Definitely not an April Fools joke story: (Patreon)

Behold, the story you didn't know you wanted to read.

This is a sneak preview of what will definitely be a totally new story for me, and absolutely, positively not a joke, even though I am posting this on April Fools Day. Complete coincidence!

I present Wonderdick!

Thaddius Thundershaft was an ordinary IT worker with the exception of an eight-foot-four frame, jawline like a cinderblock, and a dong so large he needed to mail order custom-made underwear.

He thought there was nothing more to life than customer support and banging his boss, his boss's wife, and his boss's secretary. But everything changed when he was accidentally summoned to another world.

"What is happening?" Thaddius' boss screamed in terror as the floor beneath Thaddius' heels began to glow.

Thaddius, being all knowning and wise from the moment he was born, instantly realized that he was being summoned to another world. The moment the circle appeared, he had been filled with the memories of his past life as an almighty wizard and knew that, at last, his old apprentices had finally figured out how to activate his summoning circle to return him to the world of Wetpussy.

"I, the great and mighty Thundershaft, have returned!" Thaddius' yelled as soon as he appeared from the portal.

He expected his ten thousand extremely attractive apprentices to greet him by displaying their naked bodies, but only silence greeted him.

The walls of his tower were gone, as was the entire city that had sprung up around it over the years once his name spread across the world as the greatest living wizard.

"What happened here?" Thaddius asked.

But there was no one present to answer his question.

Thinking quickly, Thaddius tugged on his magic wand, slipping it from his pants and jerking it to full size. His power was only a tiny fraction of what it used to be, but now that he had his memories back, a scrying spell was easy enough.

Thaddius activated it. Human civilization was surprisingly scarce. He finally found a small fortified town nearby. He immediately flicked his cock in its direction, instantly teleporting himself to the town square.

"Oh, heavens above!" The townsfolk screamed as a naked Thaddius appeared before them. "I should be horrified, but that cock... it looks like a legendary artifact! I'm hypnotized by the golden light emanating from it..."

"I, Thaddius Thundershaft, am the wielder of the sacred prick. Answer my questions, and I will allow you to worship it. What has happened to these lands?" Thaddius asked the gathering crowd of women.

"Oh, mighty Thaddius! Are you truly the Thundershaft of legends? If so, you might be able to free us of the wretched Sorcerer! His demons roam the land, slaying every man whose dick is larger than three inches!"

"Why would he do such a thing?" Thaddius demanded, furrowing his brows in confusion.

"It is said the wielder of the sacred prick shall have the largest cock in all the lands! The Sorcerer hopes that by killing all those bigger than him, his cock shall become the sacred prick!" The townswomen explained.

"Truly devious..." Thaddius muttered. "I will deal with him."

Now that the townswomen had warmed Thaddius up, his powers were being rapidly replenished. He felt tension building in his loins, and soon a load the likes of which this world hadn't seen since Thaddius last walked among them was almost ready to burst forth from him.

"You mustn't go, Thaddius!" The townswomen cried. "The Sorcerer has many demons under his command, and his tower is a grand fortress! Given the size of your cock, if you go, he will most certainly kill you!"

"Worry not, fair maidens. It is my duty to protect you because you are now my women!" Thaddius declared.

"Oh, truly? We must celebrate!" The townswomen shouted, jumping for glee at the thought they might actually get to join Thaddius' amazing harem.

"Later. First, I have a sorcerer to deal with."

As soon as he arrived, Thaddius flicked his dick in the Sorcerer's direction and vanished.

When Thaddius reappeared, he blew his load. He'd timed his ejaculation just right, and it streamed forth from him with all the force of a battering ram.

Before Thaddius, the Sorcerer's mighty fortress stood. It had sturdy iron gates and stone walls ten yards high and three deep, surrounding a central keep of Atherstone.

But the iron gates and stone walls were nothing before the power in Thaddius's loins. His orgasm burst forth, instantly shattering the gates and breaking down the walls.

"We're under attack!" One of the demons on the crumbling walls shouted.

Hidden along the walls, bright lights flared red and sirens sounded all along the fortress "Big dick detected! All troops, destroy the enemy!"

"To battle!" The demons cried and they jumped over the walls and charged Thaddius.

But Thaddius was ready. He had no weapons with him, but a man as well-endowed as Thaddius didn't need weapons. He merely gripped his cock in one hand and swung it.

The demons charged him, only to be rebuffed when Thaddius' massive prick hit them like a Warhammer. Helmets caved in, and armor smashed to splinters.

"His masculinity is too much! We are being overpowered!" The demons shouted. Their inferiority complexes grew more powerful the longer they were in Thaddius' presence, and soon they were too weak to even stand as he strode towards the tower with his cock in hand.

"Sorcerer! Come out and face me!" Thaddius demanded as he swung his shaft at the Sorcerer's tower.

Thud. Thud. Thud.

The Atherstone cracked under the relentless assault of Thaddius' shaft.

"That's impossible! Nothing can destroy Atherstone!" One of the demons said from the ground where she lay. She was one of the extremely rare female demons, which was the only reason she had survived Thaddius' emasculating assault.

"Don't you dare touch my tower, you meat-headed jock!" The Sorcerer yelled from the top of his tower.

Moments passed, and just when Thaddius was about to start trying to topple the Atherstone tower again, the Sorcerer emerged, adjusting a bathrobe he'd clearly put on moments ago.

Powerful spells brewed behind his eyes. Mana flew to his fingertips, and profound power filled the air around him. The sky turned black, the wind turned cold, and the grass went still as the entire world held its breath.

A spell so powerful that it blotted out the sun and stars overhead filled the sky, stopping time and threatening to destroy the world.

"Behold, Thaddius! I have summoned my patron, Destruxia, goddess of destruction! She will deal with you on my behalf!" The Sorcerer cackled menacingly.

But Thaddius looked at the billowing cloud of darkness. It looked back at him, and the darkness blinked. The overpowering masculine energy pouring from Thaddius' chiseled jaw was too much even for Destruxia, goddess of destruction."

"Oh-my-goddesses, that thing is huge!" Destruxia exclaimed. "Can I... like... touch it?"

"Be my guest." Thaddius offered his shaft to the goddess of destruction.

The shifting clouds of shadow overhead twisted and reformed into an extremely attractive goth babe. She rubbed her fingers together in eagerness as her body formed, then placed one finger against Thaddius' mighty shaft.

At first, it seemed like that was all she would do. But Thaddius' masculine power soon overwhelmed her mind and body. Before the goddess even knew what was happening, she was on her knees, sucking Thaddius off.

"No! No! Destruxia! What are you doing?" The Sorcerer howled feelings of inadequacy building in him. "How? Why? You didn't even show me your tits when I asked!"

Destruxia waved her hand at the Sorcerer, interrupting her blowjob, and the Sorcerer instantly disappeared, vanished to who knew where.

"Good goddess." Thaddius said as he patted Destruxia's head. "Now that I have this world well in hand, it is time to venture forth to other realities, to adventures way more awesome and complete than this one."

Note:

Alright, now I really should stop messing around and get back to work.