Chapter 759 and 760 edited, but still changes to be made (Patreon)

Author’s note: Though edited for spelling errors and such, I haven’t had time to do a deep edit of the whole chapter and make the changes I came up with since writing it. Expect the released version to be different, but how different I don’t know since i’ll probably spend most of tuesday doing that. Maybe just wait? I dunno. Sorry.

I posted these as 2 separate chapters because it took me 5 or so days to write, so I thought it’d be cleaner to just do a new post. The old posts are unlocked if you wanna read the comments, so yea. ENjoy!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1e0kbeoJlPtv3ASYHtixgGhHNKp575nq-17SVX-UBGRE/edit?usp=sharing

I am not a smart man.

This is known.

I mean, I’m educated, but education and intelligence are not the same thing. I know a little about a lot of things, but knowing things doesn’t make you smart. Being smart means knowing how to apply said knowledge in a useful or favourable manner, but despite having all the information I need to make an informed decision, I’m still not entirely sure what to do next.

Well, that’s not true. I know what I need to do next, namely take the next step along the Martial Dao. I just don’t know how. The why is simple, because might makes right. Using my authority as Legate, I set the outer provinces on course to retake the Western Province and free the Imperial citizens suffering under Defiled rule, but these orders stand in direct opposition to the Imperial Edict which closed the borders in the first place. Thus, I need more strength not only to free the people of the West from the Defiled threat, but also to ensure their freedom and security on the off chance the Emperor decides he wants to purge the entire province just to be safe.

That’s why I need strength right now, and partially why I seek strength in general, to help defend those who cannot defend themselves. No, that’s not entirely true, because that makes it sound like I’m some noble, self-sacrificing hero who’s hell-bent on protecting the world. I’m really not. I just want to be strong enough to protect the people I love, do as I please, and live life according to my own ideals. Making the world a better place is mostly a selfish endeavour, because as it stands, this world sucks donkey dick and makes me sad inside. Yea, I said it. This world sucks. It has a lot of great things going for it, like my family, friends, and floofs, as well as lots of interesting people, beautiful scenery, eclectic cultures, and more, but when you look at the absolute pros and cons of the world as a whole, the cons easily outweigh the pros, and here’s why.

This is a world that sucks so much, it’s catchphrase is, “Life is suffering.” Might as well say, “Life sucks. Deal with it. Bitch.”

So that’s why I want to make the world a better place, so I don’t have to be so sad about it all the time. My personal loathing for this world aside, a smart man who knew everything I know would have long since figured everything out by now, but as I’ve already pointed out, I am not a smart man. I know and accept that the time has come for me to take the next step, and I also know why I seek strength, but even though the Abbot seems to believe that these two separate revelations are supposed to come together and show me the way forward, I still haven’t the faintest idea of what I’m supposed to do. Rest and recuperate I suppose for now, but the unique manner in which I’ve expended my efforts has left me in a strange state of quasi-consciousness. The quiet unknowing of true oblivion is denied me, and I am left in this half-suspended state between asleep and awake without ever wholly committing to one side or the other. I am unable to open my eyes and wake or still my mind and sleep, nor am I able to find Balance and retreat to my Natal Palace, leaving me with nothing to do besides reflect upon my Path and see if there’s anything I’ve missed.

So... quick refresher. Martial Warriors are humans who have successfully Created a Core. The Core is the medium through which we harness the Energy of the Heavens. After reforging my Core with help from Taddy’s body tempering baths, I enlarged my Core and spread it all throughout my entire body in order to fit my Natal Palace back inside, forging a body that isn’t quite a Spiritual Heart, but something akin to it in what might well be a new milestone along the Martial Path. All this is the sum total of what I can confidently say I know about the Martial Dao. Everything else I ‘know’ is mostly guesswork and observations rather than indisputable fact, more of a working hypothesis rather than verifiable theory or immutable law.

I like starting at the Core because it is the first step along the Martial Path and the most difficult step in many ways, because it’s a pass/fail hurdle that ninety-nine percent of humanity is unable to cross. In contrast, one-hundred percent of Defiled succeed at Core Creation, but only because they accept help from external forces, namely Spectres which are severed fragments of human souls containing all the emotional baggage the former owner wished to be rid of. Somehow, I feel like this is the inferior method, even though I myself utilized the same principles to help nudge the Stormguard over the threshold between commoner and Martial Warrior. Why is it inferior? No idea, that’s just how it is. Despite there being more Defiled than Martial Warriors, they don’t have as many Experts and Peak Experts in comparison, which I assume is due to the defects left behind by their non-standard Core Creation. Then again, it could just be the result of meddling Spectres hoping to keep their hosts weak and reliant on their assistance. Give a Defiled too much strength, and they might not need the Spectres any more, which runs counter to their goal of inciting Demonification and paving a path for their return to the material world.

See? Even when discussing what I think I already know, there are so many uncertainties to account for. How is any of this uncertain, unverifiable, and unconvincing information supposed to help me on my Path to the Martial Peak? Aura Condensation, Natal Palace Formation, Domain Development, and Void Shattering, these constitute the rest of the universally accepted milestones along the Martial Path, but there are simply far too many unknowns regarding each of them for me to comfortably claim any sort of understanding. Take Aura for example, which is using emotion and Chi to project a field of pressure onto your enemies or counter an opposing Aura projected upon your allies. That’s all it really is, a one trick skill with no real depth or complexity that’s only useful against other people without Aura. Humans tend to achieve Aura Condensation fairly early on along the Martial Path, usually immediately before or after Natal Palace Formation, yet animals leave it until after Void Shattering. Seems odd doesn’t it? Why would they do that? Then again, why wouldn’t they? Aura is a requirement to do battle with Demons, but other than that, I see no other reason why an Aura is even needed in the first place. A Natal Palace allows one to practice Chi without expending it, and a Domain enables us to use Chi Externally, while Shattering the Void supposedly enables a Martial Warrior to freely manipulate the raw Energies of the Heavens. That last bit is up for debate, considering I’ve yet to see a Divinity actually use Heavenly Energy in any meaningful manner, but the important take away from all this is that each milestone along the Martial Path sets the foundation for the next one, a steady progression of steps that lead to the Peak.

So where does Aura fit in? Technically, at any point along the Martial Path after Core Formation since it has no other prerequisites and is not required to achieve any other milestone. That makes it stand out from the other milestones, not to mention the addition of other mysteries surrounding Aura like my ability to share a whole host of emotions through Aura which I somehow taught Song as well. Then there’s the matter of Luo-Luo’s ability to project her emotions through music, which is similar to Emotional Aura, except she can do so without having Condensed an Aura of her own. This then ties into the whole concept of power in art, because art is the means through which the human mind connects with the soul.

That’s what Monk Happy said at least, but that was less about Aura and more Runes and emotions in general, with an added focus on Zhen Shi’s corpse art and the crafting of Spiritual Weapons. Going back to Aura, Monk Bones said regular and emotional Aura only works because they target the mind through empathy rather than the physical body, which is protected from foreign Chi by an internal Domain. Everyone enjoys this protection, mind you, Peak Experts and base commoners alike, but when trying to Heal the Abbot, I learned that he took things a step further and enhanced his internal Domain because he believed that in order to achieve True Divinity, one must first refine the body, mind, and soul, as opposed to merely focusing on the body like most Martial Warriors tend to do.

And that’s just some of the issues involved with Aura Condensation, but I still have plenty more on the back burner, to say nothing of all the unknowns regarding the other milestones along the Path. So where does this leave me? With a whole lot of questions and precious few answers to work with, which I should probably be used to by now. Even if I was capable of putting all my questions and doubts aside, and could accept that I have, for all intents and purposes, successfully accomplished every milestone along the Martial Path except Void Shattering, I’m still stuck on what to do next. Technically, I should be prepping to tackle the ‘final’ milestone, but the problem is, I can’t help but feel like that’s the wrong move and that I’ve left some steps unfinished. The Abbot claims I’ve set my sights too high and spurn the ‘false Divinity’ so many others have achieved in favour of true Divinity, and he’s not wrong. Even if I truly Shatter the Void, I won’t become a literal god, just a really powerful Martial Warrior on par with Ancestral Beasts, but what fucking good is that?

This has nothing to do with me looking down on ‘false’ Divinity, and more to do with the fact that if I were to take that next step, I would then be subject to the limits all other Divinities are bound to. I’m not talking about the Treaty, which is worth less than the paper it’s printed on, but rather the inability to control my own strength. A clash of Divinities is synonymous with cataclysm and calamity, where the only guaranteed outcome is the destruction of everything in the area. It is literally impossible for a Divinity to fight another Divinity without incurring massive collateral damage, so how am I supposed to take part in the fighting if I can’t control my own strength? That’s the real reason why the Treaty exists, because no one, not even the crazed Zhen Shi, wants to see the habitable world destroyed in a clash of Divinities, so why would I want to become one now? I need strength, but usable strength, not the empty strength of a nuclear option everyone knows I would never take, so false Divinity is no real solution to all my woes since all I’d be able to do is stand by and watch others fight in my place.

Course, I only know this because Dad sat me down and spelled it all out, but I knew I was holding back for a reason.

