Home Movies (Patreon)

Vampirella had been cursed out by some of the most profane demons in existence, but no one really swore at her in comparison to how Elvira let her have it. The vampire answered the phone one evening and immediately she was hearing every last swear word that had ever existed and some that had only come into being just now.

“Who do you think you are?” Elvira demanded between unprintable words. “I’m the host with the most, ME, and you thought you could waltz in and start showing horror movies—”

“A job’s a job,” Vampirella reasoned pleasantly. “Though if it’s any consolation, not many in my audience care to look at the screen. Maybe I’ll start showing musicals…”

“That’s another thing! What’s with the bikini? It’s barely even that! You look like you got into a fight with a pack of dental floss, you goddamn witch—”

Vampirella held the phone away from her ear until Elvira was done with her latest assault on the human eardrum. “I take it you don’t approve of how I dress?”

“There’s a little something called class—”

“And what are you wearing right now?”

“NEVER MIND THAT!” Elvira roared, which seemed to spur a mutter from nearby her end of the conversation. It sounded remarkably like a man being woken up in the middle of the night. Elvira quieted down. “You’re not even as much of a ghoul as that wimp with the fake tits, Vampira! At least she hung out with Ed Wood! Now that’s being a slut! Any girl can slurp it up for Steven Spielberg, but going with a guy in an angora sweater—that’s sex positivity.”

“That’s another thing,” Vampirella mused. “Today’s audiences, they don’t know who you’re talking about when you name-drop Ed Wood or Bert I. Gordon or, hell, even Harryhausen. You’ve got to get with the times.”

“Are you saying I’m old?”

“You do look a little pasty…”

Vampirella held the phone away from her ear again, but this onslaught quickly settled. She again heard a voice in the distance, barely captured by the phone.

“GO BACK TO BED, ROGER! AND TELL BILL HE NEEDS HIS BEAUTY SLEEP TOO!” Elvira turned her attention back to the mouthpiece. “A young punk like you wouldn’t know a real scare if it spilled your popcorn!”

“Oh, and which of your public domain dodgers is going to scare me? The one where Christopher Lee dies for the twentieth time? Or where Fay Wray shows off her gams?”

“Not all the movies I screen are fit for public consumption. If I wanted to, I could show you a movie so terrifying, it’d scare you out of your panties. If you wore any, you little—”

“I’d love to see it. I could use a chance to catch up on my sleep.”

“Fine! I’ll be there in twenty with the whole thing in the can! And if you can’t take it, you get out of town! Take your little drag show on the road!”

“If anyone’s wearing something loose enough to hide a weiner… or an extra ten pounds…”

“Bitch!” Elvira spat, and hung up.

***

Half an hour later, Vampirella had the film stock loaded into the reel-to-reel. She flipped the switch and came down from the booth to sit beside Elvira.

“Still time to back out if you want,” Elvira observed.

“You wish.”

The screen was dark for a long moment before it lit up with the first scene. There were no studio logos, no credits. Vampirella wondered if this was a snuff film. She’d seen too many people die in person to be scared by it happening in a beam of light projected on the wall.

Radiating off the white vinyl was a young woman sunbathing by the pool. She was wearing a bikini as small as anything Vampirella had ever worn; she took pride in the actress’s body not being as good as her own.

Still, she was curved in all the right places and the man who entered, stage left, obviously approved. He knelt beside her to talk. The dialogue was creaky. Vampirella didn’t see any chance she’d wear herself out, worrying about these two being eaten.

The man took the actress’s hand, finally, and he led her away. The screen went dark. A few seconds later, it lit up again. Now the scene was a bedroom. The two kissed. The man took off the young woman’s top. It fell to the floor and the actress’s luscious breasts sprang free.

“Not bad,” Vampirella said softly.

Elvira didn’t say anything. She was afraid to give away how she was feeling; her throat was dry. Her yearning flesh pelted her imagination with thoughts of the handsome man touching her own breast the way he was touching the girl on screen. She’d made sure to bring her best movie over, sure that if it worked on her, it would be good enough for Vampirella.

