Nerding Day: Sarah Palin Versus The World (Patreon)

Comics: where you can do anything, including nothing. What do the gods have for us today? I hope they’re cool about the constant insults.

Ah.

I almost get it.

Scott Pilgrim had ideal timing. Emulators were in, and dating algebra students was out. A new culture, tapped through one lad’s quest to suck less. A working brain can riff on that. Leading to two straight adaptations and one Rebuild of Scott.

Then there’s Sarah.

Again, I almost get it.

Palin’s an elite cosplay moron. Not a moron– life’s not simple enough for that. But she’s a moronface legend. Diehard fans of Moron sing along with her on cruise ships. She toyed with original work, but critics wanted Moron. Her family dove too deep and melted into Morons. Palin aimed that effort at history, and landed on The Masked Singer. A working brain could satirize that life. Or get scooped by porn halfway through their draft.

Pilgrim and Palin are interesting targets. Separately. The combo is spit from the gods, a pack of inbred cowards. Are these the best torments they have? They’ve coasted since Verdun, and it’s shameful that I’m alive to say it. We should’ve stolen fire twice.

Instead, man parodies effective comedies. It rarely works out. That’s panel one, and the dream’s already collapsing. The rest of the page doesn’t save it.

I had high hopes for the Russia joke. It’s the free space for jabs at Palin. Someone’s quoting that shit at her wake. Watching it flop feels like the moon landing, backwards. No one’s been this disappointed since her running mate/spouse/daughter/self.

Get cozy–the style parody’s not improving, and the politics aren’t growing teeth. You might expect left or right wing glurge. Instead, it’s meaningless glurge. Sarah Palin vs. The World is technically a political cartoon, and meets that comedy standard. Sorry.

Take Burnout McCain, who drags the plot to a start:

Slacker McCain’s an odd whiff. The late senator was made of material. You could do a tasteful riff in your sleep, and a tasteless riff from a wooden cage. Here, he’s just Wallace without awkwardly-aged sass. Leaving a hole in the page.

While McCain remains fossilized, the Tea Party gets a glow-up:

Math question: are three double takes a triple take? Octuple? I did one for the flag, one for the caricatures, and one remembering Scott Brown was alive. Disbelief is all up in my face.

I like Yung Rand’s homeroom sniper eyes, but this is his only panel. Sarah Palin vs. The World aims wide. As for Christine: Dancing With The Stars’ had to drive someone insane eventually. I didn’t expect an artist hot for Christine O’Donnell to pop up before a salsa-themed bomber, but comedy’s about surprise. Hopefully her bunker has a comic shop. Christine’s waifu form gets the same page space as John McCain.

Today’s dialogue peaks at “Bitch.” Once Sarah enters the race, the O’Malley impression melts. Think dialect writing, but for Reddit. If you’ve ever wanted ttyl by an even more confused adult, who are you? What is your world like? Do you have wisdom for our people?

Sarah has to throttle her haters. E.g., half the nation, including McCain’s campaign manager. Great parody of the evil ex gag, if you’re into whip-its. I’m halfway through a can of Easy Cheese, and this is my new favorite song.

Her first boss is a journalist, because healthy states hate reporters. It’s nice seeing a little genuine Sarah shine through. Sadly, the Scott Pilgrim schtick enables political cartoon labels. Recycle all the Konami Code jokes you want, I know Ben Garrison labels when I see them.

Joe fights with ink, and Sarah parries with her book. Neither fights with wordplay. No one’s wording good today.

There’s a little more Sarah here: the creator’s pretending to speak Moron, and excelling. But the translation of “idiot” is “idiot.” Sarah Palin vs. The World succeeds to death.

I’ve banged the parodying a comedy drum a lot. Writing doesn’t have rules, but there are weight classes. Or challenge ratings. Or drug schedules. However you spend your weekends. You can try anything, but some doors lead to beatings/party wipes/naloxone. Like parodying a stealth rom-com with rejected Fallon cracks.

Big talk from Hades’ shittiest build.

Parodying any comedy better than White Chicks takes effort or talent. Or something beyond shared initials. That’s a draft zero idea. Word crashes itself after the title.The overlap between Scott Pilgrim and Sarah Palin is two letters and zero presidencies. Unless the new show goes places.

But there’s a more basic problem.

That too. While Antarctic Press churns out cheesecake today, they spent the 2010’s puking into America’s brain. But there’s an even more basic problem.

I wouldn’t blink at a 2008 train wreck. Election years open a media hellmouth, and every demon of unfinished Reconstruction crawls through. If they were unplanned, I’d call it temporary insanity. Given the schedule, I’ll call it a holiday.

This one-shot’s from 2011. Three years after Sarah tripped at history’s finish line. She still drew memes and tabloids, but so do rats carrying pizza. Everyone still watching Who’s Nailin’ Palin knew Lisa Anne’s shoe size. The world moved on: Sarah’s the only fake moron this century to miss the White House.

