Smuttydale update (Patreon)

Faith was pissed. She’d been out all night patrolling, hoping to get some good slaying action, but nothing. She would’ve headed for Xander, or Buffy, or even Monty, but she was horny for a fight, not a fuck. Now it was the early morning and she hadn’t gotten either.

She decided she was going to get some of Xander’s cock before she crashed somewhere—maybe even in his bed, if that wouldn’t make him have an aneurysm. After all, he wasn’t a Slayer; he was going to school.

She went to his place, every jogging step making her pussy hotter. She liked the sound of a fuck more and more, until she could forget wanting some dust action. No, she needed cock.

Then she saw the car pulled up at the curb of Xander’s place. It was not something she expected anyone in his social circle to be driving. She slunk up to the front door, though her screaming cunt wanted her to kick the door down and get some fucking already.

She heard Xander’s voice coming inside, but there was a girl’s voice too. She couldn’t place it—not Buffy or Willow, which made her wonder why the hell she should let this bitch cock-block her. A door slammed from inside the house and the indistinct talking diminished. They’d gone into the backyard.

Curious, Faith looked over to the neighboring house. Nobody home when she stretched out her senses—it might even be foreclosed, though that was hard to gauge in this neighborhood. It was not the kind of place where you had to worry about a HOA.

So she went over to the nonexistent neighbors’ and hopped the fence into the sideyard, then strolled back to Xander’s backyard. It wasn’t her style to be nosy—she was usually one to either get in someone’s face or not give a shit—but now her curiosity had the best of her. Somewhere in her subconscious, she wondered who had beaten her to Xander.

Faith found a knothole in the fence separating Xander’s yard from her side. She peered through it and saw Cordelia, wearing a little sundress that barely covered her ass. And it was cut so low in the front that her big tits were constantly on the verge of popping out. She might’ve been a snooty bitch, but she had a superb body, and the sundress was no less shy about showing it off than Cordelia herself was.

“So you haven’t fucked Calendar any since that time in the library?” Cordelia asked.

“No,” Xander said, “no foursomes with the G-man for me.”

“I didn’t say foursomes with Giles,” Cordelia snapped. “I’m asking if you’ve been thinking about Jenny Calendar.”

“No, you asked if I’d fucked Jenny and I haven’t.”

“Not in a devil’s threesome with Giles or anyone else?”

“As in my dick wasn’t in any of her orifices. And no other part of me has been in any of her orifices either. Does that about cover it?”

“I suppose. I just thought maybe that’s why you’ve been avoiding me. You have some MILF thing.”

“I don’t have a MILF thing,” Xander protested. “And Jenny’s not even a MILF, she’s pretty young—“

“Jenny,” Cordelia repeated. “Ha!”

“You were the one who called Giles ‘daddy’.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Cordelia asked. “Stop changing the subject.”

“I’m not sure I know what the subject even is anymore.”

“Why you’ve been avoiding me!?” Cordelia insisted.

“Because I’ve been fucking Jenny,” Xander said sarcastically. “Oh, shoot, you got me.”

“You are such a jerk. I can’t believe this. I share my boyfriend with those losers Buffy and Willow, who can’t get a date to save their lives, and they MahJongize you!”

“Monopolize me?”

“I know what I meant!”

“Am I supposed to?”

Faith scowled through the knothole. Cordelia was obviously gearing up to get her claws into Xander even further than those C-cups already had his teenage boy heart. The dummy didn’t seem to realize it, though.

“Xand, when was the last time we were intimate? It used to be you would try anything to get into my pants—“

“You’re not even wearing pants,” Xander pointed out.

“Exactly my point!”

“How long’s it been since the last time I asked what we were talking about?”

“Do you wanna fuck me, your girlfriend, or not?”

Xander blinked. “Is that a trick question?”

Cordelia jabbed her forefinger into his chest, pounding him with each word. “Start. Acting. Like. It.”

Xander coughed. “Would you maybe like something to drink?”

“Do you have sparkling water?”

“I have sparkling cider.”

“Oh, good, we can make cocktails. Do you have Irish whiskey?”

“You came to the right unhappy childhood.”

He went into the house and, while Cordelia preened, made them drinks, came back. They sat down in a pair of lawn chairs. Faith remembered that old adage: when you get your parents a beer, you might have a shitty childhood. When you have to make them a mixed drink, you know you have a shitty childhood.

