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Didn't film or edit yesterday (Patreon)

Published:
2020-07-24 07:25:10
Edited:
2020-07-24 07:32:20
Imported:
2021-09

Content

I'm sorry guys... This isn't a positive or happy post, but rather it's just an honest one. 

I was super anxious yesterday. I really couldn't do anything. I slept at 3 am. If I'm being honest, I was paralyzed from my anxiety.

In the extremely short time, I've had my Patreon account, I've blocked 2 people so far (see attached)...June and July. The first time I spent hours crying for the injustice that women all over the world, go through all the time. Male reactors don't have to deal with the shitty comments I've gotten ever since I started reacting.

It's so incredibly sad and discouraging to discover the true intentions behind supporting my art, for some. It makes me want to stop what I'm doing. It makes me feel like an imposter and de-merits my hard work. I make videos for 2 main reasons: 1) fun, 2) passion for pop culture/films/tv/ART and building communities around that. Most recently 3) income.

This is supposed to be my safe space. A tight-knit community. I know all of your names, I reply the most on here. I lost 4/5 of my jobs and so this has become not my 9-5... but my 8am-12am-midnight from Monday-Thursday and Saturdays too. I don't want to feel unsafe or uncomfortable when this is my life now and what I want to continue to be able to do.

I did give the person a very professional warning, but instead, he went on to say that yes, he went far, but won't apologise for calling me beautiful or incredible and that others say worse things on Instagram and Twitter... and that he wants to get to know me, etc... just that kind of stuff. Long story short, I didn't feel any safer after warning him, and I did what was best for my mental health and I blocked him. 

I want to thank you ALL for being decent and good people. I've never felt unsafe or uncomfortable with any of you guys reading this and I just want to let you know that I appreciate you all for the genuine support, feedback, and honesty. 

That's all. Thanks for reading if you did. 


Files

Comments

Anonymous

I am so sorry this happened on here. Some people can be so toxic. Hopefully you feel better today they are not worth feeling bad about. But I do understand why you do it supposed to be a safe place here. Take care of yourself always. All your work on here is very much appreciated.🙂🙂

Ryan Wills

I'm very sorry that you've had to exist in this sort of headspace the last few days. It strikes me in reading this that even I paid a physical compliment to you (on IG) no more than a week ago. While I thought the comment completely innocuous at the time, I realize that we all have very different social boundaries, and I probably should have been more thoughtful before making such a comment. If I've done or said anything that has crossed such a boundary for you, I sincerely apologize. We would all do well to be far more thoughtful with our words and actions these days, and, as I'm not perfect, I'm certainly no exception to that. I just hope that you know that the vast majority of us were brought here, and remain here, for the content you create. Nothing should take away from that.

marycherryofficial
>>40917396

I know you’re genuine Ryan because you comment insightful and thought provoking things on my patreon posts. Which I always love to read because often times it’s new things that I learn for myself! And that’s always great. His comments were just weird, delusional and entitled. I was speaking to my mum about this one and why it’s affecting me so much, because we were discussing that I do get comments on every platform on my physical appearance etc. but why does it hurt more on patreon? Well. Because people are paying for a service, the dynamic completely changes. I treat patreon as a workplace, I am my own HR team, finance team, marketing and publicity team etc. So, to come into that space and be a paying patron, with all the energy he was bringing. It felt like he was paying me for the right to flirt and objectify me. He asked to have a video call with me ‘some day’…asked if he could buy me a laptop (no way!) and would spam all my platforms with that kind of stuff. Now. He and the first guy I blocked, were both long time followers of mine, who’d comment on my pics in the past, but I just never paid attention to them, because I thought. Uh, ok, whatever, doesn’t matter. When they both became patrons, I couldn’t really ignore them. They came into my personal space. I noticed all their comments more and they were everywhere. It was too much. I know that the line is very blurry… but I also think that everyone knows what crosses the line and what doesn’t (eg) BOTH guys would delete their messages pretty quickly (why, because they knew that it crossed a line) but I would always know what they send because I get patreon emails so it was pointless. and I remember YouTube comments…. and one day I want to make a video about it because I know for a fact other female reactors go through it as well. But maybe some time in the future. Anyway- thanks for apologising, but as I said, every single current patron has not ever made me feel unsafe or uncomfortable. So thanks one and all :)

Joseph Sanchez

I’m so sorry you have to deal with that shit, Mary. I don’t always comment, but I enjoy all of your videos and reactions. You’ve quickly become one of my favorite creators on YouTube and I look forward to seeing your channel grow!