Lewd Dungeon, Chapter 258 (Patreon)

Chapter 258 – Negotiations

As the Monkey King took up his gifts with hoots of pleasure, I smiled, and said, “Oh, Great Sage! If you look upon my gifts kindly, would you not also hear the counsel I have to offer you? For the world of the System is strange and different from the world of myths and legends that you knew. I would offer such warnings and wisdom as I can, so that you may learn from the mistakes of others, rather than painful experience.”

The Monkey King looked down at me from his perch, considering. He obviously liked the gifts, which put him in a good mood. But saying that I had counsel to offer him implied that I was in some ways above him. However, the Sage was canny enough to learn, when spoken to respectfully. Eventually, he nodded.

“You may speak.”

“Then, for my first bit of counsel, I would advise you to avoid rampaging through the mortal realm, as you did through the homes of the Dragon Kings and the Jade Emperor’s palace. You will gain nothing from such actions, for the System only rewards you when you take on foes of a level approaching yours. If you were to strike down a weakling mortal, the reward to you from the deed would be akin to having a single drop of water to drink in the middle of a blazing desert. However, seeking out foes nearing or exceeding your strength will grant you experience that will increase your strength! So, Great Monkey King, I counsel you to find strong foes to match yourself against!

“Following on from that, I must warn you that, under the System, there are people who have classes and abilities that grant them the power to slay divinities, allowing these powerful mortals, all in the fourth tier, to do battle against divinities. For though divinities are like a rider sure of his seat in the saddle and armed for war, cannot that rider be upset and slain by spearmen outfitted purposefully for stopping the cavalry charge? And these warriors I speak of have the ability to sever immortality and rend divinity, bringing death to the deathless. Thus, I warn you of the existence of these types, who are drawn to places where divinities rampage in the mortal realm, trampling the weaklings underfoot.

“My third piece of counsel is that you seek out other gods and divine beings in this world. For the System has a place where divinities can meet, once they are fully introduced under the system. But this Earth has been without the System for a time longer than the rise and fall of civilizations, and so all the gods and divinities in the world are not yet fully connected. Thus, foreign gods look down upon us, and think that they can come and take this world for their own interests.

“So, I would beg you, great Monkey King, one who can traverse the entire globe in three leaps upon the clouds, to seek out the divinities that are slumbering, and wake them up. Because you are a divine being, and not a god, you have the freedom to roam as you please, instead of being bound to shrines or areas where your followers can invoke you. You can do the things that I cannot, and ensure that, if we must deal with rude immortals, that they are, at least, OUR rude immortals, instead of those from foreign stars!”

The Monkey King looked at me closely, and said, “We will think about that. This Great Sage does not like the idea of going and seeking out slumbering gods. But, it is true that I would rather have the Jade Emperor to deal with, than deal with threats from foreign gods who do not know my name.”

“As you think of it, consider that, if you were to find them and wake them up, your name would be known to all the gods and divinities of Earth. And, think of when you find the Buddha! You would get to laugh that one who trapped you under a mountain was too sleepy to wake up without your aid! And, if a prank or two were to be pulled on the sleepers before they awoke…”

“HA! That alone would be enough to make the journey worthwhile! I like the way you think, Kuronoth, God from a Foreign Land.”

“I am glad, Great Sage, to find you as cheerful as the legends say. With that, then, I have only two last things to say. First, call out to the System when there are no mortal ears around, and it will show you how to access the network of the gods. And second, I wish to present to you a dignitary sent by the mortal rulers of China. When they heard you had awoken, they wished to come and establish good relations with you, for your tales have been told and retold throughout the ages in this land. So, I agreed to make the introductions, though the representative is not under my protection, and my only function in any agreements that you and they might reach is to act as a witness. Is this agreeable to you?”

“Let this dignitary come forth. We will see what he has to say.”

Kang stepped forward, and bowed respectfully to the Monkey King. As he rose, he reached into an Inventory pocket dimension, and pulled out silk bag with beautiful embroidery, which looked to be about the size of a fifty-gallon bag, but which appeared to be empty. “Oh, Great Sage Equaling Heaven, I am Kang Wei, and, on behalf of the People’s Republic of China, and the billion souls who live here, I offer you this gift.”

He opened the bag, and then pulled out a basket full of oranges. “Oranges straight from the fields. While they are not heavenly in nature, please accept them as being the best that we mortals can do.”

Reaching into the bag once more, he pulled out another basket, full of glass bottles that clinked together as he set it before the King. “A selection of the finest liquors and wines our nation has to offer. Together with the oranges, food and drink are one of the traditional ways to welcome a new neighbor, in hopes that they shall prosper and have good fortune.”

Next, he pulled out four books, bound in leather and engraved in gold. “These are modern printings of four of the longest and oldest works of writing in the world. Together, they are known as the Four Classic Novels, and have been cherished and retold throughout the ages. One of the four, named Journey to the West, is the tale of the monk known as Tang Sanzang on his journey to a far off land to retrieve the sacred texts, and the three protectors who agreed to come with him, including the legendary Sun Wukong. For five centuries, this tale has been repeated again and again, so that, even when history has fades into legends and legends fade into myths, the name of the Monkey King is still known by many to this day.”