Cordelia arranged herself very carefully, crossing her legs so that Xander had a tantalizing angle up her dress. She fanned herself, acting like it was too warm for her, finally unbuttoning another button over her cleavage, deepening it until it seemed to run down to her belly button.

“This place gets no breeze. I’m getting so hot,” Cordelia sighed.

No shit, lady, Faith thought angrily. She felt tempted to just bust in there, throw Xander down on the ground, and have her way with him. Cordelia was welcome to his mouth—Faith would even finger the bitch herself, so long as she got some cock.

But she knew how that would go. Cordelia was in no mood to share and she had her hooks in Xander already. She’d play the victim, get Faith run out of town so Xander could feel gentlemanly, so not only would Faith be getting no dick then, but Xander would be off-limits for the foreseeable future. All because that cunt had gotten to Xander first.

And she wasn’t even taking her turn and fucking off like a good girl. She was laying it on thick, really giving him the whammy, like she wanted Xander to be in love with her or something. Faith couldn’t stand it.

Especially the way Xander was staring at Cordelia, like he was a kid and she was a candy store. It reminded Faith of those chickens that could keep their heads still even when you moved their bodies all around. Faith felt sure that if she spun Xander around, he’d break his neck keeping his eyes on the deep valley between Cordelia’s big juicy breasts.

Not to mention her pink panties. The only willpower Xander had seemed to go into ripping his eyes from Cordelia’s tits so he could give her pussy a look. You’d think Faith hadn’t given him a hot fuck not forty-eight hours ago.

“You’re sure you’re not into Giles?” Xander asked, after a hearty swig of his drink. “That this isn’t all some more of your projection?”

“Of course not. He’s cute for an older guy, but let’s face it—he couldn’t keep up with me. And what I really want is someone who can totally satisfy me. More than that. Overwhelm me.” Cordelia sighed, taking pacing sips at her cocktail. “Someone who could take on a Slayer. I suppose that’s why you’ve been so tempting to me lately. Knowing what you can do to Buffy, I can appreciate what a good thing I’ve got. I know I don’t need anyone else but you. And of course, you know you don’t need anyone else either.”

Xander got all red and flustered. “Uh, thanks, Cordy,” he said, managing a grin. “Obviously, you’d be enough for any guy—”

“Obviously,” Cordelia purred in agreement, sliding to her knees in front of Xander’s chair. She set her glass down and reached up to Xander’s belt, flicking it with her fingernail before pushing his wifebeater up over his belly. “So it’s been pretty unfair of me to expect you to please Willow and Buffy too, hasn’t it?”

“Has it?” Xander squeaked. He was even redder now, sitting there with his mouth hanging open while Cordelia pushed his shirt up over his head—making him drop his glass onto the paved patio—thankfully, the weed-ridden cracks in the pavement saved it from shattering.

Cordelia pulled his shirt off entirely, revealing his hairy chest. She ran her sharp red fingernails through the fur across his pectorals.

“Mmm, I love a man with a hairy chest,” Cordelia simpered. “Don’t worry, Xand. I’ll be the bad guy. You can tell the others that I’m jealous and I won’t let you have sex with them anymore. That way, they can blame me and you won’t have to fuck them. You can put all your energy into pleasing me. Where it belongs.”

“Hey, Cordelia, wow,” Xander laughed nervously. “I know you’re my girlfriend and all, but I thought we were all friends. That you didn’t mind a little fooling around. You’ve done it too, haven’t you?”

“Have I?” Cordelia cooed. “Well, I’m not interested in dyking it up with Buffy or Willow anymore. I like cock. I want cock. And you—you unimaginably lucky stud—have the best one in town. In case you’ve missed the fax, Cordelia Chase gets the best of everything. And she gets all of the best. Not sloppy seconds.”

Cordelia stood, undid the rest of her buttons, and her dress slid off her. Underneath, her underwear touched her full chest and round hips as sparingly as possible. Xander just about fell out of his chair when he saw all there was to be of her tall, sculpted body. And Faith almost barked with all her shock and anger.

