Idea Sketch for Next Comike(2) (Patreon)

As I said before, I'm thinking a straight-hentai comic of college teens for coming Winter Comic Market.

I'll draw some idea sketches for the project, and will choose one idea.

Here is a new sketch!

http://rebisdungeon.com/Patreon/idea02.jpg

Again, the English text is not written by the translator, but me.(So it may be bad! he-he)

Please tell me your opinions!

Though I can't pick up all opinions (or opinions ruining basic theme of this idea) , I hope to hear your tastes for this idea. And communication is an important part of this Patreon! XD

PS

Here is first sketch, with better English text.

http://rebisdungeon.com/Patreon/idea01.jpg

Thank you Gullinbursti, for your advices!!