Star Wars: Episode IX—The Rise of Skywalker (2019, J.J. Abrams) (Patreon)

51/100

Would've been quite happy to let The Last Jedi close out this ludicrously protracted saga, especially after learning that Abrams chose to largely negate/disregard that film's existence. My dad wanted to go, however, so fine, let's get it over with after 42 freakin' years. Low expectations helped—I was steeled for much of the idiocy (albeit not for the hokiest Syd Field-ish callbacks, e.g. Kylo Ren repeating the exact words he'd spoken right before murdering Dad but in a new context this time ZOMG) and got to be pleasantly surprised by some spectacular visual elements (most notably Rey and Kylo battling atop the wreckage of Death Star II while surrounded by furious ocean waves). Did my best to ignore the resurrected-Palpatine nonsense; didn't bother getting invested in everyone's laborious search for the two Jedi Horcruxes or whatever they were; winced at the many moments—especially Force Ghost Luke saying "A Jedi's weapon deserves more respect"—that are clearly meant to pacify the LOADs (Lore-Obsessed Adolescent Dipshits) of 2017. That's a lot to look past, admittedly (and I haven't even mentioned Leia's awkwardly retrofitted cutting-room-floor dialogue), but Abrams' solid populist instincts ensured that I never felt utterly disengaged from the moment-to-moment action, humor and pathos, as I did throughout pretty much the entire prequel trilogy (which is more artistically defensible than Abrams' two entries—there's a genuine vision at work, not mere nostalgia—but tedious nonetheless). Oscar Isaac even got a hearty laugh out of me via his final silent exchange with Fully Masked Keri Russell, in which you can somehow readily and very specifically interpret his facial expressions as "We cool" and "Any chance I might get some?" So the experience was by no means painful, and I guess some tiny surviving remnant of the nine-year-old who first saw Star Wars in 1977 is happy to have lived to see this story finally, mercifully conclude. But I'm in no hurry to check out The Mandalorian, and while I wish Rian every success, I can't honestly pretend that I'll be crushed if his spinoff trilogy never happens and he has to make some more wholly original genre riffs like Knives Out instead.