The Gastacular Burpstorm - Chapter 1 (Commission) (Patreon)

Around midnight, a lone woman waited nervously for an uber to pick her up from The Old Time Tavern, a popular bar in the nightclub district of the city. While the street around her was bustling with laughter and chatter, Judith stuck out like a sore thumb reading her phone, sniffing up tears and trying to pull herself together. All she wanted was a nice night out on the town with her friend Stacy. Instead, she ran into her less than stellar ex-boyfriend, a man hellbent on making it work again between them. What made matters worse was Stacy’s insistence that Barry was indeed a good guy and that maybe Judith should take a chance.

She shook her head vigorously at the memory. Stacy had no idea what Barry was capable of. He was a charismatic bastard, roughly equal to Ted Bundy. Was that a hyperbole? Maybe that was a hyperbole. There she was, doubting herself again. Barry was good at making her do that. He almost made her forget all the times he screamed and yelled at her, isolated her from her friends, commented on her figure and demanded she eat less.

“Come on, come on,” she murmured, watching the little car icon on her phone inch closer to her destination, but never seemingly getting any closer.

Judith then froze when she heard the bar door slam open with a swing. She cursed to herself, knowing it was him.

“Hey,” said Barry. Then, when she didn’t respond, a much louder, “Hey!”

“Fuck,” Judith whispered.

A tipsy Barry sauntered over next to her. “Listen, I wanna make it up to you. Honestly. I can cover your next drink. Come on, babe.”

“I want to go home, Barry.”

“Don’t be like that. You know you look ugly when you’re sad.”

He touched her arm and she jerked it away. That made him narrow his eyes. “Hey now, don’t treat me like a stranger. It’s me. Barry!”

“We’ve broken up three times already and enough is enough. I’m NOT falling for that again.”

A bright pair of LED headlights appeared on the road. Judith glanced at the license plate of her uber on the app and at the oncoming car – no match. Goddammit. Maybe she should cross to the other side and wait there.

“Goodbye, Barry.”

Barry lashed out and gripped her forearm. “Nobody leaves me,” he scowled.

This was it – the other side that Stacy didn’t see. Even the bystanders in that moment weren’t really paying attention. Nobody did when this happened. Barry drew himself close to her and hissed, “Look, you’re no good without me. You come home with me right now and maybe I will forget this ever happened.”

Judith heard the familiar click of his switchblade.

Fear gripped her. He always boasted about having a switchblade on him. Back in the day, he twirled it around saying he would protect her from any guy who stared at her in the street. It was that sick sort of twisted love.

“Remember what I said,” Barry said, raising his switchblade close to her face. “Nobody will protect you like I will.”

“Hey! This guy bothering ya?”

Judith noticed for the first time a figure standing behind Barry. They must have appeared out of thin air, because they weren’t there a second ago. She squinted and realized the familiar form she had only seen on TV – a tall woman in a skintight red outfit with a flowing cape. She had her hands on her hips in typical superhero fashion. The tough demeanor then diminished once she snorted a laugh and said, “Sorry, I know that’s an overused line. I still like it though.”

Barry deftly closed his switchblade with the flick of his wrist and hid it in his sleeve. He turned around and turned on his charm. “We’re good here, thanks.”

The superhero, known on the media as “Burpstorm”, titled her head and said, “Really? Because grabbing someone like that tells me otherwise. Trust me. Woman’s intuition.”

Barry growled while maintaining somewhat of a grin. Judith knew he hated a challenge, especially from a woman. His nose twitched. “Look, Miss Burpface or whatever your name is, we’re just having a little disagreement.”

“Is that what the cool kids call it these days? You were holding a switchblade, pal. I saw it.”

Barry flipped his switchblade at her. Judith stood back. She knew he had finally reached the point of his own undoing.

“Look, bitch—”

Burpstorm grimaced. “Bad move, guy.”

She drew in a deep breath. Her lungs were so powerful that she shook the tree branches above them and even the street sign wobbled. Judith heard a gurgle in Burpstorm’s throat as the air started to distend her belly. Burpstorm was notable for her two-piece outfit that left her abs bare, leaving room for her belly when she swallowed in air. Sometimes she drank soda after fetching a bottle from her utility belt.

Before Barry could dare to challenge her again, Burpstorm did her thing – she released a massive belch that required Judith and everyone else around her to cover their ears. Not doing so was like standing right next to a speaker in a death metal concert.

The bass created ripples in the air. It was the single grossest eructation Judith had ever heard in her life. Then again, she felt a little lucky actually witnessing it. Burpstorm’s belches were notorious for not being able to be adequately recorded. The bass was so great that it would oversaturate the microphones.

Barry screamed as the explosion blew him off his feet. He sailed away across the air in a lovely little arc, and landed on the other side of the street. There, he tried to get up but passed out.

Burpstorm patted her chest once the enormous belch ended. She sighed with relief. “Ah, gotta lay off the Chipotle.”

Judith’s hair was frazzled after the belch. She stood up slowly and jumped when another voice said, “Judith?”

It was her uber driver. He had arrived just a moment too late, completely unaware of the altercation.

“I’ll get that for you, miss!” Burpstorm hopped over to open the door for her. Judith found her quite…awkward. Typically, fictional superheroes zoomed past or flew around. Burpstorm didn’t seem to have any other powers besides superbelching.

“T-thanks,” Judith said, partially unsure about being so close to a superhero who could blow her away with a single burp. Could she do damage by simply blowing some air? Judith didn’t want to necessarily stick around long to find out.

“My—” Burpstorm looked away at the ground to prevent any injury. “--braaaurrrp—oh, excuse me. My pleasure!”

Judith entered her uber and drove away, partially confused by Burpstom’s dumb smile and wave watching her leave. A part of her seemed…juvenile? Judith really hadn’t expected that. But it eased her somehow. If there was a woman out there who flaunted her own bodily functions loud and proud to save others, Judith knew life could be okay. Things can be in her hands. She sighed in relief, and then burped a little after realizing she had been holding it in ever since Barry appeared.