Epic 216 story (Patreon)

Serma wanted to be mad at the sheer idea of a room meant to make you filthy, but the towels on the other side of the room were very soft and the mud just fell right off with some effort. Still, no amount of fluffy towels was going to make up for the fact she was staring at a literal cavern of fungus, some parts of it so thick it formed spongy walls. Some of the mushroom stalks grew so high they looked like mutant trees, while others bloomed over each other creating a collage of hues and smells that Serma didn’t have words for.

The scents weren’t repugnant- they were unknown.

She bent down to examine a beautiful kind of mushroom that glimmered like stars, even in the ambient light. They did not come off as flowers nor did they try to be anything but mushrooms. Serma respected them for that, even if she still found the overwhelming amount of them disorienting.

Serma looked up as Mas approached, his mouth working as he ate something.

“Deo said these are edible,” Mas said, handing her a creamy-looking mushroom, in his other hand, a similar mushroom had a chunk missing out of it. Serma weighed the point of telling him that mushrooms could do a lot more than simply make you sick when she decided Deo had been an excellent guide so far and thus she had no reason to doubt him.

She nibbled some of the fungus, getting a mild soupy aftertaste that was pleasant in the throat.

“Crazy place, eh?” Mas said gently as he looked around at the fungus with something that Serma might have guessed was a little wariness.

“You don’t like mushrooms?” she asked and he blinked then looked away embarrassed.

“I don’t hate them, it’s just... When you’re in the wild a lot, mushrooms usually mean things are too damp to camp at or there are a lot of dead things. Mushrooms aren’t really alive or dead in the scheme of things, they’re something else,” he explained slowly as the mushrooms around them wriggled.

“These ones seem lively,” Serma said as she gently nudged a deep blue one that grew sparsely around the grove. Serma stepped back in shock as one side of the mushroom opened like a flap, letting out a dozen little creatures that wandered down then about with happy little chirpy noises. They didn’t seem aggressive or wary of the human visitors.

Slowly, they surrounded Serma and Mas as the others called in concern.

“They just seem hungry,” Mas said, trying to reassure Kemy as she came nearby.

“Did you set anything on fire?” she asked in a panic. Mas pulled out some bread but Mule, clinging to Serma’s back, reached out and devoured the thing before Mas could even break it into chunks.

“Mule...” Serma sighed at her gluttonous little slime. The blue sprites all looked sad at the loss of food and wandered about some more. Kemy came closer, still looking spooked.

“What’s wrong?” Serma asked, trying to be a good teammate.

“The last time I came here in a group, we set the grove on fire,” she explained nervously. She twisted her hands, eyeing a large mound covered in grass and mushrooms that has a very large snout sticking out one end, the thing snoring.

“There’s an issue,” Grim suddenly appeared and Kemy nearly jumped out of her suit and skin.

“Don’t do that,” she said and Grim grinned wickedly.

“An adventurer must be aware at all times,” he lectured as he gestured to the others to follow him to the far side of the room where the exit was. The ‘issue’ was the massive growth of interlocking mushrooms, vines, and dripping flowers that grew in a tangled chaotic mess, obscuring the way forward.

“We can just cut it down,” Serma said, not seeing the issue.

“I didn’t bring an axe,” Grim said, his hands held upright to show their lack of ‘axeness’. Serma drew her sword out and hacked at the vines for a moment, the first few falling easily but as she kept swinging, her arms began to ache terribly.

She stepped back, rubbing her biceps.

“Lumberjacks make it look easy,” Deo said sympathetically and tore a bigger chunk of the plants out with his hands, but the deeper they cut into the thing, the tougher the mess got.

“We should just burn it down,” Mas said and Kemy quickly shook her head.

“No, we’ll invite far more trouble that way,” she insisted and there was a quiet moment.

“Where’s Yattina?” Grim suddenly asked and everyone looked around for the tall woman, finding her completely absent. They walked back, going through a side grove to find Yattina admiring something lodged inside a boulder planted in the earth.

“Is that an axe? In the stone?” Serma asked bluntly at the beautiful axe buried blade first into the rock.

“Indeed. I found it hidden back here,” Yattina explained calmly.

“I’ve read the stories. These things usually have strange and vague requirements,” Grim said and walked forward to examine lines carved in the rock.

“‘Everyone is worthy in some way’?” Grim read and then eyed the axe with great suspicion.

Everyone shared a look.

---

Delta reappeared on the fourth floor, puzzled.

“Nu, Prim... I didn’t design the axe and the blockage,” she called out.

“Higher levels of difficulties scale based on your pattern of behavior. You would reward exploration, offer a solution, and let them proceed,” Nu said simply as he looked around the fourth floor with some thought.

“You can still edit and change them but you don't have anything in place. Higher difficulties could just give your challenges bigger numbers and make them harder to defeat but... as a recent sampler of game design? Bigger numbers as a difficulty is lazy thus I took the liberty of adding an array of challenges well within your moral compass and restrictions,” Prim bragged proudly.

“So, they get the axe and proceed? That’s great!” Delta praised. Prim went oddly quiet.

“They proceed, right?” Delta said again but now in a questioning tone.

“I may have added a little caveat,” she admitted.

Two steps forward, one back.

“Tell me it isn’t bad?” Delta winced.

---

“Huh, that was easy,” Serma said as Mas lifted the axe from the rock, the thing sliding out as smooth as butter. They all stared as the rock gurgled before crystal clear water flowed gently from the opening left behind by the axe. The water gurgled and bubbled down the side and into a small stream that flowed innocent to the heart of the grove.

