Unborn Hero Chapter 29: Lèse-Majesté (Patreon)

"What?" asked Kellela incredulously, the utter ridiculousness of the news beaten only by the fact she was host to the astral projecting embryo of a [Hero] with a weird fetish for short, revealing dresses. "Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously," replied the [Lieutenant], somehow keeping a completely straight face.

"How the heck can they have an unveiling event for the [Hero] when the [Hero] hasn't even been born yet?"

"The [Hero] has already earned the [Demon Slayer] achievement, and a foreign dignitary has turned up on our doorstep," pointed out Hayedalf. "Now there are ongoing attacks from both demons and humans. I doubt the palace saw much choice."

"Not much choice in admitting we have a [Hero], but it's hardly a reason to hold some sort of grand ball."

"According to the message, they're normally held once the [Hero] regains their memories, and that's happened already, so..."

The [Lieutenant] left his sentence dangling, his expression suggesting he didn't quite follow the logic himself.

"I thought I was done with all those fancy noble events when I left the capital, but no. Now I've not only got to go back for another one, but it's hosted by the palace, and will be packed to the gills with foreign dignitaries. Not to mention royalty. And I'm not even really wanted; I'm just transporting the one who is. Besides, where am I going to find something appropriate to wear by tomorrow? Since I'm only invited by practical necessity, perhaps I should ask them for a palace maid uniform and hide in the background."

"Don't be too hard on yourself. Everyone will want to meet you."

"Probably, but only as a substitute," sighed Kellela. "I wonder if I can convince Mystery to use her weird spell to make me a ballgown."

"You really, really, can't," mumbled Grace, who was sulking in a corner, nursing her sullied innocence.

"If you think you have it bad, spare a thought for poor Rose," pointed out Hayedalf, nodding at the insensate girl who was leaning against a wall, hyperventilating with a glazed-over expression, holding her invitation in a shaking hand. "And she's proof you're not just a substitute. All the hero's party members are invited."

"Which is a good point," said Kellela, eyeing Grace suspiciously. "Why aren't you complaining about being dragged to this stupid event?"

As the kingdom's eldest [Princess], Grace was well inured to high-class social events. Her mind was occupied with more important things, like knees. Specifically, her own, and the way they'd been seen by men.

"I suppose you'd find out tomorrow, anyway. Father wanted a member of his family in the hero's party. You told him Mystery was female, so I got sent in place of my brother."

"Father?" asked Kellela, trying to remember who she'd explicitly told that Mystery was a girl. "Wait, you're a [Princess]?"

"That's me. [Princess] Grace. Eldest daughter of the [King]."

Kellela and Hayedalf boggled, while Rose didn't react on account of being preoccupied with her own impending doom. If Kellela thought she didn't have anything appropriate to wear, what hope did the child of a pair of commoner adventurers have?

"Hey. You knew," accused Kellela of the [Lieutenant], spotting that he didn't look surprised.

"Sorry. I was under orders to keep it a secret. None of my subordinates know, either."

"Putting aside incognito royalty and the logistical difficulties of obtaining suitable clothing, this means we'll need to travel back outside the wards," pointed out Hayedalf. "We should worry about safety first. I would be surprised if there wasn't another attack while we're on the roads."

"I don't suppose you can build a teleporter here?" asked the [Lieutenant].

"Sure. It'll take some expensive components, and it'll be tough to gather them all in one day, but we could probably manage it with the backing of the palace. Then a couple of hours' work here, and then I need to travel to the destination site, and put in a couple of hours' work there."

The [Lieutenant] immediately spotted the flaw in that idea.

"At least you'd only need to travel on your own, so Mystery wouldn't be at risk. And we should consider doing it anyway, to save future trips. Perhaps you can build it on your way back."

"Not the worst idea in the world," agreed Hayedalf. "But if we're going to do that, we might as well move back to the capital."

The [Lieutenant] raised a quizzical eyebrow.

