Addictive - Chapter 2: A Fine Line (Patreon)

[[In which Bakugou is an idiot and not very honest... but it'll be fine]]

In hindsight Bakugou wasn’t entirely sure what had possessed him that night in the gym. No matter how often he thought about it he couldn’t figure it out. And he thought about it a lot. The pictures in his magazines and the words in his book blurred out, faded into nothing, replaced by an endlessly swirling vortex of thoughts.

Kirishima.

There were a million things on Bakugou’s mind and they were all related to Kirishima. He’d caught himself tracing fingers over his own lips, remembering the feeling. What had they been doing?

He dreamt about it, too. The monstrous face turning soft against his own. A warm body pressing against him. Was this hormones? Was he pent up and Kirishima just so happened the only one close enough to him to justify having such thoughts.

This was no longer about ‘shutting Kirishima up’. He wanted to kiss him. He wanted to be kissed by him.

“Oooooi Bakugouuuuu!” A hand waving around in front of his eyes made him flinch back into reality. Kirishima sat in front of him a questioning look on his face.
“You’ve been spacing out a lot lately, you okay, man?”

Bakugou growled quietly and turned his face to the textbook in front of him.
Maths. They were studying. Like every day around this time.
In fact everything had been surprisingly normal after that night.

He’d expected them to be awkward around each other but the next morning Kirishima greeted him happily as he entered the dorm’s kitchen. They ate together. They went for a morning jog together. It’d been like that for almost a week now. It was as if that crazy night never happened. Bakugou only knew it hadn’t been a dream because besides all the scrapes and bruises from the fight his lip was also torn from catching on Kirishima’s teeth.

In the end this mundane, casual routine made Bakugou angry. Was he the only one thinking about that night? Was he the only one being bothered by the after effects. The only one who wanted more? Was he some hormonal horny teen who’d kiss his best friend just cuz there was no one better around? And what did that make Kirishima? Some mature fucker who had proper self control? Kirishima? Not in a million years. It was infuriating to see how the Redhead just seemed to be so not affected at all, while Bakugou was spacing out constantly.

“Bakugou!!!” The hands slapping against both of his cheeks were warm and rough. Bakugou stared at Kirishima with wide eyes, his face smooshed between the hands.

“Seriously man tell me what’s up? You’ve been so out of it lately!?”

“WHO’S FUCKING FAULT DO YOU THINK THIS IS?!” Bakugou snapped, shaking off the hands but not in time. His face was already turning red. Embarrassment, anger, he didn’t even know which one it was this time.

“Huh? It’s my fault you’re spacing out?”
“DOESN’T IT FUCKING BOTHER YOU?!” Bakugou slammed his hands onto the desk before him, getting up on his knees. Kirishima sat back down. Quietly.

“ANSWER ME YOU BASTARD!”
“It..” Kirishima lowered his head, eyes shifting to the side. He looked smaller like this. Like a kid being scolded.
“It bothers me…” He mumbled, now his cheeks were red too.

“You’ve been acting like nothing fucking happened are you making fun of me?! HAH?!”
“Bakugou… do you regret it?”
“What?”
“Kissing me… do you regret it?”

Bakugou felt like his anger left him in a single breath. He deflated and sat down again. Did he… regret it? He had a lot of regrets in his life. Too many for an 18 year old to carry. But… kissing his friend… was not one of them.

“The only regretful thing is how bad of a kisser you are!” He grumbled, but it was obvious that he wasn’t angry anymore.

“Oi. I can’t help that I have no experience, okay? And you’re way too violent. You know I don’t think kissing’s supposed to hurt!”
“What the fuck are you tryna say?!”

“Bakugou…”

Something about kirishima’s voice changed. No. Not just his voice. His posture. His expression. The energy he was emitting. One hand on bakugou’s cheek one on his shoulder he pushed him against the wall. Gently.

“If you… don’t regret it... can I... do it again?”
“...suit yourself.” Bakugou couldn’t look at the other while he was talking. It was easier to close his eyes in anticipation.

…

And then he opened them again. Because nothing was fucking happening.
“What the fuck are you hesitating for you fucking cow...ar...d.”

They’d been together for so long… but never before had Bakugou seen this expression on his friend’s face. And… part of him wished he didn’t see it ever because it made his entire body turn hot. Like his skin was burnt off of his bones, his soul and heart exposed. Being devoured whole by someone’s gaze… that was new. It was frightening and hot. So on impulse he grabbed Kirishima’s face with both hands and smashed their mouths together. Anything just so he didn’t have to see that expression anymore.

