Neighbors, Part 19 (Patreon)

Nineteen.

“You look like you need your diaper changed,” Veronica said with a smirk.

“Huh?”

“You’ve got this pout on your face,” she said. “I don’t know what your problem is. I have to assume you’ve got something in your diaper.”

“Oh...uh...I’m not wearing a diaper.”

For a moment, I wondered what gave her the impression that I was pouting. I had just been sitting at the kitchen table, as I did every morning. But as I brought my full coffee mug to my lips, the liquid was cool to the touch. How long had I just been staring off into space?

“I can help you with that,” Veronica said.

“A diaper?”

She shrugged. “I’m getting better at putting them on Ashley. I could show you.”

Was Veronica now offering to put a diaper on me? Down was up. Left was right. I worried that I was dreaming, but the taste of the cooled coffee only seemed to spike my senses - not wake me up.

Any other time, I probably would’ve leapt at this chance. I would’ve killed for her to say those words to me a year ago. Hell, a few weeks ago. A week ago.

“Can I take a raincheck on that?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” she said with a shrug. “It might have been a one-time offer. Ask me again when you want to collect, and I’ll let you know if it’s still on the table.”

I had been in a mood for the last few days. I wasn’t mad. I wasn’t even sad. I was just a little burned out. I had been feeling too much lately, and I didn’t want to feel anymore.

“Seriously,” she said. “What’s going on with you?”

“Oh, nothing, I…”

“Don’t tell me ‘nothing.’ You’ve been moping around the apartment for a while now.”

“Have I?” I knew that I had, but I really thought I was doing a better job of hiding it.

“Since the other night,” she said. “When you went over to Ashley’s? I feel like you’ve been a puddle of depression ever since. Did something happen over there?”

“No,” I said. That wasn’t a lie, even if it omitted a lot of other information. Actually, it might have been a lie.

“I asked Ashley,” she said. “She claims nothing happened either. Though she doesn’t look like a grumpasaurus, so I guess I believe her. But you? I don’t know.”

“I’m fine,” I said, trying my best to shake off some of my ‘bad vibes.’ “Really, I’m okay. Maybe I’m just tired or something.”

“Ashley’s party is tonight,” Veronica said. She didn’t need to tell me that. “Are you going to be okay to go?”

I nodded. “Of course.” A fake smile and: “I really am looking forward to it.”

--

“I... love you. I’m in love with you.”

I probably could’ve gotten away with saying a lot of things in that moment. I could’ve said something sexy. I could’ve said something silly. I could’ve pretended to talk like a baby and that probably would’ve been both silly and sexy. But I said the one thing that Ashley probably hadn’t been expecting me to say.

She just stared at me. She didn’t say anything, and her face seemed to be completely blank. I began to wonder if I should say it again. Or, if I should never say it again and hope that we were somehow able to forget that this happened.

Her phone chirped. Saved by the goddamn bell, apparently.

She grabbed for her phone and quickly read the screen.

“It’s, uh, Veronica,” she said, scratching her head. “She just got home and she’s going to come see us in a few minutes.”

“Oh.” It didn’t immediately occur to me why that was a problem. Then I remembered that we were only wearing diapers. “Oh!”

“We should get dressed,” Ashley said.

“Yes! Of course.”

And with just moments to spare, we managed to get back into our clothes and busy ourselves in her apartment so that when Veronica came in, she just saw me straightening the table, and Ashley picking up a few random items.

After that, we interacted only when we had to. Everything felt awkward and forced.

--

Ashley and I hadn’t revisited the conversation since. No text messages. No conversations. Nothing. The longer this radio silence went, the harder it was to be the one to initiate a conversation again. Was she mad at me? Was she consumed with regret for having fooled around with me in the first place? If she wasn’t reaching out to me, maybe it was because she didn’t want to talk.

I had every intention of being patient while I gave her space. But those good intentions quickly faded, giving way to panicked anxiety. That, in turn, gave way to the assumption that I had broken everything. I wondered - worried - how far down things would break. Would Ashley talk to Veronica?

