The Flash: Reunited And It Feels Like I’m Going To Die (Patreon)

“Sweetie!” Lisa said, launching herself into Cisco’s arms with such force that, although Lisa Snart was not a large woman, Cisco was still reminded that he didn’t do a lot of cardio. “Did you miss me?”

That seemed like a very existential question all of a sudden. “Uhh, yeah, I guess?”

Lisa gave him a tiny shake, her smile luminous, doing its best to be contagious, while Cisco remained stubborn vaccinated. “C’mon, Cissy, it’s been six months, five days, seven...?”

“Hours?” Cisco ventured.

“Yeah, exactly!”

Cisco still had a not-large woman wrapped around him with arms and legs like a howler monkey. He would’ve made a comment on Luke’s training with Yoda, but he had also learned from Barry’s mistakes.

He made a mental note to describe it that way to Caitlin next time he saw her, though.

“Did you get my presents?” she asked him, with another small shake that did interesting things at places where her body intersected with his. He was pretty sure that, if prompted, he could identify the brand of her bra.

“Your presents...?”

Lisa drew her head back just far enough to give him a look.

“Oh, right, your presents!” He had just thought he was getting a neighbor’s mail. There’d been the subscription to CatFancy, the earrings, the surprisingly tasteful cologne he’d assumed was a free sample...

“Yeah, I knew you’d like them,” Lisa smiled. The contagion had mutated, and Cisco felt a stupid desire to smile all with her, like someone yawning made you want to yawn. “And it’s okay you didn’t get me anything, I know you were saving up for something big when I got back.”

Let’s go with that, Cisco thought, deciding that truth was not beauty when there was technically a supervillain vined around him. “Yes! Exactly! Like that dress you’d always wanted!”

“Or a gun!” Lisa said, managing to agree with him and correct him in the same breath, as girls did.

Cisco began to nod, then settled for tilting his head back. “Or a--actually, I’m a little against getting presents that support the firearm industry?”

“So a knife?” Lisa asked, eyebrows jumping.

“Yeah,” Cisco nodded. “Like a Rambo knife...”

“Rambo knife!” Lisa laughed, prompting spastic twitches in Cisco’s cheeks as he tried not to join in and encourage her. He couldn’t help it, he was a people-person. “Don’t be silly, I’m a girl...”

“Lisa, honey, my legs are starting to hurt.”

Lisa hopped down with a last little bounce; she would’ve hit his chin with the crown of her head if he hadn’t jerked back before she rebounded.

“Oh, Cissy...” She patted his belly. “Can’t hold up me and a little paunch all at once. We’re gonna have to find out a way for you to burn some fat.”

“Well, I mean, I have a Bowflex machine?” She was looking at him. “It’s, uh, it’s good for your core.” She was still looking at him. Smirking at him.

“Hey! Squib!” Came a voice that seemed incomplete without working Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum into a sentence. “What’re you doin’ with Len’s little sister?”

Cisco turned around, his legs buckling even harder than they had before, to see Mick Rory rumbling towards him. The man was, as usual, dressed like one of those serial killers that lived in the woods and didn’t want people to reopen summer camps. Come to think of it, Cisco had never seen Mick on Friday the 13th…

Lisa perched her chin on Cisco’s shoulder, snaking her hand down to slip into his pocket and rub at his smartphone. Cisco mainly knew because of the slight squeaking noise her fingertip made on the vinyl finish of his holder. “Mick, honestly, my own brother isn’t this protective. Try not to ruin our reunion, don’t you know how long we’ve been waiting for this?”

“Your brother sees the best in people,” Mick said, his words accented with the cadence of an ape who had taught himself to read… and then read a lot of books about wrestling. “But I know this town is full of weirdos.” He glared at Cisco, lips pressed into a flat line, shrinking his features down until his face was all brow. “Besides, I bet he didn’t even notice you were gone.”

“What a horrible thing to say!” Lisa gasped, tugging insistently on Cisco’s arm to pull a disavowal out of him.

“Then why didn’t he write?”

“Well… there was another dimension…” Cisco said apologetically. “Evil Flash…”

“When isn’t there an evil Flash?” Mick grumbled.

“This one we thought was our… okay, I see your point, but this time Caitlin dated him!” Cisco frowned to himself. “At least, I hope it was just this time.”

“But that’s all settled now, right sweetie?” Lisa tugged at a lock of Cisco’s hair and managed to crane his head to the side. “We can have a nice romantic evening, all to ourselves—“

“That doesn’t sound so bad…”

Mick nodded, grunting. “First stop, O’Malley’s Tavern—“

“Yes,” Lisa agreed.

“We’ll see if that bunch of scumbags have any harder heads than last time!”

“He’s…” Cisco muttered, trying to do a yoga exercise to get his head out of Lisa’s grip. “He’s coming?”

Lisa released him only to lean on his body. Cisco was suddenly desperate to get his footing so they both weren’t bowled over. Lisa didn’t appear to notice.

“Of course,” Lisa said. “He’s family. And Len should be back soon. He’ll probably bring a girl. Mick, we need to get you a lady!”

“What I keep saying!”

“For the double date, Neanderthal.”

Mick made a ‘hurm’ sorta noise deep in his throat. Deep as in maybe foot three in all of his seven and a half feet. Or maybe Cisco was just hunching. “Hey, squib, you say that lady scientist friend o’ yours was dating Boom or whatever?”

“Zoom, and I didn’t name him, I could’ve come up with something much better!”

“And this Zoom, he’s dead now?”

“Well… dragged off by time wraiths.”

Mick nodded along understandingly. “That’ll do it. So, science chick—she’s single and she has a thing for bad boys?”

After two years, it’d finally happened. They’d skipped the part where the supervillains pretended to be nice and gone straight to befriending a-holes.

“So Cisco, you’re good at naming things,” Lisa said, spitefully loud enough for Mick to hear as they marched off. “Hypothetically, what would you call a biracial baby with some great genes?”