Chapter 780 unedited unmemed REAL ROUGH DRAFT PROBABLY (Patreon)

Author's note: Gonna say this right now. I hate how this is written. 

That being said, I'm tired and frustrated and mildly burned out. i need a break, even just a day, to hopefully get my head on straight again. This chapter went very differently in my head, but i kept getting bogged down in the minutia, and I don't like it one bit.

In short, this is not the chapter I envisioned it would be, but I have no idea how to fix it just yet, and no patience to do that right now.

I'll look at it again come monday, but until then, Im just gonna play some tww3 or Lost ark. No chapter sunday, as monday is a civic holiday, so see you all there.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YVd4ype0s34CjkBRR15omLfdDqJCXO3tAG1kFu_Rly8/edit?usp=sharing

“Woof.”

A muted yet stern and strongly worded bark from Buddy snaps me out of my closed introspection, only to find his head pressed against my chin in what can only be described as aggressive affection. Nestling in against me with more force than necessary, my sweet doggo grumbles in demand that I stop being sad and give him cuddles instead. If only all problems could be solved so easily, but the funny thing is, Buddy’s efforts bear fruit, because it’s impossible to be anything but contented while snuggled up with the best dog ever. It’s even funnier because I know he’s not concerned about my depressive introspection, but disgruntled he has to keep pulling me out of my downward spirals. He doesn’t understand why I can’t just be happy, because there’s nothing here in the moment to make me sad.

If only I could see the world from his perspective, so full of joy and curiosities, then I’d probably never be sad again…

Huh… know I just went on a whole spiel about perspective and self-discovery, but I seem to have overlooked one important aspect. The Abbot once brought up a parable about the three blind men and the elephant, and how the blind men each try to identify what sort of animal it was. Rather than pool their information together, they each independently arrive at wildly different conclusions, and then fall out over their subsequent disagreements. I reckoned it was a lesson about ignorance and obstinance, how people tend to hold onto opinions in spite of the facts, but the Abbot had a different lesson in mind.

A cylinder floats on its side in mid-air, and behind it sits a back-drop of darkness. “Imagine the cylinder is the Dao, one we cannot perceive with our eyes,” the Abbot intones, his monotone diction so calm and soothing. “All we can see is the shadow the Dao casts upon the world, which in this case, is represented by the walls.” A light blinks into existence along the cylinder’s side, and it’s square shadow is projected on one of the walls. “Note that with the lights and walls in this configuration, the shadow formed by the Dao is a square. This is the truth.” The first light blinks out, and a second appears on another side, projecting a shadow of a circle against the backdrop. “In this configuration, the shadow formed by the Dao is circular. This is also the truth.” The first light appears again, while the second light remains in place, and now there is a square shadow on one wall and a circular shadow on the other.

“The light is our perspective, the shadow our understanding, and yet the Dao remains the same.” Understanding the Abbot’s meaning, I add, “Our limited subjective experience renders us unable to understand the Dao in its entirety.”

“That is one way to interpret it, Junior Brother.” The Abbot’s voice sounds like it’s coming from where he was seated across from me, but I am still unable to see him. “Another is that there is no singular Dao.”

Pointing at the cylinder, I ask, “But isn’t that the Dao?”

“Indeed it is, but if we are unable to perceive the Dao directly, then from our perspective, there is no difference between the Dao and the truth we are able to perceive, or more succinctly, the truth becomes our personal Dao, one unique to each individual’s perspective.”

The truth I perceive is my unique Dao. There is no, singular, quantifiable Dao. The Dao is a square, and not a square. The Dao is a circle, and not a circle. The Dao is a triangle, and not a triangle. All statements which are true, depending on your perspective. The Abbot told me all this because he wanted me to know why we each must forge our own Path, but also because he needed me to understand that no one can interpret my own perspective besides me. That being said, maybe, just maybe, there’s another lesson to glean from all this, one that’s been staring us all in the face this whole time.

If the three blind men had worked together, then they would have had a much easier time identifying what sort of animal an elephant is. This is what I’ve been saying all along, that humanity could only benefit if we came together and pooled all our collective information and experiences. Not solely regarding the martial Dao, but everything and anything at all, for there is a wealth of knowledge out there just waiting to be tapped, an Empire full of hidden gems and diamonds in the rough.

