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Poll Winner - Caught in His Wife's Dress (Patreon)

Published:
2023-03-29 14:06:39
Imported:
2023-04

Content

Here's the finished piece!

If you find any typos, please let me know. Since I'm trying to improve my English, people pointing out any mistakes are welcome(as long as they do it respectfully, of course).

Files

Comments

rdm51

Aw, poor “guy.” LOL

Edranair (edited)

Comment edits

2023-04-15 10:21:39 Don't like the subject, do like every aspect of the artwork. The designs, colour and posing are great as always <3 There are a few grammatical errors here. It's all little things (most of which I didn't notice until I specifically looked), but because you asked I'll list them here with some suggestions for alternatives depending on the exact tone you're wanting to convey. "I returned from my trip earlier" should probably be 'early'. 'Earlier than planned' would also work, but it's a little awkward. Using 'got back' instead of 'returned' and 'a little early' instead of 'early' would also make it more relaxed and casual, but that's not actually a mistake, just a choice of tone. "I also brought mom to dinner with us" is okay, but not quite right as the exclusive use of past tense implies the dinner has already happened. Changing it to 'I also invited mom for dinner with us' or 'Mom's come over for dinner with us' would be better there. "My gut feeling was indeed correct" is a correct sentence, but feels a little mechanical. 'So, I was right after all', 'So, my instincts were correct' or 'I suspected as much' would all work while being more accusatory. This last one is really nitpicky; I don't think 'Fooling' was the best choice in the last panel. It does work, but the implication is that he made her daughter a fool, which also has some small derision towards her; 'tricking' or 'deceiving' would probably work best. Sorry if I got too finicky. I write as a hobby (none published) and I'm always really picky about using the exact right words for what I'm trying to convey, so I'm in the habit of picking up on the smallest things. I hope it helps and that I didn't go too far overboard 😅
2023-03-29 14:42:01 Don't like the subject, do like every aspect of the artwork. The designs, colour and posing are great as always <3 There are a few grammatical errors here. It's all little things (most of which I didn't notice until I specifically looked), but because you asked I'll list them here with some suggestions for alternatives depending on the exact tone you're wanting to convey. "I returned from my trip earlier" should probably be 'early'. 'Earlier than planned' would also work, but it's a little awkward. Using 'got back' instead of 'returned' and 'a little early' instead of 'early' would also make it more relaxed and casual, but that's not actually a mistake, just a choice of tone. "I also brought mom to dinner with us" is okay, but not quite right as the exclusive use of past tense implies the dinner has already happened. Changing it to 'I also invited mom for dinner with us' or 'Mom's come over for dinner with us' would be better there. "My gut feeling was indeed correct" is a correct sentence, but feels a little mechanical. 'So, I was right after all', 'So, my instincts were correct' or 'I suspected as much' would all work while being more accusatory. This last one is really nitpicky; I don't think 'Fooling' was the best choice in the last panel. It does work, but the implication is that he made her daughter a fool, which also has some small derision towards her; 'tricking' or 'deceiving' would probably work best. Sorry if I got too finicky. I write as a hobby (none published) and I'm always really picky about using the exact right words for what I'm trying to convey, so I'm in the habit of picking up on the smallest things. I hope it helps and that I didn't go too far overboard 😅

Don't like the subject, do like every aspect of the artwork. The designs, colour and posing are great as always <3 There are a few grammatical errors here. It's all little things (most of which I didn't notice until I specifically looked), but because you asked I'll list them here with some suggestions for alternatives depending on the exact tone you're wanting to convey. "I returned from my trip earlier" should probably be 'early'. 'Earlier than planned' would also work, but it's a little awkward. Using 'got back' instead of 'returned' and 'a little early' instead of 'early' would also make it more relaxed and casual, but that's not actually a mistake, just a choice of tone. "I also brought mom to dinner with us" is okay, but not quite right as the exclusive use of past tense implies the dinner has already happened. Changing it to 'I also invited mom for dinner with us' or 'Mom's come over for dinner with us' would be better there. "My gut feeling was indeed correct" is a correct sentence, but feels a little mechanical. 'So, I was right after all', 'So, my instincts were correct' or 'I suspected as much' would all work while being more accusatory. This last one is really nitpicky; I don't think 'Fooling' was the best choice in the last panel. It does work, but the implication is that he made her daughter a fool, which also has some small derision towards her; 'tricking' or 'deceiving' would probably work best. Sorry if I got too finicky. I write as a hobby (none published) and I'm always really picky about using the exact right words for what I'm trying to convey, so I'm in the habit of picking up on the smallest things. I hope it helps and that I didn't go too far overboard 😅