Spellheart 10: Chapter 10 (Patreon)

Tivana and I covered for Dean while he cut a small bottle-sized hole in a couple of watermelon-looking fruits and shoved a bottle of something that smelled pungent enough to kill anyone below the Wizard realm. The liquid drained into the fruit by the moment. No doubt anybody who took a slice of that stuff was in for a surprise. Sam stood nearby, shaking his head.

Were there laws in this world about drinking and flying? Considering how established this particular world was, I wouldn’t have been too surprised.

When we finished Dean’s illicit activities, Tivana bowed her head. “Ancestor, I need your council.”

My eyebrows rose, as did Dean’s a moment later.

“Uh, sure. What do you need?” Dean asked, suddenly looking a bit embarrassed.

“I’ve seen you chatting with the other Demigods. While you may not be friends with all of them, they respect you and greet you with smiles instead of scorn. How do you do it?” Tivana asked.

Dean shrugged his shoulders and scratched his chin. “Uh... hm... er...”

“Yeah, how do you do it, Dean? Share your secrets!” I hadn’t been paying much attention to what he’d been doing while Tivana and I were making our rounds, but now that I thought about it, Dean seemed to be well-liked here. Sam too. I knew the pair as relatively dependable guys who looked out for the world but mostly minded their own business. So long as you didn’t make trouble in their little corner of the world, they were content to let others do as they pleased.

“I guess I just try to have fun. Maybe Theo’s scaring everybody off from you. We humans tend to have a bit of an odd relationship with elves. You know us as chakas, but the elves of the Elven Star Dominion are even more familiar with us. Linking arms with Theo gives a certain impression, whether you want it to or not.”

Tivana looked troubled. “So you’re saying I should try to talk to people alone?”

“Worth a shot. Your mother seems to be getting along with the other Demigods fine.” Dean jerked a thumb behind him.

There, Queen Lyanva and three other Elven Demigods were in deep discussion. Whatever they were talking about seemed quite intense. As they spoke, Queen Lyanva pulled one of the other Demigods toward her and smacked her right on the ass. Another Elven Demigod tried to copy the motion, but her smack wasn’t nearly as loud.

Whatever discussion was happening there, Dean was pointedly ignoring it as best he could. Normally that would be the sort of conversation he was all over, but having his daughter lead it suddenly turned him shy.

“Understood, ancestor. I will make the rounds alone.” Tivana bowed her head and departed, leaving just me, Sam, and Dean.

“Looks like it’s just you and me, pal!” Dean gave my shoulder a squeeze. “Now it’s a party. What do you say you and me try to scoop some ladies like old times? It’ll be just like it was back on Earth! Instead of getting rejected, we can get slapped halfway across the planet!”

“Is that your idea of fun?” I shook my head.

“Sure is.” Dean grinned. “There’s something about the low odds I miss. The chase! Elves back home are fun, beautiful, and friendly. They’re nice, but it’s just... I don’t know... they’re so...”

“Deferential to you? Eager to submit?” I asked.

“Exactly! That’s it. Especially when you’re a Demigod, and they’re just a Wizard. They’re ready to throw themselves at you at the slightest opportunity. Here, all the Demigods are washed up, bitter old cat ladies who you can’t even talk into getting a drink, let alone coming home with you. It’s a beautiful thing.”

I turned to Dean with a raised eyebrow. “You, Dean, have a strange idea of beauty.”

Dean laughed. “A bet, then? Whoever can scoop a lady wins!”

I sighed. I wasn’t too keen on this sort of competition anymore. It wasn’t like I was single anymore. Quite far from it. I had more female attention than I could satisfy. But at the same time, it would be good to make friends with a Demigod from our world somehow.

“What counts as scooping a lady?” I asked.

“If she sits down at a table with you to chat, you win!” Dean grinned. “You in, or you chicken?”

I laughed. “Alright, you’ve convinced me. You’re on.”

“Now, time to work my magic on the ladies...” Dean swept back his hair and plastered a silly-looking smile on his face as he approached a group of beautiful elven Demigods. They were certainly nice to look at, but I’d made the mistake of talking to them with Tivana and lost interest.

Next to me, Sam shook his head. “He never learns his lesson. Listen to me, Theo. Don’t bother hitting on any of the demigods here. If they’ve made it to Demigod without getting hitched, it’s because they’re either already involved with someone, have no interest in men, or have a terrible personality. It’s one of those three.”

