356 A Goal (Patreon)

Every thought diluted through this new prism, and my every doubt, fear, and emotion devolved into a form of anger. For minutes, I floated in something akin to memory as if I lived the lives of Mars and Ares. My everything melted into war and battle.

I was war and battle.

Gasping for air, I calmed myself as much as possible, but I still writhed with rage. Around me, all was still for a while, and I thanked that pinch of time since it let me adjust to this bizarre world. Once I gained some footing, I peered around, my eyes bloodshot. I spoke with a calm intention, but my voice seethed,

"Where the hell am I?"

An ataractic voice ebbed from within my mind,

"Ah. The Harbinger. We finally meet."

I growled out, "Who are you?"

"You know of me already." It laughed before continuing,

"I am Baldowah."

Chapter Begin

I snarled out, "And I'm Daniel...Now let me go, or I'll tear you apart."

The rasp in my voice shocked me, but instead of surprise, my emotion released as outrage. Those thoughts boiled in my head before several of my minds went to work. They tried different experiments while the others listened to Baldowah. The Old One omened,

"Like all the others, you're consumed with emotion. Don't fret yourself over it - I am accustomed to such a reception. Now, onto more important aspects of this greeting."

Even after a few words, I could tell that Baldowah was different. It radiated, "You've known of me for a time, actually. Just as you knew of me, I've known of you. I've seen your battles with Baldah-Ruhl, Yawm, Lehesion, and many others. I've been eager to meet you since."

I blinked, my mind racing for ways to hold back my anger. I shouted, "That's something we don't have in common. I've never wanted to meet, see, or hear about you. Any of you."

Baldowah spoke as if he expected me to scream at him, "You despise us, Old Ones? That's fascinating. Most entities wish to envelop themselves in the gifts we offer."

"You aim to destroy us."

"That isn't quite right. We intend to offer gifts, but we lack the perspective to offer anything useful. You see, it's difficult for us to conceptualize your world, let alone interact with it. That's often why we use subtle means and methods for our interaction. Anything overt oftentimes leaves unintended consequences; we undo what we wish to create."

I heaved for breaths, quiet anger fuming in the back of my mind. I resented my emotions, as Baldowah was the most open and useful Old One I'd ever met. I'd waste this opportunity if I just screamed nonsense at the being, but what other option was there?

None at that moment, so I howled,

"Then that's why you always leave your champions broken like used toys?"

"That's a perspective that is perhaps fair. I'd argue that we give hammers to you all, and you break your limbs with them. Think of Lehesion. He was granted a rebirth by Eonoth, yet his second life made his first life seem like heaven. Is that not proof that you will all waste it no matter the gift given?"

Wanting to growl at him, I chose not to scream out. I kept quiet, and my minds took on different kinds of anger. The coldest of them closed my eyes and spoke, "Eonoth knew that would happen. He enjoys watching us writhe, doesn't he?"

Baldowah mused, "He knew nothing of the sort. Eonoth knows all and is a being of immeasurable power. However, that is where we all exist. Where you are, he is as limited as you are...In a sense."

I seethed, "Everything is in a sense, isn't it? And besides, he manipulated our timelines to destroy a Spatial Fortress. How is that limited, exactly?"

"Ah, so you sensed what he actually did then? Hm...It was a risky venture. I've never felt time until I've visited your domain, and neither had he. As always, that being defied expectation. To handle such a soft, small concept so deftly...It was awe-inspiring."

"Once again, why is that showing his limits?"

"Because to us, that should be simple. It's made difficult by how frail everything that you exist upon is, but that frailty is mesmerizing. I relish its flavor. That and meaning. I've never experienced either of those sensations, but now I chase them."

The more Baldowah spoke, the less I understood. It droned, "In a manner of speaking, I walked from one prison to another, and I am chained to those new, vibrant sensations. In my dilution, I've found purpose. In my fall, I've found a cause. Your world is one of coexisting opposites, and it's incredible."

The awe in his voice silenced the waves of the eternal sea around us. I sneered, "Enough chatter. What do you want from me?"

"Your servitude and more, in time."