Finally, he offered the bag itself. “This bag was made by master craftsmen, and then enchanted by the premier enchanter in all the land. Inside, you may store the weight of a thousand horses, and feel no more weight than that of the bag itself.”

“Hmph. The gifts are less to my liking than those Kuronoth gave, but you are mortals, so that is to be expected, I guess. So, what is it that you want? I know you did not come here just for this.”

“That is true, my lord. The President, the leader of our country, has authorized me to seek an alliance with you, the Great Sage, or, if that is not possible, for us to reach a pact, where neither of us shall attack the other. For while China will resist a rampaging foe, rather than submit, there is no glory or victory in sending mortals to die at the hands of one who can humble even the mightiest warriors of the heavens.”

“And what benefit would an alliance have to me, if you are weakling mortals?”

“Mortals we may be, but there are many of us. Just like how an ant is insignificant to a man, but together the ants may carry away even cattle, if they are in sufficient numbers. You are the Great Sage, who can travel one hundred and eight thousand li in a single summersault and has the powers of the seventy-two earthly transformations, but even you cannot be everywhere at once! And, are there not tasks that would make life for you more comfortable, but are either beneath your station, or are simply bothersome to complete? Then why not hire on mortal hands to do those tasks for you?

“This is the alliance that the President proposes. Let China intercede for the Monkey King when dealing with mortals, so that they might keep the mortals from needlessly rousing his ire. And, in return, the Monkey King acts as the guardian of China against gods and divine beings, so that they need not fear any divinity save that of the Monkey King?”

The Monkey King stood tall upon his stone, and looked down at the diplomat, considering his words. I had to do my best to keep from smiling. It was a brazen request indeed, but phrased in a way that was hard to disagree with. An alliance where China acts as the Great Sage’s emissary to mortals, and the Monkey King stands as China’s shield against the gods? There was a poetic balance to that.

However, it was a bare bones deal, and, it was full of potential holes and hidden stings, on both sides. They would likely need someone to negotiate and write a full contract, so both sides knew the extent of their responsibilities and privileges. Otherwise, both sides were going to abuse the hell out of this agreement, and that was only going to cause me trouble in the long run.

The Monkey King turned his eyes to me. “You know more of this modern world, Kuronoth, and you say that you tell no lies. What, then, do you think of this alliance that this diplomat offers? Is it worth my time, or not?”

I forced myself to pause, and consider how to respond. After all, I didn’t want to get on the Chinese government’s naughty list, since they could still do a lot to hamper my efforts here on Earth, but I also didn’t want to be seen as taking sides. And annoying the Monkey King was not on my list of things to do, either.

“I never speak a lie, that is true. So, take these words as truth when I say them. Both of your sides have power in the way that the other lacks. Both of your sides have weaknesses that the other can cover. This is the foundation for a fruitful partnership.

“At the same time, both you and China are legendary for your pride, and for the lengths you will go to seek vengeance when that pride is wounded. You both are known to be tricksters in your dealings with others. Both of you have lied, cheated, intimidated, and stolen from others when they would not give you what you wished. This makes both sides untrustworthy as partners.”

I paused, both for dramatic effect, and to make sure that they listened to what I had to say. “Indeed, the two of you are like opposite sides of the same coin. The same, and yet different. If the two of you were to enter into an agreement, then you would needs be careful of the terms. Indeed, I would suggest that lawyers, scholars who make the courts of law their battlefields, be obtained on both sides.”

The Monkey King laughed. “You would have us prepare for battle to make an alliance?”

“Of course!” I said. “When you gathered the other divinities of the mountain together, after the Demon God of Confusion struck at your followers, did you not look for those who had power, that could be seen as standing next to you, rather than in your shadow? Allies of unequal stature soon find the taste of the alliance souring in their mouths.”

Kang stepped forward. “Great Sage, as representative of my people, I, too, think that, to ensure a long-term friendship between us, that lawyers would be needed to determine the final shape of any alliance. Not because we distrust you, an Immortal being of divine power, but because we are mortals, and our time is short compared to yours. What seems an eternity to us may be a blink of the eye to you. Without a formal agreement, written for all to see, a change in leadership might mean that those who knew of our responsibilities could fall out of favor, and be pushed aside, or succumb to old age, and we may cause offense unintentionally. To prevent this, a treaty would be best.”

“I have none of these ‘lawyers’ in my train. Where might I find one?”

“I happen to know that Kou, the Goddess of Contracts and Law, is sending a priest of hers to this world, to establish an embassy. I can have her priest come and meet you, so that they can hear your mind, and you can choose whether or not to let them negotiate on your behalf with the lawyers of China. They will also be familiar with the kinds of pacts and treaties that other divinities have made in the past, so that you are not wandering blind through the forest.”

The Monkey King nodded once. “Send this priest to me, when they arrive, and I will see what they have to say. Until then, I must think on what has happened here, and assess the gifts you have given in their fullness.”

Taking that for the polite dismissal it was, we said our farewells, and retreated from the Monkey King’s domain. As we reached the ship, I smiled at the diplomat. “Well, that went well, don’t you think?”

“Surprisingly well, yes. I was a little worried when he asked you your opinion on the deal, but it all worked out. At the very least, I think we’ll get a nonaggression pact out of this, which, if it can be backed by the System, will go a long way towards safeguarding China’s future.”