Reflecting Day: The 1900HOTDOG Collectible Card Game! (Patreon)

1900​​🌭 in cooperation with PoxCo Card-Based Schemes for Children and Invalids presents The Official 1900🌭 Collectible Card Game!

Maximum Card Game™ is truly an innovative interactive cardstock experience, and a major disruptor of both the pack-and-snack market space as well as the 87 billion dollar a year pre-adult gambling industry.

For starters, MCG™ is the only card game you can’t buy, but must already have! It’s also the sole game on the current market that you can only have one deck of, and it is one of the very few Collectible Card Games in history that does not have any cards, and instead relies on theft and trickery to assemble pieces from other CCGs. It’s-

Hold on, I see your conventionally-structured brain is having problems grasping our exciting new paradigms. Don’t worry, the pictoglyphs hidden on every pack of MCG™ are already rewriting pathways in your mind. You’ll get it in time, and then be unable to get anything else. Until that happens, let me walk you through this whole card thing in the outdated “coherent” fashion which will soon feel like poison in your thoughts.

Twice a year, we send out limited edition T-shirts to our Hot Dog Appreciators. This year it was a special design by Will Black in honor of our Conan podcast miniseries, where Brockway introduced Lydia Bugg to the wildly shifting manias of the original Conan trilogy.

Do you love that? Want it on a shirt?

Good news!

You can’t ever have it.

Ever.

These designs are only for the Appreciator packages and will never be for sale. Do you hear me, motherfucker? You will die without touching this shirt, I promise you that.

…

Unless you’re a Hot Dog Appreciator!

In which case you already received your shirt in the mail and are wearing it carefully, now acutely aware of the target I just put on your chest. Packaged with your shirt, you also received a puzzle. A triptych of powerful cards that have no doubt troubled you every moment since you saw them. These three cards are your one and only hand for the first installment of the 1900🌭 MCG™!

Your cards represent one of four factions: Extreme Sports, Fantasy Bullshit, America, and Chaos. With them you will battle your fellow Hot Dogs and tell the epic story of a clash between realms.

The year is 1999: the tips are frosted, and the sports are extreme. Radicalized anti-circumsicion terrorists have not yet orchestrated 9/11, so America is still king of the world. Tonight is New Year’s Eve, and the world is ready to bury the 1990s in the only appropriate way: With an extreme sports rave. Somebody spiked the Jolt Cola with even more Jolt Cola, and the BMX dancing is growing palpably erotic. Everyone is aware that the world will never be this ‘90s again, so they’re leaving it all on the floor. A lot of people are getting penetrated to “Block Rockin’ Beats.” It’s beautiful. It’s wonderful. It’s a dream. Dreams cannot, by their nature, last.

Stodgy old America simply will not tolerate the rebellious majesty of the kickflip. Every footstunt classified Bitchin’ or Greater is considered a threat to freedom. America has sent its elite Patriot Forces in to break up the X-Treme celebrations. Their orders? Shoot anything wearing a T-shirt over a longsleeve shirt.

The clock turns over to midnight… of the year 0000!

It’s Y2K! Fringe lunatics and Leonard Nimoys tried to warn us, but we didn’t listen. All the world’s computers have gone insane, and hacked pure Chaos into the world. Pro Equestrians and Tragic Easter Bunnies run amok, finally unleashed from the shackles of conventional morality.

The calendar itself bursts into flames, resetting time again to the year N/A and ripping open portals to impossible worlds that don’t exist. Through them come all manner of Fantasy Bullshit - noble knights and sinister demons, radical trolls and scratch-off dragons. Each is truly a wonder of imagination or, failing that, non-prosecuteably distinct from Lord of the Rings.

And then there’s you, caught in the middle of it all. Surrounded by the physical manifestation of desperate corporations chasing the 1990s card craze into the dirt. With only your wits and your sweet, sweet cards to save you!

Here’s what a typical hand looks like:

Powerful stuff. We did not get an Extreme Sports card in this one, but we did get a solid variety: the quiet Texan menace of Barbara Bush, the unwavering loyalty of the Eurasian Sloth Bear, and the aggressive mundanity of George Lacklustre: Fantasy Disappointment make for a strong defensive deck.

Now I’ve taken the template that Seanbaby made for me after I explained what I was doing, and he explained “I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.”

And I’ve made myself a 1900🌭 MCG™ Barbara Bush card.

I’m ready to play! Now the only remaining step is to figure out the game. Here’s how we’re going to do that:

You’re going to do that!

If you have your Hot Dog Appreciator package, you have a stake in making this game! Just hop onto the Discord and click on Untubed Sausage, the premium channel for Hot Dog Appreciators and Supremes. Maybe there will be a tournament bracket! Maybe there’ll be a supreme winner! Maybe they’ll win an exclusive and valuable prize that – again, I absolutely will not bankroll.

Oh wait, I almost forgot. I did make one rule: There is a single Wiggins in play.

When the Wiggins is popped out, it becomes invincible.

This ruins everything, I am aware.

...

If these images are borked, you can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.COM.