Reflecting Day: The Year! In Review! 🌭 (Patreon)

Welcome to 2021, Road Warriors, Wasteland Wanderers, and Wall-Es alike. I don’t care how you did it, but you made it through 2020. That’s something you can brag about to your skeptical grandkids as they warm their hands around the Tesla battery fire in between supermutant raids. Just living through this is the stuff of legend. And yet somehow, despite launching this site at the very end of profitable internet content and at the very start of a global pandemic, we made it through the year, too. We are the official scrappy can-do site of the Stupid Apocalypse.

We celebrated that fact with our Best of 2020 Collection, where Seanbaby picked his favorite Brockway moments, I had the much harder task of picking my favorite Seanbaby moments, and we all picked our least favorite Godek moments. Every single one of those articles became free to read -- even the Teamworking Days! That makes them an excellent starting point if you’re looking to share the site with your friends, loved ones, or enemies whom you want to laugh so you can attack them while they’re offguard.You can find all of those here:

Best of Learning Day 2020

Best of Punching Day 2020

Best of Nerding Day 2020

Best of Teamworking Day 2020

Best of Upsetting Day 2020

It’s also a good time to mention the free tag. Every article that we open to the public is tagged as such, and can be found right here! That contains every free article we’ve ever done, and will be updated with every free article we ever do. If you have friends that balk at the sight of a Patreon link, or just don’t make enough money renting orifices to billionaire overlords to burn a fiver on frivolity, they can still read two new articles every week, totally free. Just like they got from us back in the heyday of Cracked.

Speaking of the old band, we’re getting it back together! We just featured two huge guest pieces by Michael Swaim and Brendan McGinley, who lost entire months of their lives to bring us their highest art: Jokes about cartoon teenagers fucking robots and jokes about real life thirty-somethings fucking robots.

I’m sure they, like you, consider it all worth it.

This year we’ve also expanded and refined the best part of the site: The community Discord. It is now several hundred frankfurters strong and they’re here every day, running role playing games and putting way too much thought into beer, laughing at sports and fuming at streaming services. They share Hot Dog Tips and music videos, game news and a love for several thousand word humor essays about terrible pop culture. There were some significant tier changes lately so if you’re not in the Discord, check again: Yes you are! If you’re reading this, you have access. Come join us and never miss another Fuck Ape!

We began hosting Meat Parties - biweekly movie watchalongs with prime Hot Dog Energy - and we’ve already been through so much together. We lusted after Jackie Chan’s yellow sweatervest and mourned the many fartdead of Traxx, we called Subzero now just Plain Zero and stuck by it even though we knew we could do better, and we watched an unstoppable cyclops kill absolutely everything with a laser trident. They’re honestly some of the best times we’ve had this past year. We love doing them and hope you all do, too. There are some incredible flicks coming up, and we just know Maximum Overdrive day is going to be extra special. You might want to dress up for it. I call dibs on Steven King cameo!

We also-

God, we did so much this year. We held a mail-in wrestling tournament, we launched the podcast, we ruined a mormon, we laughed and cried and lashed out violently at well-intentioned social workers. We did it all.

And now, it’s time to do it all again.

Let’s start things off right by thanking our new Hot Dog Supremes. Please welcome:

Lane Haygood: Undefeated Heavyweight Champion of eating a whole burrito and regretting it.

Luke Skyjogger: Who will never be caught by Luke Skywalker, but will always be caught by Luke Skyrollerblader.

Rich Joslin: If a jetski could be a man, it would be honored to be called Rich Joslin.

Speaking of, it’s time for the second Great International Hot Dog Mailout. Your artifacts from the Wrong Dimension have been wrapped in paper blessed by an Attempted Pope, and sealed with scotch tape that once briefly stuck to Bon Jovi’s fingers. That should be adequate magick to contain their cursed energy as they make their way across the world to you. But if your mail carrier can only speak in WikiHow steps and tries to attack you with poor karate, forgive them. We do not all have the mettle to resist septic psychic leakage from the dark universe that publishes Doris Sanford books.

We especially loved seeing you open your packages and explain to your loved ones why you spent actual money on this, so share them with us again! Remember to use the hashtag #̸̦̦̋͑̕Ü̵̺̹͆̍N̶̢̳̝̐̀D̴͓̔̈́͘ͅͅO̶̦̙͛̀͘N̶̳͔͑E̵͖̔ but get every one of those squiggles right, or you will unravel and your parts will be recycled by time just like Ponce Chortley. P-pens Chapworthy? Who?

But enough about last year, that’s in the past! The past sucks! It’s like the present, but shittier, because it’s not even interactive. The future is way better, that’s like the present that you get to sabotage.

If you haven’t checked in on the external site in a while, Seanbaby did a full redesign with one goal in mind: Maximum speed in cramming joke-related content into your brain with minimal clutter. Give it another go.

We’ve got another podcasting day coming up with special guest star Jason Pargin, where we talk about people who have unknowingly become parodies of themselves. We discuss and mock Dennis Miller at length, we discuss and mock Steven Seagal at length, we just generally do everything at length. It’s a monster. If you include our bonus episode about Nic Cage, we have three hours of podcast for you. We podcast like Zac Synder makes movies: Nothing left on the floor, lots of hype, and unironically featuring the song “Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen.

Really makes you appreciate the guest spot we did for Alex Schmidt’s excellent podcast, Secretly Incredibly Fascinating, where he expertly herded us into a lean hour.

If there’s ever an opening for Professional Hot Dog Wrangler (Non-Sexual), Schmitty’s got the job.

There was so very much more, but some of it I can’t mention, some I’m not allowed to mention for legal reasons, and much more I have simply forgotten about because I have destroyed my memory bringing you these wildly destructive artifacts from the Wrong Dimension.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

We love doing this site, it is way better than any day job aside from Jet Ski Tester and Professional Hot Dog Wrangler (Sexual), and we hope you stick with us this next year. We need your patronage and we need your help in spreading the gospel of tubed meat, because we’re closing in on our next big stretch goal: The Hot Dog store. With your help we’ll be selling Popsicle Pete merchandise and black market Traxx t-shirts in no time, and that’s it. That’s the final seal. This whole world will finally unravel like Peps Chapstick and we can rest. Rest like the Wrong Ones promised us the first time we put a bootleg Darktown Strutters tape into a Malcolm-Jamal Warner TV/VCR and crossed over into that terrible place, then returned with images of every sin our alternate selves committed burned into our eyeballs. But we know with your help, you can get us to the Promised Land - to the place without eyes!

2021! The year we’re Undone!