That being said, there are a few useful tidbits to pick out from all this, namely that in order to achieve True Divinity, I probably need to refine my body, mind, and soul. I successfully refined my body with help from Taddy’s body tempering baths, but I have a few concerns regarding the whole process considering I still lack the physical durability of a true Spiritual Heart. This of course goes back to the Abbot’s criticism regarding my disdain of ‘false’ Divinity, but it’s more than me not wanting to make mistakes. Mother knows I’ve made more mistakes than most, and I also believe that making mistakes is one of the best ways to learn, but that doesn’t mean I’m willing to rush headlong into every ditch and speed bump along the Martial Path simply for the experience. Putting that aside for now, even if I wanted to achieve false Divinity, there’s still the minor matter of refining my mind and soul first, which raises all sorts of interesting questions which I should probably not get into just yet.

So the big takeaway from all this is that in order to truly successfully Shatter the Void, one must have a mind and soul capable of processing everything that comes along with it. That’s why refining the mind and soul is so important, because only then can I retain control of my Will while processing all the information the Energy of the Heavens has to offer, instead of surrendering control over to it. Of all the Martial Warriors I know and have spoken to however, the only people I’ve seen who might have any sort of achievement in the area of mind and soul refinement are Taddy, who is a Divinity himself, and Chen Hongji. I once likened my Teacher’s abilities in Healing to weaving a complex tapestry with a thousand needles at the same time, which is downright impossible for a normal human mind, while the good Brigadier made some real big brain plays during Bai Qi’s siege of the Central Citadel when he single-handedly took command of every Imperial unit in the field like some omniscient mind playing a real life game of real time strategy.

These two examples show the benefits of a refined mind. You’d think refining the mind would fall under the same umbrella as refining the body, seeing how the brain is a physical organ after all, but somehow, it seems right to separate the two. The mind is more than just the human brain after all, because even if you could take all the information stored in the brain and place it in a different medium, that doesn’t mean you’ve copied a human mind. We are more than the sum total of the information we’ve gathered, because how we interpret that information is a large part of our identity. Each and every person possesses their own unique perspective, even two twins who grew up in the exact same environment and experienced the same trials and tribulations. I think, therefore I am, a fairly straightforward statement as far as philosophical declarations go, meaning that the mind is pivotal to the human condition, for how can you know you exist if you are without thought?

And the soul? That also has something to do with one’s ability to process information, as evidenced by how I went full derp after my soul got too big for my Core, but how it all comes together is still a mystery...

So how does one go about refining one’s mind? No fucking clue, to say nothing of trying to do the same with something as ineffable as the soul. What’s worse is that even if I could open my eyes and ask someone for advice, the Abbot and Monk Bones aren’t around to answer any questions. Seriously, the Abbot has some nerve going unconscious for so long, like he’s trying to compete with me for more hours spent in a coma. If he wants the record so bad, he can have it, because being in a coma sucks. I can’t even visit Buddy and make sure he’s doing okay, as my Natal Palace has been closed to me since falling unconscious. Probably because I expended too much of my physical, mental, and emotional strength Healing Dad from a bolt to the heart, but if that’s the case, then just leave me wholly unconscious instead of trapped in the darkness of my own mind. Or soul. I don’t even know which one I’m trapped in, or how long I’ve lain here, though I’m pretty sure I’ve been drifting in and out of consciousness for a while now. Days at the very least, possibly weeks, but hopefully not months just yet.

...

Huh.

Physical. Mental. Emotional.

Body. Mind. Soul?

I never really consciously thought about it, but it all lines up pretty well, right? Well, not entirely since I know that emotions are merely a physiological response to certain chemicals produced by the human brain and body, but I also know that there is power in emotion, which is linked to both the Soul and the Energies of the Heavens. Monk Bones said Aura targets the mind through empathy, but what if he’s wrong and Aura targets the Soul instead? Maybe I have a strong soul, due to all the past life memories and all, which is why I was able to withstand Aura to some degree before Condensing one of my own. Maybe that’s what animals do too, buff up their soul defence so Aura doesn’t affect them as much, which sort of makes sense, right? Does that change things? Maybe, but I can’t really say how, only that it feels like an important distinction to hold onto.

Body, mind, and soul. Physical, mental, and emotional energy.

...

Ooh, light-bulb.

All this time, I’ve been associating Void Shattering with bringing the physical and metaphysical together as one, but I neglected to account for the mind and soul. Is there a... meta-mental and meta-emotional aspect I’m missing out on? Do I need to link all three with their meta counterparts in order to truly succeed? Ping Ping’s ascension came upon her during a moment of extreme emotional duress, so there might well be something to this newfangled theory of mine, though mostly I’m convinced because it just feels right. Balance is key to the Dao, balance in all things, so if I merge the physical and meta-physical as one, how can I neglect the mind and soul? Maybe that’s why my body isn’t a Spiritual Heart just yet, because I’ve only linked one of three aspects...

I’m still at a loss on the how, but I’ve got nothing but time to ponder and pontificate as I drift through the endless darkness hidden behind my eyelids.

Maybe it’s time I revisited the whole JiangHu experience, the aftermath of which left me unable to control my own body. I never really took the time to explore what happened, but in my defence, that’s because immediately after I fixed the issue, I woke up to a squad of Enemy Divinities literally standing across from me. Given the circumstances, it’s really not my fault I didn’t take any time for introspection and self-analysis, but let’s start with the what.

During the withdrawal from JiangHu, I had an out of body experience in which I acquired a sort of limited omniscience that enabled me to carry out all sorts of miracles. Now I could set my sights on replicating that state of existence in an attempt to find answers regarding the Martial Dao, but I don’t feel like it’s the right way forward. Even though I don’t remember much of Ping Ping’s ascension, I remember knowing, I mean really knowing and understanding what I was doing at the time, a state of comprehension I never experienced during the whole kerfuffle in JiangHu. That limited omniscience meant that if I wanted to know something, the information would come to me, but the knowledge would fade as soon as I stopped focusing on understanding it. Even though I remember most of what I did in JiangHu, the how is completely lost on me, with the whole escapade feeling more like a dream than Ping Ping’s ascension, of which I remember almost nothing. Losing those memories felt like lopping off an arm, whereas forgetting what I did in JiangHu felt natural, because that knowledge was never mine to begin with.

In short, I was never in the driver’s seat during JiangHu, just giving general directions from the side, whereas I played a pivotal role in Ping Ping’s ascension, but can’t remember what I did. If given the choice, I would rather follow in Ping Ping’s footsteps than rely on the Energy of the Heavens to fulfill my Will, because I have issues when it comes to matters of trust and control. Alright, maybe the Abbot’s right and I’m being too picky about my next step, but so what? If I try to Shatter the Void with anything less than one-hundred percent conviction, then failure is all that will await me, so I might as well try to do it right.

That being said, even though I don’t think the steps I took in JiangHu brought me down the right Path, that doesn’t mean I can’t learn from my mistakes. What did I do to achieve that state of limited omniscience? Well, first, Zhen Shi put me through the emotional wringer by tricking me out of my Natal Palace and into his Keystone robes, which probably isn’t the best way to phrase it since that just sounds so much worse. Inside his Keystone, I experienced life as a slave once again, where I was tormented day in and day out by the ghosts of my past, so similar to what I experienced prior to Forming my Natal Palace with help from the Demon that was formerly Vivek Daatei. That seems so long ago, when I fell willingly into that Demon’s illusion of a pleasant existence because I so desperately wanted to be happy for once, but those ephemeral delusions paled in comparison to the realistic and intricate complexities of Zhen Shi’s crafting.

Much as I would love to forget it all and move on, I cannot help but fall deep into a pitfall of horrific memories and relive those insidious nightmares once again. The time spent in the mines was far from the worst of it, because no matter how bad things got, I always found it in me to fight back. Sure, I had my moments of weakness when I gave in and mutilated myself to avoid worse, but the pain of losing a finger is nothing compared to many of the other tortures I was subjected to. To this day, I have no idea how many perceived weeks, months, or years I endured trapped in Zhen Shi’s illusions, but even if I spent a hundred years suffering under the bristleboars’ none too gentle ministrations, I know I would not break.

No, what broke me was the illusion of and subsequent crushing of hope, as Zhen Shi made me believe I’d escaped only to force me to watch as my friends and family were slaughtered or tortured before my very eyes.

And so I gave up. I surrendered. I fled into the darkness of the Void in search of nihility and non-existence, because even at my worst, when I believed everyone I loved was dead and gone, I was still too afraid to die.

Strange considering I must have died once before in order to have memories of a past life, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy to start anew whenever. I hate this world, but I love my life here, so I will cling to this life for as long as I can.

A familiar presence brushes at the edges of my unconscious perception as I wallow in my own misery, one so innocent and insistent that I could not ignore it even if I wanted to. Glad for the distraction from my own self-pity, I reach out to the presence in a desperate effort to connect, like a blind, drowning man flailing about for anything to hold on to. Difficult to describe how I know the presence is there or how I approach it from within the dark stillness of my unconscious isolation, but the presence reaches out for me even as I blindly reach out for it, and when we finally connect, I am overwhelmed by the surge of joy and affection that comes crashing into me.

Hi Mama Bun! How’d you find me? Yes, I’m happy you’re here too. I can’t come play just yet, I need to rest and recuperate first, but don’t worry. I’m sure it won’t be long.