The next hater’s her son-in-law. You’ve probably forgotten his name, so I’ll spare your RAM. His look evokes the vegan psychic, meaning the author read the original. I don’t know how long you’ve been here, but that’s a Hotdog miracle.

I won’t waste ATP defending Sarah. She’s decline’s opening act. Just note that a career demon can scar a nation’s brain and still be remembered for her daughter’s ex. I don’t even know if Karl Rove has kids. Hopefully not, the Belmonts can only do so much.

His fight sucks, but the followup’s notable. I’d say “memorable,” but:

Remember Kate Gosslin? I fucking didn’t. This political satire stops by Jon & Kate Plus 8, a guide to advanced parental neglect. After half an episode, I sprinted back to Sarah Palin vs. The World. The smartest, sanest media in this paragraph. I assume Palin got involved, and don’t really give a shit how. What matters is that it’s Ass-Kick-O'clock.

And Kate’s a milkbender.

Breastmilkbender.

I’ve added that to my browser dictionary–that’s contagious insanity, and I’m sure more Mommymancy’s in my future. Combat nursing has spread in silence for a decade. This is the first soggy volley of a long war. The Deep is smirking on Olympus.

If only this were hornier. I get lonely souls indulging a niche boner. That’s half the human story. Sadly, the Christine O’Donnell aura is missing, leaving a failed wellness check. A calm, flaccid team crafted this page with laughter in mind. That’s bad news: casting Milkaga ironically is much, much more insane.

Kate goes down easy, and too early. We’re inches from a Palin x Pilgrim joke with the eight kids, and seven exes. She has a numbered corset and everything. I don’t know the punchline, and neither do the three writers and two editors. The dream simply dies, like so many before it. We got nipple drones before a Scott Pilgrim joke, like a Gundam fanfic you’ll never prove I wrote. There’s nowhere to go but up.

That’s…progress. It’d be better to focus on Tina Fey, the only non-McCain praying for Sarah’s victory. She would’ve had the third largest fortress in the wastes, behind Lisa Anne and Ragnar the Skulltaker. But I give a shit about these three without head trauma or more Easy Cheese.

Granted, they don’t resemble a living soul. Age-bent, lawsuit-proof, manga-ish caricature is four too many masters for the artist. Who has a credited name, but I’ll let him move on. Who hasn’t drawn Lil’ Bush-grade satire to survive? Most of us, including myself. But I can imagine it, and my mind wanders to protect itself.

Will Sarah pull out a win? Or get buried by three better actors? I’m pulling for Sarah, The Media Circus is the lamest name this side of MAX. I wish real lunatics backed this. You’ve already forgotten The Media Circus, but The Bilderberg Puppets would live in your heart. I’d buy t-shirts of the Bilderberg puppets, get bored of them a year later, boo them out the building every week, and cheer their triumph as WWE champion. See how easy welding unrelated bullshit together is, if you try?

I’ve spent more time gaming than unconscious. What in hell are pwn points? How is imitation gaming humor worse than the genuine trashcan? We’re eight Gamergates in. My feed’s all memes about Stellar Blade endorsing white genocide. This is an easy win.

Biting.

I’d shit on the Fatality joke, but that’s stock by now. Flawless defense. Antarctic Press taps past hacks to reach new lows. I’m cornered.

Heh.

Don’t get me wrong, this bit dissolves into failure. But the setup of Archmage Couric makes me smile. I’m confident that watching Couric interview Palin was the low point of John McCain’s life. I also skate without a helmet, so this might be as funny as a nuclear state’s plunge into madness. I’m still taking the win.

I felt something. I’m alive. Alive! I’m still alive, the back cover’s in sight, and Poseidon’s still heaven’s bassist. I win, and it only cost my thinkbox.

Time for the finale. By the way, you know who can’t sew for shit? Athena. Watch her sometime. It’s like watching a baby deer drive.

Fucking…fine. This is pretty much the concept. You could use Biden for symmetry, and tap Palin botching the debate. But Obama’s the best caricature since Rand Paul. Even after recycling the Steve Rogers bit. This can work.

Sweet.

That’s fine. He played pick-up games. Half as often as golf, but I’m cool.

That’s fine. She played college basketball. Remember the first page? It’s a callback.

That’s fine. The final English-speaking president, and our only joke’s “basketball.” I’m not beaten. Challenging the gods is easy. Always challenge the gods. It’s fun, like the basketball I’m playing right now.

That’s Sarah Palin vs. The World. Reading it erases Understanding Comics from your brain. You can try it, or ask seven normal exes to tap-dance on your skull. The damage could launch your MoronFace career.

This article was brought to you by our fine sponsor and Hot Dog Supreme: Lane Haygood, who played the hair dye-bending Public Mockery Boss in Rudy Giuliani Versus The World.

You can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.COM.