How dare this rich bitch not only try to seduce Xander, but seduce him away from every other interested party, make him all her own, just out of her own outrageous ego? Faith wanted to knock the cunt’s block off, but some small vestige of self-control told her that would end even worse than giving Xander a bump on the head and dragging him back to her cave.

No one would want Cordelia with her face shoved in, but Xander wouldn’t want her either—he’d be easy pickings for Buffy or Willow (or both), and that’d be even more unbearable than Cordelia getting him all to herself. At least Cordelia had style, in a queen bitch of the universe kind of way. The blonde and the redhead were just squares.

Faith decided the best she could do was spy, see exactly what happened, and then spread the information to wherever it would do the most damage. She just hoped Xander didn’t make any promises he couldn’t keep. With the full-on offensive Cordelia was mounting, a lesser man might propose marriage before the day was up.

“Cordelia,” Xander said hoarsely, “maybe you should put your clothes back on. I can’t promise you what you’re asking for. Buffy… and the others… we have an understanding…”

“Oh, and I understand perfectly,” Cordelia mewled. “You want them and you want me. But there’s no way you want them more than you want these.”

She undid her tiny bra and let it fall away from her enormous breasts. Xander groaned, his eyes locked onto how her well-rounded chest thrust out with teenage perkiness. Then Cordelia hooked her thumbs into her panties and inched them down her long, slender legs.

Xander watched, helplessly spellbound, as her panties went down, down, down her legs. He saw her dark bush emerge and then Cordelia’s panties were around her delicate little ankles. She kicked them away and stood there naked.

“You like what you see, Harris?” Cordelia grinned at him, knowing the answer. “You know how good it feels to be inside this pussy. And you know how good these tits taste. Be honest: you really want that little midget Buffy more? Or that flat-chested Willow? Why even bother with them, when you can have all this?”

Faith held her breath. Cordelia was making it pretty fucking hard for Xander to say no, but after the good times they’d had, surely he wouldn’t give in. Cordelia was hot, sure, but she wasn’t two women in one. She certainly wasn’t three women. And Xander should goddamn well know that Faith would let him fuck every Scooby in the Gang—she didn’t even give a shit if he made it with Jenny Calendar.

But there Xander was, open-mouthed, taking in Cordelia’s supple body, his manhood straining at the crotch of his jeans.

“Uh-huh,” Cordelia chuckled. “I see how it is. Why drink root beer when you can have champagne for every meal?”

Faith gritted her teeth. Maybe it was asking a lot of a guy, but she had too much self-respect to be blown off, even if Xander was just telling this bitch what she wanted to hear. If Cordelia actually seduced him into swearing off all of Sunnydale but her, there was going to be hell to pay.

Xander looked down at his distended fly. He actually blushed at the huge bulge in his pants. “Now, just hold on, Cordelia… maybe we should talk about this. I can’t just break up—or whatever—with the other girls. Any more than I could walk up to you and say that Willow wanted me to break things off with you.”

But Cordelia wasn’t taking no for an answer. “Xander,” she cooed, “are you honestly telling me that Willow fucks you like I do? Does that little lezbo even get horny or does she just lie there while you pump her like a pillow with a hole in it? Me, I’m horny. I want your cock. Are you really going to turn me down because you’d rather hope that Buffy has another quickie with you? Wouldn’t you rather fuck me, fuck me right now, and know that I’m your woman? Your one and only?”

She bent down, her dark, hard nipples grazing his chest, and kissed Xander. Cordelia’s hot little tongue went right into his mouth. He gave a muffled groan, jolting like he was sitting in the electric chair and the switch had just been thrown. Faith saw his ears turn red.

It looked like he was fighting a losing battle. Faith could only half-blame him. She knew he was a cocksman. His swimmers did his thinking for him. It was Cordelia—sexy little Cordelia—she hated for using her wiles on him, throwing herself at him, begging him for sex until even a statue would fuck her.

A man wouldn’t be able to resist Cordelia’s seduction even if he knew for a fact he’d get his dick cut off the moment it left her tight pussy. But Cordelia never should’ve given him the full-court press in the first place. Dammit, why did such a hot bitch have to be the only one who didn’t want to share?

Cordelia finally pulled back, leaving Xander with his eyes glazed over and his hard-on even bigger. “Ready to make me your woman?” she asked huskily. “The only woman you’ll ever need?”