Artblock and Emergency (Patreon)

Alright I think it's time I come clean to you guys; missed deadlines, unjust commission prioritization, erratic posting schedule, slow progress... you must be wondering why the hell has everything spiraled out of control. Truth is... I dunno, guess my depression may have peaked because life keeps kicking me when I'm already face down in the dirt. It's been bad luck after bad luck, unending inconveniences and lack of will to live.

I'm currently facing another artblock in the middle of an emergency; I got bills to pay this month and I barely managed to get through last month, but I seem to lost all motivation and ideas for drawing, specifically I completely lost all interest in drawing horny stuff because that's what I've been doing these past few years for a living. I've exclusively only been doing them because it's the only thing that sells.

I guess I'm just really disappointed in myself for selling my art talent to do porn and fetish art, when I got all these ideas and stories in my head that I will never be able to make a reality because... well, the universe just decides that I could never be truly happy no matter what. Moreover, I know for sure these ideas and stories I got would never get any attention from people at all, because I just have such a rotten luck compared to any other artists out there, that whenever I'm passionate about something, it will be something nobody remotely cares or notices at all.

My friends kept saying; "it's just numbers man, it meant nothing", but when I post an art I've been working on with such passion for days, caked in sweat and tears of my hard work and barely got a dozen likes, while the guy next door posted a stupid horny doodle and got thousands of them + countless praises... well, it gets me down, really bad. Because this is what's been happening to me all the time, and I got a fucking limit before I break down like this.

So all I ask of you guys is... to just forgive me for not being able to provide a good Patreon for you guys, I don't feel like I deserve to receive the money you guys have been giving me to see my arts. Because there are dozens of better artists out there, people I aspire to become but can't because of real life limitations and my horrid quality and outrageous prices.

No, this isn't a post bait or a guilt trip, I'm just saying what I have on my chest all this time, and I'm sorry I couldn't be a better artist.