Amazon Apocalypse Quest! Chapter One (Patreon)

I've pre-written the first six chapters of this quest so you guys can get a feel for this character and setting. It's a system apocalypse + harem novel. Anything that I would write in the Spellheart series is fair game.

Make sure you read them so you can join in on the poll after the first six chapters are up next weekend. One chapter per day until then. The first poll will come on Saturday, after the sixth chapter goes up. It will only be open for a limited time.

***

Ding-Dong!

"Pizza delivery!"

I stood outside the door of a luxurious countryside home. This would be my last round of the night before clocking out and heading home. My roommates were probably starting our Friday night game session without me. If I didn't get there quick, I'd come back to find my wizard's dick stuck in a tree or something.

"By Athena's tits! They sent us a food boy! This world is great!" A bubbly female voice opened the door. She was a buxom redhead with a smile that could melt a glacier wearing nothing more than a bathrobe. That robe opened far enough down her chest that I knew she wasn't wearing anything else beneath it.

"Uh... I just deliver pizzas, ma'am." I chuckled awkwardly. I held up the stack of pinnacle and pepperoni pizzas to the customer. With ten of them, I'd expected to run into a party for people with bizarre tastes. "That'll be thirty-five ninety-nine, plus tip."

"Right! Paper currency! This is the primitive societal norms I signed up to study! Follow me to the Jacuzzi. I will go synthesize some paper currency." The bubbly redhead batted her eyelashes at me as she turned. I couldn't help but notice her bathrobe flip around just enough for me to almost catch a glimpse of the no doubt bare ass beneath it.

In that moment I realized just how undeniably gorgeous she was. She had the toned body of a career athlete, and a perfect smile to boot. Her hair had that silken sheen to it that you usually only saw on television, even though this woman just had hers casually up in a bun. She was wearing a bathrobe, and by the looks of her there wasn't anything beneath it.

Now, company policy said I wasn't supposed to follow a customer into their homes, but between the manager for my hole-in-the-wall summer temp job and this redheaded goddess, I knew who I'd listen to.

So I followed her into the back room, suitably impressed by the polished granite countertops and fine wood floors. I couldn't identify either the stone or wood they were made from, but whoever had designed this room knew what they were doing.

This chick was hot and rich. If I hadn't already been wearing my best smile I would have put it on now in the hopes of picking up enough of a tip to finally get my cars AC fixed.

The redhead led me down the hall towards a glass-windowed sun room containing an indoor pool and hot tub. The pool was empty, but there were two more beautiful women just as charming as the one who let me into this place busy splashing each other in the hot tub.

"Delivery for you ladies," I said as I set the pizzas down on a nearby table.

"Oh, wonderful!" said a blonde beauty as she pushed herself mostly out of the tub so she could grab a slice of pizza. While she reached, she covered her bouncing breasts with her free hand, more to keep them in place than to hide them from me. Her skin was bare beneath the water, and with a shocked glance I realized her friend was naked as well. Her stomach was lean and toned, and with a start I realized she was also taller than I was.

"So is this a party or something?" I asked, bouncing on my heels as I waited for the redhead to return with money.

"Just relaxing a bit," the other women in the tub said. She was a brunette with piercing amber eyes, just as well-built as her friends. "We're trying to get the lay of your planet. Mind answering a few questions for us?"

"Our planet?" I chuckled. "What, are you ladies supposed to be aliens or something?"

That would certainly explain why they were all so inhumanly athletic. And why they ordered pineapple pizza.

"From an alternate dimension, actually," explained the blonde.

I let out a snort. These girls seemed like fun, and not just because they were all drop-dead gorgeous.

"Alright then, what could two lovely extra dimensional ladies like yourselves want to know about earth?"

"We've accessed your telecommunications network," the brunette gestured to a television scrolling through a news feed in the background, "and we couldn't help but notice that most of your world's leadership and authoritarian figures are men. Why is that?"

I chuckled. "Hitting me with the loaded questions, that it? Just because I'm a pizza delivery boy doesn't mean I've got a gender studies degree."

Both women stared back at me with blank expressions.

