I Carry You With Me (2020, Heidi Ewing) (Patreon)

43/100

Haven't seen any of the documentaries Ewing has made with Rachel Grady, but the nonfiction part of this hybrid solo effort makes its narrative scenes—i.e., roughly 80% of the movie—look comparatively bland. The project apparently originated as a doc portrait of a middle-aged gay couple, both of whom crossed the border illegally long ago; one of them left behind a son he hasn't seen for decades, and often thinks of returning to Mexico (a trip that would necessarily be permanent), while the other can't imagine abandoning the life they've built for themselves in the U.S. (which includes a restaurant they've jointly launched, the culmination of many years' worth of struggle). Not a novel or unique dilemma, by any means, but unquestionably heartfelt; what we see of the real Iván and Gerardo suggests that they might have made compellingly rueful camera subjects. Instead, however, Ewing decided to dramatize their youthful romance, hiring actors who bear virtually no resemblance—physical in one case, temperamental in both—to the men whose younger selves they portray. There's no bridge linking past and present, no particular connection between the homophobia they once suffered in Mexico and the punitive U.S. immigration policy that stymies their happiness today. And while I try nowadays to be mindful of not belonging to a movie's target audience (so who cares what I think?), most of I Carry You With Me looks exceedingly familiar, to the point where it often seems not merely to be set in the '90s but to have actually been made in the '90s. Can't say for sure that I'd have preferred a straightforward present-tense documentary—pretty decent chance I'd get restless were this film's final 25 or so minutes extended to 90—but there's little indication here that conventional narrative is Ewing's forte.