely agree