A coursing, volatile rage coursed through my mind, but I held it down, "No. I'm not some plaything."

Baldowah sounded appalled.

"Hah, what? Of course, you aren't. You're rare in your world, a true immortal untouched by our meddling. That gives you unique status, and that's why we wish to make contact with you. You crossed one of the thresholds between your kind and us."

I kept myself contained with long, hard breaths. I matched my fiery waves of anger with my cold ones, finding a precarious balance. With a neutral, quiet rage, I spoke with disgust, "What are you?"

Baldowah scoffed, "We don't know. We simply are. You are the same, are you not?"

I simmered out in frustration, "Stop with the word games. I don't have time for it."

"You do. You have all the time you'll ever need. That and your unique constitution are why many Old Ones have contacted you. They wish to use you to enact their own will onto your...Hm, place? Is that what it is? I suppose so."

I closed my eyes while rumbling, "Why do you all want to influence us? What's your aim?"

"We are...Watchers from afar. Imagine you watched a play. However, its acts are random and unruly. Now imagine you are an actor. I wish to have you, a performer, enact my will unto that play, and through your influence, I'll have my parts depicted."

I didn't like the sound of that, but at least Baldowah's motives were comprehensible. I raised a brow, "What kind of parts do you want to see?"

"You heard Valgus speak of it - finality and consequence. I love your concepts of war and fate. They are like beautiful mirages to me, and they speak the most clearly of meaning and time. I envelop myself in that fantasy, knowing they are hollow concepts to me yet so real to you all. By association, I experience a piece of it as well."

A spark of real anger formed in my chest, fusing with the unrelenting rage of the red ocean around me. I kept it still while glaring at the red moon, "So you enjoy death?"

"Yes...Many of your kind have misrepresented me, but that is a fact - I cannot deny death's beauty. I enjoy the beginning of things as well, but death carries a weight that beginnings lack. Beginnings are freedom. Endings are absolute. It is the collapse of freedom, where life meets history and potential meets reality."

I shivered with an uncontrollable rage, "So...This is a game to you?"

"No. It's more than that. It's a purpose. It's a goal and a meaning to me. I've lived forever, and I may touch upon any event, time, or outcome. I branch across all timelines, having experienced all there is...Yet you...Your branch has been severed. And it rots. That rot gives meaning where there is none. In that decay, scarcity is created. It is...enrapturing."

I frowned, "Rotting branch? And is that why Yawm came to my planet? You're telling me that was all to find meaning for you all? Is that why Etorhma feared Yawm?"

Baldowah laughed before jeering, "Fear? Us? We are beyond your kind. Imagine drawing a figure onto a page. You carry the same influence against us as your scribbles do to you. You've simply mistaken Etorhma. He feared his gift's influence, not that which he gave the gift to."

I remembered Yawm's deteriorated state, the cipheric runes over his skin having ruined his mind. Lehesion's deformed body popped into my head, orange pustules pressing up from under his skin. I clasped my hands into fists, "Etorhma twisted him into an abomination. He tried doing the same to me."

"It wasn't intentional, though intent means little to you."

"It means nothing to me."

"Hm. The difference between you and Yawm is that you are far more robust than Yawm ever could be. He was wood. You are metal, as Eonoth puts it."

"You talk with Eonoth?"

"And the others. We speak in echoes, but the inklings of our intentions are sometimes heard."

At this point, Baldowah incited genuine irritation in me. The thing kept talking about their actions in a disconnected, inconsequential way. It made all of the Old Ones seem like impassive observers who toyed with whatever they watched, and I didn't enjoy being toyed with. My hometown was leveled because of these beings. I nearly died countless times too.

That annoyance built in me as I shouted out, "Those are meaningless words. You're treating my world as entertainment whether you'll admit it or not."

"That's because it is entertainment. Everything in your universe will perish in time. You'll become nothing. Your memory will become nothing. Every atom you've touched will become nothing. That is all there is, and that is all there will be. All will become heat after the death of your universe."

My eyes narrowed, "You're contradicting yourself. If this is just entertainment, then why does it give you meaning and purpose?"