“It’s just water but I think we should hurry,” Yattina said as she followed the trail of water as it vanished into the fungi, causing a few to grow harmlessly and others to breed in quick succession. Grim turned and stuffed a lot of soil and mud into the rock, causing the stream to stutter to a stop.

“Come on, it won’t hold for long or the rock will explode, either can happen in this place,” Grim warned and took off running with the axe.

“Grim, Mr Jones said not to run with axes!” Deo cried as he chased the other boy.

“No fire or water, what next? Will we get smothered in spores if we cause it to be windy? This place just hates elemental wizards or shamans,” Serma said to Mas as they took off next.

“Mushrooms, the anti-wizard substance of the world,” Mas said back, grinning. Grim was already slamming the axe into the big pile of tangled plants, the action so smooth and easy that Serma had to believe the axe was enchanted as there was no way the runty Grim could have better chopping posture than her.

Serma took a moment to consider that perhaps a boy who grew up in the country... might have better skills involving living there than her, a princess who had all her wood chopped and handled for her. She considered it.

The path was slowly becoming revealed when there was an enormous cracking noise that filled the grove and even through the thick fungi, a stream of water shot into the air like a geyser, making it rain slightly as the water came rushing back down.

The grove seemed to relish in it, but besides a few paths getting overgrown, nothing alarming happened as the water continued to mist the area. Serma gripped her sword and new shield regardless. There was something in the area.

She watched as one of the blue little sprites from early stared up at the sky as the rain fell and she felt bad for it, having its home invaded and water bombed. It shuddered and bent over.

Serma’s mouth parted in slight horror as its spine popped sharply into view, its limbs gained second joints, making it hunch over on all four limbs for stability and its oddly dopey face fringed out with lizard-like features as fangs filled its mouth.

It turned its deep purple eyes around and it stopped when it saw them.

“That is just terrifying,” Yattina said as she slowly pulled a jar out from somewhere.

“Why on Brother would you want one?” Serma demanded as a dozen more emerged on mushroom stalks, crawling along the walls or emerging from the now wet mud.

“They might be delicious or they might have the cure of some horrible disease. We can’t know until we study them,” the woman said bluntly and the gathering swarm all began to let out a strange hiss in unison, the grove turning from strange to menacing in seconds.

“They’re going to chew your face off,” Grim said as he handed the axe to Deo and instructed him to keep chopping.

“I won’t even take it out of the dungeon, I’ll just study it as we go on. Some measurements, some prodding, some tasting,” Yattina said simply and the feral swarm all hesitated as she took a step forward.

“Yum, yum... come to Yatty,” she instructed and then she charged. The swarm, not expecting a mad woman, broke in a way that showed they were more animal than thinking people, but they sensed a great danger from Yattina and scattered, some going for Serma, while others rushed for Deo.

A single one of these Blue Demons wasn’t a threat. Serma accidentally squished a few in her haste to dodge a swipe or two, but the numbers were easily growing to the hundred and Serma knew if she toppled over, they’d drag her into the grove and eat her ear loves.

A few landed on Serma’s head and Mule ate them without even looking, making the swarm begin to avoid her too which was fine with Serma. As a few perished, Serma smelled they had to have some of that delicious mushroom in their makeup because the smell of hearty soup grew as the swarm continued to lose numbers.

“The truth protects me!” Kemy chanted, forming a shield around herself as a few of the little devils went for her, chewing on her ankles and trying to climb up her robe. The light of her magic sent them flying back and Kemy held her alarming staff aloft.

“Chop chop chop!” Deo sang as he continued to hammer the blockage, each swing of the axe sending any little demon on him off due to the force.

“Cat!” Grim said, summoning a ghostly cat of all things that quickly went to work smearing the demons with cat-like glee. It was a fluffy cat, Serma noticed, not at all like Grim. She would have suspected an alley cat or perhaps a feisty runty black cat.

“Timber!” Deo suddenly warned as the massive blockage creaked and then groaned as it fell over, crushing more of the blue things and revealing the exit.

“Go!” Serma ordered, brandishing her sword like a blazing torch.

“Ladies and intellects first!” Grim said as he followed Yattina out into the long hallway, the woman holding a jar of the demons with glee. Mas and Deo went next and Serma brought up the rear with Kemy, watching as the blue demons converged on the sleeping mound, melting around it as it rose. The giant boar turned, covered in a living armor of a dozen snarling faces that flailed tentacles about.

The creepy thing was the boar seemed still asleep.

Serma dragged Kemy out of the grove, the monsters halting at the edge.

“What was that?” Kemy asked, looking horrified that water was now as bad as fire in that room.

“Not our problem!” Serma insisted.

---

“Blue Cap Symbiote armor. That’s a ‘caveat’?” Delta asked, arms crossed.

“I didn’t know they could do that,” Prim said, torn between impressed and confused.

“You did command them to ‘stick and be an issue’.  You forgot the ‘to the enemy’ line of coding” Nu said as he read out the incoming data.

“How was I supposed to know it’d do something so outside my parameters?” Prim complained and Delta felt a strange thrill of vindication and schadenfreude at her plight.

“Besides, they would have been better off with the boar,” Nu said as Delta turned her attention back to the group, her eyes going a little wide at what was waiting for them.

---

“You’re representing us gobs, so keep it up,” Cois said as he heard footsteps rapidly approaching.

“Go for their kidneys,” Billy grinned from behind his scarf.

“And their money!” Hob and Gob insisted.

In the middle of their cheer circle. Numb opened one eye.