“I’m surprised to see elves without interest. Isn’t our natural life zeal incredibly valuable to them?” I asked curiously.

“To most elves, yes. But not to these. They’ve already hit Demigod. Unless they’re aiming at Immortal Ascension, there’s no point in collecting vitality. And Immortal Ascension takes more than vitality. It takes something special.” Sam shrugged.

“Something special?” I asked.

Sam shook his head. “If I knew what, I’d be an Immortal Ascendant myself. But even our innate gifts as humans only carries us to Demigod. Not beyond it.”

Suddenly, a loud smack resounded throughout the entire area, and we saw Dean walking back toward us with a red mark on his face.

“It’s a damn good thing this party is Demigods only...” Dean grumbled. “If we’d been anywhere else, the shockwaves from that slap would have killed everyone below True Mage....”

“I suppose I can see the appeal of parties like this...” I chuckled as I saw people mingling and greeting one another like old friends. And sometimes, like old enemies.

Despite the power and influence of everyone here, it felt like just a normal party. All those present were peers of similar power. Nobody was going to grovel before the all-powerful demigods, and there was no need to keep up appearances. People could laugh, joke, and be themselves. It made everyone present seem less like the all-powerful ancient beings lower-leveled individuals would see us as and more just ordinary people.

I voiced my observations to Sam, who laughed and nodded in agreement.

“It’s more than that, really. Truth be told, a lot of us struggle with forming connections among the younger generations.” Sam waved his hand over the crowd. “It’s hard to make friends with people you could crush with a wave of your hand. All the bowing and groveling makes relationships a bit one-sided, anyway. Not to mention that most people are just hanging around you, hoping you’ll gift them with a powerful item or secret technique that will allow them to break through to the next level. Oftentimes, Demigods end up treating their followers less like people and more like pets, all of them bound to die long before we all meet our own ends.”

Dean nodded in agreement, still gently rubbing his cheeks. “That, and the women! There’s not much point in wooing a heartwielder. You meet them, kiss them, then turn around for one quick adventure. Then — boom! By the time you come back, they’re already dead from old age. Not much point in it, really. It’s why I no longer date anyone below the wizard realm.”

“It’s also rolling the dice with your heart,” Sam added. “Most elves don’t have the potential to reach the Wizard realm. Let alone something higher. Loving someone so weak means odds are you’ll be mourning their death sooner or later.”

“Hence, attempting to seduce Demigods.” I glanced at Dean. “And failing.”

Dean glanced at me and grinned. “Oh, mister Casanova here thinks he can do better. Listen to an expert, Theo. You cannot woo a lady here if I can’t. So don’t bother trying.”

I chuckled. “Oh, you’re the expert now, are you? We’ll see about that.”

By now, the party was in full swing. The air buzzed with the energy of dozens of Demigods mingling and socializing. Dean, full of swagger and entirely undeserved overconfidence, scanned the crowd for an opportunity to demonstrate his self-proclaimed expertise in courtship.

I watched, both amused and skeptical. Sam clutched his temples between his fingers as he slowly shook his head.

“Here we go again...” Sam groaned. “I’m just lucky he challenged you this year instead of me.”

Dean flashed his most charming smile and launched into what I assumed was a well-rehearsed pickup line. As he approached a group of chatting Demigods, he flexed his biceps, pouring a little zeal into the action. His chest swelled, and his shirt tore apart, but he pretended not to notice as he made strange poses before the women.

But apparently, these women had seen Dean pull this kind of stunt before because they didn’t pay him so much as a glance as one of them waved her hand. A gust of wind picked Dean up, tossed him straight over the roof of the building surrounding the courtyard, and sent him flying. He let out a little yelp as he vanished.

“Better than usual, then.” Sam sighed.

A few minutes later, Dean emerged from the bushes entirely unphased by the complete and utter rejection he’d just experienced. He had a new shirt and was eying a new group of women with the same swagger and charming grin he’d had before. Again, his efforts were met with a less-than-warm reception. A swift kick sent him hurtling back out of the courtyard this time.

Each time Dean was rejected, he returned, grinning broadly and more invigorated by the challenge than ever before. His resilience alone was something worth respecting. I probably would have retreated to Tivana’s arms after the first rejection.

Observing Dean’s unbreakable morale in the face of constant defeat, I realized that I was completely outmatched in terms of spirit. The thought of being sent flying repeatedly didn’t seem like my idea of fun.

