Bonus Caturday Content: A Very Normal Cat Being Normal (Patreon)

IS THIS THE END FOR TOTORO? TUNE IN NEXT WEEK TO FIND OUT...

(Also do not judge my unscrubbed shower)

Yes, my very normal, very petite ragdoll Totoro lies despondently in the shower like a fluffy Norma Desmond. But don't be fooled. This one looks fancy as fuck but he is 100% BROTORO in the soul. He's a pure fratjock, Channing Tatum's cat form. Friendly, handsome, not, like super smart, but fun for all seasons. 

Though he does not eat wet food, if you open a can of seltzer anywhere in the house he will come running, his entire being vibrating with Y'ALL GOT BREWSKIES? WE GONNA PARTY?

Same with opening any bag or container of human food, which he will unfailingly try to steal out of your actual hand, but, you know, not super dainty either, so he only succeeds when his target is Bastian, who lost a whole waffle to the Belly of the Beast and has NEVER forgotten it. Y'ALL GOT SNACKS? I'M ON A BULK. LIKE, ALWAYS BRO. ABB, ALWAYS BE BULKING.

Brotoro enjoys: 

• Wrestling with his daddybro Byron, who pretends both to not like it and also to not be able to win instantly anytime he likes (which kind of gives the game away) for Lord Byron Stormageddon is a vast Maine Coon of great strength and height who is not allowed to play with the feather-on-a-stick anymore because he snaps the stick with one grab each and every time. He lets Brotoro think he's improving, it's very sweet.
• What I call his Enrichment Device, an automatic feather-spinner thingy with a fabric hood to keep things hard to catch and also lights that flash. He will sit near it glowering angrily until someone turns it on. I DON'T HAVE THUMBS BRO.
• Murder. Mousing is his lacrosse, it is his football, it is his life, it is his art. That very shower I have recently had to scrub like FUCKING GUILLERMO because SOMEONE murdered a mouse so hard there were literal BLOOD SPATTERS all over the tile what the FUCK. We USED to have a mouse problem. Now he gets depressed because there are no more squeaks to conquer. He destroyed Bastian's headphones last night because there were no mice and the headphone cord is long and skinny and grey I NEEDED MY FIX BRO.
• Pets, but not laps. He is very much a NEAR YOU but not ON YOU cat, which tracks because while Byron is an ON YOU cat, he has always been very conscious that he does not actually fit ON ANYONE, and curls up on human sides so as not to squish or fall off. Brotoro worships his house brother, and does everything he does. However, like Byron, the belly is not a trap, he really does want you to AGGRESSIVELY rub it.
• Judging people. Brotoro will decide for himself if you are allowed to rush CMV house. Many are called, few are chosen. He doesn't even want one of my good friends who is over to the house all the time to pet him. But the Soft Girl Summer girls are fully ok. I do not know the criteria here.
• Lying on the cold tile in the summer because he is what? FLUFFY AS FUCK. And pretty much always lying on his back because he is a big weirdo and that belly needs air. On the other hand, he may just be dreaming of the time he exploded a mouse in there.
• Food because he is what? FLUFFY AS FUCK. Totes is not petite, he is 17 pounds at one year of age and ragdolls do not reach full size until 4 years old. He's not technically overweight and still growing, but I've never met a more food-motivated cat than this one. I have taught him tricks, that is how much he wants snacks. He also wants all your people food. Byron won't even touch salmon. Totoro will have that salmon and also the wrapper and if you have some cheez-its that would be great. He is a trashstoat, and trashstoats are obligate snackivores.
• Dignity. He would never lower himself to begging for pats, he is a strong independent man. But he will VIOLENTLY THROW HIMSELF IN YOUR PATH because obviously you WILL stop to pat him, it is not possible for such a boi to be stepped on (spoiler: super possible) and since violence was involved and the move could be set to the tune of The Who's oft-CSI'd YEEEEAAAAAAOOOOOW, his dignity is intact and no one thinks he's just a big silly cuddle puddle. He is A FIERCE COMPETITOR.
• His brotherdaddyhusband Lord Byron, who he does not enjoy but ADORES. I think he took one look at the mammoth black panther of the house as a tiny kitten and thought: "Yes, that is my True Father, I must grow as vast as he to make him proud." Byron loves Toto back, though very clearly thinks he's an idiot. I haven't seen Lord B so happy in years. He's breaking feather sticks, chasing laser pointers, playing and snuggling like a kitten again, it does my heart so good after the Mysterious Blood Disappearing Event of 2020. They are the best of buddies, and every once in awhile Byron just hauls off and knocks Totoro clear across the room so the little zoomer remembers he's never once actually won a wrestle, just been indulged by a superior force.

Welcome to my Marshmallow Elemental (allegedly a cat) Facts Podcast, I hope you have enjoyed this journey through the most ridiculous animal this side of every single human.