A New Life (Patreon)

Today was hard. 2020 has been a new challenge, a new change, every week almost like clockwork. Charlie pointed out that in my life, I struggle, and then I thrive. And I've been struggling and then thriving, weekly, with our new life. I've been looking forward to spring, telling myself when flu season is over, when the ice has melted. I set myself up last fall, this winter, to Have A Life that is more than just the one thing- to still make art, to work with other artists whose work I admire, to create something that people would know me by- to be someone people think of first as an artist. When Charlie went back to work three weeks ago, I knew who my support network was- I needed people In Person. It was still hard- but I had friends, relatives, people I could call up and they would come over, people I could drop in on.

I was relatively prepared. I almost always have a lot of rice, beans, peas, frozen veggies, spices- that's how I cook. Target moved to these "super rolls" of toilet paper last year, which doesn't fit into our toilet paper holders, so we ordered a bunch of toilet paper online last year. I have a box of vegetable seeds that are largely still viable, and a sunny garden plot with good dirt. Charlie has a good job, and can work from home. I am exceedingly privileged, and lucky on top of that.

I am set up to win. I am struggling. I cannot put down my new role. There is no one to hand off this work, so that I can make art or be part of my community. My support network can be with me virtually, but what I need is people who can hold my place for me for a few hours, every couple of days. I will thrive, at some point, because things change every week, and some of this, I'll eventually be more suited to. And because we're careful and safe (read: we're not taking ANY chances with Covid), natural disasters and unforeseen health issues notwithstanding, at least immediate family will be okay. But today was hard. And tomorrow will be hard. And I miss you, I miss art, and I wish I could be better at taking care of you all.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, then I have worked my magic- know that art will be coming, and I'm sorry I haven't been creating on the scale I want to be. If you know what I'm talking about, just, please remember that I'm a writer. That I'm a futurist. That I am more than this one role.