Breathe in. Breathe out.

I had no desire to go to the party now. Especially with Lucy coming. The thought of having to balance the introduction of Lucy with having to pretend that there wasn’t some awkward tension with Ashley was enough to make me want to hail a taxi and leave town for long enough that I missed the party altogether.

Lucy: It’s the big night, right? The party! Still nervous?

It was probably not the best idea to respond to her text with a series of screaming emojis.

Me: I’ll always be a little nervous. How are you feeling? Excited?

Lucy: Excited, yes. I’m excited to see you again. And I guess I’m excited to learn a little more about your world. Your ecosystem.

Me: Gosh, I don’t think anyone has ever asked to see my ecosystem before. I’m blushing!

If anything was going to save me from becoming a panicked mess, it was going to be humor.

Lucy: Do you have to be there at, like, the start of the party?

Me: Oh, I don’t know. I mean, I guess it's not my party, so I could probably show up whenever I wanted. Why?

Lucy: I was just thinking that maybe I don’t want to walk into a party full of strangers alone. Maybe you and I can meet up first? We could pre-game it with a drink and then head to the party together?

Me: That’s a great idea. There’s a bar near my apartment building. When you’re close by tonight, just let me know and I can meet you there.

Lucy: :)

This might have been the best case scenario. If I needed to feel secure and calmed, maybe my best bet was sticking close to Lucy - who was practically a human security blanket herself.

In fact, I could already feel myself slowly coming back to Earth. I could breathe again.

Soon after, I caught Veronica in the kitchen, grabbing a few final things for a box of supplies she was bringing up to Ashley’s.

“I’m heading upstairs,” she said. “I’ll probably be up there for the rest of the day.”

“Did you need my help with anything for the party?” I asked. Considering that I had already made plans with Lucy, I was hoping that the answer was no.

“That’s nice of you to ask,” she said. “But I think we’re done. Just making some food at this point.”

“Are you expecting a big turnout?”

“It’ll be a decent group, I think. A number of people that Ashley works with will be there. I’ve invited some friends too. The fun people. Hopefully it gives her a chance to make some more friends. Oh, you know who’s coming?”

I shook my head. I could be guessing all day.

“Henry and Lily. It’s been a while since we’ve seen them.”

“Oh yeah,” I said, scratching my head. “Weren’t they just on vacation?”

“I think they were up in the country for a week,” she said. “Not my kind of vacation, but they seemed to enjoy it.”

I shrugged. It’d be nice to see them again.

“What time are you coming tonight?” she asked.

“Well, I was going to meet with Lucy first and then I figure we’d show up together, so…”

“Alright,” she said with a smile. It seemed genuine, though what did I know? “Try not to be too late. And if Lucy could be sure to change your diaper before your arrival, I think that’d be best for everyone.”

I blushed a little at her playful jab and watched her leave. I wondered what the world would be like the next time I saw her. I still couldn’t even begin to imagine what it was going to be like at this party.

I was getting a little nervous again.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

--

“You look stressed,” Lucy said. “You aren’t being shot into space, it’s just a party.”

“Being shot into space doesn’t sound so bad,” I said.

We hugged outside, her hands taking it upon themselves to give my bottom an inspecting squeeze. They’d be content with what they found.

“You do realize that this means I have to check that diaper throughout the night,” she said.

I nodded.

“I’m not sure what to tell you,” she said with a laugh. “You look stressed, and yet you seem to invite this stress.”

I sighed while I shrugged. “Yeah...I’m a complicated beast.”

“Aren’t we all? Let’s get a drink in us. A drink and a shot? That should help loosen us up a little.”

I needed some loosening up. The party ‘officially’ started soon. More than enough time for us to share a drink or two.

We were at Paladino’s - the same bar that I had run into Ashley at - we were actually sitting in the same seats that Ashley and I sat in that night. Back before Ashley wore a diaper herself. In fact - it had been the place where I had accidentally spilled the fact that I wore diapers myself. In many ways, that night felt like the true start to the craziness that my life would have become in such a short time after.