"Think about it," continued Hayedalf in response to the unasked question. "A bunch of ministers want us here as bait, but we've built an impregnable fortress. No demon would be stupid enough to launch a frontal assault on us now. Even with how few we are, breaking in would need an army. So what will they do instead? They'll go looking for softer targets, either to draw us out, or just to..."

"Just to what?" asked the [Lieutenant], but Hayedalf was no longer paying attention, instead listening to feedback from the complex network of outer wards.

"Oh," he said, conveying a significant amount of dismay in a single word.

"What?" repeated the [Lieutenant].

"Turns out they have an army."

"Thank goodness!" exclaimed Rose as some life returned to her eyes. A mere demon army was a far less daunting enemy than a royal ball. Demons could be stabbed. People tended to complain if someone did that to a [King].

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Zyfyl'p marched at the head of his horde, ten-thousand strong. The monsters howled, gibbered, snarled and roared as they moved, stealth not being the strong point of any group of creatures to which 'ten-thousand' was an applicable adjective. And the noise only intensified as they crossed the treeline, their target ensconced within the newly visible dwelling in front of them. The smooth chitin mask of Zyfyl'p cracked open horizontally, revealing a smile with far too many teeth in it as he glanced over the walls and wards before him. It would be a tough nut to crack, but that would only make it all the more satisfying once it shattered. He would break it, march in and find the cowering target hiding inside the...

The grin faltered for a moment as he realised the source of the holy mana was actually getting closer. But then it redoubled. Taking their head in glorious battle would be far more satisfying than crushing a snivelling wreck, their defenders annihilated and their hope lost.

"Attack," he ordered, and ten-thousand monsters charged past him, throwing themselves at the wards with reckless abandon.

Hayedalf had made flippant remarks about how a good ward would keep the chaff out no matter their numbers, but the chaff he'd been thinking of consisted of goblins and wolves. The forces of Zyfyl'p did contain some goblins, but only accidentally; when a goblin peacefully wandering the outer forest found ten-thousand larger monsters charging at it, it had the option of either joining the charge or getting flattened.

The first hundred ogres to charge into the wards ended up as little more than charred lumps of charcoal. The next hundred weren't much better, but at least managed to remain vaguely humanoid shaped. The third hundred were clearly the corpses of ogres.

The fourth hundred became a rapidly expanding shell of meat and bone fragments, courtesy of a wave of thrown explosives the assassins hadn't had a chance to use.

More monsters died as the defenders launched skills and magical weapons, both plundered and forged by Hayedalf, but outnumbered ten-thousand to twenty-seven, it didn't matter even if each defender took out a hundred of them. More kept coming.

When a herd of armoulphaunts slammed into the farm's shield, the entire landscape shook. Some of them even survived the impact. And then rot horrors launched a barrage of decay magic at it, while wyverns launched fireballs from above.

The professional soldiers didn't falter, continuing their ranged assault with vigour.

"Twenty seconds till the outer wards fail!" shouted Hayedalf.

"Hayedalf, retreat now. Everyone else, fire whatever you can in the next ten seconds, then flee for the inner defensive line," said the [Lieutenant], far more quietly. [Battlefield Orders] ensured that his orders were received and correctly comprehended regardless of volume.

On top of the inner wall stood Kellela, with Grace and Rose by her side. Melody and Platus waited with them.

"This is insane..." muttered Platus. "If I knew we were going to end up in this situation, I'd have been far harsher on you back on that stagecoach when that damn [Hero] first took an interest in my daughter."

"I don't think anyone envisioned this, dear," pointed out Melody, although a thin bead of sweat trickling down her forehead as she watched the monstrous horde battering on the outer wards, causing the hemispherical shield to distort and flicker, gave away the fact that she wasn't as calm as she pretended. "Just promise me this, Kellela. When you flee to save the life of the [Hero], make sure Rose is with you."

"What? Mum! No!" exclaimed Rose.

"I'm serious. We can't win this."

"Watch me," she snapped. "Mystery! Do it!"