The kiss hurt. In all honesty it couldn’t even be called a kiss. It was really more Bakugou desperately pressing his face against the other in an effort to hide from those burning eyes without looking like a coward.

He didn’t keep the upper hand for very long, though. The back of his head smacked against the wall and for a moment he saw stars popping before his closed eyes. Kirishima had grabbed his face as well and he pushed his thumbs against his jaw joints, forcing his mouth open. Not that Bakugou would’ve resisted at this point. The other’s tongue was more than welcome in his mouth.

Bakugou had his arms wrapped around Kirishima’s neck, fingers thoughtlessly tangled in red hair. God, that guy’s hair was in awful shape. From all the dyeing and styling it’d become rough and dry and Bakugou was sort of happy because the sensation was distracting him from just how much his heart was hammering against his ribcage.

Kirishima’s chest was pressed up against his own, his big sturdy body fit perfectly between Bakugou’s legs and the thought scared him. Yet at the same time being buried in the other’s embrace wasn’t bad. Kirishima was strong. Not just his body but his heart too. But Bakugou knew that wasn’t all there was to him. He had a lot of insecure moments, riddled with self-doubt and fear of failure. He’d gotten better but it was still there. So Bakugou was sure… Kirishima clinging to him for dear life right now wasn’t him being possessive or aggressive. He was being insecure. He was nervous. Afraid of consequences. Afraid of going too far. It wasn’t as intimidating anymore once Bakugou thought about it like this, however… it made the whole scene so much more intimate and that was intimidating in it’s own way.

When their lips parted they didn’t move far apart. Both of them breathing in unison. Only inches separating their faces.
“Bakugou I-”
“If you apologize I’ll kill you.”
“No I… I wasn’t gonna.”
“Then what?!”
“I’m hard.”
“I know that’s kinda your whole thing, are you stupid?”
“Agh! No I mean my dick is hard.”
“...”

It was quiet for a moment. Quiet aside from their combined breathing. Kirishima was shifting and fidgeting his cheeks burning up.

“Stop behaving like a fucking weakling already!” Bakugou snapped after a while, the fidgeting was getting on his nerves.
“Agh what am I supposed to do? Say something already! I dunno hit me if you’re disgusted. At least let go of me so I can go cool my head.”
“Kirishima.”
“What!?” Kirishima’s voice was a little whiny. It was almost fun to hear.
“Show me.”
“WHAT?!” That had possibly been the most high pitched Bakugou had ever heard the other’s voice and it made him feel calmer. A grin spread over his face.

He dropped one hand into Kirishima’s lap, pressing the flat pam against the other’s crotch, causing the Redhead to flinch almost violently. It wasn’t a lie. Kirishima was hard. Really really fucking hard. The thing was hot against Bakugou’s hand and… strangely enough… it wasn’t disgusting at all.

“Ngh~ Bakugou?” Kirishima sat perfectly still as if he was petrified. He was clearly nervous. Bakugou licked his lips and slipped his hand into his friend’s pants.

“WOAH BAKUGOU?! Seriously man what’re you planning to do?!” Kirishima had grabbed Bakugou’s wrist in a brief fit of panic.

“Hey you said you trust me. Was that a lie?”
“Whuh? N-no but this is diff-”

“IT’S NOT!” He snapped and pulled Kirishima in for another kiss. The hand around his wrist loosened after a short moment of hesitation.

Once again he saw that fine line before him. The line that would change everything once it was crossed. He already resided on a throne built out of regrets. Insecurities. Fear. Anxiety. Weakness. Frustration. Did he really want to add another to the pile? Was he going to regret this? What would happen if he crossed that line now? What would happen to them? In the end Kirishima had become his closest friend over the years. He was the one person he tolerated at almost all times. The one person who could calm his nerves and combat his rage. The one person who unwaveringly always stood right by his side as an equal. The unbreakable shield to his powerful spear.

If he crossed the line… what would happen to this precious thing they had built.

“Mh- Bakugou…?” The words softly mumbled against his lips in the middle of their kiss shook him.

He parted the kiss and looked into his friend’s eyes. In the end… maybe crossing the line was impossible. He’d been riding a high. But this wasn’t something he could decide on impulse. This went beyond teasing. They were already only barely scraping along the line between friendship and… something else. Something more.

