Blogposting (Patreon)

So, it's time again for me to regale you with my riveting life story. 

It's been a bumpy few months. Highs, lows, things inbetween. Since december my patreon page took off to the moon, reaching a point where I've been able to comfortably scale back my working week by a full two days. Every month has been great. Growing, growing, more money, more followers, more patrons. It's a strange sensation, the sudden overwhelming support and enthusiasm that comes flooding your way. It's new, exciting, flattering. You have no idea how to deal with it. I'm still not entirely sure what happened that made me popular, but I'm not one to complain often. Not in public anyway. Images to maintain and all that.

Underneath the superficial feelings of optimism and joy, there is, however, something that gnaws at the excitement of "making it" as an artist. What's a good story without a villain, after all? It's even better when it turns out the main character is also the villain. Thrillers need plot twists, you know how it is. You see, once you start growing, and your income starts to depend on how well your work does, you start to pay attention to things. Things that don't matter, or shouldn't matter, but in an odd way end up mattering anyway. Dumb numbers. Likes, followers, patrons, monthly income growth. But that's not the worst of it, no. You start comparing these meaningless numbers with other people's meaningless numbers. There's this site that keeps track of every single Patreon creator out there, listing their monthly patrons, growth, earnings, and so on. And it becomes this thing. This thing you check every single day. You check how well you're doing compared to other creators. You check how well you're doing compared to last month. And it terrifies you. Not so much because of the factual income you generate, but because you're terrified you won't make the same numbers the next month, because you might make something your patreons dislike, or you see your rank on patreon plummet, or something equally inane.

It seems trite when looking at it from a distance, but it's quite real when you're up close and personal, boots in the mud and so forth. It starts to become your reality, and you start looking at numbers more than at creating what you like. You seriously consider never animating certain characters again because animations didn't perform well, or because you see a dip in your growth or total numbers. You stop being an artist and start turning into some kind of social media whore, eventhough you can't stand the sight of twitter most of the time. 

And then you're forced to take almost two weeks off animating, and you look at things. Trees and shit. The sun. Not directly - my eyesight is bad enough as it is. I digress. I feel like I've drifted too much from what I enjoy doing. I'm so hellbent on making my 5 animations per month, to keep you guys happy, and to keep new patrons coming in, that I'm terrified of taking risks because that might mean you guys run off, or not as many people show up.

So what does all this mean for you guys? Not a whole lot, to be honest. I'll still be making what I am now. But I'm letting go of my own strict must create 5 animations per month deadline. If it's 4 this month, fuck it, it's 4. I'll deal with the blowback should it arise. This thing should be fun, not forcing me into burnout.

Anyway, I think I've rambled long enough. Animation soon(TM)