Difficult to convey all of the above using only my emotions, and I’m not entirely sure how much Mama Bun understands, for I can sense her disappointment, frustration, and general dissatisfaction with the lack of kisses, hugs, scritches, and treats. Our little reunion doesn’t last nearly long enough, but then I realize there’s another presence waiting nearby, and this time, connecting is as easy as turning a hand. Ping Ping’s love and concern is no less than Mama Bun’s, but the sweet turtle is quicker to pick up on the message I’m trying to convey, and she offers a burst of affectionate support before ambling off to go about her day. Pong Pong is next, but his greeting is far more casual and laid back, as if he knew I was fine all along and is just checking in to make sure. Buoyed by their warm intentions, I reach out in search of other nearby presences and find many nearby, but none as close as Mama Bun, Ping Ping, or Pong Pong. Probably because they’re sleeping pressed up against me, while these other presences are further, but there are also some that feel close, but less... distinct, I suppose, like there’s a pane of clouded glass between us preventing me from seeing them clearly and making contact.

Regardless of how defined the presence feels, I reach out to them nonetheless, and my first response is from Aurie who is all too delighted to say hi. My silly wildcat isn’t as coherent as Mama Bun, Ping Ping, or Pong Pong as he transmits a jumbled mess of emotions all at once, with happiness coming in clearly over a layer of muted discontent. He has grievances he wants me to address it seems, and he demands hugs and kisses too, but no matter how I try, I can’t really get him to understand I can’t just wake up and play with him just yet. In the end, I give up on trying to convey any real message at all and just send him all my love and affection, which he happily accepts and returns with warmth and happiness.

At least he’s not afraid, which means he’s probably safe, so there’s that.

One by one, I reach out to all the presences I can sense, but most remain closed off and only the floofs ever respond. Banjo and Baloo are having a grand old time, while Sarankho is a little bored and Jimjam nervous as always. My prettiest kitty would be much happier roaming about the forests of the North, while silly Jimjam is more of a homebody who hates travelling to new places. The bun-buns are sweet as ever, but not all too complex as they greet me with love and hunger aplenty, and Guai-Guai’s full of curiosity and caution until he realizes who it is and loses all interest. Princess checks in to see what all the noise is about, but after acknowledging my presence with a disgruntled detachment, she closes herself off and ignores any further attempts to connect, though she does chime in with a burst of begrudging affection every now and then. Roc is pleased to see me, but doesn’t seem to notice anything amiss except that this is a new and interesting method of communication, while Blackjack is a bundle of joy and affection just raring to go out and play. Even Rakky comes to say hi though he doesn’t have much to say, but I think he enjoys the affection and attention I send his way since he comes back for more soon after. Or maybe not so soon, since Mama Bun, Ping Ping, and Pong Pong have all come by several times in between, breaking up the cold monotony of oblivion with their welcome intrusions. Difficult to tell time with nothing to help keep track of the seconds, but for the most part, my visitors come in waves with what feels like a long break in between, so I assume they’re visiting daily, though they could be coming in twice a day or more.

With help from their joyous little check-ins, I no longer fear falling into another pit of despair as I continue to ponder the Dao and go over everything I know. The hope is that I somehow stumble across the solution to all my woes, but all I find are more questions to plague me. This realization sends me spiralling into pity and self-loathing, but an emotional wellness check from my floofs is more than enough to cure what ails me, a vicious cycle from which I cannot escape so long as I am left alone with my thoughts. After going through it a few dozen times, I’m reminded of a revelation I stumbled across while watching the world pass by from the Call Centre of the Void, the fortress of cheerless, comfortless, solitude I created in order to grind away at my will to exist as I severed all my emotions and desires. While watching the Death Corps die and sharing in their thoughts and memories, I realized that I was experiencing new emotions and desires faster than I could sever them, and concluded that emotion was not a finite resource that could be depleted, but rather a source of power in and of itself which, when driven by Will, can be used to control the Energy of the Heavens.

Which I suppose explains why everyone is capable of regrowing their teeth. Faith is conviction without confirmation, which in a way is also an expression of Will, so if you believe your teeth will regrow, then it just does. Maybe? I don’t know. God, I hope not, because that just raises up so many more questions about faith that I really don’t want to get into. Like if faith is all you need to make something true, then is it possible that the Mother and Father both exist, but only because the collective faith of the Empire have made it so?

No. Stop it. That is a path of endless questions without answers, so let’s try and get back on track. Put aside the theology and the Martial Path for now, and let’s talk Heavenly Energy. What do I know? Heavenly Energy is drawn towards emotion, because emotions are the product of the soul. Martial Warriors are people who possess the ability to link their minds and souls as one, thereby creating a Core with which they use to interact with Heavenly Energy, but not directly. Instead, we indirectly draw in Heavenly Energy and mark it with emotion, which as stated early, is a product of the soul, and by intertwining the two, we create Chi. Usable Heavenly Energy essentially, but since our Cores are limited in size, we can only store so much Chi within, and thus have only a finite amount to work with at any given time.

So the million dollar question is: why do humans need a medium to interact with the Energy of the Heavens?

I’m pretty sure animals don’t have Cores, not the same way Martial Warriors do, and my shattered Core didn’t stop me from creating a storm over JiangHu, among so many other miraculous things. This isn’t to say I was working with the raw Energy of the Heavens, because I wasn’t. What I did was divest myself of emotion, which I then used to harness Heavenly Energy and direct it with my Will. To put it another way, I was making Chi without a Core to store it in, and everything worked out just fine, so why can’t everyone do the same? What makes me so special?

...

Right. Blobby!

For the longest time, I thought I lost the little droplet of Heavenly Water, but it turns out he was with me all along. Well, part of him was, but I split most of him off to bind the Azure Sea because I realized I could not keep him. I was lacking the capacity to carry him around all the time, and truth be told, I still am, because even though he’s only a tiny little droplet in reality, Blobby is a literal force of nature and font of Heavenly Energy, meaning he has a huge otherworldly presence. Whether it’s the mind, body, or soul, I am unable to bear his weight, but he’s chosen to work with me for reasons I assume have to do with my Devouring Talent and has enabled me to do things far beyond what other Martial Warriors can accomplish. Difficult to say how much of what I can do is thanks to him, because like I said, animals don’t have Cores, so I’m pretty sure I don’t need one either, but I’m pretty sure it’s not as easy as it sounds, because if it was, someone else would’ve figured it out by now.

This is the problem with accidental success, the inability to understand the elements responsible for your success.

Wait...

Is Blobby the reason why Zhen Shi went to so much effort to convince me to sever off parts of my soul? I mean, at the time, I thought I was severing fingers, but it’s clear there was more to it than making me take an active part in my own torment. It wasn’t cruelty for the sake of cruelty, he wanted me to sever my own digits for some reason or another, but until now, I never understood why. Maybe Blobby being a font of Heavenly Energy means there’s been a qualitative change in my soul that enables me to directly create usable Heavenly Energy on the fly, and Zhen Shi wanted to make use of it. The problem is, a soul is a powerful thing, responsible for a person’s innate Domain that renders all foreign Chi ineffective, which means Zhen Shi lacked the ability to just take portions of my soul. That’s why he needed me to chop off pieces myself, because in doing so, I was essentially giving up ownership of whatever portion I lopped off. I have no idea why that would be. I guess it has something to do with Intent? But how is me chopping off a portion of my Natal Soul any different from creating a Spectre? I mean, they’re both severed fragments of soul, but I guess a lost finger lacks... agency? Why do Spectres even have agency in the first place?

...I’m getting off track again.

Stopping to indulge in another emotional reunion with Mama Bun, I assure her that we can play again soon, though I’m pretty sure I’ve made the same promise at least two-dozen times already. Thankfully, she is a sweet, guileless soul and harbours no doubts whatsoever, but I would rather not test the limits of her trust. For the first time in a while, I still my thoughts and reach for Balance, and I am rewarded with the calm comfort of my bed and the warm presence of my best friend rising up to greet me. Opening my eyes, I find myself tucked under the covers of my bed and ‘Natal Throne’, though I’m still not entirely sure what purpose it serves or if my bed or computer chair is the actual Throne itself. Both probably? I dunno. The important thing is, Buddy is here and happy to see me, his tail wagging and paws tapping as he tackles me with aggressive affection. When the storm of doggy kisses finally abates, he snuggles up in my arms and peers up at me with his expressive brown eyes, so full of love, concern, and joy. I think... I think he knows I shouldn’t be here just yet, which I also figured out a little too late. There’s a glaring disconnect with the Natal Palace around me, like everything is covered in a haze that obscures anything more than a few meters away, the consequences of giving too much of myself over to Heal Dad from his injuries.

A price I’d pay a thousand times if necessary, because I don’t know what I’d do without him. Or Mom and my wives, alongside the rest of my family, friends, and floofs.

Though eager to head over to the computer and check on my loved ones, Buddy’s reassuring weight upon my chest keeps me firmly anchored in bed. It’s not that he’s heavy, but he’s just heavy enough that I can’t muster the energy to sit up. Instead, I sink into the warm comfort of my too large bed and cuddle my sweet pup close, not really sleeping, but not entirely awake either, save to respond to my sweet floofs whenever they check in to visit. Time passes, and then without warning, instead of just saying hi, Mama Bun pops into my Natal Palace and greets me with an enthusiastic flurry of kisses, which she stops only to greet Buddy in the same way. Ping Ping and Pong Pong join us soon after, but try as I might, I cannot connect with what I know to be Lin-Lin’s presence and tell her I’m alright.

Ah well. Maybe she’ll come visit on her own later.

