Upsetting Day: Mac & Devin Go To High School (Patreon)

Remember How High? Yeah? Shit. Well, we did it again. And worse.

No, not that.

Nope.

Save that for April.

Snoop Dogg made a stoner comedy with Wiz Khalifa, with a sequel en-route, and I doubt they remember it. Mac & Devin Go to High School still left footprints on my brain. I’ve blown my anime allowance until 2040, so let’s talk about it.

The film raises questions. How far can a fair critic be from the target audience? Should they choke laughing at the cover art? Why is bullying so fun? How do I contain the darkness?

I’m not kidding. Mac & Devin Go To High School tells me to fuck off before the opening credits. With a talking blunt, voiced by Mystikal.

If you’re unfamiliar with Mystikal, he yells the way I make incomprehensible jokes (the grayscale woman’s Dorothy Parker). Mystikal’s outside-only voice doesn’t quite fit a talking blunt. Walking THC should be a little laid back. Not DMX’s shouting coach.

Said blunt’s called Slow Burn, because life is golden. Mac and Devin Go to High School is a successful comedy. We’re just not laughing with it.

Here’s Slow Burn’s No Squares Allowed sign:

I took it to heart. I’ve seen this Pompei treehouse four times. And yes, to be sporting, the second time I was torched out of my skull.

I fit most of Mac & Devin Go to High School’s marketing checklist. I’ve been a rap fanboy since Snoop’s sixth trial. I graduated in the right year to tolerate Wiz Khalifa. I dress like both caricatures on the cover, often on the same workday. I’ve watched vast oceans of trash, and even paid for Netflix. And I suck at 3D animation.

But I abused different drugs, and I’m not a fucking moron. That’s enough to kick me out of today’s in-group. Admirable, in terms of creative purity. There’s no difference between me watching this film and your grandfather.

I met Mac & Devin Go to High School on Netflix, but they did not pay to create or retain this footage. They were two ships floating into different icebergs. This was born as straight-to-DVD fluff, a mode that once preserved trash for future generations. Now keeping failure alive is up to us, The Internet Archive, and thieves. I own a decade of pre-fame Madea stage bootlegs, but a Belmont might come after me if I release them.

Back to Slow Burn. He’s got love trouble. I’d love to know if he’s with a talking bong, but his paramour remains offscreen. Here’s the first line of scene one. Our frame for everything else.

This movie’s an hour long. It’s a long hour.

Wiz Khalifa’s character, Devin, has worse trouble. And classic dual consciousness. The script says he’s a put-upon nerd that needs to relax. Wiz Khalifa says he’s Wiz Khalifa. Wiz acts the way Kissinger stays alive. He is, despite every jab I’ll make, far and away the worst part of this movie. Don’t blame weed, because Snoop crushes.

Like most nerds in high school, Devin’s dating a fussy model. Ashley wants him to finish his graduation speech, and must pay.

Mac & Devin Go to High School suffers from the action hero casting problem, where leads refuse to look weak. Or in this case, dry-dicked. For example, Ashley won’t have sex until Devin gets into Yale. Sure. But Wiz has to be Casanova, so she means vaginal sex. Their anal courtship’s a core gag. So that you know Wiz fucks, even though the plot needs him not to fuck. So he only fucks weird, but not too weird. Or weird at all, if you’re more adventurous than a mannequin, a Kinsey 0.1, or bored by PTA meetings.

Here’s the enema Ashley carries around.

It’s a very long hour.

Slow Burn, a canon romantic failure, has advice for Devin. And you. But first he has to set the tone:

Stick around. Slow Burn shouts a quality Rollo Tomassi impression, and it’s good to know when to flee a date.

Small request for dating coaches. I know court dates eat time, but hear me out. Please add “controlling bitch alert” to incel lingo. I need it. It’s the funniest hate speech since spearchucker. Don’t forget the siren. The siren’s essential.

Besides, the narrator’s advice is on brand:

It’s true. Instead of wasting batteries on a carbon monoxide detector, keep your controlling bitch alarm primed. Better to die young, wild, and free.

Thank you, Slow Burn. I wish I’d known before. I let controlling bitches push my dreams, and now I write jokes instead of boner pill jingles.

Take notes. This isn’t just any volcel mascot’s advice. Slow Burn is the film’s soul, guiding stoners through alien concepts like “brownies” and “fire.”

He brings that insight to love. And…hold on. I’m forgetting something here. I’ll look it up while editing. Hopefully the talking manosphere joint stays wacky.

Don’t take Slow Burn’s advice on women. Or lawyers. Or casting. Mystikal’s not the worst possible choice, but I don’t think Cosby’s available. Or interested in voluntary drug use.

You’ve probably caught today’s twist by now. I said stoner comedy, the DVD case said stoner comedy, and the talking joint said stoner comedy. This is a sex comedy. An American one from 2012, so we’re in hell.

