Chapter 31 - Less than Instinct, More than Ego (Patreon)

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Chapter 31 - Less than Instinct, More than Ego

The fragrance of roasted meat danced in the air, accompanied by the music of teeth on bone and drinks on pots. Howell cracked seed after seed after having his fill of what looked like a 5-kilogram chunk of fantasy beef. At the same time, Eudav and Arfon debated the best way to grill fruit and shrimp together for maximum flavour.

“Slow down, Vesiphis. The food isn’t going to run away.”

“My lord, you should be the one to put that fish head down. That’s your fifth!”

Elrhain himself devoured bowl after bowl as if he had fasted a week, savouring each bite and sip of this sumptuous feast. He couldn’t help it; it tasted way too good!

He had once bemoaned the absence of spices and MSG in Earthloch cuisine. Even sugar was nowhere to be seen, with crude salt and some wastefully dried herbs being the most used condiment.

But the range of flavours a dhionne tongue could identify was countless times more than a human. Each slice of meat from different parts of different gheists tasted a wholly different umami flavour, even though they were all of the same lean quality.

The fruits, aged, pulped or fresh, were also an explosion of sweet, sour, bitter, or all of them combined.

While he was confident that he could make these already delicious dishes figuratively reach the heavens with the right spices, he had learnt to let go of what could not be and focused on what is in the last three cycles.

Such as the bird's leg roasted to a splendid golden brown in his left hand and the plump rainbow coloured peach-fruit on his right hand.

Opposite to him across the narrow split-log table, Vesiphis too was mowing down enough food to feed a village. His hands were not enough to satiate his extraordinary appetite, so Ysbail and Cati happily acted as conveyor belts of food, depositing one item after another into his open maw.

After a while, Siani, Olwina and Ariana joined in on the fun.

Yet throughout all that, the winged boy still had a sullen expression at what had transpired with Cadfael. He couldn’t help glancing at the direction Morys had departed from time to time.

“Don’t let it bother you too much, comrade. You did what you thought was right in a situation not of your own doing.” Elrhain advised the brooding pup.

“… I know.” Vesiphis gulped down a mouthful of mushroom, “But it… feels wrong. I do not wish to see disharmony in our house, not with the collapse right around the corner.”

“You blame yourself for disharmony that Cadfael wrought?”

".…It was not his fault alone. And as the eldest, I have an obligation to lead by example."

"Perhaps you do. And when Cadfael did something obviously ill-advised, backed by his selfish desires, you decided to stop him. I think your actions were exemplary enough."

Vesiphis didn’t look convinced, "Yet I don't think he will change his ways. Father had warned me about characters like him who are so common in the Impelakty, I didn’t expect my own house would have one as well. What if he takes drastic measures now, with the disregard he already has for the clan?"

The boy scratched his wings, the white fluff on the tips and roots looking far greyer now. Elrhain could also detect slight cracks on the membranes, which slowly mended as Vesiphis’s fingers traced over them.

"If I can't help him revise his wilful ways, then what's the point?"

Elrhain thought on that question for a while, munching on a root vegetable of some kind. The earthy taste was reminiscent of the woodland taro back home. It was refreshing in a way that cleared up his mind.

Vesiphis was peering at him with expectant eyes. It really hammered in the fact the winged boy was still that, a boy. A child who could hardly see the intricacies of the world no matter how maturely he spoke.

He asked difficult questions with difficult answers.

And just like any other kid, he needed guidance when encountering a situation like this, when reality smacked him right on the face blowing away his ideals of the world.

Though for some reason, he sought this guidance from Elrhain.

Maybe it was because Vesiphis was just hyper curious like children tend to, or perhaps because there were no actual adults around, or it could be that Elrhain gave off a more adult-like feeling than he realized.

Elrhain was sure that the Vesiphis as a child would forget this dilemma in the face of more exciting things he would see tomorrow.

But what if he didn’t?

So Elrhain still wanted to give him a proper answer, whatever that might be.

"Let me ask you this. Do you believe what you did was absolutely useless?" He carefully asked.

Vesiphis looked frustrated for a second, but then nodded uncertainly.

"Yes. The only thing my actions did was aggravate the conflict further. Cadfael maintained only he was worthy of the heiress to the very end, despite my intervention. Or even uncle Morys’."

"I disagree. You accomplished many things with your actions today. Many things that actually matter to the clan right now." Elrhain smiled.

"Firstly, you protected Annie and me from a bully, proving your courage and sense of duty. Secondly, you showed to our house that you are willing to oppose even a supreme talent, a relative no less, in the name of the justice you believe in. At the very least, you earned mine and Annie's trust with that. Only the blind would not see your integrity."

