Learning Day: A Guy's Guide to Being a Man's Man (Patreon)

Hello hot dog and hot dog to you too, maybe some of you are in the same situatioun as me and were recently shooken to find that John Wayne was not a man to look up to after all (i don’t know wether its good or bad that LaRene’s gramma died before this was uncovered, she had many many portraits and photos of The Duke in her home along with: she never met a Navajo gift shop she didn't try to buy in it’s entirety). Now yes, I am in a aspirational process of becoming my OWN masculinity male role model, but in the meantime i appreciate a good guide post or trail blaze to direct me in being a strong but unharmful man in todays modern world. So now that John Wayne isn't one I was pretty excited to find this textbook at the Friends of the Libary book sale:

I didn't really know who Frank Vincent was but then he explained it on the cover:

And in the intro:

And in the intro again:

And then there’s a chapter about it:

And then he says hes going to say it:

And then he says it!

So this is the guy that says “Go Home and Get your Shinebox!” in Goodfellas and then is dead in the trunk for the rest of the movie, so i guess thats enough to not only deserve a book, but also Frank gets to tell whoever is a “guy” how to become a Mans Mans, which if you dont know what that is he explains it:

That sounds like me alright!

But heres more information:

So my mouth is already a little tired of saying mans mans but this at least clarifies it: a mans mans is pretty much a boy scout who is is also good in bed and then Frank shows us what that looks like:

So now he has taught us with both words and image but heres one last test for us about if we should read this book:

If any of you did say Disneyland actually please do close this blog and come back after you chop down a tree or something i need you take this serious right now.

As for me I didnt say Disneyland I said the Crystal Palace in Bakersfield which is not Vegas but at least Im aloud to keep reading and learning so here we go

Yes It is important to know that a mans mans is also a BAD BOY as illustraighted in this true story from real life:

But dont get confused: “bad boy” really means classy and refined, for example:

Well if your like me Im a little sick of seeing about that one but here is another example that is perhap more hotdog friendly:

Well I didnt remember Mortal Thoughts but the internet told me that on opening weekend it was second place to Out for Justice so not too bad!

Most of you are probably saying: but who are some MORE examples of a bad boy?  Dont even worry heres a whole list:

So now that we know the most Mans Mans thing any Mans Mans can do is pretend to be a different Mans Mans on the tv (OR be a Aerosmith Yes, even Jimmy Crespo) so you can guess whats next maybe:

Frank will teach us about Mans Mans movies here is a important part he says:

Here i stopped reading for a minute to just realize and think that never before has a book made me SMELL a movie that is a sign of a great writer i think

So first, guess what its gangster movies here i’ll put this one again in case you forgot:

Haha the line we ALL walked out of the theater saying to each other again and again and still to this day! Hold on a minute:

I just went and said it to LaRene again and she just kinda sighed because I’ve been talking about this book alot but I think she thinks its pretty funny.

Anyway and then cowboy movies, i was glad he started talking about revisionist westerns!

But huh I don’t know if Thank Goodness Now the Women are Clean and Dress Sexy is really what they were going for with those but anyway next is the chapter about sports movies:

First we start off with ones you DONT watch (as a Mans Mans):

And here i’m starting to be like wait a minute is it really very Mans Mans to tell another mans that what you like is bad just because i dont like it? or maybe john wayne would drunk-squint at you if you said you liked it?  Cuz yes i’m not fan of the westminster fancies or documentaries about em but that bloodhound in best in show is a beautiful peace of dog-flesh. Also 4.85$ isnt that much money especially for the amount of triumph and joy we feel when Airbud saves his boy from dead father grief. Frank, if i may say it respectfully, in the words of your people: FORGET ABOUT IT

So what DOES make a good sports movie good according to Frank?

Well yes Susan is lovely but I’m more of a The Hunger Mans Mans myself but that ones not in this book.

whats next? its WAR MOVIES Frank says war is bad but maybe its complicated? because look at all the good movies we got out of it, and also Mans Mans like Frank Sinatra in From Here to Eternity but honestly i feel like i seen this same list like a hundred times so we will not linger on this chapter we are going to move on to this good joke!

HAH-Oh i guess i might need to explain because you dont have the book: if you turn the page its just the next chapter! (Smoking Cigars Like a Man’s Man) He used a whole chapter to make a joke, its in the table of contents and everything!

with this one at first i got a little worried because of this:

This got me feeling a little “seent” as they say and not in a good way but then I looked over:

and felt relief cause i am not a coor’s light guy I am a COOR'S BANQUET MANS MANS (just maybe dont tell Frank I buy them mostly ‘cause I think the stubby bottles are cute.)

Anyway, here Frank points out how dating is hard for even a Mans Mans to meet all the criteria in real personal ads from real life:

I got a little spicious here cuz that personal ad doesnt really sound like the ones Ive come across, but making up a fake ad for evidence about how women are totally nuts doesnt seem like something a trustworthy loyal brave clean reverent Mans Mans would do, so i will shelf my skeksistism for now. Also i feel like theres maybe one more important difference between how Sarah J. looks compared to Bernie Mac but maybe that is a unfair speculation on my part.

Here is more helpful advice that i liked because it was like grown up goofus and gallants:

I kinda wish he did little pictures by them like a Highlights for Mans Mans.

