Learning Day: LDS Preparedness Manual (Patreon)

Hello to you my cousins in HotDog I post before you today that I want to acknowledge that times are tough! And sometimes if your like me you experience sadness and confusion because: are all these scary and bad happenings abnomalies? Or are they gonna keep happening and maybe even worse!? Some people say: No its not confusing its real clear that the end times are near. And if you say: I don’t know about that I keep hearing that for years. Now they will say: you are a fool of normalcy bias. Which I had to look it up it means that if you think today will pretty much be like yesterday? Nuh-uh dummy thats a cognitive distortion which means you aren't prepared and the only acceptable undistortion is to think that a big-time collapse of civilization and government and society will happen during your life, so it's important to spend your time thinking and talking about that and get ready for it!

Well I didn't know what to think about this so I was pretty happy when I found a helpful manual at the friends of the library book sale:

LDS in case you don’t know means mormon and there all pretty into emergency preparedness and stuff but don’t worry: yes this book is for mormons but not JUST ONLY for mormons

Yes ALL faiths are welcome to sit at this table and eat bunker beans there are NO exclu-

Oh well I feel like that does leave some people out like the new VA counselor who just moved here wears a headscarf she's really nice and funny that is a shame maybe I will try to sneak her some beans

Well that reminds me, this book has some patterns like talkin about “inner-city” and “urban” and ALOT about Watts and Rodney King and Katrina and I feel like I know what there hinting at, but then they just come right out and:

So that is bad. I’ll still take a look and share with you if there’s any unracist parts we can use in our own lives, but first there’s another cavinaught:

A special edition! Well as a hot dog correspondence I want to be thorough so I went the website to see if I could get the Bishop Version but this is what they told me:

And it does look nice I’m partial to blue myself and who knows what additional holy advice it contains or maybe just more racisms but I don't want to lie and say i'm a stake president or something he says they'll check up on that and I am not real interested in going to mormon jail at this juncture.  Anyway, even though it's the civilian one, my copy does have lots of stuff thats not in the pdf one on the website so if any of your spouses or partners or parents or conservatorships have ever said to you: are you really paying money everymonth to something called 1-900-HOT-DOG? Well maybe you can just show them this article, maybe even this very sentence where I say: well well well look who decided to pop in and read some hot dog without paying up first. Okay well while your here: did you ever see A Boy and His Dog? That is a apocalypse what takes place in 2024 which is less than two years of our lord away and when that happens do you want to be a Blood the Telepathic Dog or do you want to be a Quilla June who is murdered and cooked to feed Blood the Telepathic Dog?  Well!?  Ok then.  I’m sorry I got upset there but this is important please hand the phone or tablet back to the hot dog subscriber with your newfound humility and gratitude.

Welcome back here's another important thing you should pre-know:

So Brother Parrett is upfront with us and says he didn't write it, this is more like a unoriginal unauthorized printout of some of the internet for when we don't have wifi which you might scoff and say: I have ATT I will ALWAYS have wifi, well I take no pleasure in tellin you:

Do you not see how if you just think your gonna have all your modern day lucksuries like wifi and boats forever that you might be like as unto a “Gomer’’ yourself? And that is the whole problem we're dealing with here? Because I don’t know if you know? But a flood did happen, the bible tells us so. Accordially: I will patiently ask you to put your absence of faith under your chair and just listen up here for a minute.

So remember that normalcy bias we talked about earlier today? Well if you didn't fully understand how insidinous that one can be here's a more endeth explanation of it:

Now do you comperhend? When you ASSume that you'll prolly be able to buy gas for your geo metro tomorrow on the way to work instead of right now on your way home because your pretty tired that is a normalcy bias, just like this person's brain was so unprepared to see a man's body flying through the air that their brain just kinda photoshopped in something else instead that was very normal and expected, like a scarecrow flying through the air. So that is like you in all your ignorants, you see.

That's a pretty good example I think that helps us understand but here’s one more:

Yes I am also just shaking my head about this from my own just last month: while Trayton was at scoutcamp, me and LaRene we figured we had at least two nights before they called us to come get him (he is smart in his own ways and has developed methods to defeat most bear and racoon food security measures) so we thought we’d do some camping ourselves but were getting up there in years and need a little more comfort so we went to a GlampGround instead but this one was clothing optional, which: that's fine to have that personal freedom but guess what: if you want to use the pool all of a sudden it's nudity REQUIRED even if you explain to the lifeguard about your skin tags are getting pretty long. So that's also a normalcy bias.

Ok so now that I have explained and motivated why we need preparedness let's get into the learnin proper, how about we start with some acronyms, perhaps you can test yourself at home and see if you know what is a:

• TEOTWAWKI
• SHTF AKA WTSHTF AKA TSHTF
• GOOD BOB
• MZB
• PG, NP, MP

Ok when you hear the tone, turn the page for the solutions

TEOTWAWKI

This one is an acronym of the famous REM song and they use it alot in this book cuz it makes things more easily to read and understand I think. (maybe write a bit about how you like how she left in that little note to herself about Haiti cuz sometimes it's pretty interesting to see how other writers sausage is made so to speak and maybe even some of their unguarded personal thoughts chimichanga)

If you want to read more about smells prepperation after THOTWAWKIT here's the website except careful if you type it in it looks like it has pivoted to more of a video-content type deal:

SHTF AKA WTSHTF AKA TSHTF

This one I hesitate to say it because the S is the S word and I am trying to reduce my profanity but i’ll type the answer in a fun hardy boys way here: NAF EHT SHIT TIHS EHT NEHW

Here it is with context clues:

Haha even if he didn't intend it that is a pretty good pun!