"Simple. The limitations of your universe are novel. At no point have I denied their merits, but I will not lose myself in the illusions they present. They are transient, and I will tire of them eventually. We all will, but the journey will be invigorating."

I taunted aloud, "You're wrong, and you know it."

"Oooh, really now? How so?"

My minds raced into action, all of them debating, so I didn't misspeak,

"You can experience everything, and from the sounds of it, that makes everything meaningless to you. You've found meaning in our limitations. That means that you can't have meaning without limitations. Otherwise, you'd of found that meaning since you've experienced everything."

"It's still a novelty. That's it."

I shook my head, my voice growing sad, "No. You'll never know what it means to live with a purpose. You're just grasping at something you'll never know. What you're doing is no different than a human grasping for infinity - it's impossible and foolish to even try."

A wave of silence passed over us before the red waves grew in size and scope. They wobbled up and down, and the sea turned stormy. Baldowah radiated out, "Perhaps arguing with the omniscient and omnipotent is a poor idea? You might enact consequences upon yourself that you cannot afford to bear."

I grimaced, "Huh...You're weak. I let you know what I think out of respect. I thought you could handle it. Tell me, was I wrong?"

A pause coursed over us before the sea stilled. Baldowah laughed for a long while before he spoke out with an unnerving cheer, "Hah! You are one of the few who have kept their senses in my presence. This is precisely why I find your world's ever-shifting tides amusing and meaningful. That was an excellent display of your world's concepts, and I simply can't outdo you while existing in this comprehensible form."

Baldowah's admission of defeat felt like a victory. It radiated, "Regardless of what you say, I understand how impermanent this all is. Every planet will become dust and atoms in time. To you, that may seem distant. To me, that is here and now."

I raised my hands, "Then why even toy with us if it's so pointless?"

"I don't toy with any of you. Each of you is precious, in a sense."

I looked around, "You're talking in circles, but is that preciousness why you're here to save your pet?"

"Pet?"

"Yeah, Valgus Uuriyah. You're here to save him, aren't you?"

"He's chosen his path, and it's a dark one. I wouldn't dare to ask my followers to tread the brambles and briars he races through. He will do that alone."

The more I heard the Old Ones speak of Valgus, the more pity I felt for him. Something awful happened to the guy, and I was curious about what it was. Baldowah interrupted my musing,

"I'm actually using my avatar's call to action as an opportunity to speak with you. On the other hand, Valgus will die, or he will survive as he always has."

I leaned back, "So you don't care about your avatars?"

"Valgus Uuriyah is no avatar of mine. Quite the opposite, actually."

A wave of confusion passed over me, and it fused with my anger to become frustration. I fought through it while thinking. Based on what Baldowah said, Valgus worked against the Old One. Considering that and the fact that he was a prison, Valgus's current state started making sense. I rumbled out, "Ah...Valgus contains one of your previous avatars?"

Far off in the distance, the moon blinked like a bloody eye, "Yes...That is correct. Would you wish to free my warrior? I will reward you."

I bristled, "Reward? Don't look down on me. In fact, don't touch me. Don't even speak my name."

"Ah...It would seem your sense of reason is passing. It's most certainly time for my presence to overwhelm you as it does the others. Inundated or not, it was a noble effort for you to contain yourself for such a length of time, but I'll leave before you are driven mad."

I pointed at the moon, "Your aura's one thing, but my own anger is another."

"Oh...Your rage is adding to my presence? Interesting. What has you so angered, little one?"

I shouted out, "Isn't it obvious - you're messing with our worlds. If you don't know what you're messing with, don't do it. Simple."

"That's a reasonable logic, but I'm sorry to say you will find yourself more angered in time. Our meddling will only become more prevalent, though I will attempt to keep the others measured in their influence."

Red eyes opened where the craters of the moon formed. They gazed through me,  "However, there is little I may do. Eonoth is powerful. Etorhma is sly. Mesmera is unavoidable as your kind cannot control their thoughts. I do pity your predicament. If it helps you, I hope that your world isn't left shattered like the others, but I cannot control what they've chosen to do or will do."