“Hah~ what’re we even doing…” Kirishima let out a troubled sigh, before wrapping his arms around Bakugou who’d frozen up. He nuzzled his face into the dip between Bakugou’s shoulder and neck and stayed like this. Bakugou could feel his breath but it wasn’t uncomfortable. He just didn’t know what to say. He felt stupid with his hand down Kirishima’s pants but too much of a coward to move it. He could feel the other’s erection pressing against his fingers.

“Hey Bakugou?”
“Mh.”
“What’re you gonna do after we graduate?”
“I’ll work as a hero of course.”
“Where?”
“Does it matter? Wherever there’s villains to kill!”
“Heh~ That’s so like you. I think I’ll go to work for Fatgum-san’s agency…”
“Why are you talking about this right now?!”
“... Distraction.”
“It’s not working you’re still fucking hard.”
“That’s cuz your hand… I mean. Why did you… stop? I mean why did you start it to begin with? Why did you… kiss me that day? And today too. And now this?”
“I don’t fucking know I just FELT like it!”

Kirishima twitched ever so slightly and released the hug to sit up. He was looking straight at him and for the first time Bakugou couldn’t read his expression at all.
“Do you do this with other people when you feel like it?”
“What?”
“Do you?!”
“NO! What the fuck’re you trying to say?!”
“THEN WHY ME?! GIVE ME A REASON I CAN UNDERSTAND.”

This was also the first time Bakugou saw the redhead genuinely upset. It was a very different expression from his usual determined or happy expression, his frustrated expression, the gloomy expression he had when he shittalked himself, the gentle expression he sometimes looked at Bakugou with, his enthusiastic expression. It was different. And Bakugou hated it. Most of all he hated that… he felt if he lied to Kirishima now he could destroy so much more than he could’ve destroyed by crossing that line that intimidated him so much.

“I… don’t know.” He said quietly, lowering his head so that the hair fell over his eyes. Kirishima remained quiet. Was he waiting for an explanation? But Bakugou didn’t have one. How was he supposed to explain something he didn’t understand himself.

“Back there… I just wanted to shut you up.” Thinking back, he’d been really immature then. Embarrassing. He raised his head just in time to see another expression on Kirishima’s face that he hated. The other looked hurt.

“Then why did you do it again?” Even his voice sounded hurt. It was rare that Kirishima showed any negative emotion openly. Only when his insecurities and anxiety were overflowing. Only then he’d let people see his true feelings. Put down the sunshine mask. And right now it was putting Bakugou on the spot. Cornering him. He’d never felt this uncomfortable in his own skin before. Christ, he had no experience with things like this either how was he supposed to know.

“Why did you go along with it? Do you go along with everyone who kisses you out of the blue?!”
Kirishima’s brows furrowed.
“Answering a question with a question is unfair, Bakugou.”
“Cry me a fucking river.”

Bakugou crossed his arms, head turned to the side. No. This was wrong. He had to be more honest.

“Answer me just one question then.” Kirishima interrupted his thoughts once more. How was it that Kirishima was always leading the conversation. He was always trying to find ways to talk properly. Why did he put in so much effort?
“What?!”

“When are you gonna take that hand outta my pants.” The question was so dry it actually made Bakugou look up with big eyes. Dumbfounded. And before he knew it his face turned hot. Very very hot. He pulled his hand back as if he’d burnt himself and quickly turned his face to the side again.

From the corner of his eyes he saw Kirishima getting back onto his feet. He bent down to pick up his books and stuffed the pencils back into their case.

“What are you doing we’re not done studying!” If Kirishima left now, what did that mean for their friendship? And since when was Bakugou so fucking attached? He was behaving pathetically right now and he knew it.

“I uh… don’t think I can concentrate anymore.”
“Didn’t you still have questions?!”

“You’re not answering my questions, though. Bakugou why do you want me to stay?”
“...why the fuck are you like this now?! Sit down and talk normally.”
“I’m gonna go back to my room.”

Bakugou felt like the room was shrinking around him. His chest felt tight. Even breathing was hard.
Don’t leave.
“Oi! Shitty hair!”

Please don’t leave.
“Fine do what you want then! See if I’ll tutor you ever again!”

The second Kirishima’s hand closed around the door handle Bakugou’s legs were moving on their own. Both his hands slammed into the door left and right of Kirishima’s body. He wasn’t going to let him leave.