Even though I’m well enough to accept visitors, I’ve still not recovered enough to bring them out to play. Using their visits to mark the time, another eight days pass before I am well enough to get out of bed, which is a hell of a lot longer than I expected. The first thing I do is carry Buddy over to look out the window, and though much of it is still hazy and indistinct, my Natal Palace looks exactly like I last left it, with the village, the lake, and the void outside.

Shatter the Void. One with the Void. Does that mean I need to open myself up to the Void? How does that work though? The Void is huge and has Spectres in it, so that can’t be right, but what other option is there?

Even though I’m almost fully recovered, I still have no idea what to do next. I can wield tremendous amounts of power, but not without cost, as I am limited by my lacking body, mind, and soul. That’s why I keep passing out, because my... existence can’t handle all the Heavenly Energy passing through me, but I don’t know how to upgrade my stats to better... handle the... burden.

Hang on.

Did I go into a coma after JiangHu?

I mean... I abandoned my body to hide inside the Call Centre of the Void, but I don’t remember passing out for even a minute, much less days, weeks or months. No, I was conscious the whole time since I kept checking in on my friends, family, and floofs, with a steady stream of Mama Bun snoot-selfies to prove it. That... doesn’t seem right, considering how much Heavenly Energy I used to drum up that storm, to say nothing of the other stuff I did. So how come I didn’t have to pay a price? Because I wasn’t using my Core? That’s it, isn’t it? The Core is the medium through which Martial Warriors harness the Energy of the Heavens, but my Core was shattered so I had to use a roundabout method to do what I did. Can I replicate that? Probably, because even though I don’t remember the specifics, I can probably figure it out easily enough. Let’s see... well, first I created the Call Centre of the Void, which was a Natal Palace that existed outside of a Core. Does that mean I actually need to shatter my Core in order to Shatter the Void? No, Dad explicitly said that wasn’t the case, so don’t do anything stupid just yet. Instead, why don’t I just head out and create an add-on to my Natal Palace, one situated outside the Core where I can freely connect with and utilize the Energy of the Heavens?

Moving even as the idea occurs to me, I appear at the edge of my Natal Palace and ready myself to step out into the Void, only to find Buddy no longer curled up in my arms but pulling at my pants’ leg and growling up a storm while trembling from head to toe. My heart aches just seeing him so scared, so I quickly scoop him up and return to my bedroom while cooing in wordless apology. That was probably a stupid idea, but I still wanted to try it even if there were Spectres waiting outside to tear me to shreds. Let’s be honest, after Devouring so many of them, I’ve pretty much completely lost my fear of Spectres and see them as more of a nuisance than anything else, but it seems like Buddy knows better. Why though? Why would they pose a threat to me out in the Void?

...

Oh. Duh. Because I’d be outside the innate protection offered by my soul. Even though I’d be out there as a soul, which doesn’t make sense. Oh, also, my body needs a soul to... you know... live. Pretty sure I almost died when Zhen Shi tricked me out of my Natal Palace and into his, so I think I just narrowly avoided a big oopsie. Good boy Buddy. Hmm... Can I send a Natal Soul out instead? That’s probably what I do when I visit other Natal Palaces, but I dunno. I can’t trust my Natal Souls anymore, and the last thing I need is a traitor me telling Zhen Shi all my secrets, which is what I would do if I was captured after I sent myself out to test the waters.

That makes sense, right?

Exhausted from all my efforts, I lay myself back down to rest and consign myself to blissful oblivion once more until Mama Bun and the others return for another visit. This time, I feel good enough to bring them out to the lake to play, and we have a grand old time swimming and splashing about. When it comes time for them to leave again, I bid them all a fond farewell before bringing Buddy over to the computer to finally see what’s going on. As the PC powers up, I take a moment to bask in my brilliant workaround to using Chi, because this is a Keystone that surpasses all others. To be completely honest, I have no idea how this PC keystone works, but that doesn’t matter because I don’t really know how a regular computer works either. It just does, but it’s a sort of magic I am familiar with, making it the perfect medium through which to interact with the ineffable Energy of the Heavens.

For example, when I open up a browser to watch a livestream of what happening around me, I know that I’m using some sort of Scrying and I guess Listening to see and hear what’s going on in the world around me, which is then displayed on the monitor in my room, but that’s the same as saying you use a remote to turn on the television. Technically correct, yet utterly lacking in any and all scientific or technological information, but if all you wanna do is watch tv, do you really need to know anymore? This is what I need, to let go of my obsessive need to understand Heavenly Energy and just work with what I know for now, because I can always study and comprehend it later. Right now, I need power, and my Keystone PC provides it in spades.

Thank the Heavens for PC master race. Even though it’s more or less the same sort of technology, I can’t imagine I would’ve ever made the same connections if I was a console peasant in my previous life.

As the monitor comes to life, I’m greeted by the all too familiar sight of my boring desktop, with only the journal.txt icon on the screen. Double clicking it on reflex, I review everything I’d written inside it before and continue adding all my new thoughts, forming a long, sprawling narrative of my scattered musings and revelations that almost make sense, but not really. One thing that stands out is that there’s a lot more One’s than I remember. One with the Sword, One with the Self, One with the World, One with the Heavens, One with the Core, One with the Blobby, just so very many Ones. Other than that though, I already touched upon most of the important bits already, but I’m still unable to make the necessary connections needed to understand what’s going on and figure out a way forward from here.

Frustrated with my stalled progress, I fiddle around with the PC some more but find that there’s pretty much nothing it can do. My browser opens up to a blank page, the messaging app does the same, and all the other little tools I created to make Chi easier to use fail to even load up a UI. There’s nothing I can use to contact the waking world, and the only thing I can do is check on my health, which shows me in good physical condition, but nothing else. After a little clicking around and thinking things through, I come to the conclusion that I’ve yet to recover enough to utilize any Chi, which my Keystone PC interprets as a lack of internet connection. Amusing as that might be, I find myself stuck in a loop checking the connection every three seconds to see if anything’s changed, just like I would’ve done in my past life. Time passes and all I do is rest, pore over my notes, and play with Buddy, Mama Bun, and the turtles whenever they come to visit, with the rest of my waking moments spent staring at the no connection icon while browsing through my gallery of Mama Bun snoot selfies.

Which honestly, is actually kinda fun. I forget how relaxing looking at cute animal pictures can be, an almost zen like experience full of joy and happiness. Now I just need more floof pics.

Without warning, the no connection icon finally disappears and I scramble to check in on the world around me. Double-clicking the orange browser icon, the familiar page with the red and white theme pops up like usual, but there’s only one livestream I can watch. Clicking the thumbnail brings me to a full screen feed showing me an overhead view of my body’s immediate surroundings as I lay comatose on a cot inside my yurt. There are three other cots in the room, two to my left and one on my right, all lined up nice and neat in a row. The ones on the left have the blankets neatly folded, but have since been disturbed and crumpled, while the cot on my right has its blankets just thrown aside, leaving a vacant spot where someone recently slept. My wives are many things, but neat is not one of them, and I can tell from a glance that Lin-Lin is the only one using her cot these days. The other two belong to Mila and Yan, but they’ve been gone for a few days at the very least, and the floofs have taken over. This tells me they’re no longer in Meng Sha, assuming that’s where my body currently is, which means I’ve been asleep for much longer than I thought. The plan was to fortify the harbour before moving our troops elsewhere, so either the plans changed or I’ve been asleep for so long the war has already resumed. What plan did Akanai go with? Are we sticking close to the coast, or are we moving troops inland to better fortify the borders? Is it an all out military conquest, or are we just raiding supply lines and making a general nuisance of ourselves to bait the Enemy out of position? How many battles have been fought and soldiers lost while I lay here comatose and useless?

Maybe there’s another explanation for my missing wives, one I cannot bear to even put into words, but the mere possibility leaves me trembling in panic. Desperate to know more, I take hold of the mouse and keyboard in an attempt to pan around, but no matter what I try, my view is locked in place unlike the last time I used the PC to view my surroundings. There’s no audio either, because there’s no way it could be so quiet in an armed camp during the day, and all my efforts to Send or use Aura result in failure once again. Logically, I know that this means I’m still in recovery and unable to use too much Chi, but I keep trying to push my limits regardless. The camera shakes as I slam my mouse and mash the arrow keys repeatedly, but still remains locked in place as rage and despair swells into a full-blown meltdown that has me ready to smash my fist through the monitor out of sheer frustration.

And then Buddy’s cold nose shocks me out of my nervous breakdown and I look down to find his big, brown eyes staring up in concern. That’s all he does, look at me while sitting beside me in my chair with his cheek pressed against my shoulder, but that’s all it takes to help me find my composure once more. He doesn’t understand why I’m freaking out, nor does he understand the stakes involved, he’s just unhappy to see me so distressed and wants to cheer me up by keeping me company in these tough times. Leaning down to hug him tight, I kiss his head and sigh as he nuzzles up against me, basking in the warmth and comfort of my furry best friend. “Good boy,” I say, and his tail goes into overdrive as he muscles his way over to sit on my lap just because he can. “Good dog.”