I blinked, a wave of dread rolling over me, "You're telling me that more Old Ones are coming?"

"Of course. There is no limit to us, and you all exist outside the scope of all that we know. Why wouldn't more come?"

I stared down at the red ocean below me as Baldowah said,

"And we will arrive. We'll cut up where you infest, and we'll find our own meaning in your temporary existences. Many will die and survive as you always have. It will simply be because of us instead of the natural forces you experience."

I peered at the dark moon, "Why?"

"Why not?"

"Because we're fighting to survive. You could at least respect the effort. And you don't have to do this. You could sit by and watch."

"For your first statement, I'd like to establish a simple fact - you all die. Even you will perish eventually. If your deaths happen to stem from us, it makes little difference. As for your second statement, I could say the same of you, yet you interfere with the world around you. I am here now, and I've chosen to do the same."

I raised my hands in frustration, "We die because of inevitable realities around us, like growing old or starving to death. It's not because someone is forcing our death...Most of the time. And your second argument is awful. The kind of changes you're putting out there makes everything worse."

Baldowah laughed before chiding, "Child, you mistake yourself. To you, we are as inevitable as those forces you speak of. Far more so, actually. Gravity can be fought. So can time. I am beyond both, so there is no difference in the cause of your demises. Both are uncontrollable to you."

Baldowah spoke with finality, "Accept it and move on. Your kind is good at that, and I admire that perseverance."

A darkened, malevolent sensation crawled up my spine. It wasn't anger. It was something closer to hatred, so I snapped, "You're nothing more than a bored scientist playing with the corpse of a dog. There's nothing inevitable about you."

Baldowah wondered aloud, "You compare yourselves to the corpse of a dog? No, you're more akin to...Hm, parasites, maybe? It's hard to define your existence to us. That's part of what makes you all so interesting to interact with. Speaking of which, how about we establish some kind of deal?"

I stayed silent. Baldowah's voice heightened, "I'll take your silence as interest. If you free the ensnared avatar within Valgus, I'll give you great power. That is why your attempts to harm Valgus are foiled - you fight against something you don't understand."

I resolved to uncover what means these avatars used for their invincible bodies. Once I dismantled the rules that kept them safe, they'd have to face me on their own merit...Something I didn't expect any of them to match me on.

Baldowah wondered aloud, "Power...It's something your kind always wants more of that...Right? It must be a tempting deal, but to specify, it will be great power in combat. I wish for you to bring forth the demise of others, and you have many enemies you could kill already. Remember Elysium? I can give you the ability to crush them. Same for Schema, should the AI cross you further."

Baldowah rumbled his words through this realm, "Tempting, isn't it? You could taste infinity, but you will lose a part of who you are. Such is the sacrifice of exceeding limits that are otherwise unbroachable."

I bit my tongue to keep myself quiet. Baldowah kept talking, "You'll need to let go of your goal to save the eldritch. I quite like the eternal battle they put your kind in, and there's a twisted irony to it all that I find so delicious. Schema and I agree on that point, which is the primary reason that little automation thinks I've allied with it. Hah. Foolish."

I blinked a few times, struggling to keep my words suppressed. Baldowah omened, "And worry not for new foes. Once you've crushed them, their loved ones will become your new foes, and they'll kill some of your family and vice versa. Inevitably, a cycle of vengeance will form. You'll battle on forever, as my other avatars have."

I marveled at the red moon, my sense of disgust fading. Baldowah understood so little about us and why we lived. No matter what I said, it would never relent. I mean, I wasn't the first person to argue with it or the smartest one to either. Reasoning with it was pointless, so I had only two options.

Let it be or fight it.

I peered at the waves below me, the shifting liquid mirroring maroon-colored wine. This entire conversation robbed Baldowah of his previous mystique. I imagined some otherworldly being with unknowable intentions. Instead, I found a binge-watching junkie hellbent on turning our world into a war film. In a way, it made all of my efforts up to now seem pointless.