GOOD BOB

Okay so this one is:

But yes you are correct it was also the name of LaRene’s uncle’s dooberman so if you also said that you can award yourself full points

MZB

Yes the “M” is for Mutant  and the “Z” is Zombies and then Bikers and you can see this fellow didn't like it at first but then he thought about it:

This made me think about my similar life experiences like when I exercise my U.S. constitution right to purchase goods and services using my legal tender babyfood jars of pennies and I even count em out to a hunnerd in each one to make it easy for them at the maverick but they still roll there eyes. Or when the bus driver gets so stern and says ‘sir you need a mask to ride the bus’ even though I explained how my t-shirt pulled up over my mouth is pretty much that or even that lifeguard at the naked pool and whoa: it's also for me that what I thought were isolated incidents transformed into everything I thought that MZBs could never be.

We’ll finish our vocabulary lesson in a minute but I know maybe your worried about: but what do you DO about MZBs? So here's what he did:

Sometimes it's hard to tell if people just talk like you or if there imitatin’ you to make fun of you but this blogpost proceeds my public writin’ by several years so I think it's just co-incidents.

PG, NP, MP

Okay it’s final lightning round remember whoever wins gets to be Hot Dog Class Monitor so score your own on the honor system:

These ones are kinda hard to remember because no one ever uses any of em ever again anywhere in the book.

So that made learning fun! I know our winner will do a good job tellin me if any of you were bad while I was out makin copies, but now we have more to learn.

Well right now, you might be like me, wondering: are me and mine NP’s? Could we ever do enough MP to get our PG badges? Well we are lucky because this book has a quiz to help us know that. What we’ll do is do the quiz in parts and talk about what the book says to do if you are defission in a area. And I apologize my copy was already filled out but you can still take it on a piece of scratch paper:

So our original owner was doing pretty good on Books and I think we can say that this learnin’ we’re doin’ right now is worth partial credit. If you want to make YOUR preparedness library more complete, the AVOW website suggests some good ones, for example one of the bloggers in this manual wrote this one:

It looks pretty long but we might not have to actually read it: I saw that Mister, Rawles is looking to take his talents to the silver screen!

Well I think I could be that right person: Brockway I knew you wouldn’t mind I went ahead and sent him your e-mail and said you would be happy to help him get representation and whatnot.

Editor’s Note: I’d be worried if you had my real email address.

And hey look here’s another reknown author!

So thanks to Seanbaby we pretty much have read a whole other preparedness book I think that’s at least one more MP point.

Okay so we did pretty good on Books next is:

Good for whoever had this book last, I still need to use my phone flashlight to get my night-crocs on the right feet. If you also failed this part of the quiz here’s what we should do:

I explained to LaRene that her flip-flops have made her be a liability to me in a TAIKAWAITITI situation but she just did that snort thing. She doesn't know about normalcy bias yet I hope it is not to late for her.

The next quiz is drills:

Well yes of course we're all doin our outage drills but how do you do a Bugout Drill? You'll never guess what: the book tells us!

Huh that's pretty interesting at the end there he notes his own area of growth edge. We're lucky there's no one else in the book who just likes buying stuff, but saying it's for madmax survival helps them pretend it's not just that.

Next is Defense:

Whoa I don’t know if whoever filled this out thought ahead when they donated this book, what if some MBZs found this and also somehow found out the address, there's no defense here at all!  Maybe if you display your handgun application in your window I guess.  Well if any of you are as so sheeply as this person here's the remedy:

Well I looked in the file cabinet where I keep every day’s 1900HOTDOG printout and I couldn't find anything about Kravmaga or Kungfusansoo OR Taco Pronto so I cant verify that those are good ones. I did look up about appleseed though and this is nice i think:

Anyway If you did answer ‘yes,’ to the incapassitate and kill question, you may proceed to weaponry suggestions:

Hmm I think I might want something with more instant kill potential please, maybe a actual hawk?

Darn it still no insta-kill and the book doesn't have the part after “If you want to live…”! Maybe it's in the blue version but this one is by someone named Ward Dority and I couldn't find his blog but he has a nice pinterest and he's pretty active on Quora but when I tried to find more about what if i want to live, I learned that I have a lot to learn:

Well that was a little unheartening i’m starting to wonder if any of us can ever be a PG oh wait there's one more part of the quiz!

Oh my gosh who knew that just being alive in 2022 would mean we would all get a pretty much perfect score on Pandemic? I hereby consecrate us all Preparedness Gurus, Elders of the Shield, Defenders of His Word!

(I wasn't really surprised, I read this part earlier and had to scan it and put it in here and everything, I just thought it would be fun for us to end on a positivity note)

Well here we are at the end of our journey but somehow it's the same place we started but most importantly: we are changed. If from now on your loved ones and kin asks you: what is your secret you are more upright and confidence and how is that your countenance radiates a patient wisdom but also like you are ready and willing to kill, if needed and always? You can maybe just do a kinda weary smile, shake your head and say in a gruff voice that is somehow both humble but also very superior to them: “If your lookin for a playbook, pal…” and then just walk away in a westerly direction, secure in the knowledge that definin’ your life and personality and relationships by constant anticipation of danger and collapse can never ever go wrong in the name of jesus christ amen.

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If these images are borked, you can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.COM.