I wish I could bring Buddy out into the real world. Of all the crazy things I’ve pulled off, I think Buddy might well be the most incredible, because I know in my heart of hearts that his existence is a downright miracle. He was a part of me that I brought over from my past life, and while he’s technically a Natal Soul created in the image of my old dog, he’s not a puppet or figment of my imagination like Baledagh. In a lot of ways, Buddy is like a Spectre, a fragment of a soul left behind by the real Buddy from my past life, except he’s more complete. He isn’t the byproduct left behind from unwanted rage, sorrow, or any other emotions, negative or otherwise, but the product of all the emotions and memories I carried with me from my past life into the next. While technically this makes him a re-creation, he’s still the exact same dog down to the last detail save for the lack of a physical body to call his own, a free-thinking entity with an identity and agency all his own.

Buddy is my best friend and guardian angel, and right now, he’s telling me that whatever happens, we’ll get through this together, along with the rest of my family, friends, and floofs.

Not in so many words, because he’s a dog and doesn’t think that far, but he’s showing it through his actions and emotions. No matter what happens, I’ll always have him by my side, because he knows no other way to live. Having calmed myself down, I wipe away the tears and kiss my dog’s head one last time before turning off the computer, because pushing myself to see and do more will only harm me in the long run. I need to recover, and though it’s taken longer than I would like, it’ll take even longer if I don’t allow myself to rest and recuperate, so I just sit there in my chair and hug my dog tight, because there is nothing else I would rather do right now.

Calm serenity washes over me like a soothing dip in the pool, and I find the presence of mind to go over my dilemma without devolving into panic. If I can Scry, I should be able to Send, so what’s the issue here? It’s possible the problem stems from the Keystone PC itself, namely that I depend on it too much. It’s a useful tool, in that I can use it to set up an overhead view while fighting or Send to multiple recipients with ease, not to mention Scry on people far away and keep track of important documents and such, but the only way I can do these things is through the PC. It’s a great workaround, but it’s left me wholly unable to do those same things on my own without using the Keystone. Dad warned me about this, that the Keystones would keep me from familiarizing myself with my Chi skills, but it was too useful a tool to give up so easily, and now I am paying the price for my laziness.

So why can’t I Send? Why is my Scrying locked in place? Maybe because I’m trying to do so through the PC. Being such a complicated, multipurpose Keystone, I imagine just turning it on requires a fair amount of Chi to sustain, even if I’m not using it for any purpose. Idle power draw, in other words, and while most of the time it would be negligible, there’s a good chance I’m so damaged that even that minor amount puts a strain on my Chi circulatory system. Thus, I can only barely Scry on my surroundings, and Sending is out of the question because when I open the messaging app, it usually shows me a list of everyone in range of Sending, but the mere act of determining who’s in range is already too much for me to handle.

Yea, that seems about right. So what if I tried Sending manually? It’s probably best to contact Lin-Lin first, because even though she can’t Send back, she can come here where we can talk without putting too much strain on my Chi system, which really needs a better name. Closing my eyes and hugging Buddy tight, I envision the sound wave my words would make and focus on the presence of my sweet Lin-Lin, who I love and adore so much. “Hi wifey. It’s me. Can you hear me? I’m sorta awake now and the animals have been visiting, so I think you can come visit too.”

Even this short message leaves me feeling drained and overworked, and it takes all my strength to carry my dog over to bed and crawl underneath the covers. Sinking into the blissful oblivion of dreamless sleep, unwelcome awareness returns in what feels like the blink of an eye as I wake to the sound of Buddy yipping in glee while running roughshod around the bed without a care for who or what he steps on. A sweet dog, but very inconsiderate and spatially unaware, always one to get underfoot at the worst of times, and his favourite way of telling me to wake up is a paw to the gut. This is pretty much his normal reaction to visitors, one I am well used to, but much as I would love to keep sleeping, a thought strikes me and my eyes bolt open to see Buddy being chased by Mama Bun and Ping Ping while Pong Pong takes it all in with a little turtle smile. Nothing out of the ordinary here, but as I turn to the left, I’m greeted by the angelic sight of my sweet wifey laying on the bed beside me, her adorable features pinched in quiet sorrow as she burrows deeper into the pillow. Reaching over to move her hair aside and stroke her cheek, I’m reminded of why I love this life so much, despite my dislike for the world itself.

And then Lin-Lin opens her eyes and lights up with glee and delight, a sight which makes all the pain and suffering well worth it a thousand times over. “Hi hubby!”

“Hi wifey,” I reply, fighting back the tears as my unchecked emotions threaten to overwhelm me as I hug her tight. “Missed you.”

“Missed you more.” Planting a kiss on my cheek, she snuggles into my chest and giggles uncontrollably while flutter-kicking her feet. “I knew something was going on when Mama Bun stopped throwing tantrums in the morning, but Daddy said it would be dangerous for me to try and go into your Natal Palace if you weren’t awake yet. Said it could put too much strain on you or worse, so I had to wait. Then I got your message, which was really, really, reallly quiet by the way, and I came straight to bed to find you.” Looking up at me with eyes so full of love and affection, she grins and asks, “So I guess you wanna know what’s goin’ on, ya?”

“You know me too well.”

As Lin-Lin fills me in on Akanai’s plan, my heart seizes in my chest at the sheer scope of her ambition, targeting not one, but three high value targets at once. Thankfully, I’ve only been asleep for little more than a month and the fighting has yet to really start, but there’s only a few days before the hostilities kick off. As we bring the floofs out to play and I fret over the future, I end up confiding in my wifey about everything that’s happened during my convalescence, which is really just me thinking out loud. “If only I could send Natal Souls out to scout and help out,” I continue, desperate for a way to lend a hand. “Or at the very least, see what’s happening and report back.”

“Why can’t you hubby?” Curled up in my lap, Lin-Lin basks in my embrace while watching the animals play, a warm and reassuring presence if there ever was one. “You did that in JiangHu, didn’t you? They helped so much there, why wouldn’t it work again?”

“It worked out, but only because I was lucky. I didn’t know how dangerous it could be at the time, and I can’t afford to roll the dice again.” After confessing how I caught a good number of my Natal Souls behaving in a less than helpful fashion, I conclude, “All it takes is a sliver of my depressive attitude to slip in and my Natal Soul becomes a Spectre in all but name, a gloomy, discouraging apparition that might well turn someone into a full-fledged Demon, or worse.” I’d hate to see what sort of Demon my Natal Souls would become, though on the bright side, I can’t imagine they’d be useful. “So until I can ensure my Natal Souls are only made from benign or positive emotions, I can’t risk setting them loose on the world anymore. There are enough Spectres as is, and the last thing I need is for them to start committing crimes against humanity in my name.”

Sliding off my lap, Lin-Lin sits herself down across from me and crosses her arms with a frown. “Hubby,” she begins, looking adorably troubled with her lips pursed and brows furrowed, “You’re being silly.” Or stupid, as Mila would put it, but sweet Lin-Lin is too kind to tell it to me straight. “I thought as much earlier when you mentioned wondering why Spectres have agency, but I thought you were just joking again.” How is that a joke? Then again, I suppose I do have an odd sense of humour, so she probably got used to shrugging off my nonsensical remarks. Seeing my confusion, my sweet wifey sighs and puts on her serious face, which she usually only uses while studying Healing. “You should already know the answer hubby, it’s the same answer as always. Balance in all things, ya?”

Much as I would love to claim that the veil parts and understanding dawns upon me in an instant, it takes longer than I’d care to admit to pick up on what she’s putting down. “...Right! Spectres have agency because they lack Balance, so they seek a return to the material world in order to correct that.” Frowning, I add, “But Demons don’t seem like a very Balanced outcome.”

“That’s because they aren’t hubby. Spectres are fragments of a Soul created when people shed unwanted emotions, like anger, sorrow, hatred, and other sad, yucky feelings, right? The intent is to be rid of them, but I’m guessing the Spectres themselves aren’t willing to just fade out of existence, because they want to be whole again. That’s why they attach themselves to Defiled, but because they are creatures of purely negative emotions, they end up unbalancing their host, and the end result of that extreme imbalance is a Demon.”

All this reminds of what Mahakala told me on his deathbed. “Our world is imbalanced, and it is the Brotherhood who strive to fix it. No longer trapped by the cycle of samsara, itinerant souls seek to break through the barrier of existence and end it. If everything is in nihility then time and space become meaningless. An end to suffering yes, but an end to all else, the desperate last effort of the lost and destitute, Eh-Mi-Tuo-Fuo.”

The Spectres want to find Balance, but are unable to do so by any natural means, so instead they drive the world further towards extreme imbalance in order to... what? Overturn the board and start fresh? Or maybe I’m putting too much thought into this by giving the Spectres an actual unified goal. Maybe they’re just doing as their nature dictates, and the consequent plague upon humanity is just an unintended consequence.

“Okay... that all makes sense,” I say, sort of but not really understanding it all. “Maybe that’s why my ‘good’ Natal Souls all eventually used themselves up, because my Intent was for them to help and they knew their continued existence would be counterproductive to that. Except... how does this change... anything?”

Rolling her eyes, Lin-Lin reaches out and pinches my cheeks. “Now I get why Mi-Mi always gets so frustrated when you ask questions. You aren’t even trying to think for yourself hubby. Balance isn’t about good and evil, you know this already. The Defiled are just one end of the scale, while the Empire the other. Sure, to us, the Defiled are evil but Balance doesn’t care. The sheep see the wolf as evil, and shrimp probably see Pong Pong as evil, but Balance just is. It places the Defiled on one end of the scale, and the Empire on the other, and nothing else matters.” Seeing that I still don’t get her point, Lin-Lin deflates and asks, “Do you remember what we were talking about before this?”