We lost the genre script for a bit, until streaming TV got desperate. The theory’s simple:

You can do a lot with that. Based on people existing, they fuck. Based on Steve Carrell’s sports car, it’s funny. Studios just had a dry spell. Mac & Devin Go to High School extended it, and not just with hiring choices. An angry odor hovers over it. Even Snoop’s bravado lacks that Def Jam: Fight for New York touch.

For example: Devin’s coming of age. To foil his speech-loving girlfriend, Devin loses his virginity (purity camp rules) at a massage parlor. You’re waiting for a bigoted joke. No, that’s in Snoop’s half of the scene. Devin has a long, jokeless hookup. Not forgettable jokes, stale jokes, or fresh terrible jokes. None. Wiz can’t fall behind Snoop’s body count or he’ll leave the project.

Why get serious here? My grandmother’s ghost could riff on a stoned virgin’s brothel speedrun. Duration. Cost. Infection. Wiz acting. This feels like a Baptist psyop. Wiz just had to take a bump, or find one later.

Let’s check in with Snoop. He plays Mac, a weedmancer that’s repeated senior year 15 times. Think Van Wilder, but Van Wilder. The setting gives his admirers a Drake flavor, but I hope they just didn’t fucking think of it. If it helps, the youngest actor present looks like a substitute.

Besides, Mac’s in love too. With weed.

Also, every unnamed, uncredited character.

But mostly this backup dancer.

We hear Ms. Huck’s a teacher, but she strips for a full music video. Film’s visual. If someone throws pins and says “biochemist,” they’re a juggler. If they take bribes and say “mayor,” they’re a con artist. If they reshoot “My Chick Bad,” then God I wish Ludacris was here. I know Fast flicks pay more and cover better drugs. But he’d knock Mike Epps’s part into orbit.

They have a simple, sweet arc. Mac wants to fuck. Ms. Huck doesn’t, since Mac’s a GED-less felon with an underage harem. But Snoop has a brand to defend, and that doesn’t work for him, brother. So they fuck. Offscreen.

One thousand words! Time for the premise. The plot’s about our heroes uniting to no it isn’t. Mac & Devin Go to High School barely remembers weed, why would there be a story? There’s a scene where they become lab partners. Devin smokes, becomes Wiz Khalifa, and then it’s back to music video tryouts. Several women battle for scale:

I don’t have a premise for you. But I do have a highlight. And low point. Lowlight? It involves Andy Milonakis. You might know him from a decade of ribald sketches, or the eighth most popular tweet. We’re in a bizarre era. OJ Simpson still shitposts every week.

Andy plays Knees Down, a wheelchair-bound stoner that fucks. That’s three dimensions, beating the leads by two. The name isn’t the gross part: during a smoke-ring contest, his girlfriend drops her pants. If you’re having a good day, skip to Mike Epps.

You see it coming.

You hope they won’t do it.

They do it.

There are three kinds of idea: new, borrowed, and damned. I think an HBO cartoon did this first, but Door Three’s funnier. Artists avoided shart-rips so that they could love their reflections. Now this scene’s in my pre-death flashback. And yours.

The elephant in the massage parlor: Mac & Devin Go to High School feels below everyone’s weight class. Our cast has Andy, Mike Epps, Far East Movement, Mystikal’s parole officer, and half the stoner lyrics in history. That adds up, even with tax fraud.

So how’d this happen? Easy. The project spawned “Young, Wild & Free.” Or vice-versa, depending on the interview. That single backed every skippable college party, and they play it more here. If nothing else, it’s a little lighter than Romance by Mystikal.

The instrumental plays over half the transitions, and one Slow Burn rant. Mac’s turning points are rapping the hook in the hallway and during his graduation speech. The full version backs the opening montage and closing dance party. My inbox says I can have a signed Doggy Fizzle Televizzle poster if I paste the lyrics here. I stalk Vernon Chatman, but I’ve got too much pride.

Every shot’s from the movie, and still sucks in context. You’ve never made anything Snoop wouldn’t join for less money than you’d think. As for Wiz, it’s impossible to care. He’s heir to someone with no intent of fading, which Succession neatly captured as gilded purgatory.

Nope.

Sidebar: the radio edit censors “we smoke weed” with “we don’t sleep.” Artfully pointless. Thinking “Snoop Dogg” spawns a grow op in the desert. The edit keeps “we get drunk,” which says everything about drug panics the script forgot.

This is the longest single-song music video I’ve seen, save Commando and the national anthem. Our generation’s Yellow Submarine takes a harmless party track, and makes it about The War on Controlling Bitches. A fine lesson in…something. Somewhere.

Well, we did learn that franchises never die. Even fucking How High. If you don’t use the brand, someone else will. They won’t even file off the serial numbers. The serial numbers will be in the trailer. Ask Mike Epps.

At least, that’s what my project notes say. I’m doing some work on spec:

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