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Commission - Modern Honeymoon (Patreon)

Published:
2023-04-05 17:27:00
Imported:
2023-04

Content

What modern straight couples do on their honeymoon! 😉

Files

Comments

Edranair

Super cute couple, both really pretty and I love how loving the dialogue is while maintaining the bride's dominant stance. Plus, like I said, the bride looks absolutely dynamite in that suit ❤️ Most of the dialogue is free from mistakes this time. A couple tiny grammar mistakes in the last panel 'So, you saved your virginity up until the marriage' is fine, but it is a little awkward. You could maybe swap out 'saved' for 'held onto' and remove the 'up' and swap out 'the' for 'our'. Nothing big, it'd just flow a little better and the 'our' would make it more intimate and personal. The last sentence, again, the grammar is a little off; just switch it to 'Your family must be proud to have raised such a traditional daughter.' Nothing big :) Sorry I didn't get to it during the WIP, life's been busy and stressful the last few days. Hope you're doing well ❤️ Edit: Jesus, Patreon has screwed up symbols and punctuation recently, had to change a few of those out

pinkhorizons
>>105771422

Thank you for the hints! It will take a while, but I'll improve my English, even if just a bit. xD