So next Frank gives some tips about dealing with your special ladies exes and this is where i started paying close attention again because I have NOT forgot that Randy Ogburn (that’s Marilynne and Rorys boy, mind, NOT Pyper and Blakes) used to be coming up on more than friends with LaRene when we were softmores. i wont ever forget how LaRene called me one time and said she just had a real nice ride up the canyon with Randy on his Honda 250 and i just kinda swallowed my upset and said that sounds like a nice friendship ride but then she did go to prom with me after all (which was lovely we did kinda a all day thing where we went to the boys soccer game and i brought her crisp meat burritos from taco time and then we went to sandpipers out by the airport) but ever since Randy got divorced it seems like hes been sorta too friendly again with LaRene so I determined to try Franks’ advice.

Step 1:

I tried this one when Randy was staying probly longer than he needed to after church talking to LaRene about the ice cream social and I put out my hand to shake it WAY before he did haha!

Step 2:

This one was at the actual ice cream social when i saw Randy come up to LaRene talking about how wow you can actually taste the french in this vanilla and i was like how do you do Randy did I mention my hobby of I have a special notebook where i write down GOOD DOG NAMES and he looked a little confused and then left and I gave LaRene a taste of my soft-serve chocolalate-vanilla SWIRL while he walked away

Step 3:

This one was at the Maverick i was inside asking Faye-Lynne if she could put some ground beef on the discount pepperoni slices leftover from lunch I am monitoring my protein macros and when i walked out proudly with my sorta DIY meatlovers well who is it thats there talking to LaRene in the truck but Randy and he is even leaning on the door like a cool teacher and so I said oopes, watch out for your health there Randy and he said what? and I firmly but politely said: Randy if you do not leave I will alert the manager, that one i dont think went very well so:

Step 4:

This one i thought about how to apply it to my own life and i thought maybe i could tell LaRene a lil white one like I saw Randy going into see Call Me By Your Name at the theater. Or that I saw his name on the Protect Our Children Take Judy Blume Out Of Our Libaries petition (which I did NOT sign) but then I was just like wait a minute, that doesn’t sound very Mans Mans to have to lie to make a relationship work, so instead i practiced Open and Vunnerable and told LaRene I have a insecurity about maybe you still have romantic feelings for Randy and she just sorta raised a eyebrow at me and said “Feelings about Randy? Ogburn? No, I don’t have any of those he told me he thinks maybe monkeypox is gods punishment for sodomy which imagine how Greg and Bo down the street would feel if they heard that? And I just didn’t say a word so he knew exactly what i thought about that.” and I just held her hand real tight on that one.

So I feel like Frank maybe got me started on working on a relationship issue but Im not so sure hes got real good end-game advice and I am pretty skeptical by this point about whether Frank has much to teach me or if he is just sort of a weird actor guy trying to make his own life work out over in New Jersey or Los Vegas or whatever. but then I saw this:

And well that did seem pretty sweet actually so I logged into hotmail.com and learned some hacking skills to find all of mine and LaRenes emails for a year, but then when i was looking a lot of em were forwards from the school counselor about can we meet to discuss “re: Traytons recent behavior (lunch-tray licking)” or us being kinda mad at each other on email about somebody identity thefted us again and which one of us was it bought something shady (i thought it was her buying factory outlet essential oils but it was me: turns out the BeaverSim 2021 app i got was from a not legitimate developer).

So i was going through cutting this one out and this one out but then I thought you know what? all of these emails are our real life, arent they? And the good ones was kinda too much connected to the bad ones to even separate ‘em. Like: the behavior plan to stop the licking was how we found out that ketchup packets are a real good reinforcer for Trayton!  And because I gave up the beaver game i found a even better one called WolfAmigo!

So I just printed em ALL out on the church clerks office printer (well almost all of em it ran out of paper but I was getting nervous Brother Jameson was going to come back) and I found a nice pretty blue three ring binder too on the way out.

So thats the gift part done! now for the meal:

Yes that is a foreign word i had to look it up he said it almost as much as shinebox, for example:

But LaRene and I dont go out to eat much anymore for both financial purposes and it seems like all the restaurants take forever now because of all app orders from the Goddamn Californians what keep moving in, but luckly Frank also provides a chapter for at-home dining options, and there was one that looked pretty do-able! But i didn’t have all of the exactly the same ingredients so i made do with what i could find at the Maverick and the Shur Fine so here is my version:

And then, in what I thought was pretty Mans Mans fashion I politely declined Franks drink suggestions and invented a cocktale my self out of what I bet are LaRenes favorite flavors:

2 parts Dr. Pepper (Dark Berry)

2 parts Bota Box (Nighthawk Black Rich Red Wine Blend)

1 parts Early Times Bourboun (for a special occasion, a Mans Mans chooses the bottled in bondage kind for the decreased diarrhoea affects)

2 cherries (the ice cream ones)

Ice

Anyway I had her sitdown and served her up the noodles with a nice Side and she said pretty good and then i gave her the special drink and the e-mails binder and she said this is just real sweet.

So Frank but no Franks, it turns out that i had the most personal growth from Listening to Self and found: yes, a inner Mans Mans but also too a Womans Mans and a Mans Womans and a Womans Womans and what are these labels anyway? and i know its true because afterwords? LaRene came out to where i was napping in the hammock in her jean jacket but no other top on underneath and said traytons watching crispyroll on his amazon fire tablet in the dog crate with Rabbit and we did like they taught in our Sustaining Marital Intimacy class: she put on some music on her phone to communicate HER sexual energy and then I put on some music to communicate MY sexual energy and then we found OUR sexual energy median point and put on some music together  and then we had a pretty good snuggle! (mutually orgasmed) In the name of jesus christ amen.

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