"Tough crowd." I looked over at the news feed. "Looks like you're on world news. I won't comment about how we are here, but there are a lot of places in the world where women can't even vote, let alone run a company or hold public office."

"So this is a world ruled by... men?" The brunette raised an eyebrow. "How... backward. Where we come from, the few men who survive take largely religious roles."

"All your men are priests?" I raised an eyebrow. "I hope they at least lifted the celibacy doctrine."

"What's celibacy?" the blond asked with a completely innocent expression.

Fortunately, the redhead came back before I had to answer that question.

"I have obtained human currency!" The redhead declared as she held aloft a was of bills in the denominations of just about every nation in the world. "You may take your payment for services rendered."

She held out the entire stack of bills to me, and I plucked out a trio of twenties from the stack. A twenty dollar tip was a bit much, but by the looks of things here these girls could spare the cash. She smiled at me wide and bright. "Thank you for making dinner. None of us could figure out how to use the kitchen."

"Right, because you're aliens." My eyes darted to her drooping bathrobe, which had opened almost wide enough to let her breasts spill free. I forced my gaze back to her face, but was surprised to find her eyes were roaming my body in the same way I'd just been roaming hers. In fact, all three of the women in the room with me were staring at me in the way I figured I should be staring at them, given their mostly naked state.

"Amazonians, actually," the blonde corrected, her eyes looking me up and down as she leaned over the side of the tub.

"Right..." I muttered. The vibe I was getting from the room was starting to turn strange.

"Why don't you stay awhile?" The redhead asked. "We could use the company."

The brunette snorted. "You know we cannot do that. You would break him."

"Aww..." the blonde sighed.

"Sorry, I've got to head back to work and clock out for the night." I shook my head. These women certainly were odd. "And I'm really not supposed to stick around and chat. But if you order another pizza on a weekday night I'll be sure to say hello again."

The redhead sagged. "I suppose that will be acceptable."

I waved them goodbye and jumped in my car, driving away and putting them out of my mind.

***

I returned home to find that my roommates already hunched over an map happily chatting without me.

"Carter, you're late! Your wizard got his dick stuck in a tree while you were gone!" said one of my buddies.

I sighed. "Well, hopefully he at least got to bang a dryad this time."

"Nope! Regular tree again."

The next few days passed by in a blur, with one moment leading into the next. I felt strangely purposeless for awhile, as though my life were a show for someone else to watch and I was between episodes. Friday came around again while I was working and I got another call to head out to that countryside estate.

"I've got this one!" I told the rest of the guys while I grabbed a stack of pineapple pizzas and headed back to my car.

I was greeted once again by the busty redhead, this time in tight-fitting gym clothes.

"If it isn't the transporter of fine earth delicacies!" She smiled at me. "Come in!"

When I entered, I found the luxurious country manor had been transformed into something of a home gym. A barbell sat in one corner with the blonde lifting a truly spectacular quantity of weight on it. Nearby, the brunette was absolutely pulverizing a punching bag with two gloved fists. Her blows landed on the bags so quickly and so hard that the bag seemed on the verge of bursting.

"You've done well to appear again promptly, human," the brunette said, tapping on a tablet with her finger. "Now hold still while my device examines you."

I felt something strange run over me. The sensation was indescribably, like knowing someone was poking holes in your chest and looking at your organs.

When the sensation was finished, the brunette snorted. "Your base stats are pathetically low. A three in agility? You'd have a difficult time outrunning even an ordinary slime with that."

"So I've gotten a little behind on my cardio," I shrugged defensively. "I'm working on it."

"Most of this planet has comparable stats. I'm sure he'll work very hard to grow stronger once the integration happens," the redhead protested in my favor.

"You girls are certainly committed to this alien thing," I chuckled.

"Amazons," the blonde corrected. "We're from the Amazonian Empire, a collection of all the strongest species of warrior women in the Ten Thousand Worlds."

They asked me a few questions after that, but nothing quite as tough to answer as that first question they asked me. In the end, I returned to my car with an even larger tip than before. The redhead had given me nearly an entire week's paycheck. I still baffled at the strange behavior of the three inhumanly fit women living in this countryside estate. But I'd certainly be willing to put up with worse for a bit of cash knowing how high my tuition bills were.