With Rose having found any number of perfectly legitimate excuses to get Mystery to magical girlify her over the previous days, Mystery was well aware of what she wanted. Moments later, Aster Blue was ready for action.

Thankfully, she wasn't that other sort of hero, so she didn't jump straight off the wall and charge head-first into the horde of claws and fangs.

Kellela smiled as she watched their hopelessly outnumbered guards fleeing from the front line, great cracks beginning to form in the shield that surrounded their acres of farmland. "Well, if our children are willing to fight, what choice do we lot have? Mystery, my turn."

Moments later, Lotus Pink stood next to Aster Blue, ready for war.

Both looked at Grace expectantly.

"I'm with Melody," she said. "We should retreat while we still can. The wards will buy us enough time."

"Do you really think you can outrun that horde all the way to Karn's Vigil? And if you succeed, and they try to break into the town, how many will die?"

Grace's eyebrows creased as she considered it. She hadn't been trained for tactical thinking. "If it's impossible, why did Melody suggest it?"

"I was assuming Hayedalf had arranged some sort of escape plan for Kellela, even if not for everyone else."

"I have a short-range emergency teleporter, but the location is fixed to our panic room right here. That panic room does have some interesting extra features, like the one that sets off an explosion beneath it and launches it through the air. I don't think he accounted for there being a thousand wyverns hanging around above it, though. We'd probably crash."

"Then we'll have to thin them out," declared Rose. "Come on, Grace. [Princess] or not, you're on our team too. And anyone else who wants to join in, start shouting at Mystery."

"I'm... I'm fine..." said Grace. "I'm a healer, so I don't need increased physical abilities."

"But don't you get some sort of cool special power?"

"Uh... I'm... not sure..."

Rose frowned, materialising a pair of swords. "Really? But it was really intuitive to me."

"I think she was too busy screaming to pay much attention," pointed out Kellela.

"Oh, come on. Don't tell me this is about showing your knees? This is a battlefield, not a... a... I don't even know what I should say there. What do you poncy nobles do with your free time?"

"Free time?" asked Grace, looking genuinely confused.

"Never mind. My point is, what's worse; above-ankle skirts, or everyone dying a horrible death?"

Grace looked thoughtful as she weighed the options.

"Seriously? What sort of upbringing did you have? We don't have time for this. Mystery?" called Rose, pointing at Grace. "Get her."

"Nooo!" screamed Grace, but Mystery—somewhat concerned by the smoke, shimmering wards and the enormous cloud of flying mini-dragons in the sky—decided to side with Rose, even if she didn't understand the argument.

The scandalised Grace dropped to her knees as she glowed, trying to hide as much as she could under her shrinking clothing, uselessly pulling on it to stop it wasting away. Alas, it didn't help, and the replacement short petals were not at all stretchy. And so Jasper White reluctantly joined her magical girl colleagues atop the inner wall, albeit still on her knees, trying to hide everything below her waist under an utterly insufficient amount of cloth.

"Nooo..." she whimpered.

"Whatever prudish achievement you're trying to earn there, I'm sure you've qualified already," complained Rose, flipping up the back of Grace's skirt and revealing the white panties beneath, earning an achievement in the process that would be sure to cause her issues should the invasion not result in the royal ball getting cancelled.

Platus and Melody, both treated to the sight of the royal panties, very wisely refrained from reacting.

"Stop messing around, you two," ordered Kellela. "They're coming."

The group of twenty soldiers was indeed fleeing from the outer wall, Hayedalf ahead of them but losing ground rapidly. The speed the soldiers were moving at was obviously unnatural, enhanced by [Ordered Retreat].

The shield shook as something big impacted it, the cracks growing wider. And finally, it shattered. A thousand wyverns descended towards the fleeing soldiers, the ground-based enemy forces briefly held back by the physical wall, but the [Lieutenant] had timed the retreat well. As long as nothing unexpected happened, everyone would make it safely back to the inner wards before the wyverns descended.