Lewd Dungeon, Chapter 233 (Patreon)

Chapter 233 – Evangelist

For two days, as Kuronoth, I offered guidance to Dishonored Knight. He was already an established dungeon, of course, and knew how to make traps and puzzles to slow invaders, and he knew the strengths and weaknesses of his monsters like the back of his metaphorical hand. All I did was offer pointers on refining some of his traps so that they were designed to not just kill, but also to maim, demoralize, and attack the will of those who survived them. That, and I showed him how effective the slimes could be.

As Exquisite Pleasures, I sold him patterns and traded trap ideas that I had used in my own dungeon, going into technical terms. And Dishonored Knight proved to be an apt pupil. Taking inspiration from one of my own traps, he created a room of fast spinning blades that one needed to cross. However, these blades were literally honed to a monofilament edge, making them nearly impossible to see, and enhanced with dungeon magic to be as nigh indestructible as the walls themselves. There was only one ‘safe’ way through the room, but it demanded that someone in the group pray to me. That room would only be used on Nightmare mode.

Of course, I gained as much or more from Dishonored Knight as I gave to him. Dishonored Knight was one of only two dungeons on Atara that had advanced to the point where they had joined the Galactic DEN, but there were many more in the more local versions. With my permission, Dishonored Knight spread my tactics to the rest of the dungeons on the planet, always crediting me in both my forms for the knowledge.

Through this, as Exquisite Pleasures, I made contact with the other dungeon on the Galactic DEN, the Desert Dungeon of Atara. This dungeon was old. As in, at least ten thousand years old. Originally, she had been known only as the Desert Dungeon, and only added on ‘of Atara’ when she joined the Galactic DEN.

From her place in the Hetari Desert, the Desert Dungeon had seen the rise and fall of empires, and even of gods. As a Tier 4 dungeon, it could be said that, in a very real way, she WAS the Hetari Desert. Her domain stretched far enough that she could see most of what happened in the desert.

Even more impressively, her dungeon had reached one thousand floors, making her one of the largest ‘traditional’ dungeons in the galaxy. According to the information I could find through the System, her halls hadn’t been cleared in over a thousand years. Word had it that no one had even seen the last fifty floors. Or, if they had, they had never returned to tell the tale. People only knew the extent of the dungeon and how many floors had been cleared thanks to the ‘leaderboard’ the local Adventurers’ Guild had started, before she took it over and placed it in her entrance hall, letting everyone know which party had gotten the furthest in recent times, and listing the Silver Knights as the ones to have gone furthest, clearing floor 950 and returning, five hundred years ago.

Private Chat   (Desert (Atara), Exotic   Pleasures) open.

Desert (Atara): So, you are the young dungeon that has caused so   much interesting conversation on the DEN.

Exotic Pleasures: You could say that I have had the benefit of a   unique set of experiences. I didn’t have the same kind of preconceptions that   older dungeons have, so I had new solutions to old problems.

Exotic Pleasures: Of course, there’s plenty to be said for   ancient wisdom. Why reinvent the pit trap when you can learn from those who   went before?

Desert (Atara): Oh, you’re good. Too good for a young dungeon   that just woke up. So, the rumors are true, and there are reincarnated   sentients living as dungeon cores, now?

Exotic Pleasures: Indeed, indeed. Some things about the System   being gone for so long caused some chaos when it came back. Reincarnated   beings became dungeons, and so were born ‘awake’, while some new dungeons were   quicker to wake up.

Desert (Atara): Really? Newborn   dungeons, not reincarnated ones, are already awake there? It should be   another nine galactic standard years or more before that happened!

Exotic Pleasures: Well, the two   I know of are special. One resulted from a failed ritual that was then sealed.   The other was a field dungeon that absorbed a lot of inhabited land, and the   people living there. That one is actually more feral, animalistic, but still   awake enough to talk.

Desert (Atara): Hmm. So, special   circumstances? That’s interesting. Your whole planet is interesting.

Exotic Pleasures: Been watching   the news?

Desert (Atara): Only what has been   retold on the DEN. Your ‘Earth’ showing up has been very exciting. Exciting   enough that I have been thinking about changing some of my floors.

Exotic Pleasures: Oh, hoh! Well,   I can do some trades, if you want genuine Earth ideas.

Desert (Atara): Hmm. You are   known for plants and slimes, yes? I am in the desert, so I haven’t really   picked up much of those types.

Exotic Pleasures: Well, most of the   things I have now are swamp-based, but Earth has a wide array of biomes. I   can get some desert creatures for you. They might have different abilities   you can use.

Desert (Atara): That is   something to consider, then.

Exotic Pleasures: In that case,   I can pay some people from the Church of Kuronoth to go collecting for me,   and I’ll give you right of first refusal on any interesting desert creatures   they bring back within the next galactic standard year?

Desert (Atara): Oh, yes, that   will do nicely. So, what is the relationship between you and this Kuronoth? Dishonored   Knight has been going on and on about him since he converted a while back.

Exotic Pleasures: Well, there’s   some connection to my dungeon, I’ll say that much. Kuronoth changed to what   he was from a human when the System came online, like how I became a dungeon   core. Since then, you could say that we have worked together to increase each   other’s powers. I do not worship Kuronoth, and he is no slave to my dungeon.   But our goals align quite closely.