I didn’t feel upset about it. If anything, I was a little nostalgic. Could I be nostalgic for such a recent memory?

“I promise I’ll be on good behavior tonight,” Lucy said, kicking back her cranberry and vodka. “I’ll do my best not to embarass you.”

“It’s not you I’m worried about,” I said.

“No? Is it your wife?”

That was a complicated question to answer. It wasn’t really Veronica I was worried about either. But it could be, depending on what - if anything - Ashley said to her.

“Maybe it’s nobody in particular,” I said. “Maybe it’s just...newness.”

“I get that,” she said. “But don’t forget, it’s new for me too. And it’s new for Veronica. And it’s new for Ashley.”

She wasn’t wrong, and that would’ve been an incredibly important reminder if I hadn’t started breaking things when I told Ashley that I loved her.

I took a deep breath and finished off my old fashioned. On an empty stomach, just one drink was already starting to hit me in all the right places.

“I’m not the only one who should be on good behavior tonight,” she teased, her voice softening. Maybe she was just trying to lighten the mood - or maybe she saw the early hint of tipsiness that I was feeling.

“Oh?”

“I mean, you did seem to have quite a visceral reaction to my little story about a naughty boy filling his pants at a party.”

I felt myself blushing, and just like that - years melted off of my age.

“Yeah...but that was just, uh, fantasy.”

“So you’re telling me that if I came up to you at the party and whispered into your ear that I wanted you to fill your diaper, you wouldn’t do it?”

“I...well…”

“Hypothetically. Let’s say I did ask that of you. What would you do?”

“I guess I’d like to think that I have some semblance of control…”

“But do you?” she asked.

“Oh...probably not.”

She laughed. “So you’re saying there’s no way of knowing until I actually tried to find out?”

“You...You wouldn’t actually do that, would you? Like, you wouldn’t actually expect me to just...poop myself in the middle of a party just because you asked?”

She shrugged. “No, probably not.”

Probably not.

“But it’d be a shame if we didn’t get to have any fun, right?” she added. “We should definitely have a little fun. Please?”

“What did you have in mind?” I asked.

“Wet yourself. I don’t know. Give me a reason to check your diaper. I mean, if you need to change it’s not like your apartment isn’t far away, right?”

She made me forget about all the other stuff weighing on my mind. Now, I just pictured what fun looked like.

“I guess that works,” I said. “I mean it’s close enough that we could actually do...anything.”

She laughed. “Oh, don’t even tempt me.”

I sighed. It was a nice distraction.

“Can I offer you some advice?” she asked.

“Go for it.”

“Get out of your head. Stop waiting for the worst case scenario and just live your life. The best you can do is do what’s best for yourself. Some people may not say the things or do the things you want them to, but you’d never be able to control that. You can never take enough precautions.”

I took a deep breath, letting her words permeate my head.

“So what if someone there says something that embarrasses you? You get to control how you react to that. You laugh it off, people are going to laugh with you. Brush it off like nothing and nobody will think twice about it. But if you act humiliated and crushed, people are going to want to know the rest of the story.”

“You’re right,” I said. It was nothing I didn’t already know on some level, but I needed to hear it.

“We’re just going to have fun,” she said. “You and me. If it gets awkward, it gets awkward. But we’re still going to have fun no matter what.”

Another deep breath. Perhaps I had been a little hasty in thinking that I had to put my feelings for Lucy on hold while I figured out my feelings for Ashley.

“Hey, you know, Veronica is up at Ashley’s apartment now,” I said, looking at my watch. “So my apartment is open if we want to stop there on the way up.”

“Oh? And what would we need to stop there for?” she asked with a smirk.

“Well...I’m wetting my diaper right now. So maybe we could fit in a pre-party diaper change?”

She laughed and shook her head in disbelief. “Such a baby.” To the bartender: “Excuse me? Can we get two shots of tequila?” She looked back to me: “Alright. Let’s do this.”