QH Archives: Baby's First Birthday (Patreon)

There were balloons and streamers everywhere, and the giant banner reading “Happy Birthday Baby!” was hung from the living wall facing the front door.

At the dining room table were all of the party guests, six in total not counting the host and the baby, wearing their birthday hats with smiles on their faces.

“Where’s the birthday girl?” pleaded one of the guests.

“Calm down, she’s coming, she’s coming,” Rachel assured them. “She’s obviously a little shy today because it's her first birthday.”

“I saw the pictures you posted online, by the way,” said another guest, Rachel’s best friend Ella. “They were so cute.”

“Weren’t they?” Rachel cooed back. “I had a professional photographer come and take them and everything! Now, hold on, because I’m getting a little frustrated with why my baby hasn’t joined us for her own birthday party yet.”

Rachel left the dining room, and as the guests all laughed and smiled with each other, they could hear Rachel in another room: “Everyone is waiting to see you! Now let’s go!” There was a pause, and an inaudible whine, to which Rachel could be heard responding: “Well, just hold it then! I told you earlier to make sure you did all your business before the party! Now come along before I have to spank you in front of all the guests.”

“Honestly,” said Tom, “I wouldn’t mind seeing that.” The guests laughed to agree.

Rachel returned to the room, dragging in Lucy by the hand. Lucy certainly looked like a baby in her bonnet, bib, and pink frilly dress that just barely concealed her diaper. The difference was, of course, that Lucy was a full grown woman. Or she had been before Rachel came along.

“Now sit down, Baby,” Rachel ordered, pointing to the custom-made oversized high chair. Lucy’s eyes swelled at the sight of it, it was one of her birthday gifts, after all, from Tom who had crafted it himself. She did as she was told, and took a seat in the chair before Rachel fastened her in with a seat belt and lowered the food tray in front of her.

“I love the little mitts,” commented Ella.

“Aren’t they just the cutest thing?” Rachel responded. “Baby kept wanting to get into everything, so this makes her little hands just about useless.

“I think it's time for cake,” Molly said from the other end of the table. Everyone else agreed, and a chant had begun: “Cake! Cake! Cake!”

“Very well!” Rachel said. “I made two. One for all of you, and one for Baby. Because, you know how babies are with cake. Why don’t we start with Baby’s?”

Rachel left for just a moment, and when she returned with a small circular cake, Lucy could see the single candle, lit atop the cake. The room was now singing Happy Birthday to her.

“...Happy Birthdayyyyy, Baby Lucy, Happy Birthday to yooouuu...”

“Make a wish, Baby.”

Lucy reluctantly blew out the candle, wishing that her humiliation would end there. The cake was then placed in front of her on the tray.

“Now, be a good girl and eat your cake for everyone,” Rachel said.

“I...I need a fork,” Lucy said.

“Baby, you know you’re too small for forks. Just pick it up with your mitted hands. Don’t worry about making a mess. We’ll get you all cleaned up after.”

Lucy swallowed and did as she was told, reaching forward and grasping the cake, one mitted hand on each side of the cake. But the second she tried to put even the slightest amount of pressure on it to lift it, the cake collapsed in her hands, crumbling into a mass of crumbs and frosting. She paused, only to see that everyone in the room was just staring at her, waiting for her to continue. She did her best to bring some of the messy cake pieces to her mouth. 

She got most of it into her mouth, while the rest of it smeared onto her face. Admittedly, the cake was very good, though that wasn’t really the point. She picked up another cake glop, this time it fell out of her hands just as she got it to her mouth, with it rolling down her chin and down her bib into her lap. The guests adored it.

“Isn’t she just the cutest thing?” Rachel asked. Everyone seemed to agree. “We have a petting zoo setting up out back, so get ready to take tons of pictures!”

Everyone applauded and cheered for this, with Lucy’s cheeks just getting even more red.

“First things first,” Rachel said, mostly to Lucy, but loud enough so that everyone could hear: “let’s check that diaper of yours.” Now, to the guests, Rachel added: “She was complaining before that she had to tinkle. Let’s see how things look in there before we let the baby play with the animals.”

Rachel dipped a practiced hand beneath the food tray and in almost one smooth movement, felt the front of Lucy’s diaper before taking a quick peak into the back of it.

“Yeah, I’m going to have to change her. Excuse us, for just a moment. Though if anyone wants to come help change the baby, you’re more than welcome to join us.”

It went without saying that almost all of the guests followed Rachel and Lucy out of the dining room.

This story has been re-edited and partially re-written since its original posting on Tumblr. This version is exclusively for my patrons.

This story was originally written per an anonymous request from a Tumblr user when I called for story suggestions.