Lewd Dungeon, Chapter 206 (Patreon)

Chapter 206 – Color Commentary

The team of rookies that Miguel had rounded up all ended up deciding to buy the basic spacesuits for the equivalent of $100 each, and they spent another $75 each for five tubes of suit sealant and an escape charm. That was a pretty heady investment for adventurers who were just starting out, of course, since rentals were just $25 each. But they clearly understood the value of not cheaping out on life-saving equipment if they could afford it, which earned them a bit of respect from me.

Of course, when I mentioned that to Miguel and Flint, the Rodaini looked confused. “Why wouldn’t you want them to go in unprepared? I mean, dungeons feed off the deaths of adventurers, right?”

“Ah, dungeons feed off many things, death being just the most visible. Some dungeons get more benefit from death than others. However, running a dungeon is a balancing act. If there are not risks to match the rewards, then the dungeon gets steamrolled, and turned into little more than a farm. On the other hand, it does not matter how rich the treasures are, no one will willingly enter into a pit of certain death. A good dungeon will find the balance between those two extremes. Bad dungeons are, well, I’m sure you know more about those than I do.”

Flint nodded slowly. “Yes, they either get farmed or destroyed. Either way, it ends badly for them, and everyone around. Even with the farms, the dungeon eventually just stops giving out enough loot to make it worthwhile, since inflation creates all kinds of trouble in the economy.”

“Exactly. Which is why the ‘normal’ version of my dungeon is tough, but fair. It isn’t impossible for people to fight their way through, and there is the option to turn back at the start of every floor, or the escape charms. Of course, those things have a price tag attached to them. Turning back means you pay the tithe, and using the charm means you have to choose between waiting a week to dive again, or going in without that safety net.

“Of course, people still die, either from carelessness, overestimating their abilities, or simple bad luck.” I shrugged, with a ‘what can you do’ expression. “There would be no point to it if there wasn’t some risk, after all. But those who dive the dungeon and play by the rules find that they have a good chance of making it out alive.”

Miguel nodded. “I’ve seen the figures. The survival rate is 70% over the first five runs an adventurer goes on. After that, however, it spikes to almost 98%. And some of those 2% were able to be brought back with resurrection magic, since their healers were high level enough to handle those spells. Veteran adventurers rarely die in the dungeon, probably because they’ve learned when to turn back.”

“Exactly! Now, that’s just for those playing by the rules, naturally. I’m not about to just sit back and let someone try and kill me, while I keep one hand tied behind my back. Those contracts bind me as well as the adventurers. A good parallel might be the Geneva Conventions.”

Flint frowned slightly as went over that, “Some kind of treaty, I take it? I know that there was another dungeon in a city called Geneva, that I was going to tour as part of the series on Earth dungeons, but I don’t know anything about any treaties.”

Miguel grimaced, clearly disliking the way this conversation was going. “The Geneva Conventions are a series of treaties that cover war crimes.”

The Rodaini nodded once. “Ah. Things like treatment of prisoners and the like? I don’t think there’s anything like that in the Federation as a whole, though most groups try to limit conflicts, if only because the last time someone decided to go around using weapons that made entire planets uninhabitable, all their neighbors allied against them and annihilated them so thoroughly that they only exist as an example of what not to do in the history books.”

I chuckled. “That’s good, though I pity the fool that starts a war with Earth and doesn’t play by the rules.”

“How so?”

“Those rules bind us as well as others who sign it. Technically, of course, they only apply to humans, since there weren’t any other races on Earth when they were written. Though I like to think that most militaries would extend those protections to aliens, at least until they found out that the other side wasn’t playing by the rules. To paraphrase a TV show, ‘Good men don’t need rules to be good. You don’t want to find out why we have so many.’”

Any further talk on that subject was cut off by the party of adventurers entering the dungeon, wearing their skin-tight suits under their armor. The little magical bubbles of air that appeared around their heads made them look like they were in a TV show from the 50s or 60s. They had spent the three hours we had been on the moon adjusting to the reduced gravity, and the limitations of their suits. They’d already used three tubes of suit sealant, but better doing that out on the moon’s surface, than in the dungeon.

Switching over to commentary mode, I looked at one of the cameras floating around us that had been recording our ‘interview’. “As you can see, the adventurers have adapted their normal gear to account for the lack of atmosphere, but they’ve only had a little time to get used to the gravity here. Flint, I’m sure you’ve been in dungeons with hostile environments before. How would your team approach this situation?”

Flint didn’t miss a beat, transitioning into the role he’d chosen for this commentary. “Well, as any long-time viewer of my show would know, preparing for the environment inside a dungeon is crucial to your team’s survival. A swampy environment, for instance, means you have to guard against insects and water getting everywhere. This gets more troublesome when you run into a dungeon that has a ‘living’ ecology setup, where waterborne parasites can cause lingering issues long after you leave the dungeon, if not treated.

