First scene of Spec Script (Patreon)

So, one of the things I want to do, in the distant, far off, future, is tv writing. I've also been really bothered by the lack of abortions in tv (or just media in general) because they *are* a thing that happens and very often tv shows act like they aren't. 

In Scrubs, when JD accidentally impregnates a woman he's dated exactly once, abortion doesn't come up until the second episode in the storyline. When it does, JD is immediately scared away from it by a fantasy where Laverne's plastic Jesus comes to life and yells "No abortions!" (let's ignore the fact that real Jesus never said anything about abortions even though they were a thing even back when he was alive.) Kim, who has already been established as an ambitious surgeon, never brings it up again. That's a whole hell of a lot of bullshit.

Abortion needs a better rep. It saves lives. It happens because it needs to happen. No one "uses it as birth control." and I honestly believe that it's better to abort a baby than to force it to grow up in poverty with a parent that doesn’t want it. I think it's disgusting that rape is commonplace in TV but abortion is not.

So I set myself a challenge to write a sitcom script in which someone gets an abortion, one that has no hint of being "a very special episode." I started out easy with Don't Trust the B. One, because I love it and have watched it enough times that  I think I can mimic the dialogue and style. Two, because it routinely has jokes centered around dark material (Remember the joke about Chloe neglecting her diabetic neighbor till he died?) and Three, because it's centered around two women. 

So here we go. This is just the first scene. Try to imagine the characters saying the dialogue, the actors *really* make that show.

INT LIVING ROOM: June walks in from bathroom holding a pregnancy test.

June: Chloe, what is this?

Chloe: Hm? Oh, that’s a pregnancy test.

June: But it…it looks positive.

Chloe: Trust me, it is. I took five of them to make sure.

June: (drops test) Oh my god!

Chloe: Ha ha, you touched something I peed on!

(Eli calls from the window.)

Eli: Ooh, June, could you put that one in a baggie for me? I’m making a scrap book.

June: Eli, could we…?

Eli: Oh, you need a minute? That’s fine. I’ve got a lot of googling to do.

(June closes the window, then turns to Chloe.)

June: You’re pregnant?

Chloe: Mmm yup. 

June: Do you know who the father is?

Chloe: You know that I don’t.

June: Oh my god!

Chloe: June, it’s better this way. I won’t have to worry about some rando trying to get me to keep it, or marry him, or join his cult like last time. Besides, this way, the cost is just spread out across my rotation. How’s that for a safety net?

June: Are you kidding?

Chloe: No, I’ve done it tons of times. Just this time, I’ll actually be pregnant.

June: How can you not freak out about this?

Chloe: June, of course I’m freaked out. I’m totally terrified. But if I have to deal with this, the least you can do is let me laugh about it.

June: Well I guess that….No! No, you have to take this seriously. There is a life growing inside of you. I know you didn’t plan for this, but maybe this is a turning point for you. Maybe God has a plan for your life beyond just partying all the time.

Chloe: June, I want to you to take a minute to think really seriously about what I would be like with a baby.

CUT TO: 6 months pregnant Chloe drinking a margarita while riding backwards on a motorcycle

CUT TO: 9 months pregnant Chloe, surrounded by business men, eating sushi off her naked breasts and baby bump, while smoking a cigarette.

CUT TO: Chloe making out with a guy in her room. A baby cry comes from her dresser drawer.

Chloe: Ugh. Hold on.

Chloe opens the drawer, stuffs a pillow in to muffle the sound, and closes it again.

Chloe: Where were we?

CUT BACK TO LIVING ROOM

June:  You have to get an abortion!

OPENING CREDITS

I’m hoping to write the whole thing, mostly just for spec script writing experience and maybe to use as a sample in the future to prove I can write to a specific style. I have a rough outline for the story but I still need a B plot for James and Luther. I know James would find some way to make this all about him, but I can’t think of anything that isn’t a rehash of his plot when he thinks June’s friend is pregnant with his baby. So maybe he has a totally unrelated plot.