Still, I had promised Dean a challenge, and I’d be a liar if I didn’t at least put in a halfhearted effort. So I rallied my will and eyed a group of elven Demigods. They were from the Elven Star Dominion and had come off as cold, but they seemed the most tolerable out of all the Demigods I’d spoken to so far.

“Hi, we talked earlier,” I said as I waved to the group. I turned to one of them in particular who’d stood out in my mind. She was a leather-clad elf with dark hair and imperious features. Her lips seemed permanently fixed in a half-scowl, and she looked like she had a sense of superiority written on her face.

The fact that she was the most approachable elven Demigod here said something about why Dean was struggling so much. “Remember, you were talking about your Sacred Grove? The one you were building to give yourself a little boost? I happen to know a thing or two about Sacred Groves. Why don’t we sit down and chat a bit? I’ll grab us some drinks.”

The Demigod looked me up and down. Her friends turned to her with raised eyebrows. Eventually, the imperious elf let out a slight smirk.

“Very well, human. Tribute to me, and I will answer any three questions.” She held up three fingers.

“Uh... tribute?” I asked in confusion.

“Zeal crystals, powerful techniques, or items. Pay me for my time if you want it. I don’t come cheaply.”

I let out a small, awkward laugh. “Well, I was thinking this would more be an equal exchange of information. We could both share what we know, and both benefit accordingly.”

The imperious elf laughed. “No, I think not. Tell you what, if you pull that cock of yours out and spray that rich human seed all over my boot here, I will consider that sufficient tribute. It will be good to tell my subordinates what it is. They will be so desperate for it that I’ll have a dozen Sorcerers on their hands and knees, feverishly licking my boot clean in an instant. I think it will help remind them of their place.”

“Uh... you know what? My buddy Dean would be a much better fit for that sort of thing. There he is now. Why don’t you go talk to him?” I pointed the imperious elf in Dean’s direction and quickly escaped.

I retreated back to where Sam was standing.

“Had enough already?” Sam asked.

I nodded. “I think I’m going to forfeit this one. You weren’t kidding when you said these women were undatable.”

Sam sighed. “Yeah, seems so. It’s kind of depressing, really. Is this what all elves would be like if our vitality didn’t benefit them?”

I shook my head. Winning over my women would certainly have been harder without the innate blessings being a human gave me in this world, but I was pretty sure they’d have ended up at my side one way or another.

Right on time, Dean returned from his latest involuntary trip into the sky with a smile on his face and a bright look in his eyes. The imperious elf locked eyes with him and smiled.

Dean’s eyebrows rose, and his face spread into a wide smile. He shot me a confident smirk as he strolled toward the elf. Apparently, he’d finally run out of shirts because, this time, he hadn’t bothered to put a new one on after his latest explosive flex.

Sam and I watched from afar, stifling our laughter as Dean’s smile slowly slid further and further down his face the longer he talked with the woman. We eventually had to sit down. Thankfully, there were plenty of seats scattered around the area.

The two of us were covering our mouths to hide our laughter as Dean finally returned, his morale broken at last.

“What, didn’t get lucky that time? It was going so well!” I joked.

“I need a beer...” Dean grumbled. "Maybe some of that spiked watermellon too."

I passed him one. Sam had gotten mugs for all of us. I was already drinking from mine.

Dean lifted the cup to his lips and downed the entire contents in one big gulp. He gasped for air and smiled back once again.

“Women, am I right?” he laughed. “There’s no way anybody could sweet talk one of these tight-assed, bouncy-breasted, bitchy hags. We’ll call this one a tie.”

I began to nod in agreement when an unfamiliar figure suddenly appeared. She must have been a recent arrival, because I hadn’t seen her while doing my rounds with Tivana.

“You’re actually here, I can’t believe it!” the unfamiliar Demigod smiled at me.

“I’m here.” I nodded in agreement. “What--“

She wrapped her arms around me in a tight embrace. “I finally found you again, beloved husband!”

“Huh?”

Nearby, Dean’s empty cup clattered to the floor.

<Note>
So, somehow I completely forgot that Ethan died last book. Not sure how, now that I look it's right there in my notes for last book. Just not my notes for this book! Thank you guys for pointing out the obvious blunder.

Trouble is, I wrote quite a few chapters that feature him. I could introduce a new character and change the names, but I don't really want to introduce a new character with Ethan's exact personality.

So, new plot thread! If you read the new version of last chapter, Theo wonders how Ethan came back to life, and he's kinda cryptic about his explanation. One more mystery for him to solve... definitely 100% intentional...