Elrhain stopped and took a bite out of the giant boiled snail Agwyn held to his mouth, imitating how the five girls were feeding Vesiphis. He closed his eyes to chew for a few moments to fully savour the taste and formulate his thoughts.

'Like lemon chicken.'

When he opened them again, even the other kids were attentively staring at him, waiting for what he had to say. Indeed, the circumstances had made each of them more intelligent than their Earth counterparts.

Elrhain couldn’t help but smile.

"Finally, you showed us that you are compassionate. Even now, you feel sorrow for the very culprit who chipped your wings and cut your hands. Many would call that a weakness, but to me, it is one of the most important qualities that make a true leader. You feel sorrow, because you care. Some would simply handwave this matter away after the dust had settled."

As he finished speaking, a silence stretched out, waiting for someone to break it. Vesiphis looked down at his injured fingers. Then clenching and loosening his fists, he voiced the same question as he did at the start, "I thank you for your praise, my lord. But what of cousin Cadfael’s current position? What kind of leader am I if I had to antagonize a blood relative to prove all that? I did not mean to marginalize him with my actions. Why couldn’t he just... calm down and think. That way, he wouldn’t be punished as such."

Elrhain and Agwyn both flinched at those familiar words. They exchanged a wistful gaze but laughed nonetheless.

「Dhionnes are just humans with magic.」 Agwyn whispered, and Elrhain agreed despite this very fact being one of his fears in the nightmares.

Dhionnes, humans.

They puzzle over the same things, go through the same emotions, and commit the same mistakes.

"The question you ask is the same as, what is the meaning of life? Why do wrongdoers commit evil? Why should we fight for survival in the collapse when it is much easier to just give up? Why is Cadfael the way he is right now?"

The crisp wind and summer sun was slightly scorching on his skin. It helped him keep his point of view grounded, to set up a response that agreed with his own selfish morality. To see the clan’s future not in conflict with his own.

Because Elrhain knew that his following words would possibly define Vesiphis’ and all the other kids' lives from now on to a tangible extent.

It would be a lie to say he didn’t find the situation both heavy and amusing. He washoodwinking them, in a sense.

"Because of choice, my winged compatriot. There are other factors, sure. But people ultimately are who they choose to be."

'Like how I was a lazy, unlovable coward in my last life.'

Elrhain shook those thoughts away and continued, "Sigils can deter a slave from the choice of what they do through pain and violence. But the most profound thoughts in their hearts will always be their own. Because the freedom of thought, and what they do with it, is the absolute scale on which to judge a person, in my humble opinion, of course.

There will be a point in an individual’s life where a single choice will define them for the rest of their lives. A truth or die moment, which will influence every future choice they make, slaves and nobles alike. That,” Elrhain pointed at the place where Cadfael and Vesiphis fought, “is who Cadfael is right now."

His audience looked puzzled, perhaps not understanding the deeper nuance.

Elrhain sighed and sorted out his words, “I am not talking about status, situation, cultivation, knowledge, or the many other things that you think may define you, that you think you have little to no control over. Yet those are all either external factors only fate can dictate or animalistic urges you cannot ever command.”

He thumped his chest with his tiny fist, not caring for the grease that smeared it.

“What I am talking about is internal. The most fundamental part of your character that nothing but your own conscious choices, your morality can shape. Not the murder of your family, and not even unlimited riches. Call it your, superego. The midpoint between your character moulded by external situations, your ego, and the bestial desires etched deep into your flesh that is too unpredictable to trust, your instincts shall we say.”

Elrhain saw a hint of realization dawn upon those glossy optimistic eyes, and beamed. These kids truly were bright seedlings that can be taught. Well, except for Cati and Ysbail, who looked as confused as a bird in water.

So with a nod of a teacher, Elrhain said, “Cadfael’s superego and morality, built by no one other than himself, will not change because of a few words from you. Just as your choice to block his path was not prevented by his apparent superior talent, or his claims that might sound logical to many people of our Siorrakty. What matters now,”

Elrhain paused. He gave their brains a slight respite to further take in the advice. The anticipation would help them remember what they were feeling right now for cycles to come,

“Is what choice you make. To you, you failed because you couldn’t change Cadfael’s mind. But have you already etched that conclusion to your soul? Will you let it define your future choices? I sure hope not. Because I said, to me, your accomplishments today far outweigh your measly losses. So, what will you do? Will you succumb to the failure which you so readily admitted, wallowing in the possibilities of what could have been?

Or will you remember the pain of this one failure within your many successes, learn from it, and continue to grow into a leader that can find victory even within the bleakest of defeats? The choice, my friend, is yours.”

With that said, Elrhain pointed his upturned palm towards the winged boy.