So maybe I should practice what I preach. If I want to know who I really am, then I should not ignore how others see me, because my perspective alone is not enough to cover all the angles, even if I am uniquely qualified to view myself in the third person. Luckily, when dumping their scathing retorts directly into my brain, my Natal Souls collectively included a record of their experiences as well, alongside everything they sensed from the people they tried to help. Most of the soldiers in Meng Sha weren’t thinking about me as they fought, but some were, and their perspectives shine a whole new light on who Falling Rain really is.

Li-Li doesn’t know what to make of my confession, but she knows I will give her all the time she needs to consider it, and that regardless of her answer, I will respect and abide by it. She respects me as a person, but thinks me foolish for always dwelling on my mistakes and wallowing in self-recrimination. Just as I understand her fear, she understands mine, and in this mutual understanding, she finds comfort and security. I am, above all else, a good man, which in her eyes, is one of the highest compliments any man can receive.

Yan sees me as the wind beneath her wings, but not in so many words. I am the person who always encourages and supports her, someone who will always be there no matter how difficult things might get. With me at her side, there is nothing she cannot do, and while I would argue that she doesn’t need me in the first place, she would vehemently disagree. Though she was initially thrilled to sense my presence and eager to see what miracle I would pull off next, she was actually disappointed when I didn’t just win the battle outright. Yan thinks the world of me, and sees me as someone who is larger than life, a man who takes on too much responsibility and demands too much from himself, yet one who inevitably rises to the occasion in spite of all the odds stacked against him.

To Mila, I am her beloved hero and a goal to pursue, a take which leaves me in awe and disbelief, for she has long since been the same to me. She thinks the world of me, sees me as the true rising dragon of this era and buys into the whole Chosen Son of the Mother business, because she’s seen how far I’ve come in so short a time. Despite knowing how much I love her, she still believes herself unworthy of my affection, which I would say is downright inconceivable if I didn’t feel the same way about her. She admires my drive, intelligence, talent, and more, but most of all, she is in awe of how much love and empathy I still have in spite of everything I’ve been through. Because of this, she was able to put aside her pride and marry me in spite of knowing I would take other wives, because she knows that I have more than enough love to share.

To Dastan, I am the benefactor he will never be able to repay, but he hides his overwhelming gratitude because he knows it’d make me uncomfortable. To Zian, I am a rival written friend, someone who challenges him to be better than the man he was yesterday. To Jorani, I am the benevolent boss who gave him the opportunity to become the man he is today, someone who saw the best in him and helped him see it too. To Lang Yi, I am the savior who pulled him out of the darkness, even though he walked out of it all on his own. To Bulat, Ravil, Siyar, Wang Bao, and so many others, I am the person who gave them a second chance, one they each feel they do not deserve, so they do everything they can to live up to expectations.

So many Irregulars view me as the compassionate and magnanimous Legate, someone who understands their struggles and does what he can to ease their burdens, a welcome change from how most nobles treat them, like workhorses and riffraff. Even though I feel like I’ve done nothing but exploit them, they are happy to have the opportunity to prove that they too are heroes in their own right, rather than sheep to be sheltered away from the wolves.

In this same vein, a shocking number of people here in Meng Sha see me as their role model and idol, hoping to follow in my footsteps and rise up as a hero of this generation. They see what I’ve done in so many different areas and hope to match me in just one, dreaming of one day becoming a dazzling hero, peerless duelist, tactical genius, economic authority, or even innovative pioneer. My actions and achievements have affected so many people in so many different ways, but I never would have known it if not for my Natal Souls.

And their perspective should not be discounted either. Even though they are all iterations of myself, their thoughts and actions in their moment of death surprise even me. Each and every one of them felt the need to contact me before dying, which I thought was arrogance, but turns out was just fear. Even though they knew why I delegated the work to them, they wanted to leave a last will and testimony before dying, because like me, they are all terrified of death. Yet in spite of going through so many of their experiences, I have not found a single instance of anger or resentment directed towards me for putting them in such a position. Every Natal Soul was willing to give up their life for the cause, and not a single one hesitated when it came time to die.

Not because they weren’t afraid or because they wanted to die, but because they knew there was no other choice.