If some all-powerful being could wipe everything away with the snap of its fingers, then what was the point in doing anything? And based on what Baldowah said, everything would fade eventually. It left me spiraling in existential dread, and a pit of nihilism was where I found myself.

Even if I avoided these entities, they'd seek me out with their avatars until I joined one of them. Then, I would fight an eternal battle, one without cause or merit that was dictated by an entity that understood nothing about us. I was in a kind of rat race, but instead of being financial, it was entirely built on fighting.

Schema wanted me to kill eldritch and Elysium, and Elysium wanted me fighting Schema. Baldowah tried to turn me into a machine of war, one that created endless cycles of killing. It felt inescapable, suffocating, and like I was twined into some string of fate, an awful one. I never believed in the concept before, but it reared its ugly head at this moment in a commanding fashion.

The rage around me molded with that sense of helplessness, and it whispered to let the wrath consume me. My life would be so much easier if I forgot about anything outside of fighting. I mean, I'd eventually amass enough power that I could challenge these entities and win. Would they let that happen? Would I even want to kill them after going through what they wanted me to experience? I doubted it.

A wave of disgust passed over me for contemplating that vein of thought. Regardless of what anyone thought, I was more than a warrior. I was more than some simpleton who beat people to death with his fists. I had a lot left to learn, but I'd taken a different path for quite some time. Despite my decisions, these all-powerful beings kept trying to put me back in that box repeatedly.

In one sense, it left me humbled that only my fights left a mark on them. From another perspective, it made me feel pity for these entities. They chased these absurd, idealistic realities where their whims were put into action. Schema wanted us fighting eldritch, Elysium wanted a utopia built on torture, and the Old Ones wanted...Well, whatever the hell the Old Ones wanted.

The problem was that their goals were manufactured and hollow. I never had to worry about that. I had my plate full just trying to survive, let alone thrive. That's why they kept fighting to sign a contract with me. It was so that they could take my place, which meant my position was something they envied. I had something they wanted and couldn't have, whether they admitted to it or not.

Armed with that knowledge, I spoke with stone in my voice, "I won't let it be."

"After all that thought, and that's all you have to say? You will let us be...You all will. Obviously."

A resolve formed in my chest. I was one of the few capable of making a difference, and I intended to do just that. I glared at the red moon, and it peered through me. I spoke with a quiet, raging calm,

"I will become a hunter of you and your kind. You will regret peering at us, and I'll ensure it."

It laughed, but my voice omened over the laughter,

"Give me time. That's all I need."

The voice replied, amusement rich in its tone, "But you will never reach us. You never can. It's impossible, and your foolish for even thinking you can."

I shrugged, "There was a time less than ten years ago when I struggled to pass my high school classes. Now, my mind has become many, and my body has become an army. I'll spread an empire across the cosmos, one that's better than these farces I see everywhere. Before you can end it, I'll find you. I'll find all of you."

I seethed, "I'll drag you down here, or I'll reach wherever you've manifested. When I find you, be ready."

Baldowah spoke like a teacher talking to a new student, "You simply don't understand where I am and where you are. I am not like the others. I have been within your realm the longest. I've touched and tasted it, which gives me the means to convey my thoughts...To a degree."

The Old One scoffed, "You're a parasite on a corpse, and you don't even know it. You may defy the limitations of those around you, but that means nothing to me. Less than nothing, as it shows your lack of perspective. You feel you are a king, and perhaps it is true. If you are one, then you are the king of leeches."

Baldowah impelled, "If you wish to rise above a mere parasite, simply drink the blood of the waters beneath you. Writhe in the mud, and I'll watch happily."

Below me, the waves opened eyes, and elongated smiles formed on pits of the water. Baldowah whispered, "This will be my last offer. You may drink this blood below and never need to worry in battle again."

My eyes narrowed, and I lifted a hand with a glowing, cipheric rune. It fed on my flesh, and I stated,

"The only blood I drink is my own."

"Hah...then so be it. Perhaps your mind will change after you've seen what Valgus can do to you all, and remember, little one, he merely holds an avatar within." The eyes blinked, "It was good to speak with you, even if you've lost coherence towards the end. Goodbye, Harbinger."

