Superboy Toy 5 (Patreon)

Kon didn’t like being a stereotype. Like how people thought he was gay just because he knew how to dress himself and paid attention to his hair. That wasn’t cool.

But there was some truth to him maybe doing more thinking with the short, curly hairs than the fade haircut. Case in point: he’d really thought Power Girl was going at it with Harley Quinn just because he would’ve (and had) if she’d propositioned him. But now that there were no orifices in the room other than his own, that seemed a little out of character for Peej.

In fact, wasn’t Harley Quinn besties with Poison Ivy? Her of the very literal cooties? The two of them seemed pretty harmless… too harmless for any scheme that involved the words ‘sex’ and ‘slave,’ even if adding ‘Power Girl’ to that did have a certain Gorean ring to it which he blamed on Lex Luthor’s DNA.

So, Power Girl probably just had a kinky, naughty librarian side to her, like most chicks—you’d think Cassie was a total stick-in-the-mud until she busted out the lasso—but just to be on the safe side, Kon decided he needed to straighten things out before he had a vengeful Peej demanding to know why he hadn’t saved her from being Harley Quinn’s cuddle monkey.

The fact that it sounded like a nice gig to him probably wouldn’t assuage her.

Kon went on patrol, he guessed it was called. Flying through the sky, keeping an eye out for trouble; he had a hunch anyone like Harley Quinn wouldn’t do much to blend in. And he was right. He quickly found her sunning herself on a rooftop, wearing an American flag bikini: blue-backed stars covering her pert tits and red-white stripes across her crotch.

Kon had a feeling she’d been waiting for him and that this had a lot to do with her wanting a repeat performance after their last run-in. Well, who could blame her?

He hovered down, stopping in flight directly in her sun and a few feet over the ground. Harley lifted her head, then lowered her Lolita sunglasses to show him a cocked eyebrow. “Hey there, Konnie. What took ya so long? Needed to save up for Round Two?”

Despite the fact that he was here on semi-official business, Kon’s costume suddenly felt tight. Not the usual tight that showed off his abs and gave the girls a good show. Go around the neighborhood because you have to tell everyone you’re moving in tight. Maybe he should’ve listened to Tim and taken to wearing boxers under his spandex…

“Not right now,” Kon said, trying for firmness—not that way—like Big Blue would if he were here. “I’m looking for Power Girl and you two seemed joined at the hip last time I checked…”

“Oh, it ain’t the hip we’re joined at, Barely Super. You should know—it was your glue!”

Kon coughed. So many years he’d wanted to meet a girl with as dirty a mind as he had. Now that he had, it wasn’t as awesome as it had been with Knockout. In fact, it was about as awesome as when he’d broken up with Knockout.

His costume had been tight then too.

“Yeah, I don’t know Peej as well as I’d like to, but since when are you two besties? I’m the Superman Family screw-up and even I don’t hang out much with supervillains.”

Harley sighed and pulled on her bikini top to straighten it. Her nipples pressed through the white stars. “Maybe she’s cooler than you.”

“Yeah, no chance, she was on Justice League Europe. You gonna take me to her or do I have to get nasty?”

Harley bit her lower lip. “Alrighty, keep your pants on. Who knows where your happy horsey would get off to if we didn’t keep it contained?”

She bounded up. Her ass was small and tight, but richly curved. With the back of her panties disappearing between her rounded cheeks, it appeared even more abundant, shooting out from her slender legs and narrow waist to beg to be spanked.

Kon followed her down into the building, which seemed abandoned and dilapidated, your typical supervillain den. No squatters, but plenty of animals. Cats? No. Dogs, all of whom were very happy to see Harley—Kon practically had to prod her into keeping on the move instead of stopping to pet all her doggies.

Finally, they came to a stash. A conference room that could’ve fit a Little League game into it, only with no furnishings beyond the beige carpeting. So Harley and her accomplices had plopped their loot and necessities down willy-nilly, like the place was a studio apartment. A refrigerator in the middle of nothing, a microwave stacked on books against a spray-painted window, a safe that’d been cracked then left open then used to keep groceries in…

Harley went to a liquor cabinet that showed signs of coming straight from whatever rich guy they’d ripped off last—bullet holes marring the wooden finish. She opened it up and went to work on mixing a drink.