Except in the case of my Natal Soul General. He found a way to live, yet he threw his life away all the same. He knew he would die after Devouring those Spectres, knew Blobby would Cleanse him out of existence, and yet he did it anyways without thinking twice. He could have reasoned with me and told me to go Devour the Spectres instead. It would have been risking bringing my true soul out into the Void to do battle with Spectres, but I would’ve survived the Devouring process and can Cleanse Spectres even without Blobby’s help. This would’ve allowed my Natal Soul General to live on as a separate entity, but he dismissed this line of thought without even considering it. Not because he didn’t want me risking my soul and believed my life more valuable than his, but because he’s a giant idiot just like me, who believes he was the hero of his own story.

And he was. We all are. Not just me and my Natal Souls, but everyone. Every last person in the Empire has their own story to tell, even the likes of Mataram YuGan and his clansmen, and all our stories come together to decide the fate of the world, so my part in all this is but one of many. This is the truth, that we all have our parts to play, and I can only play my role to the best of my abilities.

So who am I?

The answer depends on your perspective. Husband. Son. Brother. Uncle. Slave. Savage. Runt. Whelp. Friend. Rival. Comrade. Commander. Bekhai. Warrior. Undying. Hero. Rayne. Falling Rain. Baledagh. I am all these things and more, but as the Abbot loves to tell me, I am all too fond of making the simple more complex, when instead, I should strive to make the complex more simple.

I am me.

I am everything I listed before, and also so much more. I know who I am, even if I cannot describe it in a simple sentence. I have my dreams, my ambitions, my fears, and my concerns. I know my flaws, but more importantly, I now know my strengths, because I have faced my fears thousands of times today and never once did I falter. I yearn for death, but even at my lowest point when I suffered so much in the mines, I never gave up or surrendered. I came close many times in those darkest of nights, and even closer many times since, but each and every time I clawed my way back and clung dearly to life, because that is not who I am.

I am the Undying Savage, Falling Rain. Warrior of the People. Husband to Mei Lin, Sumila, and Du Min Yan. Son of Baatar and Sarnai. Brother to Alsantset and Charok. Uncle to Tali and Tate. Pet Dad to so very many floofs. Legate of the Outer Provinces. This is my world, my home, my family, and I will fight to protect it all. This is not all that I am, for I am still so much more, but even though the labels will change and people will come and go with time, so long as I stay true to myself, then I know I can handle whatever it is life throws at me.

Because I know am I am strong enough to do so.

Cradling Buddy close, I sit up with my sweet doggo in my arms and whisper sweet apologies for disturbing him, and he magnanimously forgives this transgression so long as I hug him a little longer as we take the scenic route out the window and down to the docks below. Putting him down next to the fountain, I take a look inside and see Blobby living his best life without a care in the world, and I envy him and Buddy for their simplicity. If I were like them, then this next bit would be easy, just a matter of shuffling forward a metaphorical half-step, but a significant half-step with no idea of what awaits me on the other side.

There are many reasons not to do what I am about to do, chief among them being danger and uncertainty. I’m still not entirely sure what I’m about to do, or what my chances of success might be. Could be 100%, or it could be zero if I’ve gotten everything wrong to date, which isn’t as unlikely as you might think. It’s not like the world is doomed if I don’t take this next step, because I am merely a cog in the machine, here to play my part and nothing else. Considering the risks, It’s only logical to hold off on moving forward until I’ve had time to really think things through and consider all the angles. It also wouldn’t hurt to get some advice from the people I trust, because I could be overlooking some incredibly obvious information that others would be quick to point out. Would anyone really blame me for playing it safe? No, the same way they wouldn’t blame me if I failed to produce a miracle and win this war single-handedly.

There are no Spectres here to shake my courage, no Zhen Shi whispering lies into my ears. These concerns are my own, and valid ones at that, because if I had all the time in the world, I wouldn’t have the courage to take the next step. I recognize this now, accept it even, because why take risks when you don’t have to? The war will be won, of this I am sure, because Zhen Shi is preparing to cut and run even as we speak, so really there’s no harm in taking things easy. Soldiers will die, and people will suffer as the Enemy retreats and recuperates, but such is life. I’ve done my part here in Meng Sha, even more than I realized at first, so there’s no shame in leaving Akanai, Dad, Grandpa Du, Nian Zu, and so many more established heroes to handle the rest.