Vesiphis took a long few minutes to digest Elrhain’s words. He mumbled confusion with a distracted look on his face, while the kids around peered at him with nervous expressions.

Finally, when Elrhain was just about to start sweating in embarrassment, Vesiphis stood up with a jolt, “My lord! I have been presumptuous. How could I dare claim to be a leader when we have both the heir and heiress? With the wisdom you have just-“

Elrhain slammed the table hard in anger, Agwyn facepalming beside him with a giggle. He pointed at Vesiphis with spittle flying out of his mouth,

“You numbskull! You five, hold this fool down and make drink that pot full of sweet-rot pulp to clear his demented brain!” His fingers swished in the wind, marking a large jar full of ominous bubbling concoction.

The little ladies saluted, ignoring Vesiphis’s struggles as they forced him to chug two litres worth of edible retribution. Siani even brought out a second smaller jar that stank like wet socks.

The deed finished and Vesiphis purple in the face, Elrhain asked,

“You done with the jokes now?”

The other boy burped while he glared at the five girls in indignation, maybe also indigestion.

“My lord, I truly wasn’t joking! I have understood what you taught me and will always remember it by heart. And that is but another proof of the fact that no one else but you is worthy of tackling such complex subjects, despite your age. Your charisma makes us listen to your words, which I sorely lacked when I stopped Cadfael’s foolishness.”

Elrhain groaned, finding it excruciating to deal with Vesiphis’s thought process, “First you brood on a problem till your face turned blue. Now that your face is purple, you immediately skipped over an issue the moment you identified it. You…”

Vesiphis managed to blush even with his nauseous expression.

“Forget it. Look. First of all, if you think I am some charismatic leader that can change people’s mind with a few words, you are woefully mistaken. I’d be a mind-controlling Naeman witch then, not a leader. I can only advise; the choice to change is others. And second,”

He reached over the log table and slapped Vesiphis’s pudgy cheeks a few times, “If you don’t have confidence in your charisma, then simply become a different type of leader. A type that needs little. Or even, none.”

“A different… type?”

“Yes. Not all leaders have to make blood boiling speeches or lead a charge at the front into enemy lines. Each major quality defines a particular kind of leader, and a great leader simply commands many major qualities. Some lead by the force of their overwhelming cultivation, some by their heart-chilled cunning, and some by their mesmerizing beauty. They each lack the type of charisma youhope for. But they all have a different type of charisma only their followers, and enemies, can see. One of which I am certain you too possess.”

“R-Really?” Vesiphis tried to stand up but had trouble balancing himself. His stomach rumbled hard, but strangely his visage turned healthier after that.

“Yes. From what I have seen, the kids listen to you not because you have a magnetic charm, but because of your very effective nagging.”

“…what?”

“It’s true. I saw how you broke up fights, and that time you stopped Siani. You nag and complain, then when that doesn’t work, you use the good old-fashioned fist and stick. They listen to you, because they trust that the only time you hound them like a deranged shrew is when they have done something wrong. They can see your goodwill, even through that veil of annoying scolding. Ain’t that right?”

The other kids glanced at each other in bewilderment for a few moments, then burst into childish laughter. They nodded and hooted at the winged kid.

It was a heartwarming scene for Elrhain….

…but not for Vesiphis!

“Wait, y-you guys. Is that really why you’ve been following me?” He looked both incensed and dumbfounded.

Siani shot back, “Why? You thought it was because of how heroic you are, oh noble and courageous Busyfish?” She paused for a bit, then burst into a second round of fits and giggles with everyone else.

Vesiphis deflated, “H-How could this be….”

Elrhain also couldn’t help the corners of his lips from curling, “Cheer up, bud. Is your goal to be a particular kind of leader like those in legends, or a leader that can get the job done honourably, regardless of how… unheroic he looks?”

“….”

“Hmm?” 

“……Bwaaaaah!”

Vesiphis wallowed, bursting into tears. The sudden change in his weather shocked even Elrhain. However, then he reminded himself that no matter what, Vesiphis was still, just, seven!

The winged boy wailed for a while longer, as if his whole world had been a lie. Agwyn and Elrhain looked on awkwardly, not knowing what to do, while the other kids switched from teasing to try and cheer Vesiphis up.

Then finally, finding the last bit of courage, the winged boy wiped the tears and snot away and asked, “T-Then what kind of leader does the h-heir think I can be?”

Elrhain huffed in relief seeing the pup regaining his bearing, then smiled, “You, my good friend, are a manager.”

““A manager?”” Not just Vesiphis, but everyone else too asked in unison.

“Exactly. The meaning is in the name,” Elrhain held up his index finger towards them, “A leader, who manages.”