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Podcasting Day: Eliminators with Dirk Marshall 🌭 (Patreon)

Published:
2022-12-07 13:00:07
Imported:
2024-08
Tags:

Content

Today on the Dogg Zzone 9000 we’re talking with Portland hot sauce magnate Dirk Marshall, grown corpulent and prideful from his position atop the cascadian chili pepper oligarchy. Look at him, on his palanquin drawn by spice-crazed children. His corruption can only be stopped by divine justice or assassination.

We might be a little bitter because Dirk has the nerve, the absolute gall to run the VHUS Podcast, where he finds even more cursed artifacts than we do. The difference is his premise is finding folks who work in the jobs shown in these bizarre movies, and our premise is nothing.

For example, if the VHUS podcast covered the movie Eliminators, Dirk would find a mournful mandroid to discuss what it’s like living as a mockery of everything you were. Whereas we actually are talking about Eliminators this week, and we mostly giggle about the ninja.

Eliminators is a perfect movie by virtue of being the best parts of every other movie. Nobody said that means it’s a good movie. If you build a Frankenstein with Chris Hemsworth’s biceps, Pedro Pascal’s voice, Timothee Chalamet’s eyes, Christina Hendricks’ tits, Van Damme’s ass, Willam Dafoe’s dong, and Beyonce’s legs, I’d still fuck it – but I’d have to act fast before God struck it down with earthquakes and wildfire.

That analogy started in a deeply personal place and ended in a VPN-protected incognito browser with 44 tabs open. But you get my point: everything in Eliminators rules, there’s a lot of it, and I don’t know if the monster it made actually whips ass or not because I’m too busy trying to smash it.

ELIMINATORS ROLL CALL!

Sexy scientist!

Cyborg!

Ninja!

Caveman!

Adventurous scallywag!

Wacky robot sidekick!

Fun-loving Berserker Super Hillbilly!

Horny cyborg!

Horny adventurous scallywag!

Horny caveman!

Force lightning wielding time-traveling evil Roman legionary cyborg mad scientist!

…

…

…

Horny force lightning wielding time-traveling evil Roman legionary cyborg mad scientist!

The Dogg Zzone 9000 is breaking for the holidays after this, because the parts of our brains that register awesomeness have been blown out by ninja fan leaps. We’ll see you in the new year!

...

If these images are borked, you can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.COM.

Comments

Jeff Orasky

I vaguely recall this movie, but must have only caught part of it on cable, because I definitely don't remember anything this amazing. Thanks for adding another movie to the 'Hotdog approved' list!

Matt Edwards

I wasn't sure if I'd watched this until I saw the photo of the guy with a Roman shield electrocuting someone in the balls. You don't forget something like that. For some reason, the bit in MegaForce where someone demonstrates the light-sensitive colour-changing paint by dropping their hat on one of the buggies similarly lodged in my young brain. Not the flying bike, the laser dune buggies, not the good guys getting their asses kicked but it somehow being played as a victory. Brains are weird. Also, get Liddy to watch MegaForce so she understands the good guys always win, even in the '80s. It's a Hal Needham film! What more do you need?