I could go on and on about the benefits of taking it easy, but there’s really only one reason to move forward, and not even a good one. I would really like to kick the shit out of Zhen Shi and end his reign of terror today.

So fuck it. We’ll do it live.

On that ambivalent note, I open myself to the Void and throw myself forward along my Path, leaving myself nowhere to go but forward. The blue skies and azure waters remain fixed in place, but I become aware of the vast darkness hidden behind them as I bring down the barriers of my Core and Soul. The Energy of the Heavens surges through me, eager and excited to partake in the feast left before it. There is no warmth or chill, no comforts or burdens, no rage or benevolence, coercion or nurturing. There is only the Heavens, vast and ineffable, but I will not be awed by their might.

This is the strength I experienced in JiangHu, that of a catalyst of Heavenly Energy. It cares not for the fate of man, only what we have to offer it, and in my desperate desire to be rid of emotion and existence, I offered it everything I had. A bargain too tempting to let pass. In return, the Energy of the Heavens helped me fulfill my desire to be rid of all regret, but I had little to no control over what ultimately happened.

This is not the strength I desire, for this is the unrestrained might of a false Divinity. Whether they are Ancestral Beast or Human Divinity, a false Divinity’s strength is not truly theirs to wield, else they would be able to control it. Though they have Shattered the Void to progress along their respective Paths, they are beholden to their own whims and desires, ones that the Energy of the Heavens are all too eager to respond to, but not always in the ways they expect. For this reason, they restrict themselves with the Treaty because they know the world might not survive an extended battle between them, for in their efforts to destroy one another, the Energy of the Heavens might well destroy the world.

I don’t need this sort of empty strength, something to hold in hand and never use. What good is a weapon if you cannot wield it? Lin-Lin was right, in that it is not strength that I lack, but control, so impotent strength is not enough to tempt me. I will not struggle, nor will I surrender, for I am my own man walking my own Path. The forces of this world hold no sway over me, because I will not allow them any purchase. I seek no authority from the Heavens, but will seize it for myself, subverting its mysterious energy same way humanity has harnessed so many other natural sources of power like heat, gravity, solar, and electric.

I am the dam which stops the river.

I am the wall which blocks the wind.

I am the forge which contains the fire.

I am the drill which pierces the mountain.

This is my Dao, an unyielding one which seeks to uncover all the mysteries of the world, because magic is just science we have yet to wholly understand. A grand undertaking, one for which I fear I am ill-suited in the end, but even if I falter and fail before reach the peak, I am more than happy to help lay the foundation for future generations to come. I only see so far because I stand on the shoulders of giants, and I know that nothing is beyond the scope of humanity’s understanding. We’ll get there someday, and though I might not be the man destined to place the final piece of the puzzle, I can at least take the pieces out of the box and inspire others to help out.

This is not the entirety of my Dao, only a sliver of what I have comprehended. Much as I want the Dao, the whole Dao, and nothing but the Dao, I can’t handle the Dao. If I could, I would be more than a false Divinity, but a veritable God instead, but that prospect holds no temptation for me. If the end result is anything like the Brotherhood envisions, I would much rather be stained in the red dust of the mortal world for a single lifetime than live out eternity without sex, drugs, or fame, and I don’t even really like drugs or fame all that much.

And so I endure as the Energy of the Heavens surges through me in search of an urge or impulse to fulfill, only to find nothing save emptiness within, and emptiness without. I have no use for this wild and untamed energy, no use for it at all if it will not bend to my Will, no use save to study and analyze how it flows through my body, mind, and soul in ways I can barely even perceive. This isn’t the next step, just the first step towards it, a fact-finding mission to hopefully answer a few burning questions I still have bouncing around in my head. Time passes, seconds, minutes, hours, or even days, all in the blink of an eye, the Energy of the Heavens coursing through me so many times I’ve long since lost count, but my efforts bear fruit as I compare and contrast my ‘Spiritual System’ to what I’ve seen in others, focusing my attention not on the similarities which are all too easy to pick out, but the vast differences in which the answers lie.