“How my Natal Souls are just Spectres by another name.”

“But now you know the problem is a lack of Balance,” Lin-Lin helpfully supplies, before falling silent so I can fill in the rest.

“...Oh!” The answer hits me like a tonne of bricks all at once. “Then I just need to make sure my Natal Souls are Balanced, rather than just filled with positive or negative emotion!” My momentary elation is short-lived as the age old question rears its ugly head again. “But how do I do that?”

“I dunno hubby,” Lin-Lin replies, before pointedly turning to look at the floofs playing by the seaside. “But I think you already did, and he’s become more than just a Natal Soul.”

This time, I immediately know what she’s talking about, because there’s only one answer available, the silly dog whose ears flap about as he runs with mouth wide open. “Buddy? I mean... I guess he sorta is, but he’s not... I can’t like... control him. He’s a dog, and not a particularly smart one either. If I send him out into the world, all he’ll do is run around sniffing things and maybe incite a squirrel genocide.”

“Then just go with him, ya?” Leaning back on her arms, Lin-Lin rocks side to side while staring up at the sky, clearly yearning to go paragliding soon. “You said Buddy helps keep you Balanced, ya? Then can’t he do the same for your Natal Soul?”

Somehow, it doesn’t seem like things should be this simple, but I can’t come up with any arguments to refute her. Mulling it over as I summon a hang glider into existence, I load up the floofs and consider my options while Lin-Lin brings us soaring through the air, and her delighted laughs bring a much needed smile to my face. Even though she’s no Martial Warrior, my sweet wifey understands Balance the best, because she is so in touch with her emotions at all times. Though she has her secrets, she wears her heart on her sleeve and follows her heart’s desires as often as she can, a true free spirit who refuses to be bound by customs or other expectations. If she wants to climb, she climbs, and when she wants to run, she’ll run, and she won’t let anything stop her from doing as she pleases. That’s her Dao, a cheery, breezy, carefree Path that leads wherever her feet bring her, which combined with her kind heart and benevolent nature make her the most Balanced person I know.

So I guess it would be silly not to take her advice.

Of which she still has more to give, but not until it comes time to leave. “Bye hubby,” she says, pouting as she stifles a yawn and refuses to let go. “You better wake up soon, okay? Everyone’s busy and I’m lonely, so focus on getting better quick. Also, you’re too focused on getting stronger, but I think you’re plenty strong already, so you should just get better at not falling asleep every time you use your strength, ya? I dunno if you’re right about all that body, mind, and soul stuff, but you’re probably making it more complicated than it needs to be. In the end, all three of those things are you, so instead of focusing on one part at a time, maybe try making yourself stronger as a whole? Then you don’t have to worry about not being able to fit your soul into your Core or whatever.”

“I’ll do my best.” If only it was that easy, though she does make plenty of sense, especially given my propensity to over-complicate things. I like breaking things down to the smallest possible denominator, because that generally makes them easier to understand, but thus far, I’ve found little to no success in doing so. Not because the method is flawed mind you, but because I don’t know enough about anything to really explain things.

“And your best is all you’ll need.” Kissing me goodbye one last time, she waves as I send everyone off to their sleeping selves for a good night’s rest, leaving me and Buddy alone once more. Glancing at my sweet doggy, I decide against acting right away and head back to bed for another nap. Not much I can do in the dead of night anyways, so might as well wait until morning to start. Somehow, Buddy senses my intent to bring him out for a trip, because rather than laze in bed for as long as I will let him, he wakes me none-too-gently as soon as he feels he’s waited long enough. Stifling a sigh even as I grin at his innocent excitement, I close my eyes and focus on me, myself, and I. Balance is the key, so what I need is not an agent of good or evil, positive or negative, but a Natal Soul who is me in every sense of the word. When I open my eyes, I stand before another me, not a puppet or a snapshot of my emotions, but a portion of my soul that is part and parcel of the whole. I still think I look a little off, like my physical self doesn’t entirely match up with the mental image I have of me, but appearances don’t matter too much. With little more than a thought, a black leash attached to a red harness appears around Buddy, and it concerns me when I can’t figure out if I created it, or if my Natal Soul did.

Not that it matters. One with the Self, and One with the Natal Soul, for I am me, and he’s me too.

This is too confusing to keep track of, so I take a seat at the computer and switch on the stream so I can just watch things from my other perspective, which makes it easier to separate my two streams of consciousness. “Don’t lose him,” I tell myself, and I scoff at the absurdity of my own statement.

“Relax,” I reply, rolling my eyes at how much of a worrywart I can be while petting my sweet doggo’s neck. “I know just as well as you that Buddy is not an off-leash dog.”

“Don’t talk back to me,” I snap, feeling annoyed by my sass and a little ridiculous for talking to myself. “Also, try not to directly interfere with things. You’re a part of me, but a finite part, so every time you expend Chi, you’ll lose some of yourself and risk becoming unbalanced. If I’m right, Buddy is a fully-fledged Soul all on his own, one capable of sustaining himself through his own emotions, so he’s better equipped to handle things than you are.”

“Yea, I know.” Brimming with impatience at all the delays, I try to ease up on the attitude and tell myself, “I’m you, remember? I know everything you know.” Well, I did, right up until we separated for this mission, so now I know a little more because I’ve learned firsthand how much of a pain in the ass I can be.

“Alright. Good luck.”

“Thanks.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grinning as I let Buddy drag me out into the world, I run alongside him as he dashes through the desert with unbridled glee. Though this is the physical world, I believe we are technically moving through the Void, or rather through the parts where the Void and physical world overlap. Because of this, we can move at the literal speed of thought, but the kilometres zip by more slowly because Buddy wants to take the scenic route and bask in all the new sights and smells. He’s loving the freedom and so am I, because even though Cloud-Stepping is cool and all, moving around as a Natal Soul is just the epitome of freedom, not bound by gravity, stamina, or any other forces of the world. What’s more, as a Balanced Natal Soul, the only real threats to my existence are Zhen Shi and maybe other Spectres. While I am concerned about what might happen if I come across them over the course of my journey, I can always return to my body with Buddy with only a mere thought, so I’m not too concerned for our safety.

Arriving at our first stop without incident, I pull Buddy’s leash taut and walk him through the Imperial camp as Nian Zu’s army besieges the city of Shi Bei in what can only be described as a boring manner. The catapults launch rocks at the walls below while the Imperial Army sits in defensive formation and tries to bait the Enemy into a committed offensive. From above, Liu Xuande’s troop deployment looks near flawless at first glance, and upon further study, I pick up on the few flaws he intentionally left behind so as to better predict where the Enemy might strike. That’s one thing I could learn from him, to stop trying to pursue perfection, because a weakness is only a weakness if left unguarded. It’s the same concept as what I told Zian all those years ago, when he wanted to know how I kept blocking his attacks. It’s because he was too textbook and too perfect, always aiming for the optimal and logical next move which made him woefully predictable since I always knew where he’d strike next. Of course, the same principles apply to his whirling ring of steel, except rather than only guarding the obvious weaknesses, he sets himself up to guard all of his opponent’s most obvious attacks and responds accordingly.

Complicated, but not overly so, until you scale it up for use in an army over a million soldiers strong, but Liu Xuande has yet to make a mistake.

The battle lines shift like the ebb and flow of the tides, with the Enemy pushing in from one direction and the Imperial soldiers forming up to meet them, only for the Defiled to flow away in search of an easier target while avoiding the bolts raining down upon them from overhead. This happens six times in succession as the Enemy probes the Imperial Defences before committing to an attack on the left flank. Shifting over in the blink of an eye, I pick my beloved wife Yan out of the crowd with little more than a glance, for her striking figure makes for a heroic sight as she unleashes a torrential Sanguine Whirlwind upon her clustered foes, one that drives deep into the charging Defiled and leaves a swathe of corpses behind. Though it seems a bit premature to bring out the big guns, I realize Yan has it all figured out as she steps back even as her soldiers charge into the breach left by her Elemental attack, driving a wedge deep into the Enemy forces before pivoting to turn on the small half. Divide and conquer, a tried and true strategy for sure, and the Defiled tribesmen die in droves beneath the coordinated slashes of her retinue’s sabres.

On the micro scale, Yan’s efforts helped her secure an easy enough victory, but more importantly, it allows her to send troops to aid the retinues stationed beside hers, turning a small advantage into a larger one and creating a domino effect down the line as the Enemy finds themselves facing a foe far more united and coordinated than ever. She’s quickly learning to think beyond her immediate surroundings and look at the battlefield as a whole and living up to the potential Chen Hongji saw in her all the way back in Sinuji. The only issue with her rank of Major is her lack of Domain, though I notice she’s Formed her Natal Palace in my absence. Pride and joy well up from within as I watch my wife excel in her chosen field of work, and I watch for longer than I should given the circumstances, but I can’t help it. Yan found the courage to leave home and follow her dreams, so it’s gratifying to see her succeed.

Maybe I can give her a little nudge and help her with her Domain. I mean, I did that for Rustram and it hasn’t adversely affected him just yet, so why shouldn’t I do the same for my wife?

