David Bowie Is (Patreon)

David Bowie, Rock Icon, in spangled jump suit, bright read hair, gold circle in the center of his forehead, the Bowie you’ve seen in photographs a thousand times, stands back stage waiting for his show to begin.

“Do you still get nervous?” An off-camera voice asks.

“Yeah!” He laughs, giving his shoulders a nervous little shake. “Are you kidding me?”

And in that moment he becomes human. Just another weirdo in costume, so like all the other weirdos I know and love.

The exhibit is filled with little bits like that. Bowie admitting that he didn’t understand Jazz so he made himself listen to famous jazz alums, over and over, until he liked them. Bowie admitting that, as a teenager, he would carry around books that he thought would make him look cool, even if he didn’t understand them. That they managed to sneak into his consciousness because he found himself reading them anyway.

I read about Bowie recording Heroes “Singing at the top of his lungs.” I watched him perform and felt the desperate power it would take to sing that song the way he sang it, voice moving through him like a controlled scream.

He makes it look so easy.

I saw his costumes and realized just how weirdly shaped he was for a human being. Of course it was always easy to imagine he was something else.

My heart ached a little, looking at the library he toured with in a rolling wardrobe case. I smiled at the books we had in common.

I wished that could have been his friend. I wish that I could have curled up with him and whispered

“I hate jazz, too. But I love what you’ve done with it.

“Have you read Kingdom of the Wicked? It’s bonkers. You’d love it.

“I have a dozen unfinished projects too. Dreams that didn’t come true for decades. I’m so glad it’s not just me.”

And still I want to kneel at his feet in supplication.

“Teach me to reach as far as you.

Teach me not to play it safe.

Teach me to say without fear ‘I want music that sounds like this painting’ 

Or ‘I love your work, let’s collaborate.’

Teach me to be accessible, without ever trying to be.”