There are twelve major passages for Heavenly Energy to pass through, like highways or arteries, though I’d much rather use a different word to avoid confusion. Each one is fixed in place in and around a different major organ, tied together by more than mere proximity, and they area all interconnected by a complex network of minor, one-way passages, a tiny yet important detail I almost missed. These minor passages, extend all throughout my body, yet not anchored to it in anyway like the major passages, which I feel is important to keep in mind, though I have no idea why. The most confusing part is how there is no cyclical flow, like blood moving through your veins or a river flowing down a trench. Instead, the Energy of the Heavens surges into my Core, which then feeds into each major passage independently, and only now do I see an issue. The movement through my body is not… steady, not synchronized, not harmonized in any way, as if each major passage was its own individual machine rather than one part of the whole. This seems wrong, but I couldn’t say why, except to ask why bother connecting all the pieces if they’re just going to act independently of one another?

Another point of concern is the lack of coverage in my skin. Much like my blood vessels, this Spiritual System is closed off save for an ‘opening’, for lack of a better word, in my Core. This seems normal at first, because if there were openings in my skin, then I’d just leak Chi all the time, right? That being said, it strikes me as weird because every time I meditate, I feel the Energy of the Heavens seeping in through my skin. It’s a very distinct sensation of tingling nerves and opening pores as a warm and refreshing breeze passes through me, one that eventually settles into my Core, but most certainly does not originate from there. Why the discrepancy in what I feel versus what I sense going on here?

The answer arrives in a burst of Insight, but I’m not sure if it came from the Heavens, Blobby, or myself. Hell, it might’ve come from Buddy for all I know, only that the answer becomes clearer once I recall my past experiences. Following the whole debacle in JiangHu, Taduk helped me fix my shattered Core with the medicinal power of Body Tempering baths. I’d severed ties to my physical form by then, but the Energy of the Heavens contained in the bathwater helped reforge them, which led to my soul being unable to fit back inside.

Or so I thought.

To fix the ‘issue’, I used the Energy of the Heavens to enlarge my Core, but that was taking two steps backwards, one that didn’t even work all that well considering how I kept leaking Aura. The issue with being a corporeal being is that I value my body and mind over my soul, but who says the soul has to be contained inside the body? Why can’t the body be contained inside the soul? In fact, why does one even need to be contained in the other if they aren’t occupying the same physical space? They can just co-exist like light shining through a window or sugar dissolving into water, indistinguishable yet wholly distinct at the same time.

In fact, I think I understand why Shen ZhenWu said the Core is the medium through which we harness Heavenly Energy, and is both the key to humanity’s success and our possible downfall. In order to control the Energy of the Heavens, we Martial Warriors channel it into our Cores where we brand it to create Chi, and keep it there until it’s needed by cutting our Core off from the Heavens. A necessary work around to advance along the Martial Path, yet in doing so, we seal off our ability to progress past a certain point. All this time, we’ve been treating our Cores like a battery bank for Chi, but it’s true purpose is more like a heart in that it pumps Chi to where it’s needed. The problem is, we Martial Warriors tend to keep our Core’s topped off, meaning there’s no room for our Chi to flow freely, which leads to a stagnant Spiritual System that only circulates when needed.

This is why most Martial Warriors have such piss poor Spiritual Senses, to the point where most don’t even know it exists, because their Spiritual System never properly develops. It’s like a muscle, in that you need to use it to improve it, but outside of practice and combat, our Spiritual System, and therefore our Spiritual Senses, are never used.

Now that I know there’s an issue with the way things are set up, what would be the right way to do it? I’m not entirely sure, seeing how the Body Refining baths mended my shattered Core without any need for direction or oversight. The work of the Heavens I guess, restoring me to my ‘saved state’ or whatever, which means I’ll need to do something drastic to make this work.

Again, the answer comes easily thanks to my current state, though I still hate Insight with a passion. A flash flood unearths rich soil, and a forest fire clears away the choking undergrowth. Destruction followed by Creation; this is solution I seek. There is no hesitation and only a little reluctance as I Shatter my Core and tear apart my Spiritual System, clearing it all away to make room for improvements, and the debilitating pain leaves me gasping for breath as every nerve of my body is set aflame.