“Now, gravity is an interesting problem. Obviously, there are spells and items once you get into the middle of Tier 2 that can help manage your personal gravity, but those are not always an option. Obviously, heavy gravity is more troublesome than light gravity. Without magic or augmentation of some kind, very few creatures can manage to fight effectively in two or even three times the normal gravity of their homeworld, and, at higher gravities, even simply walking can be hazardous, if not deadly. Which is why most Adventurers’ Guilds recommend that people avoid dungeons where the gravity exceeds what they can naturally withstand.”

Miguel nodded. “Humans have a saying called ‘Murphy’s Law’. It says that everything that can go wrong eventually will go wrong. When adventuring, you should always plan assuming that all your gear and other preparations might fail. Obviously, there are limits to what you can prepare for, but if your success relies on a single piece of gear that doesn’t have a backup, you should be looking for somewhere else to delve, if at all possible.”

Flint smiled, “Well said, Miguel. Now, low-gravity is a different challenge. While you might think that the big fighter types, using heavy armor and weapons might be the worst affected by the light gravity, it is actually worst for the speedy, dexterous types, like rogues. Simply put, in low gravity or zero gravity, speed kills.”

I leaned forward, not feigning my interest. “Can you elaborate on that, Flint?”

“Of course, Kuronoth. You see, when you’re in low-gravity conditions, every step has to be carefully measured, or you could find yourself accidentally leaping off a cliff. The best rule of thumb is that, the lower the gravity is compared to what you are used to, the slower you should move. In extreme microgravity, even just turning your shoulders can threaten to send you spinning out of control, which is never a good thing.”

The Deepstrike Lancer sighed for effect. “Obviously, this affects different class types differently. Mages are the least affected, depending on their element or spell type. A Lightning Bolt spell would be largely unaffected, while a Stone Spear spell would not have the force behind it required to do lethal damage, though it may send a foe flying. However, since mages are generally in the rear, and not evading blows as much, they are less likely to overcompensate in their attacks.

“Ranged weapon classes are a bit of a mixed bag. Throwing weapons are worthless in light gravity, because moving slow enough to not cause yourself to spin around until you hit a wall means you can’t throw the weapon fast enough to make a difference, if you even manage to hit the target at all. Projectile weapons fare better, though accuracy will suffer due to gravity changing the flight path, which can take some getting used to, especially on indirect fire, which is all but impossible, though their ranges are dramatically increased. However, energy weapons are almost entirely unaffected, meaning any class specializing in those weapons will be especially deadly in low-gravity conditions.

“Healing and support classes are a special case. Their abilities aren’t affected like other classes, of course, but the most powerful healing and support abilities are typically close-range effects, if not requiring the caster to touch the subject. Low gravity means their mobility can be compromised, which can be a serious issue if they need to get to the front line and heal a fighter’s injuries.

“Now, as I said before, Fighters that rely on strength are going to be hurting in low gravity. Your muscle memory is going to feel off. Every strike will feel like it is too weak, and you’re going to have to constantly fight to keep from overcompensating. This also applies to the defense, as bracing a shield against an attack in low gravity is a different affair from bracing against an attack in normal gravity.

“This brings us to the real losers in low gravity, the precision melee classes. I’m sure all our viewers have seen a rogue in action before, nimbly darting around a monster’s attacks to slip a dagger into a weak spot, before leaping back out of range before the monster can react. This is wholly impossible in low gravity. A rogue attempting to use [Quick Step] to [Assassinate] a foe is more likely to find themselves flying into a wall several feet away, or ending up slowly falling in mid-air after their strike, which wouldn’t do as much damage even if they hit, a perfect target for a now very angry monster.”

I nodded slowly. “Truly, a difficult challenge to overcome. But what about vacuum? Surely all classes are affected equally there?”

“Yes and no. Obviously, everyone who isn’t naturally able to exist without atmosphere will need to pay special attention to their safety gear, and retreat, if possible, if its durability is low. The last thing you want is to be in the middle of a boss fight and have the thing keeping you alive shatter. And the lack of sound that comes with vacuum makes communication impossible unless you have telepathy or technological aids.

“However, some classes are certainly worse off in vacuum. An archer or gunman who fires their weapon in vacuum would quickly find that, without atmosphere, their arrows or bullets will not fly as straight as they are used to, because their weapons and ammunition were designed to have the air stabilize them, either by fletching or rifling. They are still better off than classes using air or sound magic, of course, since they are reliant on air. Anyone who needs me to explain why ‘no air’ is bad for those classes would best help their communities by feeding themselves to the nearest dungeon as soon as possible. Unfortunately, they always seem to go into politics.”

Miguel had to laugh at that. “Some things truly are universal, aren’t they?”

I smiled. “Indeed, they are. Now, I see our adventurers have worked out their formation. They’re using basic hand signs they worked out during their prep time, since they were smart enough to ask about conditions before just heading into the dungeon. Let’s see how they fare, shall we?”