Even as I move to take action, I become aware of Buddy tugging at his leash, the black nylon strap clenched firmly between his teeth. It’s an adorable sight watching him scoot backwards with every tug, his teeth bared and eyes firmly fixed on my own to remind me I’m not supposed to take action. “Sorry Buddy,” I reply, loosening my grip on his leash to pat his head and smiling as he leans into the touch. “I forgot. Good dog.” Pursing my lips, I gesture at Yan and ask, “Can you help her with her Domain?”

To which my dog simply tilts his head, with visible confusion etched across his adorable expression.

You know... I don’t know why I thought Buddy would be helpful out here. Smart and miraculous though he might be, at the end of the day, he’s still a dog, which I already pointed out. In fact, I’m beginning to suspect Lin-Lin knew as much and only told me to send him out so she could suggest I make a Natal Soul go along with to protect him. If she’d gone about things the other way and told me to send a Natal Soul out with Buddy to watch over it, I would’ve balked at the implication that I need supervising, especially from a dog no less.

But... she’s right. I do need a supervisor, and Buddy is doing a damn fine job.

Accepting that Yan will just have to figure Domain out for herself, I turn my attention elsewhere to see how things are going. The battle continues unabated as the Enemy commits more and more forces to the offensive, but every opening and weakness they try to exploit turns out to be a cleverly crafted trap laid out by Liu Xuande. Some are deviously cunning, like leading an entire contingent of Chosen into an ambush led by none other than Ryo Da’in, whose elite soldiers tear through their unsuspecting foes from behind. Others are just a clever use of resources, like dispatching Exarch Gam to topple an entire dune and bury a flanking force or tasking Yong-Jin and several other young Central Officers to feign a retreat and pull the Enemy out of position. Then there’s the tactic of sending Grandpa Du out to kill, which I can really only describe as bullying, because he’s finally gotten a handle on a new and interesting skill which I gave him the idea for. A pressure bomb essentially, but rather than the single orb of contained and compressed air, he’s created a multi-layered bomb that is technically demanding in terms of time and control but highly efficient in Chi usage. Every time he acts, he opens up by killing an important tactical target, whether it be a Chieftain, Officer, or even a Demon threatening the forces on the ground. The explosion is not as widespread as I envisioned, but after unleashing his Air bomb eleven times in total, he has yet to fail to kill his target in one strike as his Chi skill creates a directed explosion that pierces through Domain, armour, flesh, and bone with equal ease.

A very impressive showing, but I know he can do better. If he was willing to ease up on the Chi efficiency, I think I could help him cut down on the time and control needed to craft his seven-layered Air bombs and simultaneously increase their power, because he’s going about it too directly. He’s creating an orb of Domain and forcing Air Chi into it before forcibly sealing it shut, but all it would take is an application of push/pull mechanics to increase the efficiency and pressure. If he sets a negative pressure wind loop to pull air out of the bottom of the orb while simultaneously pushing air in from above, he can probably double the pressure in each layer since air can only move so fast. He’ll have to be quick about it, but seeing how much control he has over his Air Chi, I doubt that will be an issue, but I have no idea how I can pass the message along.

A slight tug from Buddy precedes his growl of warning, but I still manage to Send out a message to Grandpa Du. Not so much in words, but more of an impression and idea, the essence of which can be distilled down to ‘push and pull’. If I told him in words, he might not understand, but the impression should leave him feeling like he’s forgetting to exert all possible force in his attacks, and he’ll quickly figure out where. Giving my disapproving dog an apologetic smile, I give his belly a vigorous rubbing before signalling that it’s time for us to go, because Nian Zu and Liu Xuande have things well in hand. Much as I would love to help Yan too, I have faith in her abilities as well as Grandpa Du’s teachings, so I might as well let nature take its course.

I mean, I know Grandpa Du would’ve figured out the push pull thing soon enough, but he’s old and doesn’t have that many years left to him, so every minute counts. Is that mean to think? Probably. I dunno.

Heading over to Shi Bei, I cautiously poke around in search of Mao Jianghong, but none of the buildings really stand out and scream ‘command centre here’. Which makes sense since the catapults and Nian Zu could easily reduce it to rubble in a single volley, but I figured I’d try anyways. With nothing else to do in Shi Bei, I set out in search of my beloved Mila and find her more or less where I expected, deep in Enemy territory southwest of Tian Zangli, which has been reduced to blood and ashes behind Akanai’s army. Her cavalry focused forces move through the desert at a brisk and frankly unsustainable pace, but my Grand-Mentor knows better than to demand more than the animals can give. The issue is there’s several armies of Defiled hot on her heels, and while none are large enough to truly threaten her forces on their own, they will catch up eventually and leave her no choice but to deal with them, slowing her progress even further and buying time for the Defiled to cut off her routes of retreat.

While Akanai commands the overall army, my sister holds command of the Sentinels, and she is a sight to behold as she weaves her quin archers to and fro to bleed and distract the Enemy. A single volley is all it takes to enrage the targeted Defiled forces, and she is quick to draw them out and away from pursuing Akanai’s forces. A quick jaunt shows a large swathe of Defiled lost and dying in the desert sands, separated from the bulk of their allies and unable to find their way through the sea of dunes and sand. Clever that, using the terrain and climate to whittle down the Enemy numbers, for without water, the Defiled won’t last twenty four hours before collapsing on their feet. Some try to drink the blood of the allies and mounts to help assuage their thirst, but little do they know that the salt content makes this unsustainable even for those with Defiled constitutions. The only escape is no true escape at all, but to give in to despair and Demonize in order to survive, but even though there is always hope so long as one still lives, I cannot imagine a world in which living on as a Demon is preferable to death.

Much as I would like to free those poor souls from their torment, Buddy is quick to warn me not to act, for my greatest defence from Zhen Shi at the moment lies in obscurity, for he has yet to discern my existence. Returning to Akanai’s forces, I scour the Sentinels for my beloved Mila, but she is nowhere to be found. Panic threatens to overwhelm me once more, but Buddy quickly calms me down, and I find my wife not riding with the army, but sitting in a wagon beside her father. Bloodied, battered, and beaten are the only words to describe him, and it pains me to see Husolt in such poor condition, but at least he still draws breath. To my surprise, the Grizzly Bear Divinity is also seated in the wagon, looking more upset and remorseful than I would have expected given how little he seems to care for his children. Huu’s uncle Kalil was a half- grizzly, but I don’t recall this Divinity doing shit when he died, nor have I heard Ghurda or Husolt ever mention their sire at all. I always thought the Grizzly Divinity would be a cold and aloof father, if you can even call him that, but from the looks of things, you’d think he was father of the year and always there for Husolt.

Who could have injured him like this? I know he’s a blacksmith first and a Warrior second, but Dad also told me that Husolt’s weapons were always in high demand because he was one of the few blacksmiths who understood how to wield a wide variety of weapons with no small amount of expertise.

Reaching out to my beloved wife, I try to stroke her cheek, but there is no warmth or texture to be felt. I can’t pass through her like an ethereal ghost since her Domain keeps me from doing so, but that’s all there is, a barrier without texture or firmness that simply blocks my way. “Be strong, beloved,” I whisper, even as Buddy tugs at his leash once more, but I cannot help myself. “Your father is a strong man, and he’ll recover from this soon enough.”

It pains me to see Mila glance around in confusion, but Buddy’s protests grow more insistent as he forcibly pulls me away, not just from my wife, but from the entire army itself, and refuses to head back over. He’s a stubborn doggo, he is, resisting my attempts to pick him up and finding great delight in doing so, running as far as his leash will allow before turning back to see if I’ll follow, his eyes bright and tail wagging at the speed of light. It’s impossible to be mad at him, so I begrudgingly give up on going back to Mila, though I have no idea why he’s so against it. Instead, I bring him to Pan Si Xing to see how the battle is unfolding, and what I find is a storm of absolute chaos just waiting to be unleashed.

The soldiers move into place in tunnels underneath the city while scouts have already broken in, and I home in on Siyar as he makes his way through the streets unseen with skill unlike any other. MuYang is almost as sneaky, but would have long since been spotted if not for Concealment, while Ravil and many of the other scouts are getting by on sheer luck, meaning it’s only a matter of time before it runs out.

Sticking with Siyar, I try to understand how he does what he does, but all I can do is marvel in awe, for there is no Chi at work in his stealthy ways, only a lifetime of skill and habit. So engrossed in his efforts, I am completely caught off guard by the people of the West, especially the poor woman Winoa who warns him to wait a few minutes longer for the change of shift. It takes tremendous courage to go willingly into the arms of your slavers and away from potential salvation, but Winoa is determined not just to escape, but to pay back her slavers with interest aplenty. The fire in her heart burns low and slow, a single, smouldering ember that could have gone out at any moment, but now it pulses brighter and brighter as she seizes hold of hope. Marking her so I can check in with her later, I follow Siyar down into the building’s lobby and realize too late that he’s lost himself to anger, and what comes next is sheer reflex. Granting him the Authority of Heaven in my name, Siyar’s Domain Develops in the blink of an eye and he deploys it without even needing to think, suffusing the entire first floor in a blanket of silence as he sets out to do his bloody work. Buddy is quick to react, but the harm is already done, and I feel my spirits flagging as I pray that the former bandit regains control as quickly as possible.

