Stuck in depression (Patreon)

So as many of you guys might know, I been stuck in depression for quite some time… Usually I will try ignore it best I can and just force myself into drawing to get through it, but it has become harder and harder these days…

I know I am not good enough as an artist, (can see that from my earning), but I always try and see if there is ways I can improve somehow… I took through some tutorials, some PSD files etc, finding bits from other artists that make sense to me, and try add into my new drawings hoping it will somehow make my drawings look better. But in reality, I lack too much art knowledge and am not artistic enough, and I can’t figure how to achieve certain effects by myself. Sketching by itself is a lot of fun, as it allows me to express the stories or scenarios I want to tell. But when it comes to colouring, I just become so lost, and end up developing this “fear” whenever I colour, knowing that I won’t be able to produce anything good. Now it has been almost 2 weeks where I am just sitting in front of the canvas and unable to draw anything… I wonder if I can push through, or is this the time I should just give up and quit…

As hard as it is, it was nice some of you guys here will always let me know you guys enjoy my works, and I am very grateful for that. But recently another “fan” who I mistakenly consider a friend, maybe with good intentions he decide to judge my art despite I never asked him to. He reminded me that I have been doing Patreon for over 5 years by now and compared to other artists I simply isn’t improving enough. He continues by saying my art is too simple for CG works, and that my art is no different from Western cartoon-level quality. I know my art isn’t exactly detailed, as I spend too much time making sure all the lines are correct etc. But it is true that compare to many other people I simply isn’t good enough hence why over so long I don’t really have much of a growth in my earning… He suggests I should just use AI to assist in my art, but I dunno, I feel like even with AI it won’t save me as I still lack the skill to create a good image by myself… At a time when people prefer AI over human art, ngl it makes me regret sooo much becoming an artist… I was naïve to believe I was somehow special…

I really want to improve and push to the next level, but I don’t know how. And if I stop patreon to go practice or something, I lost my income. Then again, I don’t even know where to look or where to learn… I am so bad these days I feel like I might have to start from the fundamentals and learn from the bottom again, I might as well quit Art at this point. But art is all I got and I pretty much have no other skills, so the question is… Maybe I should just hard reset my life tbh… the easy way out am I right??? These thoughts have been stuck in my mind for weeks now, but as I think myself to anxiety just now I thought it might be good to vent it out here… I don’t even know why I write this online, but I guess if someday I vanish here is the explanation huh? Ah and don’t worry, I will refund the commission if I ever decide to quit everything… Anyway… just gonna try get some sleep, and see if I can somehow draw again tomorrow…