Around me, the sea of red drained. Spirals of blood whirlpooled into an unseen abyss, the kelp of Leviathan-7 returning to my line of sight. The hollow smiles reached the whirlpools, and they laughed like a chorus of children. The eyes cried tears of blood as the moon eclipsed with the crimson sky overtaking it. In time, sound dulled, becoming a muted shadow of its sharpened self.

The light of Leviathan returned, and I peered around.

The red dissipated like a body bleeding out. Thoughts intermingled in my head, a mix of dread, sadness, and terror rushing in. The other emotions almost hurt to experience, like opening curtains in a dark room. The light contrasted what I adapted to, its brilliance blinding. These emotions took on the same sensation, the worst being panic.

I facepalmed, wondering why the hell I spoke back to an Old One like that. I usually held back as much of my opinion as possible, but I shouted at the bloodied moon like some maniac. The aura of madness overwhelmed me more than I'd like to admit, but the consequences were set in stone.

I announced war against the Old Ones.

I could only pray they wouldn't take me seriously, and by the sound of it, Baldowah didn't mind much. As the welled-up fear and panic faded, a glowing ember of resentment remained. It came with pride and intention - I'd drag the Old Ones here and show them some 'purpose' and 'meaning.'

A part of me congratulated the new purpose. I'd finally roused a goal for myself, one I'd made on my own. Even if the Old Ones found it laughable, we'd see how long they found it funny.

Blinking for a few moments, I centered myself back on the moment. Around me, everything remained in perpetual stasis. Valgus stood above us, maimed by his attempts to regain his lost limbs. Shalahora sent out spirals of darkness at the asura, and below us, my golems harvested the results of our battle. I rubbed my temples, wondering what to do next. Peering up, I bolted towards Valgus.

Time began moving once more, a sort of lag affecting the others. They regained motion over time, and I slammed into Valgus before he could attain his previous dominance. As I hit him, his body remained motionless. His eyes peered down at me, a smile creeping up his face. I rolled my eyes as he grabbed my arm.

My casual disinterest altered into fear as Valgus slung me into the abyss of Leviathan's event horizon. I pulled myself out of my body as my corpse flew into the field of no return. It stalled like all other objects, becoming part of the scenery. I regenerated beside Valgus, and his smile waned as he growled out,

"It would seem Baldowah has tried blessing you. Why did you deny him?"

I smiled, "Eh, it was probably the same reason you denied him, right?"

Valgus blinked at me, utter bafflement spreading over his face. He scoffed, "I'd never do something of the sort. I am carved in his image, and though it's a poor rendering, I'll do my best to see his changes wrought forth."

Shalahora's blades sliced into us, the dark flames sizzling on my armor. Valgus and I traded blows, my bones breaking against his fist while he destroyed me. After landing on the rainbow bones below, I lifted my arms. Pillars of rainbow bone sliced up at the asura, but he caught them again. His eyes glazed over as he crushed the rainbow bones in his hands.

He murmured, "Baldowah...You've returned so soon. What is it, my lord?"

I raised a brow, peering at Shalahora. The shade shrugged, understanding about as much as I did. Valgus blinked a few times before frowning,

"But why? Have I disappointed you?"

Seconds passed, and Valgus's shoulders slumped, "No, please, I didn't mean to refute you. I shall do as you command."

Valgus's eyes regained their previous sharpness. He narrowed them at me while murmuring, "As you've no doubt heard and felt, Baldowah commanded me to leave. I'll do as the great one asks, but know that this is no retreat. I'll find you both again at another time. May we share it in battle as we do now."

Valgus turned around, and I thought to Shalahora, "Baldowah didn't pass over us, right?"

"If he did, I felt none of his presence - not even the smallest inkling of it."

Valgus leaped across the shining hills of the horizon, and I raised a brow, "Can you have a shade follow him?"

"I already have one doing so."

I turned towards the chaos left behind by the clashing armies, "Well then...We'll see where he and the others are holed up after we clean up this mess. And yeah-"

I grimaced, "It looks like someone's convinced Valgus that they're Baldowah."