On my third visit, they were sparing with swords and shields in an arena. I stood buy and watched in admiration as their toned figures clashed with blunted metal swords.

"So, you ladies are really into martial arts?" I asked after I wiped the drool off my face.

"We must be able to defend ourselves from the endless monster hordes." The redhead said as she wiped her brow.

"Monsters. Right, like in dungeons and dragons." I chuckled at the realization that the use woman were even bigger nerds than me. "Why don't you just buy a gun?"

"Silly man!" The blonde giggled. "The system doesn't like guns. All the more technologically advanced ones stop working as soon as an integration begins. The ones that do work tend to be single shot."

"Ah, hence the sword training?"

"Shields, bows, spears, clubs, staves, and whips as well," the redhead added. "Just no spellbooks or wands. No Amazon woman would stoop to using magic. I'd offer to teach you, but I'm afraid you don't have the base stats to use our combat styles. You just won't be able to move fast enough to use them until level twenty five. Plus most of our abilities come from our classes."

Truthfully, I was grateful she didn't ask me to come practice with her. Those girls were really going at it, and as I watched the brunette threw away a broken sword, bent over the blonde's head. The blonde only giggled at the hit.

"You sure this is safe, ladies?"

"For us, of course," the redhead answered. "You would probably die though. Sorry!"

This pattern continued for several months. Every week on Friday, these women would order an entire stack of pinnaple pizzas, tipping well and asking me a handful of strange questions. All the while, they'd show me another nerd's wet-dream as they clashed with naked blades and nearly-naked bodies.

But one day the redheaded woman stopped me just before I left.

"Our survey is complete. This will be our last order."

"Funny you should say that. I'm headed back to college next week, so this is my last delivery. You're heading back home then?"

"Yes," the blonde nearby confirmed. "Back to the Amazonian Empire."

"I'm afraid I can't deliver there."

"Our report on your planet is finished," the brunette said. "Originally, we were going to allow the integration to destroy your world and colonize whatever remains after. And we'll still probably do that. But we could be persuaded to sponsor one or two people to help a few locals survive integration."

"One local, considering our department's budget cuts. But we're thinking that local might be you, if you survive. Best of luck!" the blonde waved to me. "Make sure you grow really strong for us so you don't die as soon as the integration starts!"

"Here, let me give you a parting gift for answering all of our questions," the redhead said. "Take this token. It will bestow upon you the opportunity to test yourself before the danger truly begins. When the system descends upon your world, you should attempt to keep your power one step ahead of the monsters it creates. Should you pass that token's test, you will have the tools you need to do so. Best of luck!"

"So are you ladies really aliens?" I asked one final time.

"Amazonians!" The blonde corrected me again. "Now back on the surface with you! Our spaceship is leaving, and a man like you couldn't even endure the gravity back home!"

"But if you survive the integration, call us!" the redhead beamed at me as she slowly ushered me out of the door to her car. As she walked off, she pressed two giant handfuls of currency to my chest.

"This is a lot, thank you!" I said as I stuffed the many bills in my pockets. There were all manner of denominations present, but once I converted it I was certain this much money would more than double what I had in my bank account.

"Goodbye, human man!" the blonde waved. "May you strengthen your pelvic bones to indestructibility!"

I waved goodbye as I got in my car, scrambling to pick up falling bills as they slipped out of my pockets. I looked up from shoveling the loose cash into my car to see the country estate I was just inside transform. What had previously been an ordinary but lavish manor was now anything but. Wood became white marble, and towering columns formed around the structure. A tall spire rose out of the center, decorated with gold gilding.

My jaw dropped open just as a brilliant blue bubble sprang into existence around the fantastical structure. The light grew brighter and brighter the light grew unbearable. I closed my eyes and rolled behind my car, covering my face with my arm as I felt my skin burn like I'd been standing under the sun for an hour.

An echo rang through the area like a jet breaking the speed of sound. A pulse of air followed it, blowing over me as a sudden gust that sent the bills I'd just stacked up blowing in the wind again. I looked back for the country estate to find an empty patch of land where it once stood. Those three strange women were gone, just like that.

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