Desert (Atara): Fine. Keep your   secrets. But, these plans that Dishonored Knight has been sending out through   the DEN, they came from you, and this Kuronoth?

Exotic Pleasures: DK prayed for   help, and Kuronoth answered. After that, well, I got roped in because I’m   actually a dungeon, and the planning went from there. I can tell you that the   Dungeon Law stuff was instrumental in allowing my dungeon to wipe out 700   mid-to-high Tier 2 (some cusp of Tier 3) invaders with mostly Tier 1 or low   Tier 2 monsters.

Desert (Atara): That was the   Pofmis types, right? I heard that you managed to get the entire church   declared Dungeon Foes, and Kuronoth made them Anathema. According to the   other dungeons, their leadership is going crazy, trying to find a way to deal   with that.

Exotic Pleasures: Glad you   approve. Say, don’t suppose you know what caused the bit of chaos you guys   have going on over there do you?

Desert (Atara): I have heard a   few things. But you know how it is, trade for trade. Nothing is free, unless one   is the slave and the other the master.

Exotic Pleasures: Of course.   Well, in the interests of an equal trade, I will offer some materials   relating to Kuronoth and a device that will allow you to connect to the   planetary data network, if one exists, there. That would give you the ability   to observe everything within reach of the network, and also speak to   creatures without their knowing you’re a dungeon. In return, I want the   information about this crusade, and a Named creature of your choice from your   dungeon or the DEN.

Desert (Atara): Ooh, you do know   how this works! It has been a while since anyone made demands of me. Most   mortals and dungeons know better. Is this what it means to be young and reckless?

Exotic Pleasures: Perhaps. It   could also mean that I’m in an entirely different part of the galaxy, so I   don’t see any way either of us could directly threaten the other unless one   of us invested in a Galactic-level core spike from Vadranidix.

Desert (Atara): That smug   bastard? Hah! I’d rather get sand in my core than bargain with him. Fine, you   have a deal. I’ll send over a named Fimaazro Alchemist I have. She’s been   bored, since it has been a while since anyone has brought something new to   face her.

Exotic Pleasures: Excellent.   Sending the trade through, now.

Desert (Atara): Yours is on the   way, too.

Exotic Pleasures: A pleasure   doing business with you.

Desert (Atara): Hah. What an   exotic thing to say. Not.

Of course, the gains I’d made through my Exotic Pleasures persona were secondary to what I’d gained as Kuronoth. Dishonored Knight wasted no time spreading the gospel that I had shared with him, telling every dungeon on the planet about my ideas, and how I had helped him in his hour of need. The other dungeons, the ones that hadn’t broken through to the Galactic DEN yet, began putting up shrines to me at their entrances. Soon, there were only five dungeons on the planet that did not have shrines to me.

Three of those dungeons were pledged to different gods already, and were banking on those gods protecting them. The fourth was a dungeon that had actually begun underground, in the underground caverns and tunnels that formed the Deeps, which is what the locals called their subterranean ecosystem. And the fifth, of course, was the Desert Dungeon. She was too old and too canny to pledge herself to anything on a whim, and she was strong enough that it would take a lot to make her desperate enough for that kind of gamble.

Not all the dungeons that put up shrines to me converted, of course, but they all allowed a bit of me into their aura, and enough did actually convert that ‘dungeons’ was quickly solidifying as a third cornerstone of my faith. Not that I minded. It would give me options for dealing with problematic gods and their followers in the future.

As I answered the prayers of dungeons in crisis, I partitioned a bit of my mind to read through the information that Desert Dungeon sent me. She might not have access to Atara’s data networks like I did the internet, but with how old she was, she almost certainly had an avatar like mine, which meant that she could interact with adventurers, and they would have access to those networks. Her information was quite solid.

It seemed that the Yidan Spear, a large adventuring company of sixty or seventy souls, had gone to the Dishonored Knight’s dungeon after he had converted to my worship. Several of the adventurers fell, and others were compelled to ‘unconscionable acts’ due to the influences in the halls. After bad luck caused the deaths of over a third of the company, and the rest had either cheated on their spouses, fathered children, or become pregnant, the company broke up. Especially galling to all involved was the fact that one of the illicit couples happened to be brother and sister.

See, it turned out that the members of the Yidan Spear were all very religious, and had very religious, very conservative, and very wealthy families. And it also turned out that many of them were followers of Binja and Idos, the two gods who were named as part of this crusade. And, wouldn’t you know it, the brother and sister were among those very religious boys and girls, and both were married to other members of the company.

So, the families were more than a little upset. Worse, they needed someone to blame, and to castigate and punish for such horrific corruption and sinful decadence. However, the only thing they could do against the adventurers was send them to repent for their weakness, since they’d all been under various forms of compulsion at the time. Which was a problem, because their religions demanded that someone be punished for this failing. Since the families couldn’t blame their poor darlings for the mistakes they’d made, which had become very public by this point, they blamed the dungeon.

And so, with embarrassment entitlement masked as righteous fervor, they called for a crusade to wipe out all the dungeons, and no one had enough time, money, or energy to deny them. A bunch of Karens demanded to see the manager, and the manager bent over and took it, because they didn’t want to do any paperwork. Some things never changed.

Good thing I was here to throw a wrench in their plans.