Yesterday (Part One - Chapters 1 & 2) (Patreon)

PART ONE

A Lonely Path

CHAPTER 1 

There are places you accidentally end up wandering back to. Events that unexpectedly end up shaping your life.

It happened to me yesterday, I woke up restless, hours before the alarm clock went off. Anxiety didn't let me rest. A thought repeated itself over and over again, drilling its way into reality. Escape. And as I gawked at my coffee heating up, I assumed I wouldn't be able to contain myself. What was the point of doing it anymore?

Soothed by the firmness of my decision, I managed to resolve some work-related issues on my laptop through e-mail, disconnected my mobile phone, left home with some cash on my pocket and bought a ticket for the first train to Valencia with free seats at the very Atocha station docks.

I'm not sure why I chose Valencia in the first place, and I felt crazy the whole trip. Although it was almost nine o'clock in the evening when I arrived, I had no trouble checking into the hotel recommended by the taxi driver.

It never ceases to amaze me how easy everything becomes when I obey the dictates of my inner voice. It whispered to me: "Get out of Madrid", and not knowing anything about the city, here I am. The same happened when the taxi driver named the hotel, I felt that voice vibrating in my head again, "yes, go to that hotel", and I've been staying here for an hour now. An endless hour. 

I talked to Eva a few minutes ago. As a matter of fact, I'm still seated here, on the bedside, trying to react and assimilate the consequences of everything that's happening, of what I've done.

––What are you doing in Valencia Adrian? –– she asked coldly, though she barely managed to hide her disappointment.

––I had to come –– it was the first thing that came out of my mouth. I didn't want to overtly confront her and it wasn't the right time to let her into anything else. I started fiddling with my keychain while I waited for her to respond.

Eva sighed nervously through the phone, and I noticed how she took a second to ponder her words.

––But... Why didn't you tell me? Do you have any idea what day it's been? Are you okay?

––Yes, please do not worry, I had to come because I needed to arrange some matters, and besides, I think I know what I want to do.

––Do? Same again? –– Eva replied impatiently ––Adrian, my parents are getting worried, and I'm getting worried, too.

––I get it –– I interrupted her trying to calm her down –– but I don't want you to be worried.

––Not to be worried? All of a sudden you vanish again and.... Doesn't that seem odd to you?

Eva was getting more and more upset, and I didn't really knew how much I could entrust her with everything that was going on in my mind without her taking me for a fool or losing the little faith in me she seemed to have left, but I decided to take a chance.

––Eva, you do love me, right?

––Are you crazy? Of course I love you, but you have to understand...

––Please, listen to me –– I stopped her again, I was going to come clean and didn't want her to interfere with my determination –– you can't imagine what this is like, it's changed me, I want us to move. I've decided, and I'm confident, I'm very...

––Adrian! –– Eva bursted out –– Have you lost your mind? Do you realize what you're doing to us?

Confirming my fears about her left me despondent. I was so heavy on my shoulders I had no arguments and I knew I was not going to get anything else from her that night. Eva kept talking but I wasn't there anymore. 

––We've got everything planned, the wedding, our future, my parents are finally there. It's been hard for me too, you know? Do you want to ruin everything just like that now?

––Eva, honey, I'm not ruining it, trust me, I know it is going to work, it will be tricky but we can do this, you and I together, little by little, you can move with me....

––Adrian, drop it — She stopped me —. You know, I don't see what you mean. You better come back right now and that's it. I have my needs, and I’m not going to lose everything just because you feel like it, this is our life and we're not the kind of people who can live with less. I’m most certainly not.

She left me speechless, and I felt lonely. My head started to ache and I gave up. That was a feeling that was starting to become familiar when I tried to open up to her. Part of me listened to her, but my attention was far away. All I could think about was the future.

––I see –– she replied dryly to my silence ––. Look, get this straight, either you come back or you remain there, but don't play games with me. –– And she hung up on me.

And I've been here ever since. Seated on the tip of the bed, unable to react, but somewhat relieved. 

I became very still, feeling everything around me, the white cotton of the sheets under my fingers, the pearly light of the lamps in the room, the muffled murmur of the air conditioning, the lacquered wood of the bedside table, the soft strands of carpet under my feet...

CHAPTER 2

I was awakened to the usual town buzz.

I slid open the plumbed gray plastic curtains that were hidden behind some light beige curtains and looked out the window. It was a nice day. Below, in the square, there was a small roundabout crowned by a motley metal fountain. All around it were cars, passers-by and the typical Tuesday morning bustle.

Suddenly I felt like a stranger in that place, and a dizzy feeling came up through my stomach's mouth. As I held back and shrugged my shoulders, I walked away from the window; I was already there, I had taken the first step. It was stupid to be afraid.

I took a nice, quiet shower and went down for breakfast.

