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Overwhelmed (Patreon)

Published:
2024-03-12 22:07:36
Imported:
2024-07
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Content

So, a minute ago I broke down and cried. I can't remember the last time I cried, maybe sometime last year. It was probably September, I'm usually sad when my birthday is near, but that was probably not the only reason. If I told you what made me break down a few minutes ago you might laugh... But basically, I had a bad dream last night. I won't go into detail, but it's something that's been bothering me on and off, and whenever it sneaks back in somehow, it ruins a day or two for me. Logically, it's something so stupid and irrelevant, but feelings are something that are a bit harder to control. 

Anyway, I think it was good that I let the tears out, it's ok to let them out and restart so to speak. 

The thing that bothers me that I can share with you more directly is my YouTube channel. I find it hard that I have 250K subscribers and only 2000 people watched my original video and listened to my first song. It feels so unreal that people can be that interested in things I have to say about other singers but almost completely not care about my songs. Except for some of you of course, and I appreciate that more than you might realize. But I'm obviously doing something wrong, making videos where people can't connect to me. Often times I just wanna press record on a camera and talk for 60 min about stuff that interests me, that I think is wrong in the world, that inspires me, that can move somebody... Just like, a lot of things, open, raw, and real. But is anybody going to watch that? People don't have time to listen to a 4-minute song, let alone a random guy talking for an hour. Another part of me wants to try and make some very produced videos, but I know that that's a bit unsustainable for me, at least right now. I don't know, maybe I'm overthinking, but these days I just feel overwhelmed and I can't seem to shake it off completely. I just wanna build a small but strong community of people talking openly and truthfully. 

Anyway, sorry if I'm a bummer like this sometimes. Let me know what you're up to these days, how are ya'll feeling? 

Comments

Brandy Lewis

I’m so sorry H. 🥹😞 it’s definitely good that you have gotten some things off your chest. Of course I’ve never met you in person but, from what I do know, is that you and I are similar in being super hard on ourselves. I see that in you from knowing that I get the same feelings. We want to know that everything we put into the world can help others, even a little bit. We beat ourselves up with negativity and overthinking everything. It’s fearful. Anxiety inducing. Overwhelming. It’s definitely easier said than done but, don’t give up. Keep promoting your song and video. You sing great and your video is amazing too! You can do this. You’re not alone. You have family, friends, and fans who are here for you & are pulling for your success.

HofTheStage
>>132186179

Thank you so much Brandy, for reading the whole thing, and for really being a real fan and from what I can tell, a really nice and good person :) Hope one day we have a comunity of thousands of people like you, and that we can cheer each other on. You're definitely right about everything we put into the world might help someone, even if it's just one person, it's worth it. I need to remind myself that sometime. ❤️❤️

Deborah Cox

I hope you are feeling better about the bad dream. As for YouTube, you are not alone. We lost a really good reactor due to when he started posting his own songs, they were not viewed. Also, I always feel so bad for a couple more that keep trying with their material, and while their reactions get thousands, their stuff gets under 1,000. And, they were good songs. If only people would listen to your song, they would be blown away, it's so good! I think you have to be more consistent on YouTube and definitely put more of your own songs on when you have one. I hope you are getting exposure in your community where you live. That song needs to keep going! Nothing new here. Love to you all.❤️

HofTheStage
>>132237706

I do need to be more consistant, it's just sometimes hard because I don't wanna get stuck only doing reactions if people won't be interested in anything else. I would like to find a format where I can engage with my audience a bit more directly. Any ideas would be appreciated. I do feel better today. As for the recognition, I've been on some radio shows lately, going to one again tomorrow so there's definitely some interest, but it's nothing too special all things consider, it won't be life changing. Anyway, I can't wait to look back on all these days of stuggle with you guys who've been here basically since the start and smile when I finally "make it", which for me looks like having a fair amount of income from all of this that I can post songs and videos of higher quality fairly often, and of course to have enough to take care of my family, and maybe afford some cool family trip every now and then.