Happy Birthday Blues (Chapter 6) (Patreon)

Again covering his head, the pink-coated miniature man dodged and rolled about, slowed by the volume of sugar still stuck to his body, and narrowly evaded getting his skull stoved in by the hailstorm of chocolate balls the size and weight of rocks to someone so small. As Ted had known nothing but innard-twisting terror since finding himself shrunken, it had become almost commonplace during the adrenaline-rush horror of trying to avoid being annihilated on the ground at the feet of Molly, Stephanie, and Tara, but now he had just enough time to let reality catch back up to him, and several dreadful facts became clear. With the edges of the plate boxing him in and a sheer drop awaiting beyond, there was nowhere to escape Tara’s hungry assault on the cake. Yes, he was free of the strawberry glue, but if he couldn’t get the giantess’s attention in time to stop accidentally firing rapidfire cocoa crumbs at him like missiles, he’d be knocked out if not killed and probably discarded along with the rest of the garbage at the conclusion of the meal, never to be seen again.

Then, as Tara finished showing off and the other ladies settled into munching and chit-chatting again, she consumed her cake less voraciously, but with her focus only paid to the other normal-sized humans in the room, instead of the diminutive one panting and squealing for aid down on her plate. This made it even more impossible to get her attention, as every time Ted had an opportunity to yell, jumping up and down and waving his arms while hoping she didn’t mistake him for an ant and liquefy him on the spot, the girl would take another bite, forcing the little guy to run for cover again as excess spittle-laced chocolate and strawberry muck was blasted back down. Once more than half the slice was gone, he began to feel hopeful, since there were fewer obstructions to hide him from her wandering gaze, and more importantly, less cake for her to turn into slobbery projectiles to spit unconsciously back at him.

It was at this point, however, that fate ceased siding with Ted. The tan giantess forked an especially large bite, causing pieces to tumble back to the plate even before she got her humongous lips around it for gnashing and suckling. Without enough time to leap to the side, the little man threw himself down and curled into a ball, right as a blob of strawberry frosting layered thicker than his body splashed down. The fruity landscape didn’t break him as the crumbs might have, but nevertheless weighed Ted down like infinite molasses under a sky of pink, only sticking more the harder he struggled against it. Hysterical, he was just beginning to believe he might suffocate amongst the encroaching citrusy cream coating, when the pressure began to relent. At first he rejoiced, until realizing it could only be lifting because Tara had come back for the piece she missed, and worse, he was jammed so deep in the mess, he was going up with it.

Helpless, Ted watched the plate falling away below his frosting-adhered body, as the silver tips of the giant utensil stabbed all the way through the cake, with Tara utterly heedless to the fact that she had a mewling horror-stricken mini-humanoid tacked to the underside of her next cake bite. They rose to the scariest height yet over the room, the floor seemingly a mile below, but this was now the least of Ted’s concerns. By craning his neck carefully so as not to risk shaking his icing bonds loose, he could just barely make out the lovely loming billboard-countenance of his would-be murderer. He saw her full lips, bountiful and glossed by a combination of strawberry stains and saliva, curving to a delighted smile. Then, even as he screamed himself hoarse again while simultaneously preparing for the inevitable apocalypse, the absolute last thing Ted expected took place:

“Hey, look, Molly!” Tara theatrically shouted. “It’s your brother!”

So startled he nearly fell out of the frosting trap then and there, Ted’s heart railed with simultaneous relief and euphoria. She’d seen him, somehow. He couldn’t understand how, but she must have, at the last possible second. It was over. He was saved. He wasn’t going to vanish forever into Tara’s gullet, to serve as a fraction of a calorie for her next sweaty endeavor in those teal keens.

“Where?” Molly gasped, looking over her shoulder, and hearing the rumble of a giggle from Tara, Ted’s heart sank lower than it ever had in his life. With the birthday girl distracted, the athlete lunged across Stephanie’s lap, brandishing the bite of cake and unknown shrunken brother topping, and proceeded to laughingly press the chocolatey mass squarely against Molly’s cheek, stroking the frosting from there to the corner of her lip like face paint.