Vampirella watched the man bow his head. His tongue ran over the woman’s ripe pink nipple. Then he opened his mouth a little wider and the nipple neatly fit between his lips. His hands moved down the pretty girl’s back and sampled the roundness of her ass.

“This isn’t even a horror movie. It’s just some porno,” Vampirella said. She started to get up, but Elvira put a hand on her arm.

“So you can’t take a little erotic horror?”

“And what’s so horrifying about this?”

“Keep watching. It’s a slow burn.”

“That girl is way too fast for slow anything,” Vampirella commented, but she felt a churning excitement embedded in her thighs. She didn’t want to stop the show. She wanted to see what happened next.

The actress pushed her screen lover away, but she was smiling. Next she was down on her knees in front of him. She unzipped his fly and put her hand inside the crotch of his pants. Elvira heard hard breathing as the actress pulled a long, thick erection out into the open.

“I suppose it’d be a bit scary getting spread by a monster like that,” Vampirella said.

Elvira heard her sharply exhale as the actress kissed the engorged manhood. She, of course, had known all along that was going to happen. She’d financed this little cinematic marvel. And scouted the talent. She remembered how good that ‘thespian’s’ prick had tasted… how badly she’d wanted to suck all his cum out, the moment she had it in her mouth.  She closed her thighs tightly together and let a passionate shudder rove through her.

The man put both hands on top of the girl’s head. He applied pressure and then relaxed it; the woman’s head went down, then bobbed back up. Not because she wanted to get away, but so she could generate more friction sliding her plump lips up and down the actor’s cock. Elvira could already see precum clinging to her lips. She was pumping the man so fast that she couldn’t bother to collect all the preliminary he was generating before the main event.

“Just a goddamn porno.” But now Vampirella made no attempt to get up, to stop the projector.

“Oh, are you not frightened?” Elvira asked.

“No. Of course not.”

“Then what are you feeling?”

The movie kept playing, but now came something new. Elvira walked into the bedroom. At first her expression showcased surprise. Then she smiled. She began undressing. Her body was fuller than the slender young woman’s, but not any less pleasing. Her big breasts didn’t have any sag and her proudly jutting ass was still toned and succulently packed. She looked every bit as good in the nude as she did in her trademark dress.

“That’s you?” Vampirella gasped.

“Uh-uh,” Elvira shook her head. “That’s Countess Alquina. Says so right in the credits.”

The Countess went over to the two lovers. She gently drew the woman’s head back from the young man’s groin. She pulled the girl to her feet. Then she kissed her on the lips.

Vampirella gasped. It wasn’t just what was happening that was shocking. It was that Elvira was doing it; that this was all in the movie that Elvira was showing to her. The hostess might as well be stripping nude for her!

The kiss looked hot enough to spark a fire. The Countess pressed so close that her breasts rubbed against the other woman’s. And her hands moved with experience down the girl’s back to caress her buttocks. She slid her touch under the girl’s bottoms. The girl swooned nearer to her.

“The way you’re rubbing against her,” Vampirella whispered. “You really fucked her, didn’t you? You fucked her on camera… for the whole world to see…”

The girl was going down to her knees again. But this time it wasn’t in front of a man. The Countess held her face at the apex of her own thighs. The camera zoomed in close to show the girl’s tongue moving through the Countess’s pubic thatch and into the pink-white flesh her brisk black hair concealed.

“You’re enjoying it… I can’t believe you enjoyed that… filming a porno!” Vampirella panted.

Elvira wished she’d just shut up and enjoy the show. Her body burnt with desires. Her breasts heaved and her aching nipples swelled where they rubbed her dress. She wished she could take them out and treat them to some fun. But that would give up the game to Vampirella. And she was enjoying the warring trepidation and anticipation in Vampirella.

She felt Vampirella watching her as much as the movie. It made Elvira feel hinky. It also made her swell with power. Vampirella was all but worshipping her. She felt like she could get the little bitch to do anything she wanted—or at least some of what she wanted. More and more, as Vampirella watched the movie go on. Soon, there’d be nothing Elvira couldn’t drive her to.

She turned her attention back to the screen, letting Vampirella off the hook for now. Too much attention too soon and Vampirella might spook.