Placating Buddy with an absent pat on the head, I stop playing nice and pick him up to hold in my arms, burying my chin in his fur and stroking his neck until he rests his head on my shoulder. No longer obstructed by his well-intentioned interventions, I watch as battle breaks out all over the city, starting from where Ravil’s scouts were discovered and emanating outwards as Dastan incites the people of the west to rebel. Though I wish he hadn’t done it, I know in my heart of hearts that even if we could slaughter every last Defiled in the city, the people of Pan Si Xing would not be whole. No, they have been victims for too long, and just like my sister recognized I needed to strike back at my oppressors, these poor people need to fight for their freedom, else it will mean nothing in the end. I can Cleanse the tainted of Spectres, but there are too many who have been fully infected by those parasites, and the only way I see them being rid of their pests is through the cleansing flame of battle and bloodshed. Many will die, but the survivors will be able to stand tall and take pride in their actions this day, which at the bare minimum will give them a fighting chance against the Father’s minions most foul.

Dastan did what needed to be done. This much I know. Victory without cost will never be cherished, and without the people of the West, there might be no victory here to be had at all.

Much as I would love to help, Buddy growls before I can even think to act, and my doggy’s disapproval is a powerful threat indeed. I’m not scared he’ll bite me, but I don’t think I could ever forgive myself if I made him upset, because he’s just a sweet doggo who wants the best for everyone all the time. Even then, there are times when I can’t help but interfere, though I do my best to limit myself as much as possible. For the most part, everything is going fine until Bai Qi deploys his heavy hitters, the Demons, half-Demons, and Peak Experts alike, and then panic sets in. First up is Li-Li, who Yaruq simply dumps into the middle of a chaotic engagement without anyone to fight alongside her. The idea is to forge her in the heat of battle, as I can see Yaruq keeping an eye on her ward at all times, but I also see the Wraiths slip past the half-gazelle’s perception and bee-line straight for Li-Li. There is no thought given to the action as I warn Li-Li of danger, again not in words but sensation alone. With Emotional Aura and her newly re-created and reinforced Core, Li-Li is so close to Domain that I barely need to even nudge her to set her along the path to success. I grant her no Authority, not like what I did with Siyar, I simply brought her attention to what her unseen senses were already telling her and leaving her to figure out the rest. Though Mila and Yan are both stronger than Li-Li, the half-cat fights with the grace and coordination of a Warrior with twice her experience, her new Spiritual Weapon flowing seamlessly from one movement to another. Mastery of the Forms and a burgeoning Domain are enough to see her through the danger, albeit with an assist from Yaruq who pulps the half-Demon seeking to end Li-Li’s life, but that’s all I get to watch before Buddy jumps me away with a pulse of Aura warning me to take care.

Because like I warned myself earlier, every time I take action, there is less of me left to give, and though I still have my wits about me, there is a fine line between Natal Soul and Spectre which I dare not cross just yet.

Zian’s battle with the Demons, Rustram’s clash with Chosen Peak Experts, XinYue’s duel against a Half-Demon, Ravil’s efforts to clear the streets of citizens, Fung’s struggle against Chieftains and Wraiths alike, I watch all these struggles and more unfold before my eyes with the utmost of restraint, but it is difficult to do nothing while my friends fight for their lives. The assistance I lend is minimal, a gentle nudge here and a subtle direction there, but that is all they need to evade death. And yet, this is not enough, for I can see the writing on the wall if things continue to go this way, so I heave a small sigh and sever off as small and Balanced a portion of my Natal Soul as I can. A tiny me pops into existence, one barely larger than my hand, and it is almost comical to see him wrap Buddy’s leash around his waist. “Go home Buddy,” I tell my sweet dog, and he woofs softly in defiance before pulling out the big guns and whimpering in sorrow. Difficult as it is to see him in distress, I harden my heart and kiss his head before repeating myself. “Go home. Good boy. I love you.”

The tiny me offers a parting nod before tugging at Buddy’s leash, and my sweet dog walks away slowly while glancing back to see if I’ll change my mind. Fighting the urge to give in to fear and pity, I steel my resolve and console myself with the truth. “You’re just a Natal Soul,” I say, except I know that’s not entirely true, because if you make a copy so perfect it is virtually indistinguishable from the original, then does it really matter which one is which?

Of course, there’s a big difference between this me and the me watching from the PC. This one is finite and would’ve disappeared eventually anyways, so there’s no sense mourning my loss.

Dad’s clash against Bai Qi is breath-taking to behold, but there is little I can do to affect a battle of such proportions. Instead, I trust Dad to do his part and set about doing mine, namely securing a path to victory for the Imperials, because even if Bai Qi falls, many soldiers will die. Many have already been lost, and even more will fall during the retreat, a price Dad believes is well worth it if he can take Bai Qi off the board. I’m not so convinced, because powerful and brilliant though the Lord of Martial Peace might be, he is little more than a piece on the board, while Zhen Shi manipulates everything from behind the scenes. Giving everything I am to the working I envision, I stand firm and await the death I’ve feared for so long, and though I am glad I got to see my wives and friends, I wish I could’ve gone to see Mom, Luo-Luo, Charok, and the twins as well. There’s no time anymore, but I’m sure the real me will make up for it, even if we stopped being the same person the second I came into existence.

I’ve been alive for all of a few hours, and yet I am still deathly afraid to die. Funny that. I know I’m not exactly real, but I feel real, and I know this death will be real enough, but this is not enough to shake my conviction. I think the real me could do this without dying, assuming he can leave his body and get back before it’s too late, but I also believe that after today, Zhen Shi will be watching him closely to avoid a repeat performance. I mean, I’m essentially free Heavenly Energy which Zhen Shi could have easily trapped in his Keystone robes, but the real me has figured this all out as well.

A thought strikes me in a moment of clarity, and I cannot help but voice it. “Hey,” I say, speaking to myself, namely the me watching things from afar. “I think I figured something out. Blobby is a font of Heavenly Energy right? Which we assume is produced when he Cleanses Spectres and Demons and whatnot. But if you look at things the right way, then aren’t Ping Ping and Pong Pong also fonts of Heavenly Energy? They literally turn food into fertilizer capable of sustaining Spiritual Plants, which is something worth looking into right? Not the process itself, but the fact that Ancestral Beasts and Human Divinities don’t have this same characteristic.” Grinning, I add, “Go shit on some plants and see if it turns Spiritual. I’m sure Taddy will love that. That’s all I’ve got for now. Give Buddy a belly rub for me.”

Giving this one final burst of satisfaction over to the Heavens, I realize there is nothing of me left to give, and all I can do is smile as the cold darkness of oblivion rises up to greet me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Even though I know that was only a Natal Soul, I cannot imagine the complex thoughts going through his head as he gives his life for a good cause. A ‘Balanced’ Natal Soul is really no different from a regular Soul, save for the inability to generate the stuff of emotion its own. That’s why Buddy kept trying to drag the other me away, because every time he felt sad, happy, angry, or frustrated, he lost a little more of himself as he went. We both recognized that too late, and it casts a shadow over the question of whether we can do this again, because even though they’re technically a part of my soul, I don’t know if I can stomach sending parts of me out to experience death.

Luckily, the stream continues even without my Natal Soul to anchor me in the area, for he is not truly gone just yet, only transformed into something else. He was a construct of emotion, and he gave his life so that the people of Pan Si Xing would have a chance. I gave my emotions over to the Heavens in JiangHu to create a storm to wash away the Defiled, but my limited Natal Soul only had enough to call a light rain over Pan Si Xing. The clouds gather overhead as Dad and Bai Qi push one another to the limits, and just as the Lord of Martial Peace reveals his Blessing, my Natal Soul’s life’s work unravels his plans. The rain fall is light as a breeze as the stones and sands of the city drink it all up, but wherever it comes into contact with Demons or Half-Demons, the raindrops eat away at their life-force and threatens to cleanse them to oblivion.

Given that it has this effect on their physical manifestations, the hidden Spectres of Pan Si Xing stand no chance, and they set their hosts to flee out of sheer terror of oblivion. The collapse is instant and without delay as the Enemy abandons Pan Si Xing in droves, and Bai Qi stays only a moment longer to shoot Dad a hate-filled glare before Cloud-Stepping away. Within minutes, the only people left in the city are Imperial soldiers and citizens, save for a select few Defiled who have all but given up to await death. Some are taken away by monks of the Brotherhood, but most resist any attempt to leave and throw themselves upon Imperial blades because death is easier to accept than the truth. The rainfall dies out soon after, but already, Dad’s soldiers are moving the liberated westerners out through the tunnels, but haste is not entirely needed. Zhen Shi will not risk his Demons and Half-Demons until he figures out how I managed to pull this off while still comatose in Meng Sha, but once he realizes the truth, my value as a resource to harvest will skyrocket in his eyes.

For even without taking a shit on any plants, I know my Natal Soul was right. I am a font of Heavenly Energy thanks to my merger with Blobby, but I am still lacking in many ways. Perhaps the Heavenly Tear will have answers for me, so I should ask Lin-Lin to bring my body out to sea the next time she comes to visit. Finally, a possible path reveals itself, but the cost was higher than I expected, for I find myself unable to mourn the loss of my other self, even though my dog is clearly distressed. To Buddy, the other me was just as real as this one, and he is saddened to see him go, but all I can do is sit back as the stream goes dark due and silently contemplate my next move, while wondering if I would’ve done the same if I didn’t have a back up in place.

And the answer is...

I don’t know.

Which scares me more than I'd care to admit. It should be an easy yes right? My life for the lives of my father, friends, comrades, and so many soldiers and citizens, and yet....

End of Volume 41