Suddenly Ted found himself precariously decorating the side of his astronomic big sister’s beautiful smiling face, along with a flurry of crumbs and frosting flecks that just barely kept him glued to this terrifying position like the edifice of a sky-high cliffside, but also disguised amongst the sugary carnage of Tara’s mashed-up bite. Dread flooded the young man like never before, as he realized he hadn’t been discovered; the girl was just pranking Molly by getting her to turn her head, leaving her vulnerable to a cake facial. No one was coming to save him. Immediately Ted’s sibling whipped back to face her attacker, gawking with her jaw dropped, though thankfully her shrunken brother kept stuck to the pillowy vertical of her cheek. The others roared with laughter, even Stephanie, who offered Molly a napkin to mop up the remains, but she waved it away.

“Made ya look!” Tara guffawed, slapping her thigh in mirth.

“All right, very funny. What are you, five years old?” Molly said, rolling her eyes, but she couldn’t help but chuckle too.

“Ugh, Tara, don’t you daretry that on me!” Alexis commanded.

“You should go with that look, Molly. People will think you’re a trend-setter,” Jessica said.

“Sorry, girl, but you look so cute. Like a baby trying cake for the first time,” Stephanie admitted.

“Hey, this just means all the more for me!” Molly said. “And you’re supposed to treat yourself on your birthday, right?”

Even though Ted could already see the ominous signs, the tragic inevitability of this once-happy day, he refused to believe in it. He wouldn’t go down without a fight, and by God, he would not allow himself to be eaten and killed by the sister he loved so much when she literally cleaned him off her face. Despite his position being so fragile, as every twitch in Molly’s russet cheek and word she spoke could’ve knocked him loose, Ted did his best, waving his arms and yelling until he croaked.

“MOLLY!” Ted sobbed at the top of his lungs, with tears streaming down his frosting-stained cheeks. “S-SIS! I’M HERE! PLEASE! D-DON’T… DON’T EAT M-”

The plea caught in Ted’s throat as he witnessed the pink serpent emerging from behind his sister’s leviathan lips. Rippling with taste buds and oozing drool from every grooved angle, the slimy beast contorted in midair, in order to stick out at Tara in retaliation for the gag, and then Molly went to work polishing her cheek of mess. Her tongue curled, scooping up cake scraps and frosting smears and dragging them back toward her mouth. The heat of the grand red organ melted everything it touched into a brownish-pink sludge. Once her tongue had lapped up the glossy debris around the corner of her mouth, and swished it all into a frenzy between her teeth, Molly swallowed, then extended her gooey muscle for another swipe, as there was still a sizable portion leftover on her face.

Fighting past his sorrow, Ted made his final attempt, wailing and waving so hard he was certain he’d fall off his sister’s cheek and let gravity end him instead, but the frosting just wouldn’t release its hold on him. At this point, he’d have preferred that, because the idea of being swallowed alive by the person he cared about most on Earth was too much to bear. Yet he would have no choice. Molly’s tongue was quite long and dexterous, rife with undulating taste-testing bumps like an octopus’s puckered suction cups. She stuck it so far outside her lips, her friends jokingly applauded, watching in rapt silence as she gulped up the last bits of Tara’s gift, but still neglected to notice the berserk micro-boy hanging off her cheek like a loose sundae sprinkle, quiet as he was and still shrouded in pink gunk that blended him in with the rest.

And so it came to pass. Since Ted was already too weak even to fight the milky texture of the frosting, he had even less of a chance against a wall of feminine chocolate-scented muscle, as his sister’s monster of a tongue lashed him into its slippery grasp. Cloaked in its oppressive humidity, choking on cake-flavored breath, and now in danger of drowning in the spit rivulets gushing across her tongue, Ted let out one last useless scream before his sibling unknowingly licked him inside her mouth and sealed her lips tight behind him.

Savoring the bite, letting the frosting wash around her palate and the crumbs split apart to the strength of her tongue, Molly was enamored of the flavor and even more delighted to be surrounded by friends, in the midst of an activity that Ted had planned for her. Of course she had no idea of the abject defeat of a human soul taking place inside her mouth, mistaking the speck of a person for an overcooked crumb, and not giving it a second thought to wash him and the cake for one last lap around her mouth before gulping it down, proudly and noisily, into her grungy esophagus.

“We’ll have to save Teddy a piece. God, I love that dork so much,” Molly said, grinning with affection for her brother. “I’m sure he’ll be just dying for a bite once he gets back.”

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THE END