“What is this, happy hour?” Kon asked. “I wanna know what’s up with Peej!”

“She’s fine! Gawd! Has she been on the news breaking into banks, beating up other superheroes, even making a TikTok? No! Because I’m a good friend in ‘er hour of need!”

“Hour of need?” Kon repeated, beyond confused.

Harley held up her hands. “Okay, okay, okay, she maybe mighta lost her memory—not my fault—and I’ve been taking care of her, like a good citizen…”

“And what?” Kon demanded. “What’s the con? You tell little old ladies that Power Girl will smash their cars if they don’t fork over a twenty? Or go door-to-door saying that you’re collecting for the JSA Ball and please give generously?”

Harley scratched her chin with a slightly awestruck expression. “Wowie, you’re good. I’ve just been getting her to change the lightbulbs and help me get my fitted sheet on the bed.”

She finished making the drink and took off, skating right past Kon like a waitress in a busy restaurant.

“Wait, wait!” Kon trailed after her. “What about all that stuff about me being her boy toy? And you getting to join in?”

“It’s not like you said I wasn’t,” Harley pointed out. “I mean, for all I know, you could’ve been. And you were! The way I see it, I handled the introductions for you. And Peej had a really good time. She said you had to be the best boy toy a Supergirl ever had.”

“She did?” Kon asked, distracted. “Wait, Supergirl—wait, no, if she has amnesia, how come I met her in her secret identity?”

Harley stopped in her tracks. “You know her secret identity? She has a secret identity?”

“Yeah. And it’s private. If all she knows is what you’ve been gas-lighting her, how come she—“

Harley shrugged. “I guess she doesn’t have amnesia. She just pretended to so that I’d pretend to be her sexual sidekick. Kinky.”

Kon tried to get this all straight in his head. “So you thought she had amnesia—but she doesn’t—and I didn’t know she had amnesia—and you tricked me into thinking she didn’t have amnesia, even though she doesn’t, but she wanted you to trick me because she doesn’t have amnesia… aww, man, stuff isn’t supposed to get this complicated unless we go to New Genesis!”

Harley circled around and nudged Kon with her shoulder, pushing him back into motion. “Come on, the drink’s getting warm!”

Reluctantly, Kon allowed himself to be sent into motion again. Harley marched ahead of him to lead the way.

“And what is with the drink?” he asked.

“It’s for you.”

“Me?”

“You’re going to give it to Ivy.”

“Ivy?” Kon demanded, his eyes reddening almost into lasers. “No way! She’s, like, the second deadliest green thing that a Supe can run into! She mind-controlled the big guy, she poison-kissed Supergirl—“

“Come onnnn,” Harley insisted, dropping back to shoulder-block him again. “I promise she won’t do any of that. You have my word of honor as a professional, fully accredited clown!”

“I thought you were a psychologist,” Kon muttered.

“I got disbarred after that subway bombing. But the clown thing is really working for me. Trust me, my word as a clown holds a lotta meaning to me.” Harley pressed the drink into his hand. “I’m just gonna tell her that you’re me and Peej’s boy toy and we’re letting Red take a turn with ya’s. She’ll love it; Red can always use a good bang. Don’t ya wanna bang her?”

“Well, yeah,” Kon admitted without needing to think about it. “You’re going to watch?”

Harley kissed him on the cheek. “This is why you’re such a good boy toy. We’re simpatico.”

“Alright, but as soon as we’re done, I’m taking you to see Power Girl and we’re all getting on the same page. I don’t want this to turn into some crazy high school farce—I got enough of that in Young Justice.”

“And I’ve had enough of that ginger puss, at least for now. I wanna see it get T-boned by that Kryptonian two-door sedan a yours! Get in there, flyboy!”

She got the door for Kon and shoved him through it as well. Then Harley stayed to stare through the crack at the daybed where Ivy lounged, only a few traipsing vines covering her jade-green nudity, like afterthoughts clinging to her skin long after she’d absently decided to shed them.

“Hey, Red, look who’s here!” Harley called. “My boy toy! I’m sharing him with you! And he’s got a drink you can have!”

Ivy tiredly heaved a sigh as Kon carefully picked his way to her, over what seemed like a million roots and branches and feelers growing through the floorboards, to hand her the tall, cool drink.