february poll winners + ych results (Patreon)

so first, the poll winners! 

sfw had a tie between "Girls taking a bubble bath together" and "Okami Amaterasu (wolf or goddess form) getting all cuddly with a girlfriend she snagged during her adventures", so i'll be running a tiebreaker tonight :)

nsfw: Bunnygirl dominating a fox girl

merch (for march): Yuri through the ages

i also wanted to be candid and apologize for the delay in january's poll ;;  to be upfront i just have not been enjoying doing the polls :( not to say the requests aren't good! but i think what i find fun and fulfilling to draw just doesn't always (or often) align with what you guys want to see, which is a difficult gap to navigate. obvs that's not your guys' problem to work through at all, and i'm very sorry for the delay in january and february,, i'm aiming to get both done within the following week. but i did want to put this out there, bc i don't want it to seem as though i have been forgetting or didn't care ;; 

i'm sure some of you who do art or writing or other creative pursuits might understand, that forcing yourself to create content you don't really connect to is difficult and makes creating at all sometimes lose its charm. i know the themes i've been interested in have shifted a bit since i've started - from rwby to mostly original art to trans positive art to where i am now, which is mostly body positive, soft lewds (of all genders, but generally focusing on themes i've kind of connected to since detrans'ing and art that represents bodies like mine - it's been a fun way to feel empowered and explore things that i know probably aren't always super interesting or relevant to all (or honestly any) of you; most of you aren't asian bi afab plus size detrans women which, y'know, fair LOL i recognize my experience is a little unusual)

i guess the point is, i recognize that wihle my work isn't really focused on trans identity anymore, bc so many of you guys joined or found me while i was in my period of focusing heavily on trans themes, it's definitely understandable that so many of you want to see that in my art now! if i'm being honest, though, it's just not really something i can connect to anymore the way i used to, and having my experience with gender and being detrans adds a layer of difficulty for me - i don't really know how to put it well and i kind of suck at wordz but i guess if i had to put it one way, it's like being asked to do rwby art after leaving the fandom. i'm not opposed at all to drawing people of any gender and have enjoyed branching out slightly to draw people of other gender presentations besides transfems, but doing transfem art was primarily a way for me to explore my gender identity in a time when i was a stealth trans man who drew almost exclusively yuri. it was a way to include trans positivity and representation where i felt there was none (and i didn't feel comfortable drawing trans men as i didn't like the implication of trans men being the subject of a lesbian-focused artist). today though, i see a wide field of trans positive art from trans artists which i couldn't have dreamed of back in 2014! so many people are more open about being trans and nonbinary and making art about that, and i really appreciate how time has brought that change. i don't belong anymore though tbqh. i'm no longer trans (or nonbinary, either) and i just don't connect with themes of trans identity and i haven't for ages, which isn't anyone's fault at all ><" and i can enjoy and support trans positive art and artists, but my heart is drawn to other themes now. 

in january i got horribly sick and i've been still sick up till today (though i've improved a lot!), and it made me introspect a lot about this patreon and my art and the direction i want to go, and how i feel about what i do now, and how i can change that. it's been literal years (almost a decade) that i've been drawing and focusing on different things, from being a babby trans boy of 13 drawing gaia online avatars to a high schooler drawing rwby to a college student to medically transitioning, to moving out, to detransitioning, and to where i am now. it's been wild. throughout the way, i've looked to art as a creative outlet and safe space to explore things, and i never expected to reach a point where other people enjoyed it too! i thank the people who've been with me through a lot of it ♡ i have truly appreciated the experience of running this patreon even with the things i've found demoralizing or frustrating, and to ever get to do what i do for a living is a dream come true. i don't think i can ever thank all of you enough,,, 

there've been so many changes in my life (i started this patreon as a college student!?!) and i've changed a lot in my creative interests and just literally from maturing as a human being. considering that, i hope you continue to support me, but i understand if you don't ;; i've noticed patrons dropping off, and while emotionally it is devastating i still am thankful for the time they were there! thank you, regardless of if you're a current patron or a soon-to-be-ex patron, for being there for me!!

tl;dr this post is hella long, but i bring this up bc i talked about this briefly and in much less detail on twitter a while ago and it's slightly relevant to this post. i've been struggling with burnout and feeling frustrated about my work for months and i'm genuinely unsure of how to properly work through it. i can't express it better than saying that it's (really, really) difficult not connecting to what i create as a person who has always put a bit of myself in everything i do - it almost feels like i'm a machine that pumps out art oTL i can completely get that most (if not all) of you have no interest in detrans themes or identity exploration in my art, but i guess i just ask for patience and understanding that i no longer connect to a trans identity and that i want to explore themes and identities that i do connect with, to produce art that i can enjoy making alongside you guys (hopefully?) enjoying it. i'm not asking for anyone to submit detrans prompts for polls lmao but i just ask that my experience and feelings are considered too in prompts. this isn't like the only or biggest reason why polls have become difficult for me by any means, but it's a topic i wanted to touch on bc i haven't really talked about it on patreon before (ever) and i wanted to talk about it a bit in-depth with you. 

i don't plan on ever stopping polls bc i know they're fun for a lot of you guys, and there have been months i really enjoyed! but i just hope for patience while i try to figure out how to traverse the gap of what you as an audience wants and what my heart is drawn to as a creator ;_; you all have been so supportive and patient thus far through patreon changes, and i appreciate it with all my being ♡

on a related note, the ych results are alternating monthly reqs and customs + ych themes being decided by a poll + not much ppl interested in adoptables! i'm hoping to maybe try my hand at adoptables anyways bc they're smth i've been interested in for a while now, but with the poll results i now know that most of you aren't really into it and that i can make it not patreon-exclusive without ppl feeling bummed :3 so tysm for your insight! it helps a ton bc i'm not really in tune with what you guys want (as noted above i guess...haha...) so ty for responding ♡♡♡

since it's so late in the month i will have march be a 'normal' month with customs, and then rotate monthly from april! that way any patrons can move tiers or whatnot. to lay it out kinda straightforwardly -

march: customs (frappe not eligible)

april: ych - theme decided by poll (frappe eligible)

may: customs (frappe not eligible)

etc. etc. 

hopefully you guys enjoy this change! >o< i'm so so sorry for the gigantic text wall orz i've spent a few hours writing and revising it and i just hope you can understand what i'm trying to say aghhh. word hard!! brain small!! 

if anyone wants to talk or anything, please feel free to reach me on discord (chadolbaegi#3282) 🥰 

thank you if you've read this far for reading! 

please stay hydrated and warm and safe ♡♡♡