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Hi all, I came up with a quick story idea. While I don't want to spoil too much, I'm stuck between two variants of the same plot. Perhaps you have some ideas and would like to give me some feedback on it the story.

Basic story outline:   A young, innocent woman joins a gym, where she is befriended by an older, experienced, heavily juicing pro bodybuilder. Either a cocky male who chats her up wanting to get in her pants, or an older female competitor looking for adoration. The pro offers to help with the youngster's training and takes her under the wing.
The young woman however appears to have a seemingly superhuman talent for putting on mass. Soon the older pro grows jealous, and after the young woman rejects their advances, grows resentful. This leads to attempts at both sabotaging the young woman's training, as well as unhealthy gear use and insane training, which ultimately leads to either injury or some other negative consequence. I haven't totally come up with an ending yet, it could either be a redemption arc or doing something really bad (open for suggestions).

Which variant do you find more interesting?

Comments

yin-master

It's something I'm hoping would kinda happen between stormy and jessie. Stormy has been trying to get lazy jessie to train up. Jessie has the potential to be a long standing bodybuilding champion big time. But stormy will become competitive and intensely jealous, when jessie, s potential is realised. Who knows there maybe equipment breakages become of insane usage. Probably stormy in anger.

gamegirlpower

Oh dear, I must have portrayed Stormy way too negatively then! Stormy doesn't have a dark side to her (maybe a dark past though), she's just very strict and mildly insane. But she really does care, which makes her all the more frustrated with Jessie being a lazy goofball. The charm of Stormy's stories comes from her essentially being a superhuman in a human world (which will become especially true in the date video) and not realizing that she inconveniences, scares and sometimes endangers normal people due to aforementioned mild insanity. Storm is a generous person, and wants others to feel as awesome as she does, which is why she tries to teach and inspire. Regarding the main story's direction, most likely I will introduce a rival gym, basically the bad girls led by an old rival of Stormy's out for revenge. Maybe Stormy gets injured in a showdown, which then motivates Jessie to finally make her trainer proud. Overall I want to keep the main story mostly upbeat though, so this rivalry would be kind of like Karate Kid, leaving plenty of room for humor. Individual character stories can still explore darker themes.

CJoe

Interaction with a male antagonist would be interesting.

Jacob East

Anything that leads up to competitors trying to outdo each other for a BB contest is a great time. Can’t wait to see what comes of this.

yin-master

I take back what i said about stormy. It was just an idea

Lyra & Sword

The self-esteem of male bodybuilder is challenged...There have been some similar stories, in deviantart or somewhere.

gamegirlpower

Yes, it's a popular theme. Kinda overdone at this point, though maybe I can find a way to make it interesting. If nothing else, it will be a fun visual size comparison.