I've always been fascinated by breakfasts at hotels. So much options, so much treats and so much pampering in the variety of possibilities at the beginning of the day can sure make any morning special. I looked around the overflowing food bowls and gathered myself hot bread, sausages, scrambled eggs, butter, strawberry jam, which is my favorite, cheese, coffee with milk and a piece of apple pie. I swallowed it all up, sprinkled with a freshly squeezed orange juice that was just glorious. I wanted to relish that little feast as if it was the last, because I felt that it was a farewell, a final gesture celebrating my rebirth.

Leave everything and everyone behind, and chase my dreams.

It was the first day of the rest of my life. I had earned it.

I left the hotel a little later and went out totally excited to discover the city. The day was perfect. I decided to listen to my newly discovered instincts and began walking without any particular destination, changing direction as my inner voice dictated. I was crazy, but I enjoyed the euphoria you feel when you accept your madness and let yourself go.

I arrived at a huge trapezoid-shaped square. It was the Town Hall, just as a sign at the entrance read, and I continued walking in awe of its historic buildings and flower stalls. Towards the end it narrowed around a large fountain, and at the crossroads on the corner I turned left, for the next street gave me a good vibe. 

I discovered another smaller square. On the righthand side was a large church with a sinister dark bronze figure on its flank. 

I passed by without paying much attention, although the street to my left was also tempting. I wrote down the name: "Xàtiva". I'd come back another time to investigate.

A yearning within me pushed me to move forward and I surrendered myself to the experience. At the end of the street I found a large avenue divided by a small elongated flower bed. To the right another square, packed with cars, and to the left, the avenue, stretching out as if it were an apparent endless road.

The roundabout led to tunnels that cut off traffic in two directions. 

Walking through that sparsely lit tunnel, I imagined myself sneaking into a police film from the 70s. Graffiti, posters glued one on top of the other forming a chaos of colors and everything one could imagine had accumulated in those walls, that were revealed of white tiles when arriving at the stairs that led back to another great avenue. On the other side I found out that what was passing over those tunnels were old train tracks.

The huge avenue was truffled with centuries-old trees. I walked on the left sidewalk increasingly faster. The sense of urgency that dominated me pushed me into a rush. A new street started off from this sidewalk, smaller but surprisingly much brighter. "Antic Regne de Valencia". 

Old Kingdom. 

I stepped into it walking faster and faster and with each stride I discovered in awe how the universe around me began to fold in a huge cone before my eyes shaping a fascinating picture that I will treasure forever. 

The canvas of life folded before me. Only the horizon was focused and soaked with a precious light, the rest was unimportant, as it disintegrated when it spilled over its edges. I felt a very subtle energy emanating from the earth and penetrating very slowly through my fingertips. As it went through my body, it inundated my brain, swarming it with euphoria, igniting my palms with its brilliance, inviting me to present them to the horizon, so that I could merge with that ultimate radiance.

I was unable to contain my emotions any longer, tears broke down. I can't describe it, for the first time ever all my life and that trip made sense, everything was possible. I was there, it was what I had to do, and to be able to keep walking was all that mattered. It was as if at the end of that avenue a beach was waiting for me, a quiet port from which I could depart for a kingdom of dreams, perhaps that old kingdom that gave its name to the street.

I can' t remember anything else.

A flicker.

Glass tinkle. Glasses. People talking animatedly around me. Background music. 

I was in a pub. My friend Raul was chattering in front of me, but his voice sounded distant, muffled. Gradually the whole scene became disturbingly real and my sight focused. I couldn't grasp what was around me because I hadn't seen Raul for years and the guy in front of me was a lot younger, much younger than the last time we saw each other. 

I raised my hand and asked him for a second as I caught my breath and begged him with one gesture to stop talking.

––Raul, I know it might sound crazy, but what time is it?

––Ten o’clock, man –– he responded somewhat surprised –– what's with you?

––You wouldn't believe it –– I muttered ––how long have I been here?

––What do you mean? Well, we've been here an hour and a half. What's the matter with you? Shall I get you another drink?

––Raul, this is important ––. I started saying, my head went into a spin seeking for a coherent explanation, but I chose to be cautious ––did I come along with you? You can't imagine what I just went through....

Raúl gave me a big smile. –– You finally smoked it, didn't you? Of course you came with me, asshole, me and everyone else ––. I looked where he was pointing at and when I discovered our whole old group of friends sitting in a lively huddle, I suddenly knew where I was, and why the scene made no sense or logic.

Panic made my neck bristle and paralyzed my senses. I leaned on the first thing I could find.

––Now what's the matter with you? –– he just stared at me amused. 

I chose to sneak out of there with whatever little strength I had left.

––Excuse me, but I have to go, I'll explain later. It's okay, just say goodbye to everyone.

I left him speechless and pushed my way out of the place. When I got out on the street the night hit me in the face.

It was cold, drizzling, I put my hand to my chest, and caught my breath as I could, closing my eyes for a moment before venturing down the street. 

My senses were still dull. As I looked up I knew for sure where I was and instinctively walked to my parents' old home. 

I realized that it was the best thing I could do until I was back on track. That place couldn't have changed that much.

Not if I was where and when I figured.