Pain is temporary however, so I shove all these unwelcome sensations to the back of my mind while taking in all the changes. My Natal Palace is gone along with everything else inside it, leaving me, Buddy, and Blobby all standing in the darkness of the Void. Neither of them seem all too bothered by this, though my sweet dog goes on alert and scans the surroundings, sensing something in the darkness of the Void that I cannot perceive. Nothing comes of it however save for a low, warning growl, while Blobby floats in place while emanating a general impression of dissatisfaction. Probably because the fountain is gone, but I can make another on for him. The information kept on my PC Keystone is also still tucked away safely, stored in the same place it’s always been stored, an unused part of my mind I only access with the Keystone.

In order to move forward, I have jumped back to the start, but this is all part and parcel of my path. Just like I told the Abbot, if we each must forge our own Path, then by definition, there can be no ‘wrong’ steps, because every step is a part of your journey, even the ones you take in reverse. Failure is as much a part of life as success, and a far better teacher to boot, because I would never have known how to correct my mistakes had I not made them in the first place.

Having cleared away every last iota of my Core and Spiritual System, I continue to leave myself open to the Void while turning to Blobby for help. Were I to use the raw Energy of the Heavens to treat my injuries, I’d just end up back where I started, restored to my ‘natural state’, the same flawed one I just tore apart. Instead, I need to rebuild myself better than before, and in order to do this, I need Heavenly Energy I can control.

That’s the key word, control, and as I direct my Will to mending the metaphysical wounds left by my hasty deconstruction efforts, I realize the major difference between Chi and the raw Energy of the Heavens is merely one of volume. Much like water, there is no distinction in where one unit of Heavenly Energy ends and another begins, only a vast reservoir that comes together as a whole. Thus, attempting to utilize the raw Energy of the Heavens is akin to trying to lift the weight of the world onto your shoulders, requiring a phenomenal effort of Will I lack even a scale to measure by and a feat I assume is impossible for anyone short of a literal God. In contrast, when Martial Warriors Channel Heavenly Energy into their Cores, they’re essentially going out and filling a cup with Heavenly Energy, and the reduced metaphysical mass renders it pliable to our Will. That being said, there’s only so much you can do with a cup of water. It’s still the same water as what you find in the lake, but you’d be hard pressed to put out even a campfire one cup at a time.

Thankfully, Blobby’s freshly Cleansed Heavenly Energy has enough ‘mass’ to suit my needs, and is new enough to still be distinct from ‘raw’ Heavenly Energy as it has yet to join up with the aggregate. That’ll change soon enough if left untended, but I have plenty of time to work left. Though I feel like I’ve spent hours deliberating over the details, I doubt more than a few seconds have passed since my Natal Soul General sent Zhen Shi scurrying for the hills, if that. Hard to say while ensconced in the Void, but my gut tells me I’m right.

That being said, while I have complete control over the useable Heavenly Energy, I’m not entirely sure my new Spiritual System will be everything I hope it will be. I have an inkling of how things should be laid out, with all the major and minor passages mapped and ready to go, but no real evidence that it’ll work. It’s a good thing I’m so willfully ignorant however, and prideful to boot, because I’m fairly confident things will work out seeing as how I’m the hero here. Even if I make a mistake, I can always fix it again down the road, so I Visualize my Intent and pit my Will to carving out my Spiritual System into my body, mind, and soul.

All three at once, distinct yet together. The details are still a little fuzzy, but the Energy of the Heavens should sort the rest out.

That is the last coherent thought I have before the agony sets in, an excruciating torment that is worse than any pain I have ever felt before. Every inch of my flesh feels like its coming apart, and my mind is rent to shreds in an instant, only to be put back together just long enough to perceive the pain before being torn asunder once more. Here in the Void, I lack the ability to even scream or cry, but that doesn’t stop me from trying, and I languish in suffering for what feels like an eternity without end.

Is it worth all this pain? All this suffering and anguish? Mortals were not meant for such power, yet still you struggle against fate, and see where it has brought you? Such is the price you pay for hubris, soaring too high into the Heavens only to be struck down. Surrender, little worm, and this Sovereign -

Shutting him out from my senses, I grit my teeth and bear with it, because fuck Zhen Shi in particular. I’d rather die than give up, and a small part of me says that I’m probably on the right track if he’s trying to dissuade me. No pain, no gain, that’s my fucking life’s story, so there’s no need to worry. There will be an end to my suffering, whether it be success or death, and at this point, I’m okay with either one. That’s enough to keep me going, not that I could stop even if I wanted, because in my pain and suffering, I have lost hold of Balance and the Energy of the Heavens no longer responds to my call. The usable Heavenly Energy continues its work however, which I only know because the pain does not end, and it is all I can do to cling fast to sanity as I wait for an end to this suffering.

It does not end in a sudden, but the pain recedes enough for me to open my senses once more, and I am greeted by Buddy peering down at me from above, while Blobby drifts aimlessly all around us. No, not drifting, but encircling, protecting me as I undergo this trial and tribulation of my own devising, because I just had to do things ‘right’. Fuck me, I’m never going to do this again, so if I messed up and didn’t get it right, then I’ll just live with my mistakes. “Good dog,” I mumble, when I finally feel ready to speak, followed by a brief pause before I decide just to go with my gut and say, “Good Blobby.”

My dog loves being praised, and I get the sense that Blobby doesn’t hate it, so I sit up and take stock of my situation. My Spiritual System is wholly intact and functional, though calling it tender would be the understatement of the year. So too is my Core, all shiny and golden without actually radiating any light, though it still somehow illuminates the Void around me. Only now do I see that the Void is not as empty as I once thought, as I catch glimpses of indistinct… things lurking in the darkness, drawn in by the golden light yet kept at bay by Blobby’s warding presence.

Taking a cue from the Elemental Spirit, I deploy my already Developed Domain to protect me from the denizens of the Void, only to wince in pain as the essence of my very being is stretched thin and set aflame. Only now do I realize why it hurts so much, because I can feel the tattered vestige of my soul threatening to come apart at the seams. This is the result of divvying it up amongst so many Natal Souls, a sacrifice I lacked the ability to even perceive in my previous state, and I thank the Heavens I was smart enough to limit myself to ‘only’ a few thousand of them, else I might well have killed myself in the process.

Then again, I never really set a hard limit on numbers, just went with what felt right, so maybe I knew how far I could push myself without really knowing it at all. Insight. Ptooey.

There is still so much more to do, as I’ve yet to truly refine my body, mind, and soul, only partially because I’ve yet to wholly understand how, but as I gaze at my Domain in silent admiration, I believe this should be good enough for now. Before, my Domain was merely an unseen force, empty and invisible as air, but now I can sense my Spiritual System coursing all throughout it, every bit a part of me as my arms or legs. With my Core no longer closed off, I can feel the Energy of the Heavens seeping into my Domain and body both, ready to pit itself against my Will in exchange for a taste of my essence. In this way, the Energy of the Heavens behaves just like a Spectre, but one that is neither malignant nor benign, yet it can easily become one or the other at the drop of a hat, once tainted by my emotions.

The way forward will be that much harder now that I’ve taken this next step. I have Shattered the Void separating myself from the Heavens, bringing it closer to me than ever before, but this means it will be more responsive as well. How responsive? I don’t know, but I’ll find out soon enough as I open my eyes to sunny skies overhead. The waves crash into the sands and jostle the boats obstructing the way, Luo-Luo’s reinforcements which I had Lin-Lin send for, because I’d long since noticed the Mataram Army making their way over in secret. I’d forgotten that, alongside everything else I did each night after soaking in the Azure Sea, but it’s all coming back to me now, drips and drabs as my body, mind, and soul all acclimate to my new and improved Spiritual System.

Seriously though, that name sucks. I should come up with a better one, as well as specific names for the major and minor passages. That can wait until later though, because right now, there’s an army of Defiled who need killing.

And so I summon Peace to hand while leaping up to my feet –

Only to realize I’m still bound to my cot.

Even though I am stronger, faster, and better in almost every way, I’m still human and therefore weak to the element of surprise. While my reflexes allow me to try recover several times as I topple forward in the air, the mild panic of being bound head to foot overrides reason and common sense as I flail uselessly in place before landing face first on the docks with a booming splat, one that echoes out into the silence of a battlefield where every eye is turned in my direction.

Alright, wrap it